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Chapter 17 Part 2: Who Am I

The Dewitt Psionics Medical Center lobby looked the exact same a whole month later, but Taz noted it had a bit more activity than last time. Aside from the receptionist, there were a few nurse-looking women speaking gently with a young Asian boy that clearly had Down's Syndrome, and a large privacy helmet that reminded Taz of James, as well as a lady Taz assumed was his mother.

Taz silently pondered on James… she’d heard he had gone missing, but before she could ruminate on it, Melodica mumbled.

“Man, hospitals make me so uncomfortable...”

Taz gave a little nod. “They’re so sterile.”

“Makes me feel gross.”

The two approached the desk, and the receptionist glanced up at her. Taz blinked as she felt the woman psionically knock against her mind, and she allowed the bridge.

An instant after, she felt… less a word, less a conversation, more of a request, which Taz, unsuredly, allowed. It felt like, for the briefest of seconds, somebody splashed her face with water, and then the water was gone; whatever the woman had done, she quickly typed into a computer, gave a little nod, and smiled at Taz.

{Taz Cooper, welcome to the Dewitt Hospital. Sorry about the scan, it’s much faster for me to read your surface thoughts than to ask if there’s a problem.}

Taz blinked, Melodica tilting her head in confusion before the tulpa responded. {Really? Isn’t that, like, an invasion of privacy?}

{Well…} The woman shrugged, {I asked for permission for a reason. But, sometimes mental dysfunction can be hard to articulate; a quick bridge scan lets me look at the problems at the forefront of your mind and figure out where to send you or who to call. But you aren’t here for that…}

Taz and Melodica looked at one another, the former in reluctant acceptance, the latter in confusion, while the woman stared off in the distance.

{Andrew Ng will be here in a moment to take you to Dr. Dewitt’s office.} The receptionist told them, and then went back to her business behind the desk.

Taz and Melodica didn’t have to wait long. A youngish Asian man in scrubs walked out of the backroom, giving the receptionist a quick glance that she returned. Taz wasn’t trained in divination, but she figured they’d made a bridge; she could only wonder what they’d said to one another before the man approached Taz with his hand extended.

“Hi there, you’re Taz?” He asked.

“Yes sir!” Taz answered, shaking his hand, before passing it over to Melodica. “And this is Melodica, my kinda-sister!”

“Hi!” Melodica smiled, shaking his hand with those strangely smooth, plastic-y fingers, making him flinch before he reluctantly shook.

“Nice to meet you both. Let’s go.” He turned to head through a different set of double-doors, but paused, turning on the two as they tried to follow. “We ask that you keep your psychic activity low while walking in the halls; we have psionically sensitive patients that may be in the adjoining rooms away from their normal protections.”

“Okay!” Taz smiled. Melodica merely nodded.

The hallway beyond the doors seemed like a fairly standard hospital affair, with plenty of side rooms and adjoining hallways. The floors were mostly white, with some of the tiles being different colors, probably to try and give the place an atmosphere of ‘fun.’ The pictures on the wall were of PA’s early time under construction, with some of the rooms they saw decorated with a few plants and flowers, some streamers and ‘fun’ posters about mental health.

There was light activity this time of day, mostly some doctors and nurses moving equipment around or leading patients into individual rooms, most of the patients outfitted with privacy bands, if not full-on privacy helmets.

Taz and Melodica both froze as a bald girl no older than ten was led on shaky steps by a nurse, a metal plate the size of her fist attached to the rear left of her head. She looked hopelessly miserable, and terribly ill, and Taz and Melodica both glanced at one another, unsettled, their fingers itching to give the girl something to smile about…

… but reluctantly, they obeyed Andrew’s order, and followed after him as he led them up two flights of stairs.

The third floor of the hospital didn’t have the typical hospital rooms, but instead, there were plenty of offices, records rooms, and as far as Taz saw, a private server room.

They were brought to the very rear of the floor, where a more ornate door stood; wooden, with some stained glass in place of its window that depicted PA’s brain-shaped logo. Andrew knocked on the door, and Taz saw his brow tighten as he concentrated.

Not long after, he smiled at the girls and opened the door. “He’ll see you now.”

“Thank you, Dr. Ng.” Taz gave him a sunny little smile.

