On weekends and some afternoons, I volunteer at the children’s hospital. It’s a small hospital but it serves our little island well.

Since it’s Saturday, I get up early to go in for my shift. I’m allowed to wear any clothes I want so long as I’m aware that they might get dirty. So, I wear some old shorts and a t-shirt.

After preparing, I grab my bike and head off.

The hospital is on the west side of the island and sits near the shore. It’s a beautiful location and deliberate as most kids like staring into the vast ocean. On special occasions, we even take the kids to enjoy the beach.

The ride to the hospital is great. The final stretch is downhill and the feeling of the sea breeze cooling my body is amazing.

You can see the city from the top of the hill as well. We call it the city but it’s just two tall buildings – about 5 stories tall each and showing their old age – surrounded by a bunch of small offices and homes. Most businessmen work on the mainland while our make-believe city is filled with farmers and seamen.

The streets are empty as usual. Most people choose to use the fantastic bus system and the acceptable train system.

I park my bike on the west of the hospital where there’s a bike stand. On this side is a small playground as well where nurses bring kids to play.

“Myo!” A tiny critter rushes my leg. Had I not been used to it I may have kicked her into the sea.

“Lucy, got to play outside today huh?” Lucy nods at me but refuses to let go of my leg.

I don’t know any of the children’s illnesses and I prefer it that way. The kids tend to gravitate towards me because of my age. That and they like how I treat them as I would any other, healthier, kid.

I’m able to do so because I’m unaware of what ails them, but this also means I must be extra careful around them. A thin line I’ve mastered the walk across.

“Myo, I’m going to marry nurse Pablo.”

“Are you now?” I look up to see nurse Pablo waving at me and thanking me for the quick break he’s enjoying.

Most of the nurses at the hospital work insane hours because of the labor shortage. The shortage is also the reason they take in as many volunteers as they can.

This hospital has a big turnover rate for volunteers, however. The work isn’t difficult by any means. But the reality is that we work at a children’s hospital. One where many terminal cases come to because of the beauty of the hospital and the surrounding area. Sad as it may be, parents choose to let their children experience beautiful scenery instead of a dull area like the center of a city.

The passing of a child is difficult to process. Most volunteers leave after their first experience.

The nurses and doctors don’t have that luxury. Even if it isn’t any easier for them to deal with.

Volunteers are running dry, and requests have even been sent to bring in more workers from the mainland. But there isn’t much money to bring in new recruits.

As such, I’m a big deal around here as one of three long term volunteers. The others are an older gentleman who helps with the night shift, and my mom who helps on most mornings.

I have the afternoon shift most days, but on weekends I spend most of the day here. My mom will arrive closer to noon as she gets home late from work.

“Lucy!” Another child calls Lucy over to play catch with a few others.

I sit beside Pablo who keeps his eyes on the children playing. Another nurse is getting in on the fun but also staying close in case of emergency.

“Surprised you’re here.” Pablo breaks the silence.

“I’m pretty reliable, aren’t I?”

“Myo… how are you doing?”

Two nights ago, one of the children in the hospital passed away in her sleep. She asked for Pablo and me to watch her sleep as she was afraid. Pablo didn’t want me there. Even though I’ve been here for years, he knew better than most the effect it can have on someone.

But as we said goodnight and she drifted away I never broke. I didn’t allow it. For her one wish was for us to remember her good days.

Pablo was the same due to sheer experience. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was numb to it. But it’s because of that experience that he worries about what’s to come.

“I think you should take some time away from it all. Before you get to a breaking point.”

“I’m good. Plus, the hospital needs help.”

“I’ll pick up your slack.”

Looking at Pablo, I can see his bloodshot eyes and pale cheeks. Mom says he visits the bar often after shifts and, well, releases it all. “Better there than in front of the children.” She said to me.

He may be right, but it wouldn’t do the hospital any good for me to dump the workload on him. “How about you teach me a few things so I can help out more?”

“Hah, you’ve got a long way to go before you can ask that… planning on getting into health?” He turns to look at me for once. My history is well known amongst adults, though only the ones who visit the hospital know about my volunteering. “On second thought, maybe you should focus on graduating high school at least.”

I chuckled at his remark. “I can do more than that. But I doubt I could be a doctor or nurse, I’m not good with blood.”

“Hmmm, you seem alright around it when beating it out of someone.”

“That’s different.”

“Myo, thank you.”

“No need.”

“I’m serious. You have no idea how much your help means to us. Without fail, every kid here gets happier after you interact with them. It might be an age thing, adults can’t create that type of connection with them, especially not a caretaker. But you don’t have such restrictions. I’m ashamed to say this, but I hope you stay with us longer.”

“I plan to.” Pablo nods and heads off to take the kids in after his quick break.

If it isn’t clinical, I do it at the hospital.

Greeting patients and visitors, helping the reception desk, assisting families with directions, cleaning, restocking, and moving deliveries and boxes. But my favorite thing to do is help with the children.

What they need most is to forget about their situation. For that I read books, play games, and whatever I can think of on the spot. Since I’m not much older than them, and I don’t have many responsibilities, I’m able to create a connection with them.

