Prepper’s Dungeon Chapter 79: Life of the Party.

The first round of auctions had gone by in a blur.

Carlyle and son walking away with hundreds of millions of dollars worth of land. Almost all of it having been sold for next to nothing after several devastating crop failures. The actual implications were dire and a few of the guests in the periphery had left early. Either in a rush to leave while stomping their feet in fury or completely gripped by bouts of hysterical sobbing.

'Some of those people just lost their family farms.' I thought with no small amount of pity. 'The place they grew up in. Everything they ever had and worked for. Everything their parents left to them.'

It was a sobering truth. A cruel one too. But none of the people left in the venue seemed to care overmuch.

The actual party was much less painful than the conversation with Raymond had been.

All kinds of people were moving to and from one corner or the other. Mingling and laughing and jesting politely while helping themselves to the drinks on offer.

That, and the produce.

Mr. Raymond had spoken rather bitterly about having to pay hundreds for on of my apples, but the selection inside the actual hall was nothing if not generous. Something all the guests seemed to appreciate.

'But the people outside have not been so lucky.' I thought to myself.

Then I choked out Pool Cecil's presence.

'Hey Carlyle, when exactly are we sending in more shipments of food again?' I thought loudly.

'We're already spread thin as is.' He answered in my head. 'I have a few dozen trucks ready to come in via Casper so that the city has another oomph before we set the monsters loose, but it isn't nearly enough to feed the whole city. Not even for a day and certainly not in proportion to the demand out there. Mind you, most people who can afford to gorge themselves are eating far more than their fair share in order to stay thin and pretty.'

I winced internally.

'Look. I get it. Okay? Tell you what. This function will last a few days. Up to the 2nd of November. It's Halloween now and we're not planning for your monsters to see any kind of action yet. Set your Dungeon to produce a small ocean of food and we'll get Casper to bring it the usual way. It'll give he people a bit more Magic before all hell breaks loose and it will probably improve the Cores they get.'

Well, that wasn't much in the grand scheme of things, but it was something.

I noticed him focusing on another conversation and I allowed my own mind to drift again.

It was nice to see so many people enjoying themselves. It was nicer to see that almost none of the meat dishes or the desserts had been touched.

For once in the history of buffets, the fruits and vegetables reigned supreme. Even now, half an hour in, guests were still going over every new dish being brought in like chickens around feeders. Clucking and bouncing their way to the apples and sliced melons and mashed potatoes with sides of peas.

The two older men had said that poison was very much still on the table for this event, but that didn’t seem to be the case so far.

What's more, my level 3 hearing let me pick up more or less every conversation going around as if I were standing right next to the people speaking. All I had to do was focus on a specific pair or group and tune out the rest. Though that approach came with mixed results.

"I swear dear. Dr. Nguyen was right all along. I really should have started adding more fiber to my diet much sooner." A slightly pudgy man spoke from his spot beside one of the buffet tables. His hands grabbing more broccoli as the words left his mouth.

"Darling, you called Dr. Nguyen a quack when he told you to lay off the steaks." The woman next to him cooed. "And you threatened to shoot him. After you went on and on about how you wouldn't eat cabbage because crickets made love in and on top of them. Then you called him a pervert for enjoying cricket fluids on his food. Also, you told him his mothers privates tasted better than the greens on offer."

The man laughed.

"Yeah! I recall that. But in my defense, those greens he told me to eat really did taste like wet cardboard. These ones here are much more to my taste."

"Yes, well. They're turning out to be a rather expensive taste darling." His partner commented.

The man shrugged.

"Meh. We're not hurting for money. And Carlyle said he'd be ramping up production anyway. The prices will come down."

He shoved several heads of broccoli into his mouth with one swift motion. His still somewhat chubby cheeks opening to a degree that even I found alarming.

"Oh yeah. That hit the spot." He spoke with his mouth still chewing. "Damn it. If I'd known Carlyle was cooking up something like this I wouldn't have bothered getting in that dammed rowing machine so many times."

"You used it three times last year dear."

"Yeah. And that was three times too many. And for what? So that Carlyle could whip out the magic beans that made you lose weight and stay young and healthy? Bah!"

He looked like he wanted to spit.

"I did the math in my head, and losing 137 pounds cost me roughly $122 per pound so far. Add in the free muscle and the fact that I don't have to take worry about the arteries anymore and it's a wonder Carlyle isn't charging more per fruit."

He looked like he was about to lick his fingers, but stopped himself midway.

"Damn it. Should have bought more stock when it was dipping. We could have tripled our money overnight."

