8 Years Ago

March 17, 2067

0630 CDT

Central Olympia, Kansas

Inside the Redheart Family's Residence

Ruby Redheart's Point of View

“Uh, oh.” Scarlett and I say in unison.

Jinx, my-taller-and-way-less-amazing older sister. In hindsight, maybe working on this project was a bad idea. But I’m so anxious! Today is the day, and I just have to solve this teeny, tiny little puzzle first.

“Ruby, is that supposed to happen?” Scarlett asks with slightly understandable worry.

You lack style, sis. Your pink tank top, disgusting purple pajamas, short frizzy red hair, freckles, green eyes, and big ol’ round glasses are totally ruining my vibe and my bed. Oh gosh. I always get so, so excited every time I look at the rock band posters scattered throughout my small room! The only downside to my enclosure is the stupid bunk bed. Ugh! Life is unfair. Why do I get bottom bunk?!

“Scarlett Redheart, are you doubting Ruby Redheart?” I ask.

Well… you might be on to something this time. This is gonna be a close call.

“What?! Never! Mom taught us to never doubt a Redheart, but I think this is bad. Like on a scale of one to ten, this is a hundred,” she clarifies in uncertainty.

“Listen, Scarlett, to be honest, we might blow up.”

“Ruby! OMG. I can’t…I-I can’t believe it,” she freaks out in anguish as her eyes widen.

OBAE! One-Big-Ass-Explosion! At least I hope it’ll be. No! I know it will be, if we survive, that is.

Oops. Why is he beeping? He’s not supposed to be beeping.

“Uh, oh,” I say.

“Uh, oh? What do you mean, uh oh? Don’t say, uh oh. You don’t say uh oh in a situation like this! Why is it beeping rapidly?!” She asks in hysteria.

“Hey, you said uh oh earlier! That means you can’t counter my uh oh with your own, uh oh! You’ve used up all of your uh oh’s, rulebreaker!”

“What?” She asks in dumbfoundedness.

“I-I don’t know, Scarlett! My mind is very eccentric!”

“Girls! What’s going on?” Mom nosily asks outside the door as she knocks.

Such coincidently lousy timing. I don’t like deception, but I must use it to save us all from incineration!

“Nothing, Mom. We’re just, umm applying makeup,” I say.

“Sniff sniff. What’s that smell?” Mom further pries.

“Ruby farted,” Scarlett snickers.

Liar liar, your awful pants need to be set on fire! I can mock your laughter too! But first…

“Yeah, Mom! I have to take a deuce in a minute!” I lie.

“Ewww! Why do you have to say it like that? You are so, so unladylike Ruby Redheart,” Mom asks in disgust. “When you’re done dropping a deuce, I need you two to meet me in the kitchen for breakfast. Scarlett Redheart make sure your sister cleans her hands,” Mom annoyingly proclaims.

Finally!

“Ruby, I’m going to pester you forever in the afterlife if we die,” Scarlett quickly threatens with an angry scowl.

You best watch your tone, Scarlett. Older sister or not, I’ll still knock you the freak out.

“I got this. I just need the, um. I need it,” I say.

“It? What the hell is that?” Scarlett says.

“It! I need it! The-the thingy. It’s a sphere. You put the sphere inside the sphere to prevent an unwanted explosion.”

“Oh, that thingy? I threw it outside the window,” she stupidly laughs.

“You did what?!”

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“I’m, I’m kidding. Your reactions are just so priceless, Ruby,” she continues to giggle like an idiot. “And if we’re about to die, then I just have to see your reaction one more time. The sphere thingy is right on top of the dresser, see? Maybe you’re the one who should be wearing glasses,” she explains with a smirk.

How dare you make me do work on my special day?

“Oooooh! Maybe you’re the one who should be wearing glasses.” Scoff! “Whatever, Scarlett. That’s why your hair is red.”

OBAE’s protective sphere is the only fashionable thing in here besides yours truly.

“Your hair is red too, dummy,” she states with a grin.

“Yeah, except my hair is way more amazing than yours, but don’t worry, because I’ll share some of my amazeness with you one day.”

“Amazeness? That’s not even a word. Do you mean amazingness? See, this is why you should stay in school,” she lectures like a know-it-all teacher.

“School is so, so boring, but you won’t believe what we learned in class this week.”

Finished!

“VOILA! OBAE is complete. This silver sphere of destruction will completely annihilate anything! Aaaaand, before you flap your gums in concern, I promise that it’s completely safe as long as it’s in the sphere.”

Hard work indeed does pay off! I’ve outdone myself yet again! Hello? Ruby Redheart? Why yes, Ruby Redheart. I am aware of how amazing I am, Ruby Redheart. Thank you soooooo much, Ruby Redheart. I love you too, Ruby Redheart.

“Sigh, I definitely didn’t want to disintegrate before breakfast,” Scarlett sighs in relief. “I wonder what we’re eating anyway,” She ponders as she flaps her gums in concern. “Ruby, I think we should name the band “An Explosive Breakfast” because it perfectly describes this incident.”

“No way. “Evil on Tour” is wayyyyyyyyyy better.”

