Sam and I planned to spend Christmas break together at the villa and were going to leave immediately after he finished his exams. I exempted all of my exams, like Beth, but still went to Mrs. Steward’s class to wait. Since so many students were doing well in her class, she decided that those who still had to show up would watch a movie about the Arbiters instead of having an exam. It was something to pass the time—and was worth the extra credit for the next semester.
The movie was like any other history film; made more for those that wanted the facts instead of a compelling story about the Convergence. The other students looked at the interactive whiteboard with eyes glossed over, having no interest in a history lesson. Even I had my own distaste for the movie as it was both dry and matter-of-fact compared to the action-filled drama, 1986, and chose to doodle instead.
While the Arbiters were by all accounts essential in ending the Convergence, don’t allow yourself to be fooled by the propaganda on either side of the aisle. There was nothing peaceful about what they did to end the Convergence, but many considered it a necessary evil in saving the planet. It was the help of all the monsters they conscripted that allowed them to completely seal the rifts and create a common ground—crossing beyond the barrier of language. And in the end, it was the Arbiters that pushed for an expansion of the Interspecies Integration and Naturalization Act, solidifying their place in our world as its modern protectors, and giving those who helped a place in our society—for better or worse.
As the credits rolled, the mechanical bell sprang to life with a shrill; signifying that class was over and Christmas break had officially begun. The classroom jumped back to life as some of the human and therian students exchanged gifts, sharing their well-wishes with each other. The other monsters awkwardly exchanged their own gifts, not fully understanding the custom, but wanting to take part all the same.
One of the preppy girls that sat in the back of class, a valkyrie, approached me as I was stuffing my notebook into my backpack. She used her broad white wings to block me from leaving my desk.
“Thought you might come today,” she said. “Thinking about joining?”
“Joining what?” I asked.
“The Order of Veter. Could really use more humans like you.”
“No,” I said. “I don’t know how to make that clearer to you.”
She let out a smug laugh. “You Catholics are so obstinate. I’m only trying to save you from yourself! Imagine all the good you could do by protecting the world from magic. Don’t waste your natural talents by sipping wine all day.”
I angrily stared at her. “Considering the Valkuth are the largest religion in the world, I’d say y’all ‘saved’ plenty already. If your faith was truly so resolute, you’d not bother with those who haven’t converted.”
She scoffed. “Funny for you to talk about faith. For beliefs that focus so much on suffering, you sure have very little to show for it. Heaven does not come to those who toil away their lives—we must make it for ourselves.” She laid a pamphlet about understanding Valkuth theology on top of my head. “Merry Christmas,” she said with a smirk as she walked off.
I immediately tore the pamphlet in half. I wanted nothing to do with the Valkuth, their religion, or their damn proselytizing. And because of her interruption, I had to wait for the flood of students to pass before I could leave the classroom.
While waiting at the door, I noticed Sam moving against the crowd. We agreed to meet at my car, so I wondered why he was heading in the opposite direction down the hall towards the cafeteria. I went after him after most everyone dispersed, allowing me to move freely, and from a distance, I could see him and Vivi sitting alone at a table on the far side of the cafeteria. The light from the glass window behind them highlighted Vivi’s ears and Sam’s head, making it hard to see what was going on. And, unfortunately, they were too distant for me to hear their conversation.
Vivi looked up from her phone at Sam. A wry smile appeared across her face as she leaned in to talk to him. Sam seemingly asked her a question as her face became beet red. She gently stroked the fluff of her tail while staring down without a response. Sam kept talking while Vivi’s expression turned serious as her therian friends looked on from one of the ramps down to the lower cafeteria. Vivi said a couple words, and Sam simply got up to leave. He passed by the therians on his way out of the cafeteria, their gossiping started up when they realized what transpired.
One of the therians spoke loudly to Vivi. “What was that about—did he just ask you out?”
Vivi responded, “Him? No. Not a chance.”
