Manami wasn’t at school the next day. Not that I had any idea of how to follow up on our last interaction. An apology was the least I could do after forcing her to reveal such a secret.
“Myo?” Toro attempts to snap me back to reality by waving his lunch box in front of me. He has his lunch packed by his mom since his maintenance calorie amount is so high. He’d starve to death if she didn’t.
Lunch break is around noon for my class. There’s a small cafeteria at our school that serves sandwiches, fruits, and other items that are easy to package.
There are few tables to eat at and most students choose to eat in class or outside.
Toro and I have ownership of a table with a great view of the track below where we can admire the upper-class beauties. Toro is also the reason no one ever sat here. They all feared angering the giant of school, which I don’t blame them for.
There is one consequence of our beloved seats; we’re easy to find. Toro’s fans bring him snacks. It happens so often that they had a list of his favorite snacks by now. One time I got chocolate, but that was only because it slipped from the girl’s hands and onto my lap. *
She gave me a furious look as I ate it in one bite. Toro has good taste in snacks is all I’ll say.
Today was no different, girls from all grades visited and asked him about his day. He isn’t the best at responding and looked over to me for help, but I was too distracted to notice.
I didn’t pack food or bring money. I sat on my bed staring at the floor after waking up and had to rush out of the house by the time I realized how long I sat there.
We all have our days when our mood isn’t the best. But Toro could tell something was bothering me.
“Still hurt about Friday?” Toro asked.
“Hmm, oh, no.” It isn’t my place to talk about Manami. The naïve part of me hoped she may have made a mistake by saying terminally. Or maybe I just didn’t want to believe it. “Toro… are you afraid of dying?”
Toro puts his plate down and moves to the seat beside me. “Hey man, you can talk to me. You know that, right?”
I give him a smile to alleviate his worries. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing like that. Something just came up, and It’s been on my mind ever since.”
Toro returns to his seat. His fans had made the rounds for the day and will return to cheer him on during practice later. “I’m not so sure about death, but I hope I’ve lived a good life when my time comes.”
“I like that. And I know you’ll look back at it all and smile.”
“You as well big bro.” He said as he finished his last sandwich.
It would be nice. To smile during my last moments after living a life full of joy and wonders. But if I’m aware of my time closing in, does that mean I should give up on enjoying what time I have left? Is it all pointless then?
I may be in no position to speak, but I refuse to believe so. Even at the last breath, giving up on enjoying life isn’t an option.
But would I offend her for saying such a thing? What will I regret less?
Toro tosses a bar of chocolate at my chest that brings me back. I look around to make sure his fan isn’t around anymore and scarf it down after.
“Sure you’re ok?” Toro asks as he prepares to leave for basketball practice.
“Yea, I’m good. You’re not hiding anything from me, are you?” I glared at him. There was a hint of guilt on his face because of the events on Friday.
“I’m not, promise. Although it might be awkward at practice.”
“Tell you what, I’ll stop by for a bit after cleaning the class.”
Toro smiles. Having his big bro there would cheer him up. I have time to kill before heading to the hospital, so I don’t mind. Toro is one of the few who knows I volunteer.
Toro heads out for practice and I begin cleaning the room. The other student who’s assigned always bails on his duties, but everyone is too afraid to report him. I don’t care either way, he’s annoying so I don’t mind doing it alone.
There is a curious event happening as I clean the room. Catalina, or Nia depending on where you find her, glances over to me as I clean the board. She’s the only other person in class and has never stayed this long before.
“You don’t have to worry.” I said as I continued to clean the board.
She leaves without responding. The rumors that had been spreading for a month or two now had flared up again last week. Word is she got into an argument with a friend and the next day the rumors began.
Catalina missed a day and when she returned, they acted as if nothing had happened. It wasn’t confirmed who spread the rumors again, but I can throw three darts into the dark and they’ll hit the same friend.
But I have seen it before. Hoping that it will end by pleasing the person you upset. “It won’t end until you stand up for yourself. But I guess that’s easier for a lunatic like me.”
After finishing my duties – the class is spotless – I head over to the gym to watch basketball practice. Our athletics facilities are great. Well maintained and we get a few upgrades every year. For some reason our island just breeds talented players for all sports. My money is on the sea breeze.
The basketball gym building is old but the court itself was made last year. New bleachers, a digital scoreboard, even a little booth for the commentary club.
But the best addition is the overlook added to the gym.
