Chapter 36 - Another of the Forest

The Tarmians marched towards the Cinder River in an orderly manner. Some crossed a narrow wood bridge used by the villagers that once were. Most utilised boats to get across. Even with the battle over, Sar'tara couldn't rid herself of the sick feeling in her gut. It felt as if a lump were stuck in her throat. She fell to her knees and gagged. Her bloodied hand clamped down on her mouth.

"Sar'tara?" Kalin knelt down beside her. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I still feel sick."

"Still? Since when…? Were Kazir's blades poisoned?" Kalin went into shock after hearing his own words. A dim light glowed beside Sar'tara. Everflowers had grown where her blood had fallen. "You're still bleeding!"

"It's just my hand. It will be better by morning…" The sickness seemed to come and go. Kalin picked her up in his warm arms and carried her back. The wave of Xenarian soldiers parted and allowed him through. "I'm alright," she assured him. Her mind was clear. Her limbs moved normally. Stars in the night sky dimmed as dawn approached. Her eyes worked fine as well. "I've felt like this since morning. I don't think it's poison."

"Call the physics!" Kalin cried, as if he hadn't heard her at all. He took her to where the medic tents had been erected.

Sar'tara refrained from protesting further, rather enjoying being carried by him. The world around her turned dark as Kalin ducked into a large tent. He set her down on one of many empty makeshift beds. Meredith and a few others came running forth.

"Your Grace! What—"

"Please look after her. She may have been poisoned," he said.

Kalin looked to be on the verge of tears. His lips curved down. She had never seen such a pained expression on his face. Her pillar was damaged because she too was damaged.

Meredith knelt before her and gasped upon seeing her stained left hand. "I thought I'd bandaged that hand right good and well. And your shoulders! Flames, I've never seen such giant bruises. Did you fall off a horse?"

"Twice," Sar'tara answered with a weak smile.

Meredith gave another surprised gasp. "And your neck isn’t broken? The heavens must love you." The woman worked seamlessly, changing Sar'tara's bandages and wiping her body down with hot water that had been prepared well in advance for potentially injured soldiers. Some parts stung. Sar'tara stayed silent. The nauseating feeling had eased. But she had no doubt that it would return. "Describe your symptoms to me," Meredith commanded.

"I only feel tight around the chest and need to vomit every once in a while. But nothing comes up."

Meredith's eyes narrowed. "Go into more detail. When did this begin?"

Sar'tara thought for a moment. She relayed everything she could remember. Meredith's eyebrows went higher with every word Sar'tara uttered. It made her feel uneasy. "Is it actually poison?"

"No," the physic answered. "No, I don't think so. Sleep for now. You will be quite alright. I promise."

***

Kalin groaned as his eyes snapped open. The white cloth of the medical tent shimmered as daylight pierced through the fabric. He'd fallen asleep when he didn't mean to. There were other patients in the tent, though none seemed to be in too terrible a condition.

Kalin's hand was curled around Sar'tara's, her sleeping face serene and adorable. Her chest rose and fell with every breath. She opened her eyes as he shifted, trying to relax his stiff neck. He let go of her hand. "Did I wake you?"

"Good morning," Sar'tara said, ignoring his question. She slowly sat upright and stretched her limbs.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better. Meredith says that it wasn't poison. I think it may have just been my unease. I'm sorry for worrying you." She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, her gaze fixed on her lap. She seemed disappointed for having worried him.

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"It isn't your unease either," Meredith said, approaching with two bowls full of food. "These have cooled down, but they should be filling. I apologize, grace. These are for Lady Sar'tara only. Should I get something for you as well?"

Kalin shook his head despite his growling stomach. Sar'tara devoured everything before her with speedy precision as he'd seen her do so often. The food was gone within moments.

"Can I have more please? Is there cake? I'm craving something sweet. Anything."

"I'm afraid there isn't cake," Meredith said. She gave a warm smile. "Regarding what you were feeling last night…" the physic now turned to Kalin, fidgeting with her hands. "Your grace, to put it bluntly, I believe the lady is pregnant."

Kalin tilted his head. His mind went blank. An illegitimate child.

"Pregnant?" Sar'tara asked. "As in a child? My child?" Her voice carried an excited curiosity.