“Oh, it’s Nurse Ng, but I appreciate it! Hopefully I won’t have to see you again anytime soon.” He chuckled.

Taz returned the laugh politely, but Melodica remained quiet as they walked inside.

Dr. Dewitt’s study was completely different from the rest of the hospital. It was enormous, longer than it was wide, with tall windows with heavy curtains drawn back to let the Arizona sunlight filter inside. The floor was a dark, calming wood, with long rugs thrown over it to provide some cushion, and couches lined the walls in between tall bookshelves that were filled with books on medicine, psychiatry, philosophy, and plenty of psionics.

A hanging chandelier glinted in the middle of the room, giving the room a certain, fanciful charm, and portraits around the room depicted painted images of Zhou Ping, the school itself, and based on the picture of Dr. Dewitt painting on an eisel, clearly using a mirror as a reference, it was all hand-painted by the building’s namesake.

At the near end of the room was a large, wooden desk and a big, comfy looking desk chair, as well as a row of four monitors.

At the far end of the room was a small set of lounge couches around a coffee table. A huge widescreen television hung on the wall above a series of cabinets stuffed with photo albums, where a woman on the TV was singing in long, lovely opera tones to a darkened audience, filling the room with a calm, dark reproach.

It took the two girls a moment to notice the large man sitting in one of the side chairs in front of the television, though he wasn’t looking their way.

Then, Taz felt a knock, and formed a bridge.

{Welcome, Taz, to my private study. I hope you don’t find it too ostentatious.} His hopes were filled with amusement, and Taz realized he probably didn’t care what she thought about his study, but something about it made her think he got a lot of comments on it.

{I like it.} Taz answered. {I’ve never been in a room like this before!}

{I modeled it after my office in Belgium. When Zhou invited me to join his school staff, I had a single condition.} Dr. Dewitt turned and gave her a friendly smile. {I worked hard for my station, I wanted to make sure I brought it with me.}

Taz shot Melodica a look, and the tulpa pursed her lips and rolled her eyes, but nodded.

{Come along, I don’t want to keep you from your weekend.}

Taz and Melodica complied, walking over to join the doctor in his little viewing area, and rounded the long couch. Taz made a move to sit, but Melodica threw herself onto the couch with an audible thump, grinning cheekily up at the blonde who, huffing, sat in the chair across from Dr. Dewitt, only a coffee table between the both of them.

The big, heavyset man was all smiles, running his fingers through his well-kept brown hair for a moment as he considered her for a moment, and then a plate of small sugar cookies floated from the doctor’s side of the table over to Taz, and Taz watched as a hidden mini-fridge opened up and a can of Sprite was set down in front of her next to the snacks. With a happy wiggle, Taz reached out, reconsidered, and floated the drink and food up to her face to eat.

{So, Taz.} Dr. Dewitt began leaning forward in his cushioned, creaking seat, giving her a curious stare. {What do you know about Mustafi Syndrome?}

“Umm…” Taz began, her chewing slowing down before she thought back. {It’s a psionic condition where your psychic filter is faulty, right?}

{Correct. It was named for Aarav Mustafi, a psientist who studied a strange series of conditions where psychics’ own powers turned in on themselves and caused them a great deal of pain and personal strife. Mustafi Syndrome, or the Mustafi Spectrum as psience has recently adopted, is much like Autism, in that it covers a broad spectrum of disorders related to one’s psionic filter.}

Taz nodded slowly, but Melodica didn’t seem satisfied. {And what’s that got to do with me and Taz?}

{Simple.} Dr. Dewitt stated, bridging his hands together. {For reasons nobody quite yet knows, your music has the ability to ease the symptoms of Mustafi Syndrome. I have been working on a hypothesis for the past five years, which I developed by examining Mustafi Syndrome through the use of divination; I, presently, have a theory that your mysterious filtering music may make or break my hypothesis.}

{And is that what you wanna test today?}

{Not quite. A proper, substantial test requires more than a spur of the moment meeting with an interesting candidate; I simply wanted to fill you in on what I was hoping to accomplish.}

{Okay.} Taz said, though her side of the bridge had some uncertainty tingling in it, though Dr. Dewitt didn’t seem annoyed.

{I know it might be a little confusing, but it’s all for your safety. To start, I need to explain what a PPS is.} Dr. Dewitt’s mind stirred as he was about to launch into an explanation, but he paused as he felt the recognition bloom in Taz’s mind.

