After Charlie had come to the rescue and saved Li, with of all things some kind of spectral surgeon, Biz figured that xyr day was destined to become more relaxed. Unfortunately, as with all things in Biz’s life as of late xyr day had not calmed down at all.
Indeed, instead of a metaphorical victory lap, Biz was instead standing arms outstretched between a giant glowing spider and a very angry ghost. By getting directly in the way, xe had enabled a stalemate for now, but it was hard to work out what the issue actually was. Biz thought for a second whilst the two glowered at each other, judging by the specifics that the ghostly doctor was screaming at the giant spider, Jack had said something she had interpreted as transphobic. Jack for his part seemed to be ranting about the evils of necromancy, though he was using some very exotic and confusing words.
Xe flexed xyr lab coat dramatically and raised xyr voice, flicking the lights on and off with the remote hidden in xyr pocket as xe did so.
“Listen up Chucklefucks!”
The pair stopped arguing to glare at Biz as xe continued.
“Jack, she didn’t ask to be raised from the dead, but she’s the only formally trained doctor we have on the street so shut your face. And YOU...”
Biz turned his back to the quivering spider as xe swung to face the furious ghost.
“And you need to take a second – Jack’s not a transphobe, he’s a paladin or some shit. Fucking idiot says you’re Not a Real Woman because of some meta-physical bullcrap, not because your trans. Damn near most of the street is you moron.”
Biz stood and glared at the two, xyr eyes burning into the pair with an anger bordering on rage.
The ghost mumbled under her breath before exploding into yelling as Biz raised an eyebrow at the barely audible muttering.
“FINE, I’m sorry alright! But he is still trying to kill me! Or re-kill me? Whatever. The spider’s a dickhead and should fuck off is my point.”
Biz considered xyr options and turned back to Jack.
“Jack, can you explain to me what exactly the problem is with having a ghost around? She just saved Li’s life and frankly I think that deserves some kind of respect.”
Jack nodded slowly, and Biz supressed the urge to flinch as the enormous arachnid began to speak, his mouth twitching as it contorted around the familiar human syllables.
“Ghosts, like all undead, emit a constant stream of corrosive necromantic energies. As our young friend Al has demonstrated, such corruption is the antithesis of organic life. If she stays, the energy will kill you. She will kill us all.”
Biz frowned – that was an annoyingly good reason, though xe did seem something of a flaw in Jack's logic.
“Well, surely we have a solution to this already? You mention Al, but it now has its support reptile; Bitey I think their name was. Surely Bitey can just nip over every now and again to drain this corruption?”
The Doctor, Penelope as she’d introduced herself, tensed, her ghostly eyes alight with hope as Jack considered, his carapace creaking as he swayed with consideration. After a long, fraught pause the spider stared into Biz’s eyes and nodded slowly.
“That…could be an acceptable solution.. But be warned if she does not do this, I WILL cleanse this place of her spirit. Such corruption cannot be permitted to exist unchecked.”
Biz sighed in relief as Jack skittered from the building, the loose bags that passed for his clothing flapping behind him as he made his way through the too narrow doors of the street.
Having successfully dealt with Jack, Biz turned back to the spectre floating behind xem.
“So… err, I’m grabbing a coffee. Do you want a-are you able to drink coffee?”
Penelope just shrugged and Biz frowned at her, somewhat startled by the nonplussed response. Biz considered what xe knew about ghosts with a shudder as xe walked to the staff lounge cum kitchen.
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Xe idly began to fill the kettle as xe considered what xe had seen in the last few hours. At a surface level her physical behaviour was alarmingly inconsistent, with the crux of the issue being there seemed to be two sets of rules to her "physical” form.
There was her base level intangibility where she was unaffected by gravity and could move with ease much as one would expect for a ghost, but then there was the fact that occasionally she seemed to be so solid and physics-abiding to seem essentially human, albeit a somewhat transparent one.
Biz flipped the kettle onto boil as xe followed the train of thought, Penelope hadn't dropped the bandages nor did the salve drip through her incorporeal fingers as she tended to Li, so it was unlikely to be pure chance which dictated the change. Biz considered for a second as xe watched her slump loudly into a chair and sulkily tap her feet as she waited – the noise she was making was quite real and certainly deliberate. It seemed like she was only obeying the laws of reality when it suited her, Biz snorted at the thought, not that reality was consistent on the street. Especially of late.
