[Pooka]

“Good morning, demonic denizens of our cozy little corner of endless torment. I’m your host, Chip, and I’m going to start your day with everything that you need to know condensed into one place. Well, there is no way to tell what time of day it is but I’ve decided that now is morning. So crack some eggs and chew on some suspect meat of your choosing as I speak directly into your mind live from my undisclosed bunker. And no, once you’ve subscribed, you can’t opt out.”

Pooka grimaced at the loud announcement that rang within their head like it was a bell. They stuck a finger in their ear and twisted before lowering the volume with their thoughts. The volume reset and they always forgot until the newest edition of the news blasted into their mind at the worst possible time.

This was one of those times.

A loud cracking sound of an axe biting into the flesh of a tree trunk drowned out the voice speaking directly into Pooka’s head. The towering tree toppled over and fell into Pooka’s path with the shuddering groan of snapping wood.

[Polymorph]

Their short legs twisted around the knee and they dropped onto all fours. Two triangular ears and a tail sprouted out of their body. Their paws pressed into the soil and sprung them to the side.

The shockwave of the tree hitting the earth sprung Pooka up into the air. They regained their balance midair and plodded softly atop the bouncing tree. With long strides, they ran the length of the trunk until they reached the base of the tree. They scurried up the massive arm of the lumberjack and perched atop their shoulder.

“Pooka, what happened to you? You weren’t responding to us.”

“Sorry, Tauren,” Pooka mewed. “Chip is sending me a broadcast. Did we manage to corner the target?”

A shadow residing at the top of a nearby tree leapt smoothly between the treetops. Large rocks were hurled down upon them. With a flourish of his axe, Tauren batted away the projectiles effortlessly.

“Not yet,” Tauren answered.

“Chip? Seriously?” A raccoon-faced man groaned as a perfect circle was popped out from the side of the tree. Only his head emerged from the opening. “We really need to figure out where that guy lives and beat that contract out of him.”

“We can talk about that later, Azeban,” a beautiful woman with the lower half of a snake slithered over. Her eyeholes were empty houses and gave Pooka an unsettled feeling. “Let’s get this done first, we’ve already spent who knows who long out here. The humidity is ruining my hair.”

“Now that we got the boring political updates out of the way, no offense to our generous sponsors, let’s talk about the good stuff. Our spies out in the field have confirmation that the reigning Miss Hell, Helen, has gotten together with a new beau. Caught in each other’s arms going into an establishment that I am paid not to mention, we expect the identity of this new lover to be unveiled soon. Better luck next time, everyone.”

“Oh, Helen has a new partner,” Pooka remarked as they turned down the volume further.

“Are you kidding me?” Azeban shouted incredulously. “Ah man, I should have stayed behind if I knew that she was going to go steady so soon.”

“Hey! Focus! I don’t need you dropping my eyes again. You were never worth her attention.”

“Relax, Lams, I’m a professional,” Azeban replied smoothly. “I won’t even cry about what you just said.”

Azeban stuck their tongue out of their mouth and focused their eyes. In his vision, the raccoon could see through Lams’ eyes. He shuffled his arms within the tree, sticking the eyes out of different trunks and tracking the movement of their target. This time, they would finally find the boss’ lair and finish it off.

“Got it,” Azeban and Lams said simultaneously.

A marker immediately appeared on their maps and a waypoint appeared in Pooka’s vision, a handy upgrade they purchased long ago.

They hopped off Tauren’s shoulder and activated [Polymorph]. They felt themselves grow taller, their neck and snout extended. Their clawed paws formed into hooves and a long black mane draped over their neck.

“No time to waste,” Tauren announced as he led the way towards the waypoint. “Let’s go before it has a chance to recuperate.”

Azeban leapt from the tree and landed atop Pooka’s back. He casually tossed the eyes he had been holding towards the Lamia. With a gasp of surprise, she twisted her snake half to contort her torso at an angle to keep her eyes from bouncing off the ground. She gave Azeban a murderous stare.

“Hey, watch it!” Lams snapped. She popped her eyes back into her skull and blinked a few times.