It came to her amidst a cloud of uncertainty, lacking any context other than knowing the acronym… {That’s a Personal Psionic Signature?}

{That’s… correct.} Dr. Dewitt showed as much surprise as he felt. {Where did you learn that term, Taz?}

Taz’s brow furrowed as she tried to think, then shook her head. {I don’t know. It’s weird, I almost want to say I heard it in a dream.}

{Fascinating… And PPA?}

{Uh, Personal Psionic Aura?}

{You feel you heard it from the same place?}

Taz nodded, rather than respond. Sitting nearby, Melodica stared up at the television and tried to not look nervous…

{Well that’s interesting. Perhaps some of my staff are talking a little too loudly around campus…} Dr. Dewitt hummed to himself.

{Are they, like, super secret words?}

{No, no, not quite. PPS and PPA are part of my hypotheses, and haven’t been accepted by the psientific community at large. I don’t want students to go learning something that might get disproven in a few months time; it is agonizing backtracking their education and having to teach them I was wrong.}

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{I bet.} Taz smothered a snicker, and Dr. Dewitt shrugged his broad shoulders. {So… what are they?}

{Well, you’ve heard common psychic terms like ‘bridge’ and ‘filter,’ yes?} He got a bit of mental confirmation, and continued. {These are terms we have long used to describe poorly understood concepts. With the assistance of divination psionics, I’ve developed the concepts of PPS and PPA. Let me give you a visual.} He smiled, and focusing on the center of the table, a small, dark brown pastry appeared. {Let’s say, Taz, that this is ‘you.’}

Taz stared at the mimicked treat curiously, leaning in, then gave Dr. Dewitt a serious nod. {I am a muffin.}

{Hah! No. Better. ‘You’ are a cupcake.}

“I want a cupcake now…” Melodica mumbled.

{This cupcake, as you can see, is naked.}

{I am naked.} Taz nodded.

Dr. Dewitt gave her a flat look. {Let’s not do that.}

Taz snickered, and Melodica cracked a smile.

{Continuing on, this cupcake represents you, particularly your mind as we know it. Like this, it may be rich and filled with flavor imparted from any number of differing ingredients, but it is exposed. That is where the PPS comes in.}

The imaginary cupcake floated upwards, and Taz slowed her cookie-chewing when a small, plain pink wrapper enclosed the bottom of the cupcake.

{All human beings have a Personal Psionic Signature; it is a thin, invisible layer that is unique to you, like a thumb print. It is made up of your subconscious quirks, ideas, and beliefs. It is shaped around you based on how you grow, and thus it changes very slowly. It is what a diviner reads to learn your identity.} As his words streamed into Taz’s mind, her name appeared on the cupcake wrapped. {May I?}

He gestured at Taz, and Taz straightened up, and after a moment of thought, gave the confirmation. Dr. Dewitt’s expression tightened for a moment, his eyes unfocusing as he looked with his mind, and Taz flinched as she felt his mind settle against not just her own, but her body, and with a further scrunching of his brow, he broadened the bridge between them.

{I want to show you, Taz, who you are, what I see.}

Taz closed her eyes and let Dr. Dewitt show her his visions, and in her mind’s eye, Dr. Dewitt showed her: a little blonde girl she recognized as herself, but drifting through her thoughts was the gentle strumming of a guitar, piano sheet music, the salty smell of ocean spray, the hunger to increase her psionics education, the subtle fear of disappointing her mother and getting this opportunity ripped away from her, flashes of people around her, her mother, her aunt and uncle, Madeline, Noelle, Mallory, Natalie, Daniel, Mario… and Melodica. Melodica wasn’t physically next to her, but Melodica stood just as presently as Taz did, not as a schoolgirl, but as a beautiful and lustrously-scaled mermaid.

Taz smiled a little as she felt a little heartache to her side, and she held out her hand, feeling Melodica take it.

{These things combine to make you you. No matter how the day’s tides change, these are what you are. If anything tries to alter that, or insert itself into your mind – by, say, domination – your PPS recognizes the inconsistency through subtle cues: ‘is this right?’, ‘I don’t remember this.’, ‘why can’t I let this go?’ It is my theory that the PPS is what prevented domination from being as effective until the Brain Scythe perfected it; with time, you will recognize faulty logic and ideas and discard them, or seek help.}

{So, the PPS is like a firewall?} Taz asked, watching herself, watching the cupcake, and eating another cookie.

