Sam and I started hanging out a lot more after his birthday. We would often get food together after school and spend the rest of the day playing video games. Sam had nothing in the way of an allowance to pay for our outings, but I didn’t mind covering the difference.
I asked, “What do you want today?” as I drove away from the school.
Sam rubbed his stomach. “Honestly, I’m kinda feeling like pizza today. I’ll let you pick where.”
“How about the buffet on—”
“No buffets! Those places disgust me.”
“Well excuse me. I thought it was my pick.”
Sam turned to me with crossed arms. “It was until you picked a buffet.”
“Well, what’s your suggestion?”
“How about that place by the mall? Right in front of the Valkuth church… I forgot the name.”
I tried to piece together his poor directions. I knew what church he was talking about, but there was nothing to do with pizza there. “Isn’t that a flower shop?”
“No, no. They reopened it as a pizzeria a while back. And it was a pawn shop before that.” He laughed. “Shows how little you actually go into town.”
As he said, the flower shop I remembered had been remodeled into a pizzeria with a sports bar on the side. The building itself was still reminiscent of a gas station—what it was when it was first built. And in my lifetime, it had been a welding shop, video store, fruit stand, and beauty salon all before it was a flower shop. Despite the good location near the mall, the parking lot was small and seemed more of an extension of the road instead of an actual lot, which I attributed as the reason so many shops would open up and shut down.
I looked at the brand-new sign and found the name a bit odd. “The Missing Pizza?”
Sam rubbed his stomach. “Yeah, like I’m missing pizza in my stomach because we’re still sitting here. Are we going in or what?”
I parked and followed Sam into the building. The scent of oily pizza assaulted me while my eyes adjusted to the dim lights inside. I could taste the greasiness and melted cheese in the air which managed to bring out my appetite. The dining area was mostly quiet with random banging coming from the kitchen. We stood in front of the register and waited to be seated, as a sign requested, despite the place being practically empty.
Sam pointed at the sports bar to our right. “Hey, look at that guy.”
I looked towards a man wearing white Atarahn marble armor with a hooded red robe and fake cherub wings having a beer at the bar. I knew from the armor that he was an inquisitor, the wings meaning he had some seniority in the Order of Veter; a militarized subsection of the Valkuth Church. While the inquisitors once served as the respected defenders against abominations, people my age saw them as little more than a crime syndicate funded by the Valkuth Church. Their historic prominence was undone when America created the Interspecies Integration and Naturalization Act, giving the Arbiter’s jurisdiction in any country which adopted it.
Sam whispered, “Inquisitors shouldn’t be in Sorrow. Maybe we should leave?”
I said, “It’s odd, but he looks to be off-duty. It’s not like they bother humans, anyways.”
Sam gave me a worried look but nodded his head in agreement. We stood for a short while longer. A muffled yet familiar voice came from the kitchen entrance behind the counter. The waitress came out carrying a large stack of pizza boxes which obstructed her view. She placed the boxes on the counter in front of us and peeked from the side at us. “Welcome to The Missing Pizz—oh… it’s you guys.”
“Evie!” Sam yelled excitedly. “What’ve you been up to all this time?”
Evie playfully slapped the side of the pizza boxes. “Pretty much this. The ‘rents made me look for a job since college is pretty much out of the question.” She turned towards me and smiled. “I see you got Eli out of the house.”
I said, “And I see you’ve grown some since graduating, gremlin.”
Evie winked. “Won’t be able to call me that much longer.”
We both looked at Sam who was now shorter than Evie. “Don’t look at me,” he said. “Blinds is only taller if you count the horns.”
Evie showed us to a booth on the empty side of the restaurant and allowed us to look at the menu while she got another beer for the inquisitor at the bar. It wasn’t long before she came back with our drinks and pulled out a pad and pen. “What can I get you two?”
Sam looked at me to defer his decision. I thought to play it safe and order what I would anywhere else: “I’d like a medium pizza with mushrooms and black olives.”
Evie nodded and then looked at Sam. He asked her, “What’s on the BLT pizza?”
“As the name implies, it’s got bits of bacon, diced lettuce, and sliced tomatoes. It’s also got mayo on it. I think it goes pretty well with the whole experience, but most people ask for it without.”
Sam smiled. “I’ll get the BLT pizza, then.”
“And the mayo?”
“Wouldn’t hurt to try, I guess.”