That and most of the workers are advised not to form a connection with the children. It can lead to heartbreak or worse. It’s cruel, but the hospital was doing it for the good of their staff.

My main task for the day is to move the delivery items to their respective places. Toiletries, tools, uniforms, paper, and all things the hospital could ever need; however, I do wish they would package them into smaller boxes.

Since we’re on an island, most deliveries arrive in a few large boxes. Big enough to give Toro some trouble and I’m not half as strong as him. But I have great lifting technique, so I make it work. Should I ever get hurt, I can just drag myself to the counter.

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Before moving the boxes, I’m given a list of what should have arrived. I check each one and cross the items off the list.

“Toilet paper, masks… what’s a colonoscope?” Whenever I don’t know what an item is on the list – which is often – I rummage through the boxes instead of eyeballing it.

This time, the box I’m looking for is sitting on top and I grab it out of curiosity. “What’s this for… ew.” Is my usual reaction for all things medical. My forte is customer service after all.

“Alright.” After I’m done checking the boxes, I move them in with a dolly and start separating the items which I’ll move right after. If I don’t know where it goes, I place them on a cart which a nurse will check throughout the day.

I’ve done my best to learn where most items go. Although, I think I’ll stay away from the colon terrorist they ordered.

Separating the items doesn’t take long. I move quickly with tasks like this so I can help with patients or guests.

There are large carts in the room with shelves so I can separate the items. After organizing them by optimal routes, I rush out and deliver the items as needed.

Items such as pens and paper go to the front desk where I get plenty of thanks from the pretty nurses typing up a storm.

The items that go into the back storage are my least favorite since the lights in the hallway are broken. Walking through it is like a scene from a horror movie as the second light flickers with each step I take.

There’s an easy way to deal with this. After I open the door to the hallway and pull the cart through, I rush to the end and burst into the storage room. Whatever hideous creatures have been waiting for their chance to nab me are defeated once again.

The storage room is empty as usual. Upper management seems to run on the bare minimum mindset which leads to a lack of items being the norm. Dillan, the older man volunteer, has been talking to them about the issues they face because of it. I believe he was a lawyer for some time.

After finishing my deliveries and making sure to leave the item of horror on the I don’t know cart, I return to the lobby. Jessica, one of the nurses at the front desk, gives me orders most of the time.

“Jessica.” I call out to her as she types away. As usual, she wears pink glasses and has her brown hair in a ponytail. I had a small crush on her when I was a kid, but she turned me down when I was seven. I never knew a nurse could be so cruel.

“Myo! Thanks for coming in.” Is what most of the staff say to me every shift. They expect me to disappear soon just like most volunteers do.

“What do you have for me today?”

“Hmmm, there’s been a flu outbreak, so we expect there to be a lot of patients coming in today. Could you direct traffic for a while? Oh, take some of these forms they have to fill if they’ve never been here before. And wear a mask please!” She yells as I walk through the front door.

Since this is one of two hospitals on the island, I doubt I’ll use much of the handouts, but it saves time.

I have a good spot where I can sit that has a lot of shade near the entrance and parking lot. It’s where I tend to go if I’m directing traffic for the day.

As I head out, I notice my mom speaking to a young girl. She has long blue hair and wore a pretty dress with some sandals. She seemed to be around my age, but as my heart was shattered not long ago, I felt little reaction to the beauty of her silhouette.

A tragedy for a lover of long legs like me.

I’ve never seen her before, but it isn’t uncommon for older kids to visit this hospital as well. For families or for treatment. Though by that age most are transferred to the main hospital.

Jessica didn’t lie about there being an influx of patients today. From the moment I arrived at my spot, I helped families with directions and other questions for about four hours.

Most of them were here because of a recent sickness, but there were the regular parents that came to visit their children. I think those parents are braver than me. Visiting your child who is ill while juggling the other trials of life must be difficult. If seeing their child smile even once can help them, then I’ll keep doing what I can.

After the busy four hours, the crowd dwindled, and I decided to take a break. I like to stand by the rail facing the ocean while I eat lunch. On weekends my mom makes lunch for us both. She’s not the best cook in the world but the added spice of love and effort make the food quite good.

Turning the corner to my spot, I find the blue haired girl from earlier staring out into the sea. Perhaps she was waiting for someone to come pick her up as she was alone.

I dust off my clothes and head over to introduce myself. “Excuse me.”

The girl turns to look my way. When we make eye contact, she gasps. Then, she covers her face and turns away from me but doesn’t leave.

“Manami?” I could never mistake her. The soft almond eyes, fair skin, and pretty lips are etched into my memory.

She stays quiet. Perhaps pondering if she should lie about her identity. But after some time, she responds, “Myo… what are you doing here?”

“I volunteer here sometimes. Are you visiting someone?”

She shakes her head. “I came for a checkup.”

“Really? The main hospital is probably better and faster.” I said even though I was happy to see her.

“I was going there, but I like the ocean view here.”

I didn’t respond. It dawned on me just now that she was responding to me in full sentences. And because of this, I could no longer keep my composure. My heart was giving us its best iteration of the sound of a stampede and my hand shook.

