“Go-kart hero?” I ask.

A wild smirk appears on god’s face; he looks directly at me and then says, “Ahh, I was wondering when that one would show up. It was only a few years ago that someone got the ‘Dark Go-kart Lord,’”

Tilting my head to the side in confusion, I ask, “Ermm, what does that even mean?”

God puts on a solemn expression and glares directly at me. His golden eyes draw me in, my full attention on what he’s about to say. Finally, he opens his mouth, “I don’t know!”

God turns around and walks away, leaving me feeling dumbfounded. So what, I’m just going to be reborn, and I’ll have a go-kart?

Clink. I hear a mechanical noise like a pin being at my feet, and upon looking down, a line appears between my feet. A trapdoor opens beneath my feet, and for a second, I float there, like a particular coyote from a particular western animated series. What? I immediately drop into a dark tunnel.

“AAAAhhhhh,” I scream at the top of my lungs, and the noise echoes through the tunnel.

I fall down and down. Then down some more—still down. After falling for what seems like an eternity, something finally happens. I fall prey to boredom and enter deep sleep.

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An annoying sensation wakes me—that feeling when a fly keeps landing on your face when you’re trying to sleep. Upon trying to reach out and swat the source of my annoyance, I realize something. I can’t find my hands. It’s a weird thing to imagine, but that exactly describes what I feel like right now.

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There’s also another thing, I smell something familiar. It’s the manly stench of burning gasoline. That must be my go-kart! I’m assuming I’m in a fantasy world judging by the whole ‘hero’ thing. It’ll be really cool to be able to drive a go-kart around. I can picture it now. An image of a hero driving a go-kart into battle with a dragon fills my head—

Poke

That’s it, I’ll show this fly a thing or two. I open my eyes, and much to my dismay, the fly, is nowhere to be found. Instead, a bald man wearing priest robes continuously pokes me with a staff.

“What do you think you’re doing!” I shout out at the top of my lungs; My voice is much higher pitched than expected. Did I get reincarnated as a girl?

The bald priest-man speaks, “Oh, my apologies, sire. We were simply concerned that you may have died during the summoning.”

“I see. You must be my peons. Fear not, oh simple man of the cloth. I, the Go-kart Hero, Tanaka Goro, will defeat the Dark Go-kart Lord!”

The priest begins to clap his hands, and the knights behind him also begin to clap wildly. He speaks in an excited voice. “Ohhhhhh! As expected of the great hero of legend. We were worried, based on your appearance, that you wouldn’t be able to help us. This is simply wonderful.”

“What do you mean, based on my appearance?” I say. My stomach churns; it dawns on me that the vaulted ceiling of this castle seems a little too high.

“Here, have a look.”

The priest holds out a mirror, and I feel my heart fall apart. I’m a go-kart with eyes and a mouth. I look just like that one movie with the talking car that says kazoo or something. Unable to contain myself, my mouth flys opens involuntarily, and I say, “To be continued.”