Anna exited the restroom in her PJs with a sigh. What a tiring day…
Cao Cao lifted his head up as she walked in, laying on her bed with Picklefish in his mouth, his dark eyes brightening up as she sat at the edge of the bed and ran her hand over his wrinkly ears.
Anna giggled when Cao Cao pushed up to lick her chin, and she smiled to herself.
The house was a little less empty with a dog to take care of, and Cao Cao wasn’t a fan of being alone either. He was her four-legged shadow, lazing nearby when she cooked and cleaned, watching TV with her, springing after hares and she held onto his leash for dear life…
The handsome pooch rolled over to offer his belly, and she scratched away with a grin.
Without Tasha, the house was still too quiet. Anna had taken to playing the radio to fill in the void of her daughter’s presence, to fill the house with music once more. But, having a less needy beast pawing at her leg for table scraps was a nice way of ringing her out of her loneliness and reminding her she still had something to care for, and reminded her further still that she had Zi not too far away…
She glanced at the clock and her eyes widened: 10:00 pm already? She huffed! She’d been driving around all day, schmoozing all day, researching all day, and that wasn’t counting setting up the crockpot for dinner with the Coles tomorrow, or sweeping the upper floor, or—
Her phone suddenly began to buzz on her nightstand, drawing both her and Cao Cao’s alarmed looks.
Tasha had called her two hours ago, a trend she’d been good about following. Was it Zi? Zi didn’t like to call late at night unless it was an emergency… the last time she’d called, Jebediah had been in the hospital…
Anna scrambled over to the phone fearing she’d see her best friend’s name, but instead it was Tasha.
Again?
Even worse imaginations filled her head as she answered the call, and nervously asked: “Tasha?”
“Hi… mom…”
Anna’s expression faltered, changing from worry to confusion. Was the connection faulty? The voice was… higher than Tasha’s, more mousey, almost like…
“Mel?” Anna asked.
“Y-yeah, it’s me.”
A million questions filled Anna’s head, and then emptied out in the form of several incomplete ones: “Mel, what’s—? How…? You’re on the phone?”
“Yeah, I-I—um… Taz is asleep. Or, in bed at least, I dunno if she can sleep right unless I’m asleep too. I borrowed her phone.”
Anna remembered just a year ago when Melodica snuck over to her late one night, smiling conspiratorially and pitching the idea of throwing Tasha a surprise birthday party. At the time, Anna thought her daughter was just trying to sneakily plan her own party, but it came as a shock to all of them when Tasha nearly fainted in fright the day of.
At that point, Anna knew she couldn’t underestimate Melodica, but this…
“That’s actually quite impressive, Melodica.” Anna said with a small smile. “Wait, I thought you couldn’t operate a touch screen…?”
“I kinda borrowed her fingers too…”
“I see. Where are you now?”
“Bathroom.”
“Alright. What is it, Mel?”
It was a little odd since Anna was used to Tasha being part of the conversation as well…
“Um…” Anna’s heartbeat began to quicken when she heard a small, sad little sniff. “I-I really needed to talk to someone and Taz always talks to you when stuff feels bad so I thought… maybe…”
“Is Tasha okay?” Anna asked, alarmed again.
“Taz is FINE! Taz is perfectly fucking fine!” Melodica suddenly snapped through the phone, and then a gentle whimper escaped her as Anna sat up rigidly, Cao Cao licking her finger in concern.
Her daughter’s tulpa was calling her on the phone because something felt bad, but her daughter was fine…
Anna cleared her throat quietly, the day's events clearing from her mind as it was replaced by confusion. “Melodica, what’s going on? What’s this about?”
“Mom…” Melodica all but gulped through the phone, her voice quivering. “I-I don’t know—I’m h-hurt and-and…” That whimpering turned into a sob, and Anna flinched. She couldn’t remember ever hearing Melodica cry… “I-I’ve never felt like this before! I’m crying but Taz isn’t and-and Yume-sensei would say ‘wow this is so amazing you can do this’ but it sucks and I HATE IT!”
“Melodica…” Anna stopped at the door, unsure of what to do, but a voice she knew, a girl she’d known for years now was sobbing into her ear. She hadn’t ever considered this scenario, and was struggling to even contemplate the ramifications. “I’m a little confused; start from the beginning, okay?”
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She gave Cao Cao a calming pat on the head before exiting her bedroom to head downstairs to the living room.