Was it some kind of quantum placebo effect where physics only worked when she was paying attention to it? Biz pondered the thought as the kettle began to whistle, not for the first time xe wished xe could still get in touch with xyr old social circle. The input of a Nobel prize-winning physicist or two would have helped clarify Biz’s theory no end.
Xe considered the lack of expertise further as xe filled a couple of cups with boiling brown liquid and headed to the awaiting ghost who took the cup from xyr hand before xe could object.
As Biz watched the streets only doctor pour coffee through her transparent jaw only to splash onto the ground, xe reflected that xe should probably sign up for a therapist again. Not that finding one who was both competent and believed in ghosts was going to be an easy task.
A faint knock at the door interrupted the silence of contemplation as Al arrived, knocking an ash smeared hand against the open door of the lab before shouting in.
“Hey Biz, you there? I came as soon as I could, Mr Jack said I should come over with Bitey for a matter: Of deepest Importance!” Al exaggerated its voice as it spoke the last phrase, pulling on its larynx in a disconcerting commitment to the raspy, spider-like voice it produced.
“Sorry I’m a bit late, I got distracted by that Lord and Dame couple, they wanted me to give you this.”
Al waved a thin slip of paper towards Biz’s outstretched hand, barely avoiding Bitey’s lunging maw as it passed the paper to its intended recipient.
Biz for xyr part considered it for a moment before scrunching it into a ball and throwing it to the little dragon who snatched it out of the air with visible joy as Al watched in horror.
“Biz! That was a government document! You can’t just feed it to my pet dragon!”
Bitey chewed the paper in adamant disagreement as Biz shrugged at the younger enby.
“Grow up Al, I doubt they are even from the same universe as either of us – They have no right to do anything other than fuck off.”
Biz continued before Al could object, quickly derailing its typical pro-governance arguments before it could get started.
“Anyways, remember that’s not why you’re here, you’re here because…. Mr? Jack wanted you to see if you could get Bitey to eat up the residue magic…err”
Biz struggled to recall the spider-paladin’s words for a moment before giving up.
“…the residue magical crap…”
Al drummed its fingers against Bitey's head as it considered, narrowly avoiding their snapping jaws as the eager lizard attempted to chew off Al's fingertips. Biz resisted the urge to laugh -the little lizard was quite literally biting the hand that fed them.
“Yeah, they can do that, can’t you Bitey!”
Biz watched as Al picked up the cat-ish dragonling with both hands and whispered something into the reptile’s ear. At its words, Bitey went stock still for a moment, the chewed lump of paper dropping from their open mouth as a ball of greyish slime. A moment later, the lizard was on the move scuttling around the lab with their tongue out as they lapped up something.
It took Biz a moment to notice what Bitey was eating, but as they moved through the area it was as though a hazy greyness lifted from the air, a darkness which when expelled left biz feeling more alive and energetic than xe had all day.
Biz turned back to the ghostly doctor with a grin splitting xyr face only to find her staring into a nearby window. The darkness behind the street barely visible through her as she nodded her head distractedly, her eyes distant as she gazed into the endless darkness. Unperturbed Biz stuck the kettle back on and began to work out a schedule with Al that would keep the lingering corruption at bay.
~~~
All the while, In the darkness of the void unobserved by no living eye, Lord and Dame float, their perfect hair drifting halo-like around them, briefcases clutched in clammy hands as their lifeless bodies are dissected and analysed by the intellects beyond the street.
As the bodies were examined and conclusions drawn, the systems that made up the Collective began to panic, as the network devolved. Its orderly lines collapsed into a mesh of alerts and alarms, each racing through the network as for the first time the Collective struggled to reach a majority agreement on their next course of action.
Microseconds stretched into seconds, seconds into minutes before a single intellect broke through the static, their message processed and agreed unanimously in a great desperate wave of acceptance.
“…The Kings’s agents have returned …Diplomacy – will fail…Democracy-has failed …Unity is required…I will force unity…I will determine the course until this issue is resolved…”