Strutting on the concrete streets of Wormwood, Nick came to a circular metal plate embedded in the road. “See what this is?” he asked, leaving Mena and Janus to scratch their heads. Neither had been to Wormwood so the function of urban objects was completely foreign to them.

“It’s called a manhole,” Nick said as he tapped on it with his shoe. “You’d probably expect me to make some inappropriate pun about it, but I won’t. Instead, I’ll show you the secret it holds.”

Nick’s Purity of Mind ring flashed and the manhole glowed bright white, blinding everyone. But once Mena opened her eyes there was the same insignia of a brain with an eyeball flashing on top of it. The manhole then slid aside to reveal a dark hole with a ladder going down it. A reeking smell wafted from it making Mena gag. “I present to you,” Nick said, holding out his hands. “A secret tunnel beneath Wormwood. Mind your noses because it’s going to get smelly.”

“What nose?” Janus smiled beneath the triangular hole in her face.

With Nick leading the way, the three of them climbed down into the pit below.

As Mena climbed the rungs of the ladder, the stench got so bad that her nose felt like it would fall off like Janus’ “Miserable magicaps, what is that smelly smell?”

As Mena got to the bottom, her question was soon answered. Standing over an underground bridge made of trash was a vast pool of fuming, multi-colored liquid. It was a revolting brown-magenta and it bubbled and billowed like it was alive. “Feast your eyes on the Wormwood cesspools,” Nick said, holding his hands up like he was presenting something wonderous. “Or rather your nostrils. This is where Wormwood disposes of not only its waste, but also its failed potions and brews.”

Mena’s eyes watered as she focused on it. No wonder it was so many odd colors. “Hair growth potions, love potions, size potions, you name it. Celebrities and rich starlets in Wormwood tend to use a lot of potions to assist us in our quest for perfection. And when it doesn’t work out”—Nick mimed the flush of a toilet with his hands—“Down it goes.”

Janus wrinkled her non-existent nose, before shrugging her shoulders, “This is hardly an organic way to eliminate your wastes. This stench could wake the dead.”

“Funny story about that,” Nick remarked nonchalantly as he crossed over the river dam. “This is also where we keep out dead.”

Mena’ s knees trembled in repulsion and her face turned pale green. She looked into the abyss of bilge water that traveled through the dam and thought how gross the underbelly of Wormwood was. “Guess I ain’t cut out for the big city,” she said.

Janus walked over to her and patted her on the back. Neither of us are,” her friend remarked. “This is no good place for the dead.”

After crossing the dam of garbage, he called out, ‘You ladies coming or are you gonna let the garbage ghoul get you?”

Mena staggered backwards. “The w-what? !”

Nick pulled his sweater over his head and threw up his hands. “It lies waiting in the goop, ready to kidnap a beautiful young maiden and make her its bride.”

“Oh nosies!” Mena squeaked, holding her hands to her cheeks, but Janus stepped protectively in front of her friend. “There isn’t anything like that, Mena,” Janus said, pursing her dry lips. “And if is this clown keeps messing with you, he’s gonna see my scary face.”

“A scary face from you?” Nick said, slapping his khakis. “You belong at a Not Gothic Clothing Store in one of our malls. It’s for all cheesy, wholesome pun-making horrors.”

Janus gave a cringe of shock, before her teeth bit angrily into the bottom of lip and her eyes glared bright red. “Not Gothic?” she shrieked. “You really think I shop there? All my clothes are hand stitched of death veils and bat leather. I’ll show you scary when I get across there!”

Even if he wasn’t scared by her face, the sight of a seven foot tall reaper girl in platform boots heading towards him caused Nick to stumble into the darkness. His mirthful voice suddenly becoming very panicked. “What are you? Ahhhgh!”

“Janus,” Mena screamed peering out from behind her friend. “Did the Garbage Ghoul get Nick?!”

Janus, still fuming with her skull turned bright pink, brushed Mena off. “You know this guy. He’s trying to scare you, which is something I can’t do apparently.”

“Oh no, not the face!” Nick screamed, causing Mena to run with Janus, over the bridge to where Nick was. When she got to Nick, she couldn’t believe her eyes.”

Nick rolled around on the ground, fighting off a gigantic yellow and green frog. With his rubbery hands, the frog slapped the dream star around, not inflicting much damage. The onslaught continued until Mena took her foot and punted the frog across the sewer. He landed belly up next to an equally huge rat that looked like it was covered in colorful fungus. “Oh my,” Mena exclaimed when she saw these sewer behemoths. “Rats the size of cats!”

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Janus, equally shocked, added, “Frogs the size of dogs… and what the Skell-o-ton is that?!”

Thousands of gleaming, beady eyes peered from the darkness, and then, a terrifying creature emerged. It had a bulbous green gator head the size of a small house, with tiny arms, tiny legs and thousands of eyeballs lining its head. It opened its mouth in a goofy, but menacing grin, full of thousands of teeth that nearly outmatched the eyes.

“What are you?” Mena gasped as she helped Nick to his feet.

The gator freak bowed its head as drool seeped from its mouth. Its voice was surprisingly sophisticated, if gravelly. “The name’s Crocko,” he said as he lifted its head. “And my cohorts and I have prepared…”—Crocko looked ready to strike but instead tossed a top hat with a sliced open flap to the top of his head. The oversized rat and frog followed suit with matching top hats and canes—“A song for you.”

Crocko’s voice bellowed out a few warmup notes before bursting into song.

“Don’t touch out water supply,” he rasped on key, and the frog and rat backed him up with, “Don’t touch it, don’t touch it.”