When entering the gym from the main doors, you’ll land in a display room with all our trophies. Then, there are three double doors that lead into the gym. If you take a sharp left instead of walking through the main doors, you’ll find the bathrooms and some offices. The newest door at the end leads to the overlook in the gym.
Visitors aren’t allowed there during games for safety reasons. But students and faculty are free to use it during school hours. The roof of the gym has windows, so the overlook has a nice view outside and of the players on the court.
Like most days, the overlook is filled with fans of the basketball team. Boy and girl. Our basketball team is ranked second in the country. Only trailing behind after losing a game to the ranked one team at the start of the season. Toro was blamed for that loss as well.
I walk past the fans watching the five on five happening below. The team has two stars, Toro and the third year Javier. There are no fourth years on the team this year since they wanted to focus on entrance exams instead. Only stars ever remained in their fourth year.
I found the usual fans on the overlook. I’ve been thinking about making some Toro t-shirts to sell for some time now, but he won’t let me take a good picture of him.
“Why won’t they let Hiroto play?” A girl mutters. That’s Toro’s real name, Hiroto.
After finding a good spot, I see that Toro is standing on the sideline. The two bullies from Friday are on the opposite team and there are a few scuffs and scratches on his arm. I knew they would retaliate but didn’t think they would be bold enough to do it in practice.
I hope this isn’t the case, but the whole team may be against Toro. It isn’t just his tendency to break under pressure, some guys are jealous of him. His popularity, looks, and physique. I was jealous once too.
“Hiroto, switch out with Ben!” The coach yells as the teams reset their positions.
“Let the fans see something Toro!” I yelled to catch his attention. The others on the balcony begin yelling support as well.
There isn’t a rule against yelling at the team during practice, the coach likes it because it helps emulate a real game environment. During a game you’ll hear all kinds of trash talk and plenty of noise, it’s best to get used to it now.
The only issue is that most of the students are too afraid to stand out by starting the cheers. I have no such fear.
As if feeding off the fuel lit by his fans, Toro scores two field goals and a three pointer right in front of one of the bullies. Whenever they attempted to push him back, they were helpless against his strength.
That’s the rare Toro we get to see every now and then. One filled with confidence that is backed by natural ability and skill. The coach might die if this was a consistent event.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
“My job here is done.” Before leaving, I found the most excited person in the room. Everyone else is cheering and being loud, but one person in the room watches with unbreakable attention. She watched Toro’s every movement, held her hands together as if praying whenever he shoots, and does a small jump whenever he scores or moves past someone. She may wear a mask, hat, and gym clothes that do their best to hide her body, but I can’t call myself a man if I mistake a girl’s identity.
The girl feels me burning a hole in her body – although I wasn’t looking there, I promise – and glances up to make eye contact. Afterwards, she leaves in a rush as if caught in the middle of a crime.
I’m aware of my reputation. Most students my age are aware of their own. Everyone wants to fit in, and they’ll act whatever way necessary to snag a spot within the circle they wish to be a part of.
I’m known as the local delinquent, which is fine by me. But if there’s one reputation I don’t want to carry, it’s that of a creep. And right now, the girl glancing at me as we wait for the train, Catalina in disguise, is thinking just that of me.
If I make eye contact it’ll be worse, so I do my best to maintain a good distance between us and avoid looking at her. Because of that, I didn’t notice her approaching me. “Myo.”
“Yes?” I believe I’m allowed to look now and do just that.
She scooted over, never turning her body away from the train tracks and spoke in a whisper. “Could you… keep me being at practice a secret?”
“Um, sure. Didn’t know you were a fan of basketball, it’s not something to be ashamed of.”
“I’m… more of a fan of a player.” She mutters.
Most guys on the team are tall and decent looking. But the height makes them all more attractive from what I’ve heard. Curse them.
“That’s not something to be ashamed of either.” I’ve been having longer conversations with girls as of late. Most of the time, they just ask about Toro.
“Could I ask you to come to a game with me?”
“I don’t mind but why not go with your friends? I’ve seen them at a few games, and you don’t look all that comfortable around me.”
Catalina takes a moment to respond. “They don’t want to be around me much anymore.”
“I see.” I’m not sure how to respond. If her friends were here I’d let them have it, but I doubt that’s what Catalina wants.
“I-I’m sorry. I should have thought about how you would feel, forget I asked.” She begins to scoot back over to her old spot.
“I don’t mind, Catalina.”
She stops, though she remains about five steps away from me instead of the two she was before. “I shouldn’t be selfish. Aren’t you afraid of what people will say?”
“Hmmm.” I imagine us at the game. “Being seen with a beautiful girl doesn’t seem bad to me.”
