Chapter 14 - Need

Kalin sat down on an empty chair beside his daughter. Elizia, oddly enough, was wearing a loose teal dress and had her hair tied back with two thin braids running at the side of her head. She looked so much like her mother, though with a head of brown rather than lush silky black. It reminded him of the times Sar'tara would attend social gatherings and parties with him.

Elizia held her mother's hand in both of hers, leaning forward in her own chair and staring at Sar'tara's fair resting face.

The vibrant glow of a setting sun painted the room's walls with flame. A hearth was alight at the far wall to stave off the cold of an approaching winter. Sar'tara looked just as she would if she were sleeping, white blanket stopping just below her neck, full lips spread in a line, though not quite smiling, cheeks smooth and begging to be caressed. How many a time had Kalin awoken to such a lovely sight? Sar'tara would always wake shortly after, as if sensing that he was watching her, and then smile. Such a start to a morning made every day that much better.

Her wounds had already Healed, including the vile message that had been carved into her. It gave Kalin hope. Hope that she would overcome the poison in her system without the aid of any antidote. He clenched his fists. He suspected that this was Kazir's doing. Vengeance for losing his eyes. 'I'll make sure you regret this decision, Silver Eagle of Xenaria' he had said. He had finally gotten back a decade and a half later, ensuring that his enemies would have grown complacent after so long a time. And there was no reason to leave Sar'tara alive and in a vegetative state for years unless the purpose was to torment Kalin.

He looked at his daughter again. I brought this upon myself. Upon you, Elizia. If only he'd been more vigilant, or, if only he'd killed Kazir that day. He fiddled with his thumbs, unsure of how to break the silence. He hadn't had much of a chance to speak to Elizia of late, struggling to find time managing territorial affairs as well as sending out whatever orders he could for the search of an antidote. "You're wearing a dress," he finally said, regretting the words as soon as they'd left his mouth. That wasn't a very good way to console his daughter.

"An astute observation," Elizia said dryly. "It's for mother, in case she wakes up. I'd rather she wakes up to something beautiful rather than your scruffy and unkempt mug."

Kalin scratched his beard, realizing that he hadn't shaved recently either. At least his daughter seemed to keep her sense of humor. She didn't seem as devastated as she had when believing Sar'tara to be dead. It's for mother, in case she wakes up…

He let out a long exhale. "Elizia, I—"

"I hear you've been coming here less and less," she accused.

"Elizia, I've much work. Please understand. I can't just abandon matters concerning our people. And I've been organizing groups to go and search for a cure."

"And the garrison? When will you be going back?"

"Soon," he answered. "Perhaps within the cycle, after Emeria and her mother return to the capital. I don't imagine you'll come along." It was better if she didn't. Dahlia had asked him to not restrict Elizia. But she took after her mother too much. She would be hungry to prove herself despite her age. He couldn't risk sending her onto the battlefield, even for scouting missions. He couldn't risk losing both his wife and daughter. "Will you come along?" he asked. He looked over her dress. She looked better this way. Safer that she became a proper noble lady rather than a warrior. The Serene bloodline would be all but secured then.

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"I'm surprised you even asked," she said.

"Elizia, I'm sorry for not seeing you sooner. I'm sorry for not—"

"I'll go."

Kalin blinked. "What?"

"I said I'll go to Arcaeus with you. Or would you still not rather spend time with your own daughter?"

"What of your mother?"

Elizia turned away. "I'm not so emotional as to believe she'll wake up any moment now," she said, her voice cracking. "I mean, I did dress up and all, but that's besides the point, okay? I… I know it's not likely mother will be waking soon, so I want to do my best. I want to show her how much I've learned, how much I've grown, when she does finally wake." She sniffled, rubbing her eyes with the sleeves of her dress. "There is an antidote, right? You will find it, won't you, father?"

Kalin stood up, placing a hand on his daughter's back. She turned to hug him, crying. He didn't have an absolute answer to her question. But that isn't what she wanted to hear right now. "I will," he assured her.

"What of her majesty," Elizia croaked, holding a fistful of his shirt. "What of declaring war?"

Kalin froze. Why was a fourteen year old asking that question? 'That's not for you to worry about' he almost said. Would those be the appropriate words? She was clearly more devastated inside than he'd originally thought. "That might not happen for a few years yet," he replied honestly. "Her majesty's position is somewhat precarious right now. There is much for her to figure out before she can aid us."

Elizia looked up, arms still wrapped around him. Her reddened eyes were full of determination. "Then we have to do everything we can," she said.

Kalin caressed her head. I brought this upon us. He still had half a mind to not send her anywhere close to a real battlefield. But if holding a bow was what kept her mind away from the pain of loss, then he could at least allow that. "Yes. We'll do everything. I promise. Now, wipe your tears. Weren't you going to wear a pretty face just in case?"

Elizia seemed to manage a smile as she swept her cheeks with her palms. "Then you should go shave, father. I won't allow you to visit mother if you come in looking like that again." She pressed a kiss to Sar'tara's forehead before leaving the room.

Kalin sat back down, sighing. He took hold of his wife's hand and pressed his lips against it. The back was soft, but her palms were callused. He half expected her to open her eyes and say something witty as she'd somehow made a habit of since Elizia's birth. He squeezed her hand.

Nothing happened.

Sar'tara was there, but also not. There were times when she'd spent a few days out in the field. But Kalin had never felt so cold at night without her until now. She was alive, but it didn't seem like it. It seemed as if she was gone entirely. His other half, someone who shared his mind in affairs of the state and battles, a warrior that could stand beside him, and a pillar he could press his back to if need be.

Kalin closed his eyes. "Was this how you felt when you'd lost your home, my love?"

He grazed her cheek with his fingers. The people needed her now more than ever. News of the duchess' demise had spread, lowering Xenarian morale. Tarmia was making suspicious movements, likely because Kazir was back on the field. Xenaria was also in a precarious state with Sar'tara's most hated enemy having infiltrated it. Dahlia could have used the aid of her friend to pull her out of the deception Kalin suspected she'd fallen for.

And perhaps most important of all, Elizia was entering her adolescence, and she would likely go through it without a mother. Kalin kissed Sar'tara's cheek. He stared for a long moment, convincing himself that the very next second, she would awake. And then the next second. And then the next. And the next.

Sar'tara's eyes remained shut.

Kalin shut his own eyes, forcing back his anguish. "I'll find it. I'll find your antidote. Elizia needs you yet. The people of Xenaria need you."

Servants and physics alike, wearing grey and sky blue tunics respectively, entered into the room with cart bearing glasses of liquid food items. They bowed before him. One of the physics carried a long flexible tube of sorts. It was used to feed Sar'tara.

Kalin stood and left, leaving the workers to do as needed. He pressed a hand to his chest, clutching a fistful of his own shirt as if that would dull his pain.

I need you.