“If you don’t want us to die.

Don’t touch our water supply,

If you don’t want your ecology to go bye bye.”

Crocko allowed the light from an overhead sewer grate to shine like a spotlight on his freakish being as he sung solo,

“When I was a young gator pup,

My momma said, don’t go near that water, don’t drink it all up

But I was a fool

I didn’t believe what they taught me in gator school

And now look at me,”—Crocko shamefully lowered his head as he shed a singular tear from his biggest set of eyes. “I’m the garbage ghoul!”

Crocker and his friends burst into another rousing chorus of “Don’t touch our water supply” before Crocko pointed a tiny but accusatory finger at Mena, Nick and Janus. Mena hid her mouth behind her hands, ashamed of what she had done.

“Next time, think twice when you flush,

Your chemicals, potions and red blush

For your own ecology, you’ve done wrong

And that’s the meaning of this song.”

Crocko did one quick pirouette and a small tap dance before striking a finish pose with his small arms extended.

Mena, Nick and Janus stood bewildered with their jaws open. Crocko put away his cane. “What no applause? Tough crowd.”

Nick nodded to his female cohorts before approaching the sewer behemoth. “Don’t worry ladies, I’ll handle this.” We walked up to Crocko looking him dead in the seven hundred eyes. “Thanks for that Ecology PSA pal, but yo’'ll have to move. We got places to go.”

There was a look of sadness in everyone one of Crocko’s eyes. “You didn’t learn your lesson?”

Nick burshed his hands through his wavy perm and laughed. “If you think we’re going to keep all that crud in our houses, you’ve got another thing coming”—Nick raised his purity ring ready to hypnotize Crocko like he did Secret Dave—“Now how about be the gator freak goes night night.”

Crocko growled and began to stomp his tiny feet. “So, it’s ok to poison us instead? That’s it, fellow mutants,” he screamed. ‘IN-SEWER-RECTION!”

Crocko began to chant. “Funnel head, metallic skin, turn this fool into tin!”

Crocko extended his tongue and slurped up Nick. Psychedelic rainbow steam seeped from his mouth and when he spat Nick back out, the dream stars body was made of tin cans. “What did you do to me?” Nick demanded and Crocko guffawed. “With all the magic I’ve ingested, I’ve turned you into the trash you are on the inside.”

Nick dropped to his knees and began to sob. “My beautiful face…”

Crocko pointed his stubby hands at the frog and the rat. “Froggo, Ratzo. Get them!”

“You got it boss,” the minions said, and they bounded towards Mena and Janus. Mena quickly chanted her signature fireball spell and blasted the hapless rat, who caught on fire and began to scream.

Janus materialized her pink scythe and swung it at the leaping frog. Being a mutant frog, Froggo laughed and jumped out of the way, but he didn’t realize that Ratzo was in the air and they both bumped heads, tumbling back into the sewer water below.

Crocko growled. Must I do everything?”

His enormous rainbow tongue shot out of his mouth causing Mena and Janus to drop to the ground to avoid it. “Quick,” Janus whispered. “Shoot something in his mouth.”

“Sure thing,” Mena responded, crawling forward. “Oh magic,” she said, holding her hand to her head to trigger her imagicnation. “Give me some fireworks so I can deal with these jerks.”

Mena imagined the fireworks and they plopped onto the ground, rolling harmless. “Drat rats, I forgot to light them with my mind.”

Janus got on all fours, beginning to crawl away. “Well then, distract him and I’ll handle him.”

Crocko’s tongue swished over them, and Mena quickly scrambled to her feet. “Hey Mr. Crock. Stop for a second. I think I learned my lesson.”

Every single one of Crocko’s eyes shot open. “You did?”

Mena’s uneven teeth sparkled in the light of the sewer grate. “I’m going to recycle potions I don’t use and do something else with them.”

Crocker raised a moldy eyebrow. “Like what?”

Mena sheepishly looked away putting her hands behind her back. Crocko roared in anger, “There’s nothing TO DO with them. You don’t need all that stuff anyway. Cosmetic potions to alter yourself are beyond shallow, especially when they don’t work and are used on animals instead. You should be happy with who you are.”

Mena sighed as Crocko loomed over her. “You’re totally right,” she admitted.

“Good,” Crocko responded. “I hope I’ve made my point before I kill you.”

“You have,” Janus chirped from behind him. “And so have !I”

Janus swung her scythe against his soft rear. “Yee-owch,” Crocko screamed as he flew up in the air. Janus, Nick and Mena quickly scrambled beneath him. Crocko landed on the fireworks and they ignited in an explosion, sending him plummeting into the toxic sewer way. His large body plowed into the dam, knocking it out and causing him, Froggo and Ratzo to go over the falls.

“Thanks for the ecology lesson,” Mena called out, waving her hands.

“You’re welcooooome!” he screamed as he plunged into the water below.

Nick’s tin skin cracked, revealing his clear flesh from beneath. The metal all fell away, leaving him looking like his old self.

“How’d you chicks learn to fight like that?” he asked. “You were hot and smokin’ back there.”

Mena blushed and put her hand behind her head. “A whole year of misadventures at school.”

Sounds excellent,” Nick said, as he kicked the tin fragments away. “You should get that publicized here at Wormwood!”

Mena giggled. “Somebody’s already taking care of that!”

“Guys, I hate to interrupt this tender moment,” Janus said with concern. “But how are we going to get back?”

They looked over at the former dam that Crocko had knocked out. There was indeed no way back.