Multiclassing For Fun And Profit
By Travis Gardin
This is a work of science-fantasy fiction. The opinions on any products herein are opinions of the fictional characters, and not intended as fact or even legitimate journalistic review. There, now Frito-Lay can't sue me.
Part 1 Red Shirts
Chapter 1 Lunch Break
Error! Your initial location is inside a dungeon! You have not selected a class! Please select one now.
The words fill my brain as if they're my own thoughts. They come to me as if they were my own internal monologue. But they definitely aren't mine. Also, am I blind right now? Everything is totally black.
Your initial attributes are as follows. The average for your species for all attributes is ten. The maximum for your species is 40. This scale is used to make this transition easier for you.
Okay, I can't feel anything either. I can't even feel the temperature or... Nope, can't seem to move any part of my body. Damn, am I in a coma?
Jun Kyung Han
Physical Attributes
Strength 12
Dexterity 34
Agility 17
Toughness 14
Constitution 12
Mental Attributes
Intelligence 31
Memory 18
Wisdom 5
Charisma 3
Reflexes 38
Etheric Attributes
Ki 0
Spirit 0
Faith 0
Arcana 0
Luck 1
There's magic? Wait. This is my own brain so yeah, I'm probably hallucinating magic. I am, or was, just playing a tabletop role-playing game with my coworkers in the break room. My nerd-geek brain is giving me stats in my coma. Wonderful.
Recommended starting classes are as follows: Fighter, Mage, Rogue, Engineer. Please select your class.
I wonder if I can get the details about each class.
Notice! The group known as Clan Surtido has been acknowledged by the system. Group chat has been enabled.
Huh?
“Heyyyyyy,” Jose's voice comes into my brain. “Cool beans. I got it working.”
“Jose?” I say.
“Jose!” Theo shouts.
“Oh god no,” Brian moans.
“Damn. You nerds won't leave me alone even when I'm dead,” Nat mutters.
We all begin talking over each other. 5 geeks make various pop-culture analogies for several minutes, but we figure out some things.
We are not dead or in a coma. Comas. Brian says this is probably a “system” like those in video games or some sub-genre called “Lit RPG.” We all call him king nerd for listening to audiobooks about leveling up.
He explains that, if the system thing is real, we’ve had our world gamified. We now have stats, can probably fight things and level up, and there are probably monsters in the world now. I don't like the monster part.
I ask, “But what do we do now?”
“Choose a class,” Brian says confidently.
“Mine are...” Nat starts. “A lot. Too many. I think there's 22 of them?”
Jose says, “my recommended classes are Rogue, Engineer, Fighter, Archer and Sharpshooter.”
Theo excitedly goes, “hey think about the word and how it's spelled and you get more info about the class!”
We all try it. I go for the one that seems most interesting to me.
Mage
A first step class on the path of magical might.
No subclasses. Six class evolutions.
Gain 1 Arcana and 1 Intelligence upon choosing this class. Three basic Arcana spells will be granted to you at random.
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Uses Intelligence, Memory, Arcana.
Upon level up an additional random basic spell will be granted, until all basic spells are known. Each level you gain 1 Arcana and 1 free point.
Interesting. So this class gives you actual magic! Noice!
Jose jumps in with his laconic Texas drawl. “I chose Sharpshooter. I'm back in the real world now but it's messed up.”
“What's going on?” Nat asks, a tone of desperation in her voice. “Are we there too?”
“Y'all are frozen. Not moving or even breathing.” Jose's answer only serves to confirm our suspicions that indeed, something weird is going on. “It's kinda odd,” he says with the nonchalance that one might associate with “it's raining” or “I already ate.”
“We need to choose quickly,” Theo insists.
“Always the supervisor,” comes Nat's droll reply.
“Actually, we should take our time,” I say. “Choosing this could make a huge difference in how we develop later. We should also-”
“I hear screaming,” Jose informs us.
“CHOOSE QUICKLY,” Theo demands.
I have to ignore the continuing banter and figure out what I want to be. Rogue, Mage, Engineer or Fighter. All so different. All so... One note.
What I'd really like to do, what I always do, is multiclass. Pick multiple classes. Find unconventional ways to combine abilities.
Multiclassing is not advised.
Okay, thanks system. Hrm. It said recommended classes, but not all classes. I wonder what the other classes are.
There are over one hundred classes in the first through fifth steps, would you like to filter the results?
Yes, please! What's a good class to start as for multiclassing?
Searching. Two results. Bard and Synergist.
Hey, this system is pretty responsive.
This system's help functions are limited to enabling you to understand system features not native to your previous timeline.
Timeline? Eh, whatever. Bard.
Bard
Utilize weak powers of Arcana and Faith alongside mediocre physical combat. Trademark performance skills may boost allies.
A second step class. Three subclasses. One class evolution.
Gain 3 Charisma and 2 Memory upon choosing this class. One basic Arcana spell and one basic Faith invocation will be granted to you at random.
Uses all attributes to varying degrees except Spirit.
Upon level up an additional random basic spell or invocation will be granted, until all basic spells and invocations are known. Each level you gain 1 Charisma, 1 Memory, 1 Faith and 2 free points.
You do not meet the minimum requirements for this class.
What's the difference between spells and invocations? Spells use Arcana and invocations are for Faith? Like the differences between divine and arcane spells in tabletop RPGs, I guess. So what's a Synergist?
Synergist
Pick apart other classes that you qualify for and take what you will.
A fifth step class. No subclasses. 5th Step classes do not evolve.
You gain the Dabbler class feature upon choosing this class.
Uses all attributes.
What the hell is Dabbler? Is it really good enough to balance out not getting any attributes or spells?
