Al put down its needle and thread as the strange knocking filled its living room, pausing breifly to watch Bitey run backwards and forwards manically Al cocked its head and listened. Knocking. Particularly weird knocking, no one it had ever met knocked to the tune of God save the King. It was weird Al thought, but weird was the norm now. It wondered if that was a bad thing or not, but just shrugged and went to the door instead of thinking about it further. Who even knew what normal was nowadays, more importantly, it was rude to keep people waiting outside, what would its parents think!

Besides, it was probably just Stevie. Al had not interacted with a dryad personally, but it suspected they did all sorts of weird things. As it pondered the weirdness of creatures that it had once thought fictional, Al pulled the door open and was surprised to find instead two normal human people stood in the entrance way. An unknown black suited couple, each holding a polished tan leather briefcase in one hand, and a thick black clipboard in the other.

The taller one spoke as the door swung open, his voice hard and unyielding. His demeanour clipped and professional as he channeled an authority born of a thousand generations of refined aristocracy.

“You may call me Lord, and my associate here Dame. We are from her majesty’s Dragon Regulatory Body. We sent notice of our imminent arrival yesterday.”

Al flinched as it heard Bitey fall off the table, and the smell of acrid smoke spilled out from behind it. The one who called herself Dame raised an eyebrow and tutted as she made a note on her clipboard.

Its mind racing, Al considered slamming the door in the duo’s face, it had had no ‘notice of imminent arrival’ that it recalled! As its outrage at the pompous duo built, Al struggled to align its proper British upbringing, and its instinct to get rid of the highly suspect visitors as quickly as possible. Sadly, before Al could resolve this internal conflict, the one which called himself Lord stepped forwards and placed a polished black shoe across the threshold, blocking the door from closing.

Al’s frown deepened as Lord stared passively into its eyes, and unsure of what else to do Al stepped aside to allow the duo into its home. Lord stepped through immediately, radiating a mixture of open contempt and smug superiority as his eyes took in the quaint details of the room, the homemade furnishings, worn rug, and badly chewed up shoes. Having assessed their victim and gained entry, the man circled Al predatorily, gazing at Bitey with hungry eyes as the tiny lizard scuttled behind Al quaking in fear.

Feeling the anxious little creature trembling against its leg spurred something paternal in Al, and it steeled itself, forcing itself into a state of bristly protectiveness as it addressed the clipboard wielding woman.

“Well, Dame, why are you both here? I’m a busy enby with commissions to do, whereas you are some randomly odd individuals who have made their way into my home and seem intent to harass my pet!”

Dame’s professional facade cracked for a moment as she speared Al with a look of intense acrid dislike for a moment before the blank inhuman mask slid back into place. Poise returned, she sat down at the table and without permission or preamble swept Al's newest commission off onto the floor. As Al watched, she placed the tan briefcase carefully on the now cleared table, opened it with a soft click and began to look inside. As the soft sound of rustling papers filling the room Al considered interrupting again, but a sharp look from Lord stopped it short. Who were these people that they felt they could walk into its home and take charge? How did these people's calm, silent presence feel so intensely aggressive that Al could barely interact with them?

Al’s wandering thoughts were cut short as the briefcase clicked shut with a snap, and Dame began to talk, her voice as hard, unyielding, and arrogant as her compatriot.

“Well M…” She paused and exchanged a look of mutual disgust with her compatriot as she enunciated the title with scorn. “Mix... Al Smyth. We are here because an investigation has been raised regarding the illegal import of both exotic creatures and weaponry onto the lands of our fair country.”

The pair smiled wide, toothy smiles and Al could swear it heard a faint melody echoing around her words as she waved a thin slip of paper towards it and Bitey, who lunged forwards to take a chunk out of what they had assessed was some kind of thin, flat shoe. As the Bitey leaped, Dame moved with surprising speed, her arm a blur as she snatched the file away from the tiny dragon and slapped it against Al’s chest in a single sharp action.

Lord smirked and moved towards the door, gesturing with one hand for Dame to follow. She nodded in return, and the pair left without another word. The door shut behind them with a soft click as Al stood shellshocked, the sheet of paper hanging limply in its hand. Still dazed, Al considered for a second the idea of just feeding the sheet into the salivating mouth of Bitey and calling it a day. After a second of soul searching, and much to its regret, it decided that it had enough problems without annoying the most recent mystery to turn up at its door.

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

Resolved to at least read it, Al took a deep breath and scanned the slip of paper, immediately its blood begin to boil. It was nothing more than a blatant threat. Al closed its eyes and attempted to calm itself, taking a moment to consider the problem as objectively as it could. It wasn’t like with its taxes, where it had been a matter of legal loopholes and specificity. No, this was different – They had no legal basis for their complaint, so all Al needed was to give them proof that Bitey was not a monstrous bat thing, but an adorable, lovable pet and it knew just the person to help it.