Another therian piped in, louder than the other. “As if she’d ever date a furless ape like him.”
❦ ❦ ❦
I went straight to my car to try and meet Sam. He beat me there and motioned for me to unlock the doors when he saw me in the parking lot. The familiar click of the lock urged him in, and he tossed his backpack to the backseat out of frustration. I had a good idea of what troubled him, but I felt it inappropriate to mention my unsolicited spying. Instead, I simply started the engine and gave him time to think as we left school grounds.
Sam asked, “You ever wonder what life would be like if we never met?”
“I have. It seems like it’d be… pretty lonely for me. I would’ve never gotten close to anyone else, if not for you.”
“Aw shucks, Eli.” He smiled. “But, you’d still have Lyca.”
“I doubt it. You’re kinda the reason we’re together, remember?”
He shook his head. “She was gunning for you long before she sat with us. It was only an excuse for her to get closer to you. I think she’d’ve sat with you even if you were alone, just like I did.”
“Maybe… I can honestly see it happening that way. Or maybe I would’ve sat with her somewhere else instead.”
Sam looked over to me, examining me, and for a split second I looked away from the road at him. He asked me with some concern, “Do you think she’s coming back?”
I frowned. “I really don’t know.”
“Hmm, but you’re single, right?”
“I… I guess I am.”
“Have you thought about dating someone else?”
I told him the truth. “Yes.”
“Is it me?” he asked deviously.
“Can’t say I’ve ever considered it, Sam.”
“And here I thought we were finally falling for each other.” He laughed but there was a sort of awkwardness in his voice as we passed by his house.
“Are you sure you got everything?” I asked. “I don’t want to go all the way up to North Georgia and have to turn back.”
“Yeah, I already told you twice.” He closed his eyes. “I’m glad I finally get to leave this place for a while.”
The trip was fairly silent the rest of the way. Sam looked out the side window while I focused on driving. But then, suddenly, for absolutely no reason at all, Sam’s phone began to ring with a custom tone, breaking my concentration. He ignored it, then got another call, and ignored it again. When it rang a third time, I got frustrated about being a captive audience to a cutesy song that belonged in a cartoon about a lucky star.
“Who’s calling you?” I asked, wanting to actually tell him to turn it off.
“Sorry. Vivi normally texts me. I don’t know what’s gotten into her.”
“Why not answer her, then?”
“I don’t feel like talking to her right now.” In a mocking tone, he said, “I wouldn’t want to embarrass her.”
Seeing it as an opportunity to finally talk about what I saw, I asked, “Did something happen?”
“Yeah, but it’s nothing new. I feel like she doesn’t take me seriously. Or maybe I’m taking things too seriously. I don’t even know what she wants from me.”
“Well, what do you want?”
Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.
Sam was silent as he gave the question great thought. “I want to love freely and be accepted for who I am on the inside.”
“And who are you on the inside?”
“Me, but better.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
He sighed. “It’s not supposed to. I’m just saying my body shouldn’t define me or who I can love; especially since I’m going to emerge.”
It was understandable that he felt that way, though I made the mistake of turning it into part of a joke. “Everybody is self-conscious about something. There are plenty of women that’ll date short guys. You can also go after some of the shorter races where it won’t matter as much—maybe a gnome, or a pixie.”
“Har. Freaking. Har… I wasn’t talking about my height. And I didn’t mention anything about dating.”
“Don’t you want to date Vivi? I just assumed—”
“You know what happens when you assume, right? Vivi and I are close but we’re just friends; and that’s all we'll ever be.”
“Fair enough,” I said, ending the conversation. Sam put his phone on silent and didn’t say another word for the rest of the trip. I don’t think he was angry, more likely in some deep contemplation about something. Sometimes people need space. And sometimes it’s the words that aren’t said that matter most.