Dabbler
Each time you gain a level, choose another class you qualify for. You gain the benefits of gaining a level in that class. If it's the first time you've chosen that class you instead gain the benefits for starting as that class.
Well, well, well. Yeah, that's pretty sweet. I'm definitely going to choose Synergist. I'll just have to go through all the classes I can qualify for to come up with a-
Theo's yell breaks through my concentration. “Jun! Hurry the fuck up!”
I pick Synergist.
Synergist level up! Please select a class to gain the benefits from.
Aw, screw it, Mage!
You have gained 2 Arcana and 1 free point. You have gained the spells Dark Mote, Hydrate and Yellow Ray.
My eyes open and my hearing returns. Screams come from outside the break room. The break room has transformed. My coworkers are at the open door using a plastic chair to keep back a large, hairless dog. I look down at my Pathfinder character sheet and realize that I forgot to mark off that I used my Disintegrate spell. I pick up my pencil and correct the error.
“Jun, you ass, get over here and help!” Nat's chastisement pulls me out of my rule-following routine.
I stand up, rush over to my friends, raise my hand towards the dog and shout “Yellow Ray!” to cast my new spell.
It's a flashlight. My hand has turned into a flashlight. When they say “basic” spells they sure mean it.
The monstrous dog creature is even more horrifying in bright light. Its eyes glow red. Its skin is saggy and ashen. The head is snapping its jaws at Jose, who is in front with the chair, and its feet are propped up on... The air?
I look closer and see that it's not actually coming into the room. There's a light blue glow around the door frame.
“Guys, I think you can stop,” I say. “We're in a safe room.”
The others yell and throw things at the dog, who is unfazed by anything they do to it. This carries on for about a minute until they slowly, one by one, come to the same realization I had.
“Whelp,” says Jose as he puts down the now mangled chair. “That's a bit odd.” The dog is still snapping and snarling and trying to press into the room. It just can't get past the glowing blue line. Jose closes the door in the dog's face.
It's suddenly quiet and we take in our surroundings for the first time. Before this uh, event, the break room was a 20 ft by 30 ft room with four tables and 16 chairs. Three different vending machines lined the long wall; one for drinks, one for unhealthy snacks, and one for healthy snacks. Nobody uses the one for healthy snacks.
Now however, the room is A) curved to an almost 90 degree angle, B) way too long and C) filled with dozens of vending machines that seemed to be partially embedded into the floor, walls and ceiling.
Jose walks over to a vending machine that's half buried in the floor and tries his credit card in the reader. It works. He chooses the Flamin’ Hot cheetos and they drop down into the slot which is embedded in the ground and unreachable. He hangs his head in disappointment.
Theo claps his hands together. “Okay, everyone, let's take a minute here and think about what our next step is.” He says it like it's just another team huddle.
I consider what I know. I think aloud, “the first thing it said was that we're in a dungeon.” Everyone looks at me. “Like in the game?”
I point at where we'd shoved two tables together so we could roll out a map and have room for our books, dice and other RPG accessories. The map shows where we were in the “temple of the fifth sword,” which our characters were raiding like typical greedy murder hobos.
The game map shows a large entry room, several side hallways, a room with a big fire pit, the room with all the explosive barrels in it and the boss room, which we'd just uncovered. Right next to the boss room is a safe room. The safe room is sanctified against the undead and demons, so they can't get in.
I think everyone gets the idea. The break room has warped and twisted but is now “safe” from monsters.
I look around at my coworkers. We're all wearing the uniform, a red polo shirt and khaki pants. The corporate mandated color scheme for the Get! store employees. Aside from that we look nothing alike.
Theo. Around 30, I think. He's short, black and very fit. He's one of those guys who tries to make up for being 5' 2” by being muscular and using beauty products to be actually pretty hot. He shaves his head. Theo is technically a supervisor but none of us are in his department so he can't actually tell us to do shit.
Jose. He's 38. He's tall, dark caramel skinned, Hispanic and has a lean-muscle body. He has short black hair. He works the inventory in the backroom, runs the big fork lift, and generally moves heavy stuff like TVs and furniture. We've been friends for years, starting when we were in the Army together.
Brian. 40s. Average height and a bit overweight. A typical white guy nerd. Prefers Marvel and claims DC is for fascists. He has shaggy red hair and a red beard. If you called him a Dwarf or highlander he'd take it as a compliment. Works in the bakery, and is great at cake decoration. He's our game master.
Nat. Natalie Okobo. 23. Tall, slender, looks like a supermodel. Shoulder length black hair that curls toward the end. Her skin is dark brown and flawless. Her large eyes are dark brown, nearly black. She walks with a lightness on her feet that's only possible for those who have both confidence and grace. She usually keeps her eyes down to avoid making eye contact with men because then they flirt with her because she's friggin gorgeous. She wears black glasses and pairs them often with eye rolls and other cool, jaded looks. She works in the back with dairy and frozen food so she doesn't have to be where dudes can hit on her too much. Obviously we all have the hots for her. Also obviously she's out of our leagues.
Me, I guess, while I'm at it. I'm Jun Kyung Han. 28. Thin, lanky and 5’ 11”. Korean, but third generation so don't ask me for directions in Seoul. I don't sleep enough so I always have bags under my eyes. So I'm like one of the BTS boys, except creepy and girls don't like me at all. I work in the toys and sporting goods department. I like helping parents and grandparents pick the cool toys and avoid the shitty ones. Makes me feel like my interest in superheroes and action figures is job related and not just being a geek.
“Okay then,” Theo says, “How do we escape this dungeon?”
I hold up my phone. “Cells aren't getting any signals.”
Nat is staring at the fire escape plan on the wall. She seems worried. “Crap on a cracker,” she says, and points at the store map.
We all go and look at it