I was right. It was a theme song.

A loud, obnoxious orchestra of electric guitar riffs and tyrannical drumming. Mixed with a series of vocals in Japanese.

The source was soon visible from the windows after the spotlights had descended a bit more.

The machine was enormous. Easily twice the size of the biggest helicopters I'd ever seen on TV or in documentaries. It had four different rotors attached to four different limbs. Each one sporting eight blades that cut through the air at blinding speeds.

Its main hull was painted a deep, stylized blue with streaks of black and violet. Drawn to imitate the azure scales of a dragon and lightning bolts leaping from the spot where its jaws were plastered.

The music was coming from two different speakers placed over the spots where ears had been painted and he spot where the eyes should have been hosted the spotlights that had so thoroughly blinded me just seconds earlier.

All in all, the vehicle looked like an oversized children's toy. One that had somehow managed to get past the design phase, where any real engineer would have laughed themselves senseless before asking the designers if they'd been smoking meth.

I couldn't help but think that the answer was yes.

Just as I was thinking that, a single man came out of the dragon-copter. Flanked on both sides by half a dozen beautiful women in very revealing outfits. A slightly gaunt figure trailing just behind him.

'Wait a second. I know that guy...'

I narrowed my eyes.

'Is that...?'

It was.

Slitpipes McGee himself. Trailing behind the confident man with his dog Cindy by his side.

As for the man himself...

Well...

He was weird.

He wore a long, unbuttoned bright blue trench coat with the same dragon scale pattern as the helicopter. Purple lightning bolts running down the length of it as if being carried from the sky and towards the earth.

On his face was a pair of bronze sunglasses that reflected the light from the surroundings. The tips of it being far too large and far too long for a human head. Both of them poking out like swords on either side of his face.

It would have looked kinda cool...

If the shirt underneath the trench coat didn't have a cartoon of a skull with glowing red eyes. That one detail pushed the ensemble into the territory of cringy edge lords.

Which sucked because the dragon-copter looked freaking awesome.

I watched from the windows as the man came closer and closer. Sauntering past the front doors and disappearing into the hotel. Slitpipes McGee still in tow with his dog.

Less then two minutes later, he was up here on the second floor of the attached venue. Pushing past the glass double doors and leaving sodden footprints all over the nice rugs.

His entourage had also grown in the brief moments he'd been out of sight. A veritable swarm of reporters swarmed his person now. Like hornets around their queen. Their questions drowning each other out until they all came across as incomprehensible buzzing.

The man in the trench coat made it to the middle of the hall before stopping. His feet moving further apart as he took a wide stance and threw out his chest.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" He began. "Know that I, the majestic genius Ryuji Hanamura! Have figured out the secret to the super foods being peddled in our markets!"

He looked down and held covered his face with his left hand. Running his fingers through his shoulder length black hair while he pointed towards the sky with his right hand.

"Hear me now! Magic is real! And I can prove it!"

No one moved.

No one said a thing.

So that the only sounds echoing through the venue were the clicking of cameras and the soft, happy panting of Cindy the German shepherd as she stood next to Slitpipes McGee.

Then, suddenly, a soft light began shining out of the man's index finger. Small sparks of electricity running through it before leaping out and dancing through the air. Connecting with forks and knives and spoons and lifting them up until they hovered.

Then, the bits of metal started rotating around him. Slowly at first, before picking up speed.

"Look at this! Stare all you like! And know that all the rumors are true! I was at Alaska for a hunting trip! I fought the plant monsters there with the firefighters and the police! I helped save the town and for my efforts, I and all the other heroes were rounded up and shoved into discreet facilities so the American government could study us!"

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

He three off his bronze sunglasses with his left hand. His right still pointing up.

His eyes were crackling now too. Leaking electricity and donning a violent, violet hue.

"I escaped to let you all know! And I soon found out that I could sense the power known as Magic! I used all my family's wealth to search the world for similar signatures and soon found them! In the fruits and the vegetables being sold by Carlyle Robertson-shi!"

The right hand then pointed straight at the old man.

"You found a way to use Magic to grow the food you serve to people for outrageous prices! That's why your crops flourish while all others die! That's why they make people so crazy for them! That's why I can sense the same power on you now!"

He paused top glance over the room.

"You! And your son! And your great granddaughter! And that gorilla-san you brought here! They all have Magic! And I know where you're getting the Magic from! Thanks to my comrade in arms! A man who survived the green bear just like me! The Magic Ranger Slitpipes McGee-san!"

My jaw hit the floor. So did Elsie's and James' for that matter.

The man did not notice. Instead, he gestured towards the older, toothless man behind him.

"Tell them Slitpipes-san!"

"Yes sireee! It's me! Slitpipes McGee!" The other man spoke. Though only after running forwards and stuffing himself with a fistful of baby carrots.

"I followed them smell of them Witchycraft ya see. I can do that cause I be magic too!"

He put his fingers around his eyes and widened them by pulling his eyelids up.

"I can see them magic chemtrails in them skies and them streets! Yes sireee! I can see them or my name ain't Slitpipes McGee! Coming fer ye!"