“T-Taz and I are taking this special tulpamancy class; I know y-you said not to but Dr. Dewitt offered it to us because he thought I was really impressive a-and it turns out it’s supposed to be a one-on-one study w-with the tulpamancy t-teacher, and sh-she had this tulpa – like this really amazing tulpa and… and she’s not like me.” Melodica petered out for a moment. “Mom, I’m… I’m really alone…”
“No you aren’t, Mel…” Anna said, sitting down on the big couch she had so many talks with Tasha on, but this time, she was joined by a big blue dog. “You have Tasha there with you, and Madeline—”
“They’re REAL!” Melodica struggled to keep her voice low, and Anna’s ear perked at the sound of running water over the phone. “They aren’t tulpas! They can go wherever they want, and eat whatever food they want, and they aren’t stuck following a person around, being treated like some theme park mascot where everybody is all ‘wow!’ at you because you’re a mermaid that can play music. I-I can’t—” Melodica’s voice tapered off a little, and a wheezing whimper escaped her, “I can’t feel water… I’m a mermaid and I can’t even actually swim. I just exist because Taz is nearby. I-if something happened to her, I’d be gone too. I-I need her to feel water, or to taste food, or to do anything.”
Quiet on the couch, Anna listened to Melodica’s pained breaths and gentle weeping. She could imagine the thoughtform sticking her hand under a running faucet turned all the way to near boiling hot, but not so much as flinching, since to her, there was nothing to feel.
Anna had never thought about it before: what did Melodica do when Tasha was asleep? She could hear, quite obviously, and speak, but she couldn’t taste, or smell anything, much less feel.
But here she was, crying her heart out and wanting Anna, much the same way Taz did, and… Anna didn’t know how to feel. For so long, Melodica had just been a part of Taz, but now… now… there was a strange sound coming through the phone.
“Mel, you’re… breathing.” Anna whispered.
“I-I don’t even know why! I don’t have LUNGS! I’m a fucking tulpa and-and-and m-my mind’s racing so fast… Yume-sensei’s tulpa… she’s not like me. She’s really advanced, she can talk differently and act differently, but it’s all Yume-sensei. Everyone is saying I’m different from Taz, but what if I’m not? She was telling the story of how I was ‘born’ and it was all just… I grew this way? Nothing special happened, Taz didn’t try to make me this way… What if I am just a puppet? What if Taz is using me?”
“Mel, you know that’s as far from the truth as can be.” Anna said soothingly. “Tasha is a very good girl, you know that, right?”
“I-I guess so…”
“Melodica, I have to admit, I don’t know much about tulpas, and I never really thought about it much before, but you aren’t alone, alright?” Anna tried to say consolingly, but there was a strange nagging in her stomach, wondering what the hell was going on. She’d never thought Melodica would ever pull something like this, much less sound so… bereaved.
“I’m the only tulpa like this in the world, mom…” Melodica sniffed. “I-I-I’m o-one-of-a-kind. I thought we were going to come here and I could be with other tulpas, and share, like, ideas and problems, but… I can’t. All I have is Taz…”
Anna took a deep breath as she tried to think of something. This position she was in, it wasn’t exactly new; she remembered Tasha as a young girl in middle school, realizing she was the only psychic in her whole school, coming home incredibly down that she couldn’t make more psychic friends.
But to be the only member of your own… species in the world…?
Anna stood up to pace, to think. She was standing at a delicate crossroad; responsibility was suddenly put into her lap by a most unexpected source, and for her entire life, she never thought of tulpas as anything but a toy to entertain.
But, this tulpa belonged to her daughter.
This tulpa called her ‘mom.’
And the last thing Anna ever wanted to be was unloving.
Anna took a deep breath, and quietly leaned into her phone to whisper. “You have me too, love.”
Melodica was silent other than gently weeping into the phone, the sound of splashing water coming from the other side.
“You know what you are, Mel?” She heard a sniff in response, and Anna went to the window, peering out into the dark scrubland surrounding her house as she began to sing: “~You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey~…”
“...~Y-you’ll never know dear–”
“~How much I love you,” the two sang together, “~so please don’t take my sunshine away~...”
Melodica’s whimperings trailed off into soft, sad pants, and Anna stared at the lonely little bush just a few yards away from the bay window.
“I know you feel lonely, sweetheart. I know how it feels to think there’s nobody else in the world who can share your problems. I know you’re far different from most people in this world, but…” Anna stared at that little bush, and closed her eyes. “You’re real to me.”
And at that moment, she decided she was.
“One day, you’ll find somebody like I did; you’ll have your own Zina Cole who really does know you inside and out and accepts you. You might already have that person not too far away from you.” Anna trailed off for a moment. “But if that doesn’t satisfy you, you’re in the right place to find yourself, love.”
Melodica remained silent, so Anna continued. “You aren’t attached at the hip to… to your sister, you realize? I’ve seen you do some impressive things before. See if you can’t find out who Melodica is without Natasha, maybe? But, of course, when she needs you…”
“I’ll be there.” Melodica spoke softly, tiredly. “Mom, I—... thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Mel.” After a moment of thought, she added: “I love you.”
Another long moment of silence. “I-I love you too. Do you mind staying up with me a little longer?”
“Of course not.” Anna smirked to herself, and felt a wet nose against the back of her knee. “Why don’t you tell me about this special class you’re taking that I never heard about and I’ll send you some pictures of Cao Cao?”
“Okay… okay, so, um, don’t be mad…”
“A little late for that, love.”