“I’m a freaking go-kart!?” I stare at my new body in the mirror. No wonder I wasn’t able to find my hands; I don’t have any! Unable to take it any longer, I scream, “This can’t be happening!!!”

“Is something wrong, Tanaka-sama?”

“Is something wrong?!” I glower, “Where are my hands? Where is my body? How am I supposed to defeat the Dark Kart Lord like this?”

“Please calm down Tanaka-sama, it is just as has foretold by the legendary nitro scrolls.”

“The legendary nitro scrolls?”

“Yes,” the priest brings his hand up into a sideways clap.

Before long, the church choir begins singing an epic orchestration. A group of masked wackjobs, who look like a cross between SM and a biker gang, show up carrying an oversized can of nitrous oxide. They place it in the center of the room and silently strike a pose. The priest walks over to the can, unscrewing the valve from the nitrous oxide can. A glowing mist fills the room.

Images appear in the mist like a hologram, and the priest narrates. “At first, we were all happy (except the peasants). Until that day, when the Kart Nation attacked.”

“What is this, A*****?” I scream

“I remember the day the Kart Lord first appeared three years ago. He and his army of ‘cars’ circled the city of Gaspedal. They continued driving around it, day after day, for four months,” Tears fill the priest’s eyes, “Anyone who attempted to enter or exit was run over. Unable to escape nor get supplies, they died of hunger.”

If you come across this story on Amazon, it's taken without permission from the author. Report it.

“Okay, question one, what is the deal with the name of the city. Two, why didn’t they just look both ways before crossing the road?”

“Look both ways?” The priest trembles

“In my world, that’s just common knowledge.”

The priest sings his praise, “As expected of the great kart hero! anyway, back to the legend,” He coughs before gesturing at images in the mist-ogram. “It is foretold that one day a great hero shaped like the Kart Lord’s loyal stead will appear. The great hero will build up a band of allies and win a race against the Kart Lord. As a result of losing the race, the Kart Lord will fall from graces and become a ‘mechanic.’”

“And what about me? What happens after I defeat the kart lord?”

“Umm,” The priest turns the cap of the nitro can, “it says here that the Great Kart Hero will retire to the countryside where he will live out his days racing against his harem of beastkin wives.”

I gulp. “Beastkin? They exist?! You’re telling me that beastkin exists?”

“Yes, all sorts of them.”

“Cat girls?”

“Yes”

“Dog girls?”

“Of course.”

“Bird girls?”

“Wouldn’t want to leave them out.”

“Okay, what about horse girls?”

“They’re quite beautiful.”

“I see your world is quite formidable. But does it have the one almighty race”

“Yes?”

“Does it have dragon girls?”

“Sorry, but what’s a dragon?”

“Nooo!” Unable to cope with the shock of being unable to wed a dragon girl, I begin to cry. However, instead of tears flowing out, my front bumper gets covered in motor oil.

“Is it really such an important thing Tanaka-sama?”

“Of course it is! You don’t understand just how important it is.”

“Perhaps not,” The priest grumbles before saying, “Now, lord Tanaka, you must leave and begin gathering your allies!”

The priest claps his hands, and the mysterious wackjob bikers come forth once more, dancing around a small object. They hand it to the priest, and he says, “I leave you this gift.”

“A gift?” Seeing the object in his hand, I can’t help but go wide-eyed…