May 19, 2069

1240 CDT

Drink-N-Forget’s Outside Entrance, North Olympia

Ruby Redheart's point of view

“Ruby freaking Redheart,” bonehead Teresa says the moment I walk out of the smelly bar.

“Don’t Ruby freaking Redheart, me you supervillain. I have yet to forgive you.”

“Ruby, I can’t be the manager of a band that only has one person. I, um, what the heck are you wearing?” Teresa rambles.

“It’s a long story that would never interest you. Anyway, I need a favor, Teresa. There’s a new girl in town, and I need your help to teach her a lesson.”

“Ruby, you can’t just go around beating people up because you don’t like them,” stupid Kiko interjects.

“How dare you?” I ask. “These hands are exclusively reserved for troublemakers.”

“Ah, so you’re a bully who bullies other bullies,” Teresa finally understands.

“Exactly, Teresa,” I say.

“That doesn’t make it right, Ruby,” Kiko says in usual disapproval.

Whatever. Someone has to do it.

“It’s irrelevant,” I say. “Are you guys going to help me out or what?”

Ugh! Stupid Kiko. Stupid Teresa. Your heads become twice as massive when you whisper and giggle to each other like little girls.

“After a very lengthy and thought-out conversation, we’ve come to a conclusion Ruby,” Teresa notifies.

“Ok and? What’s your decision, Ms. Smarty-pants?” I ask.

“I will notify you shortly, my loud redheaded acquaintance. Are you ready for me to reveal this exciting conclusion?” Teresa annoyingly giggles.

“Yes! Holy shit. You’re so infuriating,” I say.

“Heh. She’s so impatient Kiko but she provides endless entertainment for me, which is why I love to annoy her,” Teresa says with a light chuckle.

“I hate you,” I say.

“Wow, Ruby. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. Why does the amazing Ruby Redheart need my help anyway?” Teresa asks with a stupid smirk.

“The new girl is rumored to be a Black Scorpion,” I say. “They’re supposedly a bed of badasses, but nobody is tougher than yours truly. You’re good at strategy and shit, so I need your assistance. This is the biggest fight of my career, so I’ll look like an ass if I lose.”

Please help me! You’re the smartest person in the entire kingdom!

“I think that you should leave her alone and stop acting so tough. You’re gonna be in for a shock if you fight this girl. Don’t embarrass yourself more than you already do, Ruby,” Teresa says in a stern tone.

Why did I even bother?!

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“Whatever!” I say. “I don’t need you anyway! You can’t spell independent without I!”

“And you can’t spell troublemaker without u,” Teresa snickers.

Is she right? No. No. I’m right. I’m always right. I can beat this chick’s ass. She’s the one who should be fearing me.

“Teresa, I think we should help Ruby. You know how stubborn she can get,” Kiko chimes in again.

“Kiko,” Teresa says. “The only way I’ll help Ruby is if she gives me--”

“Ruby!!!” Billy and Rachel scream in excitement as they burst through the door.

That was fast.

“Rachel is pretty good at darts!” Billy Boy reveals with pride.

“They were all out of prizes, though!” Rachel cries in distress.

They’ve impressed me yet again.

“I know we just met, but I love you guys,” I say as I hug them.

“You lack manners, Ruby, but even you should know when to introduce new peop--” Teresa spews in disbelief.

“Here’s your prize, Diamond,” a man presents as he bursts through the door. “A shitload of candy and root beer, just like you wanted,” he bestows upon the idiot queen.

“This will last us for months, Teresa!” Kiko shouts in glee.

“Heh. You mean this will last us for weeks? We should share with our new friends here,” dull Teresa says as she turns her attention to Rachel and Billy. “I have manners, unlike Ruby. My name is Teresa Young, and this here is my best friend, Kiko Farrington. Let’s feast on the unhealthy food that is candy.”

You’re only being friendly with them for your own benefit and knowing Rachel, she’s going to say…

“Billy! We’ve made new friends! This is the most spectacular day ever! Hello, Teresa, I am Rachel Cooper, and this is my younger less cooler, twin brother, Billy Cooper. We would be delighted to eat candy with you. We’ve never had any so-”

“What?!!!” Teresa yells as she brazenly invades Rachel’s personal space.

“Unbelievable,” Kiko follows up with a shriek.

“Ruby freaking Redheart. I will help you in your self-destructive, idiotic, egotistical, and redundant path that will ultimately end in an embarrassing defeat that will teach you humbleness, in exchange for getting to know your new friends and introducing them to the wonderful world that is candy,” Teresa announces with a rude-ass finger point.

“I’m gonna prove you wrong, Teresa!” I say. “I mean it’s not like someone as amazing as me needs your help. You’re just insurance and another witness to my eternal fame. You better put this miraculous achievement into one of your books.”

“Ruby, if I wanted to watch people beat the crap out of each other, then I would just hang out at this bar after dark,” Teresa arrogantly laughs. “Heh. I don’t know if my help will be enough, though, Kiko, which is why we need Drew,” she continues with a malicious smirk.

Smirking is the definition of pure evil.

“Hmm. He’ll be a tough one to convince, though,” Kiko contemplates.

“Who’s Drew?” The twins ask in unison.

“Drew Howard is the most vicious, merciless, unpredictable, wild, and extravagant kid in the entire capital. His personality resembles a handsome action movie star!” Teresa poorly explains.

“Wow, really?” Innocent Rachel asks in glee.

“Nah, I’m kidding. He’s very dull, the opposite of what I just described. His personality is like watching paint dry, excuse my bluntness. Ruby has a crush on him, though. Opposites attract, so it makes sense,” Teresa rudely reveals.

“Huh?” Everyone asks in confusion.

So embarrassing.

“See look! Her blushing red face is proof! “Teresa cackles like the witch she is. “It’s only right for her name to match her face!”

I’m gonna strangle you, Teresa!

“Ahem. What Teresa means to say is that she’s just teasing because it builds character and is normal among friends, which is what we all are. Right?” Kiko quickly interjects.

“Get the hell outta my way, so I can show her how much I value our friendship!” I say.

“We see.” The twins misunderstand.

No! You don’t see! Stop nodding your heads! Stupid Teresa!

“Fine, whatever! Get Drew, I don’t care. The more, the merrier! Rachel! Billy! We’re switching back to our original clothes while the all-powerful Teresa and the almighty Kiko find Drew. The Black Scorpion was rumored to be hanging out around Flex-a-Lot.”

“Excuse me?” Teresa asks stupidly.

“You brought him up, so you go get him, and if you want to talk to my friends, then you’ll help me with whatever I need.”

“Ok ok, whatever floats your boat. Let’s get outta here, Kiko,” Teresa finally complies.

*

“Are you ok, Ruby? You seem...” Billy Boy asks quietly.

Great! Here you go!

“Aggravated? Bitchy? Cranky? D, all of the above?!” I say. “I’m not perfect, ok, so just leave me alone!”

“Oh,” Billy mutters sadly.

“Ruby, I know you don’t mean that. I will always worry ‘bout you because you’re my friend, so please stop acting like a rascal to everyone. You’re the toughest girl I know, but you’re not invincible, so get your shit together!” Rachel says in a surprisingly assertive tone.

Rachel?

“Whatever. Let’s just… go somewhere so we can change our clothes,” I say.