Kalin slowly nodded. He touched her cheeks with the backs of his fingers, her smile stabbing through his guilt wrought heart. "I think I'm going to take a moment outside," he said, rising to his feet. Once out, Kalin ran. He ran straight out of the military encampment —ignoring startled call outs from the encampment guards, and down to the riverbank of the Cinder River, falling down on his knees before coming to a full stop, scraping them in the process.

He clutched the sides of his head and bent over, staring at his own reflection. His own heinous reflection, brown hair disheveled and face wrought with madness. Desperate, Kalin clawed at the ground, dirt getting stuck between his nails. He clawed and clawed just as an animal trying to dig a burrow. He wanted to hide. Wanted to surround himself in the cold of a pit and never again see the light. Tears of anguish disappeared into the water of the river. His lungs cried out for air.

"The Eternal Flames burn me. What have I done to her? What am I to do now…?"

He cried. He wanted Sar'tara at his side. But no one would agree with that. She would forever be an outcast within high society, her name slandered and her actions denounced. She was going to be the mother of his child. He'd just put a leash around a free spirit.

Sar'tara's beautiful face surfaced within the waters. He imagined her drifting away. Just as she had been that terrible night. Heavens… how alone did she feel when her home had been destroyed?

His hand reached out to call her. He couldn't let her leave. Her smiles gave him peace. Her dark green eyes gave him confidence. She stood equal to him on a battlefield. Was headstrong and did not fear what shouldn't be feared. His grueling life had changed when she arrived. He cherished every moment spent with her. Looked forward to their time together in the coming days. Everything about her was admirable. From her eagerness to learn anything and everything, to her naivety and often boastful confidence. Even the way she consumed her meals with no regard for table manners. But she was illiterate by aristocratic standards. The court would hound her to no end. Would hound him. And their child. That child would never have a proper upbringing. A lifetime of misery and torture awaited Sar'tara and her child. His child.

Did not fear what shouldn't be feared… Her voice echoed in his mind. "Does Kalin Serene fear words?"

Why should he fear the other nobles when he stood above them? Sar'tara wasn't so weak as to crumble under insults. And who would be brazen enough to insult her when he stood with her?

Kalin grit his teeth. There was an answer. A single act that would put his worries to rest. He ran back to the encampment and burst into the medical tent. Meredith was still there, keeping his beloved company. She was smiling. It widened when she saw him. He took a deep breath. He unfastened his sword belt and went down on his knees. He offered his sword to her. It was the only object of value he had at that moment.

"Sar'tara. Will you marry me?" If the court shunned them, then so be it. He was willing to fight the world if it meant being with her.

"Marry?" Sar'tara asked.

"Your Grace," Meredith began, "I don't think she understands the concept of marriage. So, I think it best that I describe this to her…"

"Oh, of course," Kalin said quickly. He sat there, waiting. He could feel the heat within his cheeks. Sar'tara, at all times, maintained her inquisitive smile. He took her hand and walked outside once Meredith had finished her explanation. News was circulating like wildfire. The other patients within the tent had already spread rumors of a new member of High House Serene. Now, news of their lord's proposal was going around just as quickly. The camp was jittery with excitement. The vast majority of soldiers exposed themselves to be hapless romantics. A side that none of them dared to express alone lest they risk dying of embarrassment.

***

Sar'tara bit her lip, unsure of what to say. Kalin's hand tightened around her own. She would have her own child. Be a mother. The last missing piece of the family she had wanted. A piece she didn't know was missing. A child whom she could raise and love just as Ny'Danis had raised her. A child that would continue being loved by both parents throughout their entire lives instead of being abandoned.

'Live freely', Ny'Danis had said. Sar'tara didn't know if she had it in her to forget her past. To forget the burning forest. Her fallen sisters. But she knew she didn't have to let that memory plague her dreams. She didn’t have to let it chain her. She would forever chase justice for her sisters. But vengeance was no longer her priority. Her new home —new family— was now her focus.

She stopped walking. "Meredith says I can't drink ale during my pregnancy," she grumbled.

"Sar'tara…"

"I know. The child will be affected." She bit her lip. "My own child," she whispered.

"Our child," Kalin said as he hugged her.

"Yes. Our. I accept your proposal. I'll marry you and formally bind you to me," she said, returning his embrace.

"I'm already bound to you."