{No, your PPA is more like a firewall; your PPS is more like… an antivirus program. It recognizes foreign problems within you and sorts them out.}

{Okay…} Taz nodded along. The image of herself and all those little PPS things Dr. Dewitt had been talking about disappeared from her mind, and the cupcake in front of her suddenly grew a layer of white frosting on top.

{Now, your PPA is a second layer exclusive to psychics; it is your active psionic aura, composed of your current, conscious thoughts and emotions.} Sprinkles appeared on the cupcake, and a single lit candle. {It is always changing with what is on your mind, and your feelings. An amateur diviner often does aura-readings using your PPA, learning your approachability and what is most prevalent on your mind.}

{And your PPA is what keeps people from dominating you.} Melodica surmised, and Dr. Dewitt gave a quick, excited nod.

{Yes! Because it is active, it is also reactive; when you feel somebody trying to force their thoughts onto you, trying to force a bridge, you naturally reject it! That is using your PPA actively. It is your filter against disruptive things, such as somebody trying to force all of their emotions or intrusive thoughts into you.}

{So… telepathy is creating a bridge with your PPAs.} Taz thought, and Dr. Dewitt gave a rapid nod.

{Precisely!} At that, a second cupcake appeared, and mashed, frosting-to-frosting with the first cupcake, intermixing the sprinkles and the candles. {The bridge is just that, a connection between PPAs, between minds! I know this might sound like I’m reinventing the wheel, but if I’m right, there’s so much more that can be discovered with these two concepts.}

{Like what?} Melodica frowned, crossing her arms thoughtfully as she eyed the man. {Like, it just sounds like new names for stuff we already knew about.}

{Because, based on your classes with Professor Yume, as well as what I can see with my personal understanding of PPS and PPA, between the two of you, there are two PPAs, but also, two PPSs.}

Taz and Melodica sat silently. Taz met Melodica’s eye with a small, curious stare, while Melodica simply looked… bewildered.

{And what does that mean?} Melodica demanded, standing up suddenly.

{It means what we’ve suspected. While you both use the same brain to exist, Melodica has, somehow, someway, developed a divergent consciousness that lives harmoniously with your own, Taz. If we accept that a creature requires sentience – that is, the ability to perceive and feel things unique to oneself – then that means that the only thing separating you and I from Melodica is a physical body. Melodica is, quite possibly, an entire new species of creature, something between a tulpa and a human being.}

Taz leaned forward, a strange excitement rushing through her body at the news, and she gave Melodica and excited smile, but Melodica simply looked… worried.

{I don’t know how, Taz, but your unique psichology has gone above and beyond what we thought is physically possible. I’m not even one-hundred percent sure Melodica would cease to exist if you did; she might be able to find a new host.}

Taz and Melodica’s eyes met. Taz had, and still could sense Melodica’s unease, so she shot Dr. Dewitt an apologetic smile, and briefly shut down their bridge.

{That’s kinda neat, isn’t it?} Taz asked. Melodica turned away from Taz’s gaze, arms crossed, her distraction causing one of her kicking legs to pass through the couch. {I mean, if you don’t need me to exist—}

{You aren’t tired of me, are you?} Melodica suddenly interrupted, making Taz’s expression fall for a moment.

{No, of course not.}

{Then why are you so excited by the idea?} Melodica twisted her hands together, her fingers passing through her palms.

{Because…} Taz paused for a moment, looking at Melodica in concern. {Because, just, you’re really special, and… I guess… if something happened to me…}

{Nothing will!} Melodica insisted, her feelings growing more panicked at the thought. {So drop it. Mom, Aunt Zi, and PA will make sure you’re okay, so we don’t need to worry about us getting separated again.}

{Again?} Taz asked in surprise.

Melodica went quiet, and Dr. Dewitt gave the two girls a concerned look, but remained to himself.

{... When Dean Davis used his nullifying—}

{We’ll talk about it later.}

{Mel—}

The bridge to Dr. Dewitt was forcibly opened by Melodica, and Taz fell silent as the thoughtform ‘spoke’ to the doctor.

