As Mena dashed out of the locker room, she realized it wasn’t the same gym as before. In fact, for a young witch who considered climbing up the spiral staircases in the castle a vigorous workout, it looked like the very definition of Hell.

There was an enormous weight bench that stretched the whole size of the gymnasium in one corner. Barbells were lined up from five pounders to weights the size of large boulders. Motivational posters asking the dire question “Are You Witch Fit?” were everywhere and showed grinning witches with biceps the size of hams. “If you don’t toil to the max, you’re in trouble,” one of them read.

Broomsticks lined the walls in the other corner. Nebula instructed another group of girls to weave through a variety of obstacles including spiked barricades that crashed together, flaming hoops of blue fire and even a massive troll with a name-tag that read ‘Phil’ who swung at them absentmindedly. Hapless broom riders weaved in and out of the deadly obstacles, hoping not to get whacked by Phil, who seemed to be touting a tree branch.

A smell of burnt flesh lingered in the air as a singed girl melodramatically cried, “Go on without me,” as she was carried out on a stretcher by the Lollypop Infirmary.

The remaining girls walked catatonically towards Mena, shaking and stunned into silence. “Alright,” Nebula guffawed, “Next wave of pipsqueaks, front and center. We're gonna see who is Witch Fit.”

The girls in Mena’s class, which included Ashlan, the snob sisters and even Janus, all shuffled right before their teacher who wore a fabric tank-top that stretched over her bulging arms. She paced back and forth, her glaring beady eyes menacing those with weaker mentalities.

“You may have wondered who those previous girls were,” Nebula said, laughing to herself. “They were our Cross-Country Broomstick League, coming back from their morning training. They were trying out my humble Bone-Cracking Face-Crunching Rump Bumper course.”

“Now I know what zee big lady calls pree-son,” Marie snickered and spurred her silver haired sister on to more jeers.

“In fact,” Laetitia said, narrowing her eyes with a wide grin. “She probably got out of pree-son.”

“Attention tiny elflets,” Nebula roared, causing both of the sisters to leap in the air. “I am the noble daughter of King Solaris, highest authority in this solar system, and a higher class than you’ll ever be, in stature and… weight class.”

Nebula stopped pacing and stopped to twiddle her fingers maniacally. “Perhaps the dark haired elf would like to be my first mini-pig for the course. Though, the headmaster first asked if I could perform a simple fitness check on you first.”

There were more audible gulps than insect buffet party for frogs. It’s never simple with her, Mena thought to herself.

Nebula snapped her fingers and two ropes dropped from the ceiling. They were sturdy and tied with knots at the bottom. Nebula walked over to the gym mats and gave one a powerful tug. “Each of you will be required to reach the top to prove you are merely satisfactory at the start of your third year.”

Nebula’s eyes shifted over to Marie. “Since mouthy over here spoke up, we’ll see if she’s got more muscles than the ones in her lips.”

Marie confidently strolled over and grabbed the rope. “Are you kidding? Motha always had us doing hovering pilates. We are Bourgy-fit.”

“Climb on then” Nebula responded with a laugh and the Bourgelf heeded her command.

Immediately, the gym mat below her opened to reveal a pool of green bubbly liquid. It billowed and bristled Marie’s feet with a rank spell.

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“Good,” Nebula responded, smashing her fist into her palm. “Because I had Professor Apo Carrie brew up a transfearguration potion. Fall in, and you’ll spend the rest of the day as the thing that grosses you out the most.”

Marie swung back and forth timidly trying to stay above the bubbling miasma. “Hey, you, Bones,” Nebula called over to Janus. “Get up here.”

Janus looked over at everyone. “Well, at least I already had my funeral,” she smiled.

“I want you to see which one of you is quicker,” Nebula said. “I’m going to time you both.”

Everyone looked nervously at Janus and Marie. Mena was worried. She was beginning to imagine how she’d write herself out of this jam.

“Don’t worry,” Janus said, giving an empty-headed smile. “My daddy told me, it’s all in the wrists.”