❦ ❦ ❦
The sun had already set when we arrived at the villa. Sam and I brought as much luggage as we could to the double entry door. My grandparents welcomed us in, the smell of food following them out as they opened the door for us. Sam went off and introduced himself to the others by the guidance of my grandmother, with my younger cousins dragging him away to play in their childish games. In the meantime, I moved the luggage up to the room we were going to share; the space kept like a hotel room for guests. And by the time I finished, and Sam had been relinquished back to me, dinner was ready.
Sam and I sat away from everyone else during dinner as we both had the habit of eating alone. I offered him some wine, but he refused, preferring to drink soda instead. He pushed the sparse amount of food on his plate around with a fork. “Seems like I’m not as hungry as I thought,” he said before taking a slow sip of his fizzy drink.
“You’re looking kinda pale, too. Maybe try eating some red meat?” I pointed a slab of rare steak on my fork at him.
“Nah. I just need to lay down for a bit.” He sluggishly rose out of his chair. “The drive must’ve took it out of me.”
I got up from the table and made sure Sam found his way to our room. “I put your stuff by the bed on the right. They’ll probably start watching Christmas movies in the living room in a bit. Feel free to join whenever you feel better.”
“Would it be okay to shower first?”
I thought it was an odd question, but it was probably Sam’s attempt at being polite. “Sure, the towels are already set out. The ones with the red fish on them are yours, don’t use any others. My grandparents are pretty weird about it—but it’s to make sure things don’t get reused between guests.”
Sam nodded and went into the room. I left him to his own devices and returned to the dining room to continue eating. Sam never came back down, so I decided to check on him during the break between movies.
In our room, one of the beds had his towels left on top, though Sam was nowhere to be found. Must’ve wandered off, I thought. Or he’s hiding somewhere. Naked.
I looked around the house and happened to catch him standing on the balcony in his pajamas, his back turned to me, looking out at the mountains and the stars which dotted the sky.
I felt the chilled air rush past me as I opened the sliding door, and asked, “What are you doing out here?”
“I’ve never seen the sky look so beautiful before,” he said. “Will you stay a while?”
“Out here? Aren’t you freezing?”
Sam tilted his head and looked back at me. “Are you offering me your warmth?”
“I can do you one better.” I turned the knob on the nearby space heater, allowing it to click and set the gas alight.
He sighed. “You’re really no fun sometimes, Eli.”
I stood next to him. “So, what’s up?”
“Nothing new. It’s all the same soup, just reheated. Tastes better when you eat it with someone else.”
“Soup, huh? What kind?”
Sam smiled. “The heavy kind. It’ll probably sit in your stomach a while. If you’re not okay with it, it’s fine. I’m used to eating it alone.”
“I’m sure I can take it—as long as it’s not stale chips.”
Sam laughed, not because I was being funny, but because he was genuinely happy that I played along. “I’m really glad you’re my friend, Eli… There is something that I wanted to talk about. Something I’ve always kept to myself for too long… Will you hear me out?”
“Of course,” I said. “I’m all ears.”
Sam breathed deep and rested his arms on the ledge of the balcony, leaning into it. “You remember how I said my parents thought I was a girl before I was born?”
“Yeah, when we first met.”
“Well, there’s more to it. My birth was a bit complicated, and it caused my mother to need surgery after. My father said she changed after that. He didn’t give me the exact details, but whatever it was, it caused her to be a real terror… She abused me as a baby up to when I was a child. Kicking, biting, screaming; it would only stop when my father was home. Back then he was hardly ever around, though, working two shifts to support us… I’ll never understand why he stays with her.” He lowered his head onto his arms.
All I could say was, “Damn.” I thought of my own troubles, to try and relate them to his, but it was a whole different struggle to my own. “I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s really nothing to say. It’s just how it is.” Sam backed away from the balcony, turning his back to me, and lifted the back of his pajama shirt. “Don’t freak out, okay?”
The warm glow of the space heater revealed a multitude of indents and long marks left in his skin. “Scars?”