They moved at speed through the underbrush. Tauren led the way, his axe at the ready to smash through any vines or traps that their prey set. His imposing health bar was hardly concerned by the damage that missing a trap would deal. They wouldn’t fall for the same mistake and allow Pooka to sprint headlong through the tripwires and pitfalls.

Rocks began raining upon them from overhead as the remaining monkey minions tried to ward them away from their home. Tauren raised his axe and the blades expanded to form a shield. The projectiles bounced away harmlessly.

“Look at me,” Lamia commanded with a seductive voice.

A pink mist formed around her and spread throughout the treetops. The rocks slowly ceased falling against Tauren’s shield and were replaced by the whoops and screams of apes in heat. The treetops swayed from their approach to their darling partner.

“Whose woman are you gawking at?”

Tauren lowered his stance and pointed his horns forwards. A snort shot hot air out of his nose and he dragged his hoof against the soil. An orange aura of a bull several times larger than the Minotaur grew from his body. The nearby trees creaked and toppled over.

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With a burst of speed, Tauren sprinted forwards. The bull that projected from his body joined him at the same speed. Everything that the bull passed through was destroyed. Trees shattered into tiny pieces and the topography of the earth was flattened. Apes screeched as they tumbled from the sky and splattered against the ground. Those that didn’t die on impact were quickly finished off by Pooka’s hooves and Lams’ spear.

“Lecherous beasts,” she spat with a disgusted face.

Following the road that Tauren left in his wake, Pooka galloped into a clearing. The silver-backed boss screamed from atop a craggy rock formation. They pounded their chest and inspired the remaining apes to do the same.

“Are you ready?” Tauren asked Pooka.

Pooka swayed their equine head and snorted in confirmation. Azeban climbed down from Pooka’s back to allow them to return to their tiny form. They shrank to their tiny humanoid self and shook their body.

Tauren reached down and scooped up Pooka. He held them softly in his hands as he pulled his arm back.

“Fuck ‘em up, Pooka!” Azeban cheered.

Tauren’s arm lurched forwards, sending Pooka airborne. The silverback pointed at Pooka and screeched. Hundreds of rocks shot out from the ring of trees that surrounded the rock formation. Their size made it difficult to land a hit and all of them flew by them. They still flinched in worry as this was their weakest form. It couldn’t be helped.

Following the plan, Pooka changed into their most magically taxing form. Muscles bulged from every direction in explosive growth. A thick layer of scales and feathers covered their body and rows of sharp teeth grew in their mouth.

Pooka landed on their hind legs and emitted a screech that forced the entire forest into submission. They swung their body around in a full circle, smashing their tail against every tree in the ring. Apes were turned into mist and the treetop they hid inside were sheared off like broccoli.

Pooka then smashed their mouth against the rock formation, catching the silverback between their teeth and finishing it off with a crunch.

The beastly form that Pooka chose quickly deflated and they returned to their regular form. They plopped down on the top of the rock formation. They could see a cavern at the back of the formation, hopefully leading to the rumored sin-got vein.

The whispering of Chip’s voice continued in their mind. Without anything else to do, they turned the volume back up to listen to the rest of the broadcast.

“We are very excited to announce that the border with the second rung of damnation is open. You all know what that means: The Hell Express! Yes, my fellow hell spawn of incomprehensible gender, our humble home is going to be welcoming new rookies. And, like always, it will be available for your viewing pleasure. See who is desired by the top demons of the highest realms. Watch the unclaimed try to impress. Last, but certainly not least, get acquainted with the latest VIPS. You will be able to watch it all live if you have a subscription to ChipTV. Rosters are live, so pick your favorite fast!”

“Well done, Pooka…Are you listening to Chip again?” Azeban wondered after noticing he was being ignored. He tilted his head and got in Pooka’s face.

“Sorry, but they said that the Hell Express is back,” Pooka replied. “They released the participant roster.”

“Hell Express?” Azeban nearly shouted in Pooka’s face. “Fuck yeah, I’ve been waiting for the next one to start. I’ll need to see if there are any Tanuki worth my time.”