Nebula pulled out a magic watch from her pocket and clicked it. As soon as Janus grabbed the rope, they were off. At first, Marie’s hands went one-over-the-other quickly up the rope, while Janus leisurely grasped at the rope with her bony hands. Mena worried for Janus. After all, she had no muscles at all. She wasn’t even skin and bone, merely bone.

Marie giggled to herself as she scooted up the rope, as she climbed halfway towards the ceiling. But suddenly, she gasped. “Oh no. Oh sacred bleu nooo.”

“What eez it sister?” Laetitia asked, holding her hands to her face.

“I’VE GOT CALLUSES ON MY PRECIOUS PEDICURED HANDS,” the elf wailed, and threw her hand back dramatically. She quickly fell off into the undesirable drink and was spat out in the form of an ugly coal-colored duck.

“Oh yes,” Nebula laughed, rubbing her hands together. “Happens to snooty beauty queens all the time.”

Meanwhile, Janus was making her way slow up the rope, when suddenly, there was a loud click. “Oops,” Janus remarked, “I think I forgot to screw them on properly last night.”

Everyone gasped as Janus’s body separated from her arms which remained attached to the rope. She fell backwards but fortunately, landed away from the pool of liquid. “Bones,” Nebula said, sternly. “You fail…”

“Wait,” Janus said, using her shoulder to gesture at the rope. “Wait…”

Nebula looked up. The pair of arms were still prying themselves up the rope one by one. Slowly, but surely, they reached the top and everyone cheered. Janus winked. “I told you, ‘it’s all in the wrists.”

“Well,” Nebula said, clicking her stopwatch off. “Guess I was wrong about you, Bones. You pass. Now I can reward you.”

“Ooh,” Janus clamored, sitting herself up. “What is it?”

“Take your arms and this duck to the infirmary for me. See if you can get them fixed. This duck won’t get off my leg.”

“I think she’s begging for mercy,” Laetitia said, shaking at the sight of Marie transfigured into a duck yet again. Indeed, the duck was crying and begging at Nebula’s feet.

“There is no mercy in my gym,” Nebula said, narrowing her eyes and gritting her teeth. “Only the stench of body odor mixed with your blood.”

As everyone kept taking turns on the rope; either making it to the top, or plunging into the liquid below, Mena slowly unraveled her book from her t-shirt. “I think it’s time to protect my booty so I don’t end up like bourgy.” Fabias was grinning on the cover and gave her a wink. “Excellent idea, beautiful,” he whispered.

She opened it to the unwritten chapter, and quickly scribbled. “Mena Willow had enough strength to…”

“Oh my Ms. Big Lady, Ms. Big Lady” a snobby, accented voice called out. Mena looked up and her book was pulled from her hands.

Laetitia started waving the Fabias book around as she tried to get Nebula’s attention. “Zis peasant. She eez reading in zis gym class.”

Nebula’s nostrils flared like an angry farm animal, and she stomped over. “Reading? In GYM CLASS? Don’t you know there’s no words allowed?”

Nebula clutched the fourteenth copy of Love In The Days Of Magic in her hand. “There is a lot of blood, sweat and tears in this gym, but no romance. You’ll get this back if you succeed at proving your strength.”

Mena stifled a cry but realized she couldn’t display too much upset or else she’d look suspicious.

Nebula directed Mena over to the ropes. “Now how about you get on up there and prove yourself.

Nebula pointed at Ashlan, signaling her over.

“And how about my alpha girl get up there and show this reading pipsqueak how to climb.”

“With pleasure,” Ashlan said, and quickly scampered over to the rope.

Mena looked over at Ashlan, who still had a callous grin on her face. “Looks like I’m up against you again, rainy.”

As Nebula stood before them with stopwatch in hand, Mena gazed longingly toward the book that had been snatched away from her. It was hastily crammed into Nebula’s reeking gym shorts.

“Forget about this book,” Nebula shouted at Mena. “Focus on your pre-test because it will determine how well you will fare in the world of Witch Fit, that sludge won’t.”

“Except in this case,” Mena said, murmuring beneath her breath. ”That sludge will.”

She prayed that Fabias would grant her strength, but she hadn’t even managed to write a full sentence. She was doomed to spend the rest of her life as an ugly goblin, and her plans to rule the school with her newfound writing powers were dashed.