In the middle of the sky, among the fluffy clouds, a giant meteor was plummeting towards the planet. The meteor was on fire and there were two people on top: One was a young man, dressed in a red suit and sporting a fancy mustache. The other was a teen, holding on for dear life with his eyes closed.
The meteor fell into the ocean and suddenly turned into a submarine.
“No, this is lame.” God snapped his fingers, and the submarine turned into a cart. Train tracks appeared below it, forming a giant roller coaster beneath the waves. Loki clapped his hands and the cart accelerated close to the speed of sound. Finn let out a scream drinking a boatload of water in the process.
“So, what I want you to do is pick math class. That’s what you’re good at and... Hey, are you listening to me?”
The water resistance was so strong that Finn could no longer hold on and was blown out of the cart. God rolled his eyes, clapped his hands, and a fishing boat appeared underneath. The boat raced towards the surface, sandwiching the boy into its deck, before bursting out of the water and landing on the surface.
Finn vomited water, gasped for air, tried to do both as much as he could. He then tried to stand up but he couldn’t keep his balance. Through the corner of his eye, he saw God swinging a fishing rod and launching the bait into the water. As if he was playing a video game on easy mode, a giant tuna took the bait immediately, and God started railing it in.
“Are you listening now? This is just an illusion, quit being so dramatic.” The entire boat was pulled by the tuna towards an exquisite sunset marked by two rows of parting clouds. “As I was saying, you’re going to sign up for math class, design this world’s next line of soap, make it stink a little less, you know the drill.”
“That’s,” Finn heaved, “what I was planning.” ‘Though instead of soap, it’ll be weapons.’
“Really?” God was so surprised he let go of the fishing rod. “Then why am I here? I thought for sure you were trying to become a mercenary or some grand adventurer.”
After recovering his breath, Finn finally managed to stand up. “I’m not cut out to be an adventurer.”
“Of course not,” God laughed. “You're a soap guy. You’re as qualified for fighting as cats are for building bridges. A dude from Master Chef has better knife skills than you. Your aim is worse than that of a mute bat. There’s more talent in an elf’s butthole than you have in your entire body.”
“...I saved an elf’s butthole.”
“Because he didn't have a bow. Do you have any idea what you’re competing against? The people of this planet have been swimming in mana since the day they were born. Every cell in their bodies has unlimited potential if only they had the balls to unlock it.”
‘He sure talks a lot.’ The sun set and then immediately rose behind the boat as it were morning. Finn went to the edge of the deck, gazing at the open ocean and at the relentless giant tuna that was pulling the boat.
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“People mutate if they try to unlock their potential.”
An audible chuckle reached the boy’s ears. ‘Do I say more or shut up? No, he loves the sound of his own voice.’
After a few more seconds, Loki filled in the silence: “It’s because they’re idiots!” God started laughing out loud. He snapped his fingers and a huge whale jumped out of the ocean, did a backflip right in front of the boat and went back in.
The boat rocked greatly and Finn held onto the rail. However, God saw neither shock nor surprise on the boy’s face. If anything, he seemed bored and disinterested.
“Am I becoming predictable? Hey Mark, want to know why everyone mutates like dumbasses?”
The boy shrugged.
“Think about it. You've read plenty of fantasy stories. What happens when you try to master an ability your body’s not ready for?”
Finn’s eyes threatened to leave their sockets, so he turned his back.
“Mages who can’t do a single pushup, warriors who think learning magic will somehow derail them from the way of the sword. It’s funny if you think about it. Hey, I’m talking to you!”
Finn felt his body forcefully spin in midair until he was again face to face with Loki.
“Do not ignore me, Mark. We’re friends, aren’t we?”
Finn nodded meekly.
“I want what’s best for you, and that is...” God paused while making finger guns at him.
“Math class?”
“Exactly. Feel free to start a soap business too as long as you don’t leave your office and only talk through your secretary.”
‘Why?’ Finn watched Loki as he smugly nodded to himself. ‘No, that’s a bad question; how about...’
“I don’t know,” Finn crossed his arms. “Starting a company was hard enough back on Earth. I have no power here; I barely have any money; what if I organize a caravan only for it to get taken out by bandits?”
“Simple,” God twirled his finger and the two found themselves back in Madam Isabella’s office. “Get your pals to guard it. Without proper training, people are still weak as shit, especially when mana’s involved. Anyway, buzz off.” He waved the door open. “The office will turn back to normal after you close the door.”
‘Is that it? It can't be. Think, think, think.’ “What about...”
“Hey,” God interrupted. “You’re sticking to business, right? No more of this adventuring crap.”
“Yes,” Finn smiled innocently. “100%,” ‘The weapons and now the mercenary business thanks to your stupid ass. I was going to take a science class or two, but it looks like I won’t have time.’
“Good.” God leaned forward in his chair and Finn audibly gulped. “Then, let me give you a piece of advice. You know those adventurer guilds? The ones with fun quests that the hero and his pals always join?”
“...Yes?”
“Don’t.”
God snapped his fingers and the office’s door opened on its own. Finn turned his head towards it, and when he turned back, Loki was gone.
‘Don’t what!? You’ve already said not to go adventuring.’ In these kinds of situations, the boy was thankful for his photographic memory. As he exited the room, their conversation replayed in his mind.