A moment later Al was outside Bitey by its side. It looked around carefully to confirm that the duo had been moved away by the drift as the street shifted. They were, and happy to find them gone, Al considered the sky to figure out the current layout of the street. The normal landmarks were there, the shadowy outlines of distant buildings, but also something else, the distant echo of a new building maybe? It didn't look very impressive, just a shadowy outline of an office building maybe, a blunt slab of grey cutting across the sky.

Al considered the oddity for a second, it was likely something to do with those new visitors, maybe something to do with how they got there. There hadn't been any drift quakes to signal a building's arrival, so they must have gotten there some other way. Al walked down the street as it pondered the thought, maybe they were fireproof and had walked in through the post office portal or something. It would have to ask Red if that could be possible at some point.

Eventually it found itself before the tan household none the wiser and Al knocked on Charlie’s door with one hand idly stroking the dry scales of Bitey back as it waited for Charlie, or Li, to answer it.

As it waited, something in Al’s mind clicked. A DOOR. The shape in the sky was no office block, no mysterious obelisk, but a door drawn amongst the shadows cast by the street's hazy dual suns. Filled with an unlikely calm and quiet certainty Al reached towards it, green necromantic energies oozing to the surface of its skin instinctively as it stretched with body and mind towards the shadowy door.

For a second it succeeded; It felt the cool smoothness of the metal under its fingers. It felt the door begin to open and giveaway under its touch, a sense of power and control flowing into its fingertips.

A second later and it was gone, the connection severed, and Al was left reaching towards the sky as Charlie watched, eyebrow raised from the now open doorway. Returning to awareness of its surroundings Al watched as the sickly green energy faded from its limbs, drawn spaghetti like into the awaiting maw of Bitey, the merry little lizard slurping up the crackling green energy with glee.

Charlie snapped a finger in front of Al’s face. "Is that meant to happen?"

Al shrugged and tried to shake away the sense of dazed brain fogginess that permeated it. After a moment of piercing looks Charlie gave up, shrugged back, and indicated for Al and Bitey to come inside.

Once inside the sensation seemed to clear and Al felt more itself again. Al Paused, no It felt better - more clear minded and alert than it had in days. It looked at Bitey suspiciously, but the tiny dragon had fallen into a deep slumber post magical snack.

Charlie absentmindedly scratched the scar on his chest as he tried to get Al to turn its attention back to them. “So, weird magical lightshow aside ya gonna tell me why you’re here?”

Al flushed, its skin moving from milky white to deep pink as the barely clothed Scotsman waved their fingers in front of its face.

“Oh… yeah… of course, err I, I mean we got visited by a very weird pair earlier, called themselves Lord and Dame and didn’t like Bitey one bit, they even gave me this thing throwing shade at them!”

Al petted Bitey affectionately as it handed the bit of paper to Charlie. “They claim that this little twit is in violation of both exotic pet and weaponry laws in the kingdom of Great Britain! We aren’t even in Britain! Err, probably? And besides, this doesn’t even have any laws listed. It’s just a threat to have them removed!”

Charlie scratched his stubble with one hand and read the offered paper.

“Bitey? Oh, the lizard has a name now – love the name and glad your get’in along! Li was super worried."

He paused to scratch the side of his head, their grin turning to one of puzzlement.

"I can see why this t’would be a problem, but what you want me to do? I don’t know any legal stuff – why don’t ya ask Sai?” He paused and gave Al an exaggerated grin.

“Unless you wanna video series on the little dude! Their adorable! I bet with a good script and some camera work I can make 'em a real hit! Make the little guy a de'facta internet sensation!”

Al nodded at them seriously. “That’s the plan, As I see it the suits don’t really have a case to take Bitey, it’s a PR move. So it you make some noise and make them seem all lovable and such then they’ll just give up!...err...or something?””

Charlie grinned and clapped his hands together. “Well, I was jokin, but honestly sounds super fun! - I'm In!”

Their forehead creased as he concentrated, and Al watched in horror as Charlies arm split apart with a click and whirl of gears. As the whirling increases, the freckled skin moved apart, allowing the metallic pieces within to slot together and form a glossy digital video camera in the palm of his hand. Unable to look away, Al spotted the charge cable threading it's way under Charlie's skin and feeling suddenly faint, resolved to focus on something - anything else instead.

Charlie ever oblivious began issuing directions to the sleeping dragon and their enby owner as he pointed the camera at the confused duo.

"Right folks! Hope you’re ready, let’s git started on take one of...Bitey The friendly Dragon.”