"There is still time dear." His partner assured him.

"Yeah, I got Becky on it. But we could have made off with more if we'd bought sooner."

"Who knows? Maybe Carlyle will say something racist again and the stock will dip further."

"Yeah. Now that you mention it. It's only a matter of time until he does it again." He paused. Considering. "Come to think about it, Jonesy is about the right age for his great-granddaughter isn't he?"

The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

"Yes dear. But she's here with someone already."

He looked incensed.

"Bah! That doesn't matter. Jonesy is a real man's man! I'm sure he could beat up whatever scrawny boytoy she's brought to..."

His partner poked him in the side, then pointed across the room to where I was standing and... unbeknownst to them, listening in.

The pudgy man took one look at me. Widened his eyes. Stared for a few seconds, and then turned away in a hurry.

"Holy shit Josephine." He hissed. "What the actual fuck is that?"

"It's a boy Pierre."

"No. No that is not a boy my dear. I know what boys look like. We've got four of them at home. That thing is a shaved gorilla someone fed a bunch of steroids to. Before shoving the thing into a suit."

"He really doesn't look anything like a gorilla dear. Just because he's a little large for his age..."

"He looks like he could rip my head off with one hand and smash my torso into paste with the other." He hissed again.

Then he snuck another glance my way when he thought I wasn't looking.

"By all that is good and holy. Do you..." He gulped. "Do you think the rumors are true?"

"You're going to have to be more specific dear. There are all kinds of rumors going around." Josephine sighed. "Superheroes in Alaska, monsters in the sewers, werewolves on the streets, Poland going to war, Russians injecting kid with who knows what, Japan and South Korea building mechs and super-robots, North Koreans mobilizing their soldiers, Carlyle using alien tech to grow super foods, Carlyle using radiation to grow super foods, Carlyle using human sacrifices to grow super foods, Carlyle..."

"The one about the bio-engineered super soldiers." He interrupted.

She shrugged.

"I mean, I would have laughed at you a couple of months ago, but sure. Why not? He's already engineering plants on a massive scale and he's definitely got some pull with the government with the way he's been dodging inquiries like Raymond dodges paternity lawsuits. Why not work on people too?"

"Damn it woman" He hissed again. More sharply this time. "Take this seriously! There's a world of difference between working on making me less fat and putting out super soldiers! What's too inhumane! And I make a living by denying people insurance claims! What's the world coming to?"

She shrugged again.

"At least we're in here and not out there darling. I hear the governor petitioned the army to make sure the barricades hold and to stamp out any riots. Any hungry folks outside these walls are going to be in for a world of hurt if it comes to that. A little bird told me they're packing live ammo."

"Shit! Don't you get it woman! We might be in here but we're not in the inner circle! We've got no idea what's about to go down!"

"That's fine dear." She placed a calming hand on his shoulder. "We've got money to fall back on. We've studied history. We've studied the upheavals that have come before. We made it through ENRON. We made it through the internet bubble. We made it through the housing crash. Whatever is coming, it's nothing a little money in the right pockets can't handle. We'll ride the wave like we've always done. We'll be fine. It isn't as if monsters are going to start popping out of the ground like mushrooms."

'Oooff.' I winced internally. 'That was a really good guess and a really bad guess at the same time madam.'

I pulled my attention away from the conversation. But all the others in the room seemed to revolve around similar topics.

"What's he putting into those fruits?"

"Should really invest a bit more."

"Need to find a way to sneak in a few spies into his farms."

"You think it's radiation?"

"Dammit. I can't get a hold of these on the outside!"

"Should buy some in bulk while we're here. Forget he markets. For personal use."

"Dammit. Should have married into the family when I had the chance. Mother is never going to let me hear the end of this."

"Why shift gears from his usual businesses into farming?"

"Cause it's profitable. Duh."

"Donni says all his friends are eating the good stuff. What are our neighbors going to say about us if we can't afford these?"

"You know, I heard there were aliens involved."

"Dammit. Running out of money. Banks chasing the loans. Farms going out of business. Dammit!"

"I heard he poisoned the earth on purpose."

"All over the globe? Get real."

"Maybe I can still snag someone on the inside? It'll be a messy divorce but I can make it work. Just need to find some lonely auntie in the family."

"Did you see that guy who set himself on fire?"

"Which one? The protester or the Alaskan flying guy?"

"What Alaskan flying guy?"

"Need to move quickly before someone else has the same idea."

"What I don't get is how the DNA tests all showed normal strains."

"Is that bad."

