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Chapter V: The Almighty Defecation
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Alright, Peter, this is your time to escape. I imagine there isn’t much time left until I meet the anus. If I’m not able to escape here, then I’ll try to fight the anus. Eh, what am I saying? The anus isn’t some glorified boss fight…
“Oi bruv! Let me bleed on you a bit, or ya get shived!”
Ew, what’s this lumpy thing pressed against me? It feels like I’m pressed up against a slimy blown open pillowcase.
“I’m an ulcer! I’m par’ ov the gang! Now don’t reist, accept this blood, ougha!”
What, ouh?! This is the worst feeling ever; it’s so slick, and wow I can taste it… Yup, that’s disgusting, what a horrible metallic taste.
“Oh yeah! Take that!” says the Ulcer.
Hit points -.069
Ouh, that hurt you bastard! My turn now! Time to try my magic once again, magical grease, activate!
The Ulcer withers, squirms, and yells, “You can’t beat us all…”
You have slain a bri’ish Ulcer
Huh, it actually worked! I wish there was a way to see this slain enemy of mine though. Now, this ulcer should be like an open wound but on the inside of the body. I should be able to work my way through it, somehow. Hmm, it doesn’t seem like I can move through the wound. I’m so compressed it makes it difficult to even think, ugh!
“Hello Peter, I am the feeble intestines… I thank you for slaying that ulcer, but there are many more tha-”
“Look Intestines, I don’t care about your struggles or a potential quest. I need to get the fuck out of here now! I demand that you help push me through one of these holes!
The Intestines wiggles him around and says, “I am only able to push you through one hole, and that is the anus…”
Damn it, damn you all, you lot can suffer. I’ll just use my magical grease powers to slip my way to the anus, defeat him, and climb my way back up!
“I beg of you, consider refraining from such inaction! This body is under attack, and you must slay ulcers for us, please!” cries the Intestines.
Hmm, how about this? I will slay three ulcers if you give me some information on how to defeat the anus. Does that sound like a deal to you?
The intestine wiggles in delight, stating, “Yes! Thank you! I wish you the best of luck,” and it gives Peter a slight push towards the next ulcer.
“Oim gonna bleed on you real good like bruv!” yells a festering Ulcer.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
“No, you’re not! Take this, and that, and how about some essential oils!”
You have slain an Ulcer
You have slain an Ulcer
You have slain an Ulcer
Well, that was convenient. I guess there were two other ones right next to me. Now, Intestines, are you still there?! Can I get some information on the anus now?
“Yes, thank you! I will give you the information you desire, in addition to consolidating you to the best of my ability,” says the Intestines as he pushes Peter back into one again.
Skill Acquired: Ultimate Consolidation
Wow, I’m hopeful once again. Thank you! It’s been looking fairly grim for me, you know? This new skill sounds strong too. Now, what about that information? Do you think defeating the anus will allow me to return the way I came?
“Hm, well, if you don’t leave through the anus, then the only other way is through the mouth, so I suppose it’s possible! But I must warn you, your magic will be no good against the ulcers who control the anus. Those ulcers are strong, and they bleed much more than the ones here,” explains the Intestines.
Duly noted. I can’t believe I’m about to ask this, but… Can you send me straight to the anus?! I’m ready to slay that booty hole! Actually, I feel so pumped, I think I could slay all the anuses! Maybe even when I’m done, I’ll finally pound some pussy too!
The intestine wiggles with great force and says, “I believe in you! But please, slay the ulcers around the anus… Now, go! Slay those ulcers and have the anus send you back to me!” and he pushes Peter through his ribbed tubing at great speeds.
*Whoooosh*
Woah, this is really fast! I feel like it’s getting more narrow though. Is anyone there? Mr. anus, do you hear me?!
“Help!”
I'm coming, don’t you worry! Just know I expect you to send me back after this!
“You can’t help him bruv!”
“He is ours to shiv mate!”
“We will defeat you like every other piece of shit!”
“Take this bleed!”
“Perish my unsightly foe!”
Hit points -.069
Hit points -.069
Ah, fuck! That burns for some reason, like a lot! Is this blood corrosive or something? What the fuck? No matter, activate, Ultimate Magical Consolidation!
“Your attempt is futile!”
Hit points -.069
Ah! It’s not working, damn it! I have to try my magical grease, activate! Go!
“Muhuhaha, your powers are nothing to us!”
Hit points -.069
Hit points -.069
Fuck, I’m slipping, No! C’mon, at least kill a few of these bastards first!
Hit points -.069
I see light, though! But what is all this kicking and screaming that I’m hearing?
“Ahhh! Fuck! My asshole is tearing! Just make it stop! My ass, please! I can’t take it anymore! Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!”
*Plop* *Rumble*
You have slain a Human
Level Up
Yay, but noooooo! It wasn’t meant to be this way!
*Kerdunk* *Kersploosh*
Hit points -.069
You Have Died
Your Soul Will Now Be Reincarnated Into A …
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