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Raccoon's Gardening Guide
Chapter 23 - The RPBGB

Chapter 23 - The RPBGB

“You guys are never gonna believe it.”

“What?”

“I used my Samurai privileges to check the city’s records, and there’s nothing. They’re as clueless as us!”

“Not even a name?”

“Nope, nothing!”

“Damn… is Dr Williams just crazy?”

“Who cares! He said there are raccoons in the city! Operation Trash Bandit Tracking is a go!”

--A conversation between Newtonian and her classmates, Jan 2032.

I find the Six waiting in a small courtyard between two blocky concrete buildings before I join the next street over, surrounded by six Threes, each standing beside one of the large bony command bush’s legs.

‘GorillaBomb.’

I fling the two knives Cyon gives me at the two dogs furthest forward, watching them swell up and burst, spraying their infected flesh on their nearby companions. The Six shudders and frantically shakes its two front legs to try and remove the entrails of its minions.

The constant flickering hum coming from the large creature wavers, and the Threes beneath it stagger away, dropping their guard duty as they try to scrape away the blue and red dyed flesh melting holes in them.

I dart forward, unnoticed thanks to Sim, and slip under the truck-sized plant. My arms lash out, ripping flesh from the inside of the xeno’s remaining legs and filling it with my lovely bacteria.

I have to jump out from under the plant as its legs give way, dropping its spasming torso to the ground. I make quick work of the remaining Threes before turning my attention to the Six as its convulsing stops and it goes still.

“So, what am I-“ I stop as I notice a faint, shimmering string protruding from the plant’s forehead. “Never mind. Does this lead to the Seventeen?”

Yes. That is a Seventeen’s command fibre. You should have sufficient visual acuity to track it back to the source if you focus and move quickly.

“Move fast?”

As if to answer my question, the string suddenly goes taut, catching the light and standing out in my vision like a sore thumb for a moment before it snaps, disconnecting from the dead Six and quickly shooting deeper into the alley.

Move fast.

I run after the string, straining my eyes to pick out the slight shimmering line standing out in the shadowy backstreet and not letting it leave my gaze. I run into two Threes before I leave the alley, but my claws make quick work of them, and I’m soon charging out onto a new street skidding to a halt as my head drifts to the right, following the string up the street further in the direction we were originally heading before we ran into a horde.

There are dozens of plants filing through the street, ducking into connecting alleyways to approach the battlefield where my Siblings are gleefully scattering explosives.

And wow do I mean gleefully. The bubbling happiness pouring into the back of my mind, occasionally joined by excited chirps, is almost distracting.

I shake my head to clear the useless thoughts and race after the string, slashing several plants as I pass to help thin their numbers. I notice a few other strings catching the light as I move, but most of them continue down the alleys towards the main battlefield, so I ignore them and keep searching for the source.

The string bends around a corner and I follow it, running face first into a Six standing in the middle of the street, humming commands to keep a sizable contingent of plants under control, standing around it in an obviously defensive formation.

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There are three Fives in the group, two of them facing me, and the rest is made up of a few dozen Threes, Fours, and even a few Ones circling above.

The string floats towards the Six, before dipping below the crowd of plants, hiding from my view.

‘What does a Seventeen look like?’

A Three with more eyes.

‘Under the Six then?’

Most likely.

‘Perfect.’

I scan the crowd, trying to find a point to slip through unnoticed, but my brow quickly furrows. I can’t see a single spot with enough space to pass through without touching one of the plants. Unlike the horde attacking my siblings, these Antithesis are standing close together calmly, so I’m certain they’ll notice if I start trying to thin their numbers to get through too.

“Tsk,” I quietly click my tongue, making a nearby Three’s head snap towards me.

The doggo slowly approaches me, dropping its muzzle to the ground and sniffing, but I ignore it for a moment.

‘Gimmie something to make a distraction.’

A big grey tube suddenly spawns above me, startling me and the Three sniffing around. I grab the tube, noticing a handle halfway along, pointed down with a small red button against my index finger when I grip it.