“You know what I mean.”
“And I’ll say I don’t care every time. But I have a condition.”
She glances over at me.
“Don’t wear that mask and hat when we go. I want Toro to know who his biggest fan is.”
I can see her cheeks blush underneath her mask. “I never said I was there for Hiroto! Myo… you must know about the rumors, if you’re seen with me, they’ll talk about you behind your back. Saying you like easy girls and all that.”
“Gaaah.” I let out a sigh of frustration. After yelling at Manami, I searched for methods to control my emotions and that was one of them; works well in my opinion. “You’re in luck, I already have a terrible reputation.” The train arrives. “And just so you know, Toro would never believe such baseless rumors.”
I turn and walk to another car as Catalina’s cheeks rise under her mask. I love dramatics after all.
“Do you believe them?”
“Hmm?” I looked back to find Catalina following me into the next car. Guess she doesn’t know a thing about scene direction. “Err, I don’t.”
“Can I ask why?” She continues as we sit and the train lurches forward.
“I know few guys brave enough to talk to someone like you. It wouldn’t make sense for one of the quietest girls in school, who gets nervous every time a guy approaches her and never looks someone in the eye, to do anything said in those rumors.”
“I see. I’m happy you don’t believe them.”
I glance over to Catalina. She sat with her legs closed, her hands resting on her knees, and her eyes piercing the floor. “Plus, your mannerisms scream inexperience.”
“Are you a pervert?!” I don’t answer. It’s what she deserves for ruining my scene.
I went straight to the hospital from school. The last stop from the station makes it a short walk but I lose the amazing downhill breeze I get when riding my bike.
In truth, I want to get there as late as possible. I’m nervous I might see Manami again and I’ll freeze in the moment. Also, I don’t expect her to want to talk to me.
It’s a cowardly move but history shows that’s who survives in life. My bravado is admirable but I’m not keen on crashing and burning once more just a day later.
The top of the hill leading to the hospital provides a good view of the spot I use to eat. There’s no one there and the parking lot had few cars.
I feel a bit of relief inside, but it’s overshadowed by guilt. I should apologize. But thinking I have the right to choose when and where to do so is what has built my less than favorable reputation over time.
As usual, I arrive and head over to Jessica at the desk. She’s typing away and sipping on caffeine through a straw. Her eyes still struggle to remain open due to the resistance her body has built to caffeine. But leaving the drinks would cause her to relapse and that would require time she didn’t have.
Still, “You should lay off the caffeine Jessica. I could take over for a few days if you need.”
Jessica adjusts her glasses before looking over at me. “But then who would we have to move around the colonoscope?”
“You saw that thing?”
“Mhmm, I’m not a fan of it either. But I’m sure glad we have just the guy who’s willing to do the hard work.” She gives me a wink and nods in the direction of a room. “They might need you in there.”
“I see.”
The room Jessica pointed at was the playroom. For children. They had to specify that after some adults decided it would be fun to mess around in there.
The room itself is small with some shelves holding toys, and padded walls and floor. The pads are rainbow colored which the kids like. There are also some books thrown around the room since most kids don’t like to read.
The most popular item is the chalk board. Kids line up to show their next masterpiece before having it erased from history for the next kid in line. And while most kids have the strength to let their masterpiece be erased, some kids aren’t happy to have their magnum opus taken away.
Which is what is happening right now.
Pablo kneels between two of the children, Rosa and Nigel, and tries to mediate between the two; however, a combination of sleep deprivation and stress made it difficult for him to find an amicable solution.
“I don’t want to erase it!” Nigel yelled with tears streaming from his eyes.
“But it’s my turn!” Rosa retaliated. She took a step forward as if preparing to move Nigel out of the way.
“Come on you two, friends shouldn’t fight like this.”
“B-but Pablo. I love my drawing.” Nigel tugged at Pablo’s shirt.
“I know bud. But everyone has to get a turn. How about we…” Pablo thought for a solution.
“How about we take a picture, we should have an instant camera somewhere.”
Pablo snaps his fingers. “That’s it. How about it, Nigel, that way you’ll always have it by your side.”
Nigel nods. The only problem with my solution is that I need to make the treacherous journey through the hall of horror and retrieve the camera from the storage room. A journey I’m not excited about.
At times I believe whatever resides inside the hall plots scenarios like this to lure me in. But it fails to consider one uncontrollable factor. My speed.
And so, I return to the playroom, huffing and puffing, but with camera in hand and life intact.