Evie went back into the kitchen to give the order. I wanted to talk to her more but didn’t want to get in the way of her doing her job. The fact she had gone so long without contacting us had me worried she was one of those friends that only stick around since they’re stuck seeing you all day anyways. I gave her the benefit of a doubt and decided she was too busy with work to really care about high schoolers.
After some time, Evie brought our pizzas over on a metal tray and placed them in front of us on a cube-shaped metal holder. She smiled. “Here you go, guys. Hope you enjoy.” She walked off without waiting for a response to guide another group to their table.
Sam immediately started eating. He said, “This is actually really good,” with some cheese hanging out of his mouth.
I took a bite of my own. The oils and grease mixed well with the meaty texture of the mushrooms.
Portobellos, probably.
I finished my first slice.
Then a second.
I tried for a third but was stopped by a familiar pain in my chest.
Here? Not now…
I lurched out of my seat and ran to the clearly marked restroom while covering my mouth, hoping that nothing had come out. I locked the door and shut myself off from the outside world, releasing the coagulated white mass that built up inside of me into the toilet bowl. The chalky sludge writhed in the bowl which made me retch and throw up on top of it. I couldn’t bear to look at my creation and flushed it down without a second thought or consideration. I drank from the sink to try and wash out the bitter taste in my mouth. The painful glare of the light had me wincing as I checked my mouth and teeth with my fingers, not bothering to look in a mirror. I closed my eyes and tried to recompose myself but was startled by the rattling of the knob.
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“Occupied!” I yelled.
A man replied, “My apologies.”
I waited a couple minutes before turning off the light and opening the door. The inquisitor from the bar stood in front of me with a glossy ceramic mask concealing his entire face. His fake wings blocked the natural light from the windows and left me in his shadow.
“You okay, boy? You aren’t looking too good.”
I bluntly said, “I ate too much. It’s a bit of a mess in there.”
“Ah.” The inquisitor stepped aside. “I’ll use the other one, then.”
I walked past him but was stopped by him placing a hand on my shoulder. I stared at him without saying anything and he eventually let go.
Back at the booth, Evie and Sam were talking. She had already boxed up our leftovers and was handing Sam a check. I said, “I got it,” and took it from her.
Sam asked, “You okay, Eli? You ran off pretty quick and were gone a bit.”
“Seems I got a bit of an upset stomach.”
He gave an unsure chuckle. “Happens to me sometimes. I’m lactose intolerant.”
I pulled out my wallet and handed Evie more than enough cash to cover the bill and tip. She went to the register on the front counter and counted the money.
I said to Sam, “I’m taking you home. Not feeling well today.”
He frowned but gave a nod and picked up the boxes for me.
As we were leaving, Evie asked, “What about your change?”
“Keep it,” I said and left the building.
“Wow, thanks! Hope to see y’all again soon!”
❦ ❦ ❦
I went straight home after dropping Sam off. I was preparing a glass of water when I heard the distinct creaking of someone walking on the wooden floorboards in the back of the house. My initial thought was that Rosa had come home briefly, though the pacing of steps seemed anxious and unsure. I downed a garlic capsule with water to help my body deal with any unexpelled remnants of chimeric fungus inside of me. The sounds of someone moving around had stopped as I gagged at the awful taste, and so I went about the house to see what was going on. Each room was unexpectedly empty, even the closet which functioned as a portal to Rosa’s office was normal and bare. The last room I checked was my own where I found Beth laying on my bed, her head leaning over the edge with her hair touching the floor. She looked at me upside down and smiled, apparently pleased with herself for making a mess of the sheets.
Without any hesitation or consideration for her home invasion, she said, “You’re home early.”
“What are you doing in my room?” I asked, a bit furious.
Beth rolled over on her stomach. “Waiting for something good to happen.”
“Then wait in the living room—not in my bed.”
Beth quickly and inhumanely contorted her body to slide off the sheets and into a standing position in front of me. “Wait a second.” She then grabbed my face, forcing my jaw open, and examined my mouth. I grabbed her wrist to make her stop but she was much stronger and sturdier than I. “What’s up with this gooey stuff on your teeth?”
“Spores. Get too close and the chimeric fungus will start growing inside you.”
Beth gave me some distance and grimaced. “And you just go around like that?”
“I’m not going anywhere except to bed… I’d prefer that you leave.”
“Fine, but I better not be infected with some weird shit. Seems like something you should warn people about ahead of time, freak.”
“It was a joke. But I’d really appreciate it if you left. Sorry.”