Aim for the Six.

I point the tube forward, my eyes widening slightly when a red crosshair appears in the distance, stuck to the side of a Three.

My free hand snaps out, decapitating the doggo that leaps at me as I adjust my aim, placing the floating red mark on the Six’s head. I press the button, and the tube lets out a dull thwomp as a rocket flies out, drawing a line of fire between me and the big plant.

My ears perk up as I wait for the boom, but instead, the projectile slams into the plant’s bony head and vanishes, burrowing a hole straight into it.

My tail droops slightly and I let out a small, disappointed sigh before lowering myself and preparing to charge into the crowd when they lose cohesion, dropping the empty rocket tube to the ground beside me.

I take two quick steps before a sharp crack forces my ears flat against my head, and I watch the Six erupt in a fountain of red and blue gunk that violently sizzles whenever it comes into contact with the surrounding plants.

My tail flickers back and forth behind me, and my grin stretches wide. Okay, maybe I can’t judge my siblings. That was fun!

The closest plants charge towards me, unable to see me but able to see the discarded rocket tube, but the well-organised formation breaks in the process, opening several paths through the carnage to the bubbling Six corpse.

I race forward, carving deep gashes into several plants as I pass and search for the Seventeen.

I decapitate snapping Threes, tear stray tentacles from enraged Fours, and I even rip open a Five’s belly as I move through the bunched-up plants, but I don’t see anything resembling a Three with extra eyes.

“Cyon! Where the fuck is it!” I cry in frustration as my stomach grumbles angrily and I drop my invisibility.

It would appear the RPBGB killed the Model Seventeen with its initial detonation. There was a noticeable drop in the cohesion of the Antithesis attacking your siblings when it went off.

I slide under a Four and drive my arm up into it, tearing out a bundle of nerves before rising to my feet and kicking away another Three. I throw the Four’s flesh in the doggo’s eyes, distracting it for a moment as I close the distance and rake my long, bladed claws over its face.

“You could have told me that!”

I leap on a Nine trying to blend into the melting corpses, ripping chunks out of it as Cyon replies with a judgemental tone.

You could have checked with your siblings yourself.

A Three’s jaws close around my ankle as I stand up, and several Ones swoop down to nip at me at the same time, distracting me from what Cyon said.

I’m definitely not just ignoring her.

Not at all.

The Three’s teeth scratch my skin a little, but it can barely push through Sim now that they aren’t using their mass to hide Spot.

It doesn’t take me long to finish my chaotic dance through the shrubbery, scattering the scent of cut grass as the corpses of the small Models build up around me. Not even the slightly larger Fives stand a chance, joining the corpses with their heads shredded after foolishly focusing on removing the burning liquid from the RPBGB while I attack them.

“What does RPBGB even mean?” I ask Cyon, panting for breath as my gaze scans the quiet street, trying to work out if there are any more Nines moving among the bodies.

Rocket Propelled Burrowing GorillaBomb.

“Of course it does.”

I stomp on a squirming tentacle and let out a sigh as I feel my siblings’ energy decreasing too. The excitement from the fight fades, giving way to an aching soreness in my stomach and several nagging pains from a dozen-odd small injuries covering my body.

“I’m hungry,” I grumble, rubbing a hand between the gashes on my ribs and my empty belly.

An energy bar appears, and I quickly snatch it out of the air. The packaging has a cute cartoon raccoon wearing a chef’s hat, chopping up what looks to be chocolate.

Eat this Nutri Bar for now, and I would advise you to meet up with your siblings. They have been making the most noise, so they are still dealing with the stragglers now, and they are running low on munitions.

I nod, peeling open the packaging and taking a bite from the soft chocolate inside. It melts in my mouth, giving way to the small nuts and fruity jelly bursts held within.

My tail sways cheerfully behind me as I set off towards the faint explosions still going off in the distance.

[{So, how’s it looking?}]