"It's not bad. It's just odd. Not a doctor, but I have my masters. These kids of effects should not be possible with the base species."

"Maybe it's the fertilizer."

"That would have to be some fertilizer."

"They say he took the seeds from Chernobyl."

"Who is they exactly?"

"You know! They!"

I shook my head in order to clear it of all the rumors flying around.

Then I started eyeing the sweets on offer once more.

Then I shrugged. Figuring that everyone else in this room was normal and no one seemed to be dropping dead quite yet.

Then I made my way over to one of the cakes on the dessert table.

A gigantic strawberry cheesecake with a generous amount of whipped cream on the side. I took a slice and placed it on my plate. Then I went to the chocolate cheesecake next to it and took a slice from that one too. Then on from the caramel cheesecake and one from the chocolate fudge cake.

A few scoops of ice-cream later saw me moving about with a plate that could only be described as the very picture of early-onset diabetes. That, or the stuff all children's dreams were made of.

Even as I walked, I could practically hear my aunt's voice in my ear. Pulling on an earlobe and bemoaning just how viciously unhealthy my choice of food was.

'But whatever. I'm always working my butt off looking out for people and training myself and growing food on the farm. I deserve a little break before I start to work overtime to feed this city.'

I also made sure to ignore the many, many judgmental stares I was getting from many of the other attendees.

'Think whatever you want.' I huffed internally. 'You're all stuffing yourselves with things I grew anyway. Mind your own business. It's not like this is gonna hurt me or anything.'

I sat down to eye my own collection.

Indeed. The cakes would have to be made entirely of radioactive rat poison and expired cyanide in order to give me a stomachache. I would be fine.

And boy was I.

'Ooooh. My gooooodnesssss. This tastes sooooo gooooooood!' I thought with sweet jubilation.

"Well someone seems to be having fun." Elsie quipped from the side

"I think I'm going to try and kidnap some of the cooks." I told her honestly.

She giggled.

"You don't have to go that far Cecil. I'm sure you'll be able to hire a few of them if you want. Though you will have to sponsor their move into town. And then watch the as their worldview crumbles."

"That doesn't sound too fun." I murmured.

"Meh. Some people handle it better than others. And sometimes, people can really surprise you. You certainly surprised me."

"I'm sure you mean that as a compliment."

"I sure do!" She said cheekily. "I struck the freaking jackpot!"

Her smile turned impish, then slightly more subdued.

"Speaking of cooks though... one of the friends I told you about has the [Chef] Core." He eyed the room. "Nothing fancy. Just a basic Stage 2 Core. And it is one of the best Cores to have if you found yourself being born with a 2. Her whole family makes a pretty penny back in town."

"Are they the ones that own the Italian place?"

"Yes. Yes they are." She confirmed. "You should go. It's not just pizza and pasta and panzerotti. They have some of the best coffee you've ever had ad the eclairs are to die for."

"So, what? The Core gives them a boost to the taste?"

"And the food gives temporary buffs." She confirmed. "Not in the way your veggies make normal people look amazing or heal diseases. Though the food does help with health and digestion. Nah, the food they make gives up to five points in a stat and three in others. Plus certain resistances. Depending on how they make it."

"That sounds OP as shit." I muttered. Honestly surprised.

"Only in the first two levels. Since they themselves can't level past 3, their buffs don't get any stronger. Which is a shame. Because the buffs stack with enchanted gear and one's own self buffs."

I nodded.

"Come to think of it, I haven't really gotten my hands on any gear for a while now."

"Yeah. Cause you don't need it the way you fight. What's a spear gonna do for you if you're sending waves of teeth into a boss? What's armor gonna do for you if you keep turning into Pools or massive floating brains. I mean, Sheri can work Magic with her threads, but even she has her limits."

She sighed and patted me in the back.

"Maybe we can get you a spear that helps with Magic flow or Magic regeneration so you can make units more efficiently. Something to think about."

She pulled a fork out from somewhere and started helping herself to the chocolate cheesecake. To my chocolate cheesecake.

"Sharing is caring." She told me through a mouthful of dairy and sugar. "My mom always says so."

I was about to snap back that she was always welcome to get off her rear and get her own damn cheesecake, when a loud rumbling noise filled the hall.

At the same time, the windows outside lit up with bright lights. As if several rescue helicopters were passing overhead.

Then the dishes started shaking. Empty plates vibrating as if experiencing a mild earthquake.

I tried to speak, but my voice was drowned out by a new, overwhelming sound. The echoing crescendo of...

'A theme song?'