Her voice is soft, soothing to the ear even.

“I’m sorry about rejecting you.”

“Huh? Oh, don’t worry about that. It’s fine if you don’t see me that way.” I open my lunch box and begin to eat.

“I was really happy though… when you asked me.”

“Huh- “Is all I managed to get out before I started choking on some rice. “Ahem! Umm… can I ask why you said no then?”

“I… think there might be someone better for you. But can I ask why you like me?”

I didn’t like her answer. It was unfair for her to decide who was better for me when the one who has the greatest effect on my person happens to be her. But I don’t dwell on it. “I’ve always thought you’re pretty. But the main reason is because you make me nervous. I struggle to talk to you but enjoy hearing your voice. I get butterflies and… and I just like you.”

“You’re making me blush.” She said as she hid her face in her hands. “If you led with that, I might have said yes.”

“Really, what was wrong with what I said then?”

She looks at me with a confused stare. “It’s the confession from Jack of all trades, right?”

“You watched that show?!”

“Mhmm, back when it was airing, they had the channel where I was staying at the time.”

She’s perfect. “Aw man, well it’s your fault I used that line.”

“How so?”

“I forgot the other lines I practiced when we met at school. So, I fell back to that one since I had it memorized for so long.”

“Hmmm, how many other girls have you used that on?” She gives me the prettiest smirk I’ve ever seen.

I laughed in between my bites. “Just the nurse at the desk when I was a kid, but I like you much more.”

“I see.”

“This is the first time I’ve heard you talk so much by the way. May I ask why you’re so quiet at school?” There was a slight shift in her shoulders, and she began to twiddle her fingers. “It’s fine, I don’t want to force you to answer.”

She shakes her head. “I just… find it hard to talk with others. I don’t think it’s worth making friends anyway.”

“Why?”

“Manami!” A tall, beautiful woman with glasses waves to Manami. I imagine that is what Manami will look like in a few years.

“You’re sister?”

“Mother. Bye bye, Myo.”

“Oh, see you around.”

And with that, the longest interaction I ever had with the girl of my dreams came to an end. There was a strange buildup of satisfaction and desire for more inside me. Speaking with her felt right. As if I could sit and listen to her voice for hours.

But I can’t help but notice the hint of sadness in her voice. As if hiding something or holding herself back from what she wants.

That night I stared into my roof as I thought about our conversation with an excited smile on my face. Our longest conversation to date, but something she said lingered on my mind.

“Not worth making friends?” I thought about it, but I drifted away not long after.

“Myo!” My mom blows my door open. “We’re going to be late, hurry up!” She tosses a shirt at me to wake me up.

My shift goes as usual. I helped with the influx of visitors, read the children some stories, and took over for Pablo so he could take a quick nap.

My shift takes a fantastic turn when a girl with long blue hair and a tan dress walks through the front door. I was hoping that she would come today, though it mustn’t mean well for her if she is.

As she looks around, I return to the book I’m reading for the children laying on the floor around me. Lucy is using my back as a pillow. I can feel Manami stare at me for some time before leaving for the rooms upstairs.

“Hmm? Hope I looked cool.” I mutter.

My luck continues to make up for Friday as I arrive at my eating spot. The beautiful maiden is there once again.

“Hey Manami.” I say as I walk up next to her.

“Myo, you’re here today as well?”

“Most weekends I am. Everything ok?” I asked since this was her second day in a row here.

“Hmm… yea, everything is ok.” That hint of sadness in her voice never disappeared but I didn’t pry any further, though there is one thing I’ve been curious about.

“Hey, how come you wear that blue wig here?”

“Oh.” She plays with the wig. “I didn’t want to be recognized by anyone, but you did right away anyway.”

“I could never mistake you for someone else.”

“You must really like me.”

“I do.”

Manami sighs. I didn’t mean to upset her. Perhaps I was being too pushy in my desperate attempt to sway her heart. “I like you too.”

I spit out my food before I can choke on it. “I’m sorry… you like me?”

“I do.”

“Then… why did you say no?”

“Because…” She turned to look at me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more forced smile than hers. “I don’t think there’s a point for me to be happy, or experience nice things, or have friends. I think all of it would just be wasted on me.”

I snapped my spoon in half without realizing. “Don’t say things like that.” I mutter, doing my best to not lose my composure.

“I’m serious. All of it would be wasted-”

“No, it wouldn’t!” I yell, unable to calm myself. “Don’t ever say you don’t deserve to be happy. No matter who it is, everyone deserves to experience joy in life. Why would you even say that about yourself?!” By the time I finished scorning her, Manami had tears welling in her eyes. My inability to control my anger had pushed me over and I hurt the one I like most. “I… Manami, I’m really sorry for yelling at you.”

Manami doesn’t look up again after she finishes wiping her tears. It seemed as if she wanted to spit something out, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

After a few seconds, she turns around and runs for the hospital, but I grab her hand. “Manami.” I let go after realizing what I did. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Manami turns to me but doesn’t make eye contact. “All those things you say make me happy. But you’re wasting them on me.”

“Why?”

“Because… I’m terminally ill.”