{Dr. Dewitt, how does Mustafi Syndrome and other psionic disorders fit into this whole PPS and PPA thing?}

Dr. Dewitt was silent for a moment, evaluating the two girls, but then gave a little nod of his head and leaned forward. {A good question. As we – as in the broad psientific community – are still attempting to learn what psychic powers are, and why only certain humans can generate them, we don’t have a concrete idea as to why our powers sometimes turn on their user.}

He went on. {It is my personal belief that it comes down to a conflict between the PPS – the subconscious psionics – and the PPA – the active psionics. We have an extremely tender patient here by the name of Sofia that contributed greatly to this theory of mine.}

{How so?} Taz asked, while Melodica twitched at the name, but calmed herself.

{She used to be a fully functional psychic before she suffered brain damage. While she is mostly, mentally well – in that she still has her memories, learned human functions, and learning capability – she is extremely vulnerable to foreign mental influence. I have witnessed her PPA readily accepting any telepathic connection regardless of her conscious and subconscious desires, while her PPS actively fights to reject it.}

Dr. Dewitt held up the illusionary cupcake again, pulling the wrapper and frosting off, and sending a sprinkle bouncing between the two pieces, plinking obnoxiously off of the naked pastry itself.

{So you have the two defenses in conflict. One is attempting to absorb as much active thought as it can, the other is attempting to reject it, and it gets stuck in a loop. It is exhausting for her, painful, even, and she is confined to the special cases labs beneath the building almost 24/7.}

{That sounds awful…} Taz murmured, and Dr. Dewitt gave a quick nod.

{We are trying to find ways to solve this conflict, and I was afraid we never would. That is, of course, until you came along.}

Taz looked up at him, meekly embarrassed, and gave a nod.

{I have theories on what it is you are doing, but I want to ensure I have the proper testing environment set up for you first.} Dr. Dewitt considered the two girls for a moment, then, with a smile, asked: {Do you think you’ll be comfortable working alongside with patients? Mainly in the form of performing for them, and other activities I might come up with.}

{Like Sofia?} Melodica inquired.

{Perhaps not Sofia.} Dr. Dewitt sighed. {She is… very delicate. I’d want to start with much less complicated cases first.}

With a slow nod, Melodica looked back Taz’s way. Taz also gave her mental confirmation, and Dr. Dewitt grinned.

{Excellent! I know just the candidate for this little venture. In the meantime, I will let you two go back to your day. I have much planning to do, and I’m sure you’d both rather do anything but spend your afternoon talking about psience.}

Taz wanted to refute him, but Melodica quickly interjected. {Yeah! Taz and I need to go practice telekinesis anyways, so we’re going to the courts to throw some stuff around.}

{Wait, we are?} Taz quirked an eyebrow, only to get the mental equivalent of an elbow to the side.

{YES, we are!}

{Excellent, excellent.} If the doctor had noticed the odd squabble, he ignored it with great ease. {The both of you enjoy your practice. If you ever have any questions, you may email me, which I believe I gave you a month ago?}

Taz nodded, standing as Melodica hopped to her feet and scampered over to the door. She followed after her tulpa curiously, but remained quiet as the two girls retraced their steps until they were waving goodbye to the receptionist, and walking out the hospital.

“Phew.” Melodica sighed heavily. “Glad that’s over with. C’mon, let’s—”

Taz walked past her and headed in the direction of the dorms instead of the sports fields, Melodica staring after her.

“Taz?”

“We’re going to our room for a bit.” Taz said, stopping.

“I’m not in the mood for guitar practice, and if you’re just gunna surf for more cat videos, I’m gonna go hang out somewhere else.” Melodica pouted, hands on her skirted hips.

Taz turned to face her tulpa, her creation, her sister, her daughter, her whatever the fuck Melodica was, and Melodica psionically, more than physically, flinched at Taz’s expression.

“We’re going to talk.” Taz said, her high voice lowered a few octaves, making Melodica blink rapidly. “So we’re going to our room, and if you want to fight that, we’re going to have a much less nice talk later.”

Melodica withered under Taz’s unblinking stare, and subconsciously repeating a motion she’d seen plenty of humans make, rubbed her arms and nodded. “Okay, fine. Let’s go, mom.”

With a sharp nod reminiscent of their mother’s, Taz turned back around and led the way to the dorms.