“Alright Nigel. On three… 1, 2, 3” Snap. The camera spits out a small, rectangle photo and I hand it to Nigel. His smile widens as he looks at his awkward pose beside his work of art.
“Thank you!” With that, Nigel runs back to his room and leaves Rosa free to do as she likes.
“Go ahead Rosa.” Pablo turns to look at me. “Thanks again.”
“No problem.” Looking at Pablo again, I notice the large bags under his eyes and the missing pen from his shirt pocket which he never forgets. “Pablo, have you been here since yesterday?”
Pablo nods. “Someone called out, so I stayed for the overnight shift.”
“You just monitor them, right? I could do those.”
“Mhmm, but then the government would shut us down for breaking labor laws.”
‘Hmph, I wouldn’t say anything.”
Pablo chuckles. Rosa was drawing… abstract art I believe but we both admired the passion she put into every stroke with her chalk. Her technique didn’t allow more than two consecutive strokes with the same color, so she held a bunch of different colors in her free hand.
“You’re more than enough help during the day. Although, you’ll be even more helpful if you watch the hall for thirty minutes while I take a powernap.”
“Go ahead.” Pablo walks over and holds his hand out. “I won’t forget.” He doesn’t pull his hand away.
I handed him my phone and he set an alarm on it. “I have one on mine too, but this way you can’t make the excuse that you forgot to wake me up.”
After taking a 35-minute nap since I took my time walking to the break room, Pablo heads back but not before giving me a quick chop on the head.
The rest of my day is the usual. I move boxes around, direct traffic, answer questions, and help with basic cleaning of the rooms.
I was surprised to find one room locked on the bottom floor. The bottom floor rooms are the most basic of the hospital. They have minimal equipment and are designed to give the children the illusion that they aren’t in a hospital.
Most of them remain unlocked since the rooms are shared by two to three children. I’m not too sure about the reason but I guess it helps to have someone close to talk to.
After making my rounds and helping with other tasks, dinner time comes around. Mom leaves me a lunch box in the break room fridge whenever I have a shift at the hospital. Even if she doesn’t have a shift that day, she’ll drop by before leaving for her full-time job.
I hesitate to walk over to my usual eating spot but somehow manage to get my legs to follow my orders.
Manami wasn’t there.
And my stomach dropped because of it. My mom always reminds me to eat even if I don’t have an appetite since that can affect me even more. If she finds food thrown away in the trash when she arrives home, I’ll hear about it the next morning.
“Alright.” After arriving at my spot, I open my lunchbox.
This time it’s a bento box, or her attempt at one. There’s rice, hamburger meat that is falling apart, and some vegetables. I hold my breath and take a small bite from the hamburger meat. “Not bad.” I admire her dedication to improving her cooking skills.
Still, I find it hard to continue eating. My breaks are 30 minutes long. Staring into the endless sea is how I spend most of them.
It’s calming and allows me to escape for some time. I like to imagine myself at the end of it all. Floating without care, away from all the pain and suffering. Just bliss.
But even that scares me.
Because if I’m there, floating away, what have I left behind? Can I live without it all? Am I willing to hurt those who care about me?
I can’t.
So, for now, I’ll stick with it.
“Hmmm, I have about 10 minutes left and a full box of food.” The mission resting in my hands is impossible, so the fish might feast tonight. I take aim at the water below and cock my arm back.
“Excuse me.”
“Yes!” I hide the bento box behind me as I turn to the voice. “Manami?” She stood there with her arms crossed and wearing the same blue wig as before.
“I wanted to apologize for running away the other day.”
“N-no, I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m really sorry.”
Manami looks down into her hands to find some courage hidden in between them. She must have failed since she proceeds to nod and turn away.
“Manami.” I called out without thinking about what I wanted to say next.
“Yes?” She stops but doesn’t turn around.
“I… can I ask why you don’t believe you deserve happiness?”
“I’m going to die soon. All that effort could be put into something worthwhile.” She mutters.
I would have unleashed a few punches had it been Toro. It’s heart wrenching to see someone believe that about themselves. Even under her circumstances, I refuse to believe what she said.
“Then let me do it.” I swallow before continuing, making sure I could get my words right. “Let me show you that you deserve it like everyone else. Let me show you that you’re worth every moment. I’ll make you happy… even if it’s just for a fleeting moment!” I needed her to see herself the way I did. To see the beauty. To see how she affects me. But most of all, I wanted to pull her from her own cage.
Manami turns to look at me. “Are you ok with doing that for me?”
“I am.”