Though Tauren and Lams feigned indifference, Pooka could see their eyes light up and gaze over all the newest demons that would join their realm. However, instead of interest, Tauren began to vibrate in frustration. His hands were clenched into tight fists and he ground his teeth. He snorted furiously.

“Darling, what’s wrong?” Lams asked with a puzzled expression.

“THIS MOTHER F-“

[???]

A smoke-filled parlor room had just dropped into dead silence. Every demon had stopped puffing their cigars or even breathing. Cards were laid face-down on the table and their chips rattled restlessly in their fingers. Their eyes nervously drifted towards the demon that sat at the head of the table.

Eyes that matched his blood-red suit flickered through a cloud of cigar smoke. Leather gloves drummed against the velvet chair and a chuckle left their lips.

The proprietor had chuckled.

Those that had been around this establishment knew that the owner’s laughter only meant one thing. Someone was fucked.

This place had not existed for long, but it quickly grew a powerful reputation. And the source of that reputation was the mysterious proprietor. Nobody knew who they were or what their affiliation was. All that anyone knew was that if you made a deal with him, he would give you whatever you asked for as long as it existed in this realm. No matter how unlikely or seemingly impossible the request, it would arrive without fail.

Need a rare item? Seeking a one-of-a-kind ability? Want someone dead? The proprietor would ensure that it was done as long as you gave him a little time. It was said that he never failed.

Slowly, demons with big desires and deep pockets began to congregate around this place. With them came the leeches and the hangers-on that were looking for a handout from the almighty just to get a tiny amount stronger. If the proprietor was in a good mood, he’d occasionally agree to the more modest desires.

However, no matter how rare or valuable the request was. No matter how grateful the demons who left the establishment were, those that received their desire couldn’t help but say that they felt like they were on the short end of the stick.

But, nobody that hadn’t dealt with the proprietor would know why. It was written in the contract to never mention what the cost of the deal was. And, more confusingly, those that said they regretted the deal kept going through the business’ doors like an addict to beg for more assistance from him.

Whenever the proprietor chuckled in his amicable way, like a friend that you hadn’t seen in a long time, those that heard it couldn’t help but flinch. Those that were near him said that hearing it would make your heart jump into your throat. It felt like you had been stripped bare, defenseless against those piercing red eyes.

And so, the demons gathered around the poker table could not afford to pay attention to their game. They had to know if they were the one that was found out, if their weakness was laid bare before the proprietor’s seemingly omnipotent eyes.

Or, far worse, their desire.

“Don’t mind me,” the proprietor dismissed with a flick of his hand. “I was just hit with a very powerful feeling of nostalgia. I know that it is rude of me as your host to treat you this way; but, if you don’t mind, I’d like this to be the last round we play. There are things that I need to attend to privately.”

“Of course, we wouldn’t dare dream of imposing on your schedule,” the demons agreed with discordant voices.

A collective sigh passed amongst the demons as they played the rest of their hand with low bets and great haste. It was like they all had won the lottery. With a quick bow and a few words of respect, the demons quickly filed out of the room.

The proprietor waited for a few moments to ensure that all of his guests had departed. With a few commands within his head, his business was put on strict lockdown. He poured himself a glass of wine and summoned a tiny gold bell. He ringed it a single time. Wisps of smoke flowed from their shadow. Slowly, a cloaked figure rose from the shadow. They kneeled beside the proprietor with their head pressed against the carpet.

“You have need for me, sir,” the cloaked figure stated.

“I do,” he confirmed. “I need you to go to the station and wait for the person in the quest. You need to give them an invitation and escort them to me. And, do not use force. It will be exactly what they want you to do.”

The proprietor drafted the quest in his mind and delivered it to the figure. A dim red light emanated from their eyes onto the floor. After reading over the message, they blinked the light away.

“I have received your orders,” the figure announced. “If you do not mind me asking, who is this person in relation to you, sir?”

The proprietor took his glass to his lips and sipped on his wine. Malformed memories passed behind his eyes to the times where he was on the top of the world. He did not expect to recognize anyone from that time considering the radical nature of their changes. But, to his surprise, the photograph in his mind looked exactly like the person he once knew. And that, in its own way, excited him.

“An old friend.”