*

“Happy birthday, Ruby!” My beautiful family praises as we enter the kitchen.

Ah yes, the amazing Ruby Redheart has blessed this Earth for ten years straight. Dad, I can’t believe you made it! You’re the only non-redhead in the house, but I love you all the same. You look so tough with your brown hair, glasses, and brown trench coat. And Mom, you look as stylish as ever! Your red mohawk, green eyes, black short-shorts, and tank top with the words “Evil on Tour” on it are so boss.

“Thank you, guys!” I say. “I adore you all from the bottom of my heart. Now let’s eat some breakfast because I’m starving!”

“I made your favorite, Ruby,” Mom presents as Scarlett, and I join the table.

“Eggs and bread!” I say. “Holy shi- I mean, thank you, Mom!”

Time to chow down!

“Ok, ok. You guys won’t buh-lieve what we learned in school this week.”

That’s some good ass orange juice.

“What did you learn, Ruby?” Mom and Dad ask in unison.

“It better not be what I think it is,” Scarlett says in concern as she gives a disapproving glimpse next to me.

“You have to guess. It’s the birthday of moi, so that means I get special treatment.”

“Was it something educational?” Dad incorrectly presumes.

“Something innovative?” Mom asks in interest.

“Was it manners?” Scarlett asks, clearly lost in the sauce.

So, so disappointing. This is why you are all way less amazing than moi.

“We learned about sex!” I say.

“SPIT! What?!” Dad questions in shock as he glances at his spilled coffee.

“Cough cough! Excuse me?” Mom asks, strangely startled about the birds and the bees.

“You have no filter,” Scarlett states the obvious as she nods her head.

“I’d be upset at you all for lying about where babies come from, but today is Ruby Redheart Day, so I’ll let it slide,” I say.

“Where does she learn to talk like this, Rosine?” Dad asks Mom.

“Definitely not from me, babe. That’s from your side of the family,” Mom politely corrects.

“You mean yours,” Dad foolishly denies.

“That is such bullshit!” Mom exclaims angrily.

“I think she has too much freedom. We should lock her in a dungeon, so I can have the room to myself,” evil Scarlett chimes in.

“Um, I’m right here,” I say.

Adults are so weird, and sisters are so bothersome.

“Aren’t you a little too young to be learning about the birds and the bees?” Dad asks.

“Heh. You should hear the song lyrics they sang in The Old World,” I say. “It’s a strange conceptual concept, and I still can’t believe that that’s what those things are for. I guess they decided to teach us these things early on, because of, scoff, boot camp.”

“Wait. You’re not going to tell them about, Drewwwwwww, Ruby?” Scarlett rudely teases! “Ruby has a crush on Drew, so it’s important that she learns about this stuff, in a neat and educated setting for the future.”

“You’re way too young. Besides, we all agreed,” Dad calmly spasms.

Ugh! Here it comes.

“No boys until you’re twenty five,” we all recite in unison.

“I agree that you’re way too young. But, Patrick, Drew, is a good kid. Maybe they’ll have something when they’re older. Maybe when they’re eighteen,” Mom backs me up.

Hah! As if! You’re quite a comedian, Mom.

“Anyway! Changing topics,” Dad quickly declares. So… Ruby,” he asks in a puzzling tone.

“Soo, Dad,” I say.

“Have you decided?” he presses.

“Um, decided what? W-Why are you being so freaking vague and mysterious?” I ask.

“Ruby, you’re a brilliant and talented young girl. I’m trying to say that there are so many apprenticeship opportunities for you to choose from,” Dad nags.

Oh boy, here we freaking go again!

“Ughhhhhhh! Come on, Dad! You’re such a buzzkill as always! I’m only ten! I don’t wanna think about the future and stuff!”

“Ruby, you’re always very dramatic, which you obviously get from your father,” Mom says. “What he’s trying to say is that at some point, you’ll have to…”

No, Mom! Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it!

“grow u-…” Mom says.

“Agh! M-My stomach! Cramps! Girl stuff! Th-this must be the puberty! And, and I have to finish taking that deuce! I’ll be right back!” I say.

“Ok, Ruby, but hurry up, because I have a surprise for you,” Mom announces. “Ask your sister or me for help if you need it! Everyone here loves you, and will always be here for you, no matter what!” She states in that mom-tone of hers.

“I’ll help you with the girl stuff, but not the deuce,” Scarlett reassures.

“Agreed. We’ve all changed your diaper plenty of times when you were a baby, so you better not take a deuce on yourself!” Mom shouts in worry.

“Can we stop talking about deuces? I-I just want to eat without thinking about that for a minute before I go to work,” Dad complains.

*

Finally, out of sight! Sigh. Grow up? I don’t wanna. I wanna stay like this forever and ever! I wanna work on the band, and I wanna annoy Scarlett! I don’t wanna be an apprentice, and I like my friends and school. My life couldn’t be any more perfect! Growing up sucks! I-I want to explore The New World, but I also want things to stay like this for all eternity because it’s safe here! Ugh! Stupid cramps! Stupid deuces! Life is cruel and unjust, and I hate it so, so dang much!