Beth sighed. “Whatever.” She soon left my home altogether, leaving me in silence as I got ready to sleep my ailment and frustration off.
I had only slept a couple hours when a knock on my door roused me awake. It was Rosa who looked at me with a gentle smile before sitting at my desk. “Everything okay?” she asked. “Beth told me you weren’t feeling well.”
I turned over on the bed to face her. “I had another episode while I was eating in public.”
“Did anyone see anything?”
“No. There was an inquisitor there, though. He stopped me for a moment but didn’t really say anything. I figured he was a little buzzed and didn’t care to confront me.”
“An inquisitor…? Did he say his name?”
I shook my head. “He was wearing a white mask and cherub wings, if it helps.”
“Interesting… I’ll go looking for him tonight.”
“Are you going to kill him?”
Rosa laughed. “If it’s who I think it is then there’s no need. Still, you have to be careful. Your body is rejecting itself and there may come a time when the fungus takes over completely.”
I turned on my back and placed my pillow over my head. I was tired. Empty. I knew the risks of living as I did but was not yet ready to face that inevitability.
The bed shook as Rosa sat next to me. Now at my side, she looked down at me with a serious look. “You said you wanted to live as a human—that it’s the only life you’ve ever known. It’s up to you what you do with that life, no one else. The time is coming for your irresponsibility to end, however, as your biology demands it. I am with you whatever you choose, but you must choose; else others will make the decision for you.”
I sat up and looked Rosa in the eyes. We didn’t often talk about the fact that I’m a chimera. I didn’t want to think of the future consequences—though a question did come to mind: “Becoming a real human… is that even possible for me?”
“You’re near indiscernible now, Elliot. Anything more would require a great amount of magic, and even then, it would only be an illusion. You can already live as a human and even have a family as one.”
I thought over her words. “A family?” I asked, unsure of her meaning.
“All your parts work normally, you know. You could have a child and it would be no different than if you were human… and they would be your mother’s biological grandchildren. Hm…” Rosa paused and looked away. “But you’d be leaving them in a way similar to how she left you.”
To have a family—a normal family—was always my wish. I knew it was unwise considering my existence, but there was always that hope inside of me. It wasn’t a matter of reproduction, but one of genuinely wanting to love and be loved unconditionally. And in a way, that desire alone was selfish enough to be a sin.
Rosa tapped me twice on the chest. “Take the day off tomorrow even if you feel better. Call me if you need me.” She went towards the door. “Oh, and Beth wanted to know what’s wrong with you. I didn’t tell her… But maybe you should.”
Rosa left me in complete darkness. I thought about getting up and drinking some more water, but a sudden drowsiness came over me and sent me back to sleep. And the usual silence of my unconsciousness was replaced with the sound of a distant hum.
❦ ❦ ❦
I found myself in a monochrome city, a reflection of Sorrow clean and devoid of any people or nature; my body the only thing with any hint of color. I wandered the city without aim or guidance, the endless gray buildings shifted to form a city unknown to me. Lost deep within the concrete jungle which surrounded me, I spotted a white creature which lumbered through the streets on a mass of root-like tentacles. It turned to me, its face flat like a mask with eight eyes. As I approached, the gangling mass of tentacles below the creature started to wrap around itself, forming two legs and arms, and taking on a more human shape.
I spoke out loud and asked, “Who are you?”
“I am you,” the creature replied.
The voice in my head, my human self, and a persona derived from the chimeric fungus. They are what makes me. But we were not alone in that endless city. Other minds began to form from the roots leaking out of the buildings, almost consumed by white mycelium, and covered in fungal growths. At first their voices were no more than whispers, but soon it became a simple song, a hum which overpowers the sense of self. My other self then pointed up at the sky. It was pitch black with nothing but the moon hanging above us. Stars began to form in the night, but they were much closer than the moon itself. My eyes adjusted to see that the distant lights were actually eyes belonging to a gargantuan serpent covering the sky with its long, twisting body.
“Leviathan,” I said, instinctively knowing that it was also a part of me, and I it.
And in response, the moon then cracked open, revealing the leviathan’s mouth surrounded by furious, fleshy tendrils. It was clear to me, then, that the chimeric leviathan wanted to know all, be all, and consume all, as had been done to it by my ancestors. An ancient prisoner who desired only sleep, twisted by the constant song of the gestalt consciousness. I, too, was about to be consumed as my fungal self reached out to grab me. But I stumbled back and fell through the world into a dark nothingness. Alone. And feeling nothing at all.
As it should be.