Carlyle Robertson shook his head abruptly. As if to wake himself from a fever dream. Before then blinking rapidly and shaking his head again.

"I followed them witchycraft trails to them garage and then... I found monsters! Yes! That's right! I found them monsters just like the ones in Alaska! Only these ones were more like bug monsters! And they shot me a bunch o' times! But Slitpipes McGee, coming fer ye, is no stranger to getting shot! No siree! I grew up in them mean streets! So I knew just what to do!"

He placed both hands over his head and made to roll. Only, he didn't roll. Instead, he sort of vanished into nothingness. My magical senses failing to catch anything even as my eyes caught only faint traces of his outline.

My jaw dropped even further.

'How the fu...?'

"The weeds made us all stronger ya see! The spooky men in spooky suits can track them witchycraft with some kinds of radios or somethin. And they figured we could get stronger by eating the funny grass in the sewers under the town! The one we found after chopping down all them monster trees and such! In Alaska!"

He smacked his lips with his tongue.

Loudly.

"After they popped out and we put them down! The ones up top got little powers, but the ones who ate a lot of them weeds got strong powers! Yes siree! It's all true or my name ain't Slitpipes McGee!"

He chuckled madly to himself.

"That's how I saw them Magic folks appear tonight! I was keeping my one good eye out for them weirdness since I knew them food were witchycraft and such! Then, I saw them nice car popping out of thin air and I knew I had them! So I rolled away and then stayed far, far away to get proof!"

"Proof?" Carlyle muttered. Almost in a daze. "Yeah! I got a camcorder with me! Strapped to my pal Cindy! She caught the whole thing on tape and then we sent it up the cloud to Ourtube!"

The man called Ryuji nodded.

"Not only that, we've also uploaded all of our own experimentation and our findings and all the videos of us using our new Magic into Ourtube! As well as all the streaming sites we could find!"

I wanted to speak.

I tried to.

But all I could say was something along the lines of: "Uh... Oh... Hum... Bah..."

Slitpipes McGee then pointed at me.

"He's the one who went to get the food! I can smell it on him!" The man actually took a few sniffs. "In fact! I bet he grew the food! Cause his Magic smells so much like food! Yes siree! Or my name ain't Slitpipes McGee!"

Every single eye in that room had been glued to the spectacle. Now they made their way over to me.

"I... uh.... uh...I...uh...." I began. Unable to say anything else at that moment.

I turned to the other guests. My mind as thick as slurry.

Unable to really comprehend what was happening.

Then I heard the gunshot and felt a small sting in my chest. Kinda similar to how mosquito bites used to feel.

I looked down, and saw the bullet.

Then I looked up, mouth still agape, and saw one of the pretty women flanking the man called Ryuji. A smoking pistol in her hand.

"See! You all see that! Wake up people! Magic is real! And the elite have been hoarding it all to themselves!"

His voice grew louder and more furious.

"Carlyle-shi knew that his crops were the only one that would survive the rising Magic levels in the world! He knew and he didn't say anything!"

His tone was furious. Filled with righteous indignation.

"Instead, he chose to profit off the situation by selling his produce to you all! Despite knowing that people could use Magic to grow super foods if only they awakened their own Magic first! He wanted to leave you all in the dark so that he and his could rule over you like sheep!"

And his tone kept getting angrier and angrier by the second. Until he started coming across as a folk hero denouncing a corrupt lord in front of their village.

"I have proof! I have been contacted by brave souls inside his own organization! People who could not stand idly by and allow him to strangle the world! I have acquired thousands of hours worth of videos and tens of thousands of accounts on how to use Magic, how it behaves and how it affect the world! Not only that! I have acquired what see like Carlyle-shi's plans for the future!"

Oh.

Oh no.

"A future in which monsters roam free and the only people who can stand a chance against them are those who belong to his organizations or those who turn to him early on in order to get Magic for themselves!"

That was when it all made sense.

Not only to myself, but to Pool Cecil too.

'It was Casper.' He purred into my ear. 'It all fits. The people waiting to rob us. The mostly-empty streets leading us to drop our guard. The feeble-minded fool and his dog standing by where the stronger mind-readers couldn't detect him. It all fits together nicely. But only if you consider someone with the ability to teleport in and out of the town at will in order to set things up. Even if it wasn't him, he actively helped whomever was behind it.'

He was right.

Of course it was right.

It had to have been Casper.

The man in the trench coat shook both his fists in front of him.

"I have uploaded all those documents to the internet as well! And now you can also look at what he's done! He's bought out the farms of poor, desperate people from underneath them so that he could grow his own foods and enrich himself even further! He's using this gorilla-san to grow his empire on the suffering of others! Of you! Will you let this stand!? Or will you follow me into the pit where the monsters are coming from and kill monsters to get Magic for yourselves!?"

Many, many eyes turned my way.

Their answers clear on their faces.

I didn't say anything. Instead, I turned to Carlyle for guidance.

The older man looked, remarkably composed.

Almost... happy. In a strange sort of way.

Then he sighed and spoke up.

"No comment. Thank you. You can contact my attorneys or our public relations department if you need to reach me. James, Elsie, Cecil, come with me. We're leaving."