“Yep.” Sam fixed his shirt and returned back to his leaned position on the railing with a frown. “I’d show you more, but you probably don’t want to see where those are.”
I wanted to comfort him, to tell him about becoming kindred, but was stopped by my inability to tell him the truth. So, I stood closer to him and asked, “Is your mother still hurting you?”
“No. My mother has calmed down considerably since then and stopped taking things out on me now that I’m big enough to fight back. She even pretends to be a caring mother nowadays. Says it was all in my head… I know better.” There was a long silence as tears welled up in Sam’s eyes, his face turning red. “My family might seem normal now, but there’s still a deep resentment. I have no love for them—my parents. Even if I did somehow manage to get away from them, the scars on my body remind me every day how I’m an unwanted child… My only crime was being born the way I was… And while my parents planned for me; they didn’t plan for me.” Sam carried a weakness in his voice, but despite the redness in his face, his mood seemed a bit better. “We’re like a broken pot that was pieced back together. The cracks still show and there’s some leaks here and there, but we still have a normal appearance from a distance.”
I thought it was bullshit that he thought there was any normalcy in that. Not that I have the best idea of what family is meant to be, but enough of one to know that what he was going through certainly wasn’t it.
“But enough about my parents,” he said. “What about yours? What were they like?”
I didn’t answer.
“Ah, shit. I probably shouldn’t have asked that, huh?”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. “No, it’s fine; I was thinking. I don’t have much to say about them, considering. Like your father, my mother worked all the time and was hardly ever home. Most time we spent together was at church… and most of that was being occupied by Sunday school… As for my father… I have no idea. I understand that he was basically a sperm donor. My mother did consider him a close friend, though, so he wasn’t a complete stranger. Unfortunately, he has no desire to be a part of my life; especially since she’s gone.”
“That sucks… Do you even know his name?”
“No. But it’s probably for the best.”
Sam frowned. “What about your aunt? You hardly ever talk about her.”
I shrugged. “She’s been pretty hands-off about raising me—but I have no complaints. Her absence isn’t neglectful, more like giving me room to grow, and she’s always there when I need her; even when she’s busy at the bar.”
“Ah, you mentioned she owned a bar before, but never said which one.”
“The Rose Den. We actually passed it on our way here.”
“That’s the one right outside of town, right? Before the highway?”
I nodded.
“Hm…” I could see the gears turning in Sam’s head. “Last name… Oni?”
“Yes, actually. How did you know?”
“Rumors… I heard she isn’t exactly human.”
I frowned, though it was no secret. “She’s a mara.”
“A mara!” Sam laughed. “That’s crazy. But I guess even they live normal lives… despite all the stories… Is it true that there are hidden places? Like entire communities existing inside of liminal spaces?” He smiled. “I bet she lives in one!”
I shook my head, almost smiling. “Well, I’m not sure how it all works, but yeah.”
“I knew it! I’d love to be an arbiter one day—to travel the world and see the hidden places—and meet all the people that live far away from here.”
“It’s not my place to discourage you, Sam, but you do know what kind of job that is, right?”
“Come on, Eli. I know they aren’t the best or even all that well-liked. I’m probably not even suited for it, either. But nothing will change if I don’t try! If by some miracle I do become an arbiter, then I believe I can do a lot of good for the world. Don’t you agree?”
I sighed. “I do. I think even they’d appreciate your enthusiasm.”
Sam made a wide smile and gave a thumbs up. “I knew you always had my back.”
The night air grew colder as the moon became more prominent in the sky. I stood beside Sam as he recollected more from his past. Despite his life seeming like a series of bad jokes, he kept a sense of humor about being alive that I respected—hoping that I could one day have that same appreciation. I never found out why he chose that night to open up so much, but I figured it could have easily been a spur of the moment thing for him. Whatever it was, it was clear to me that something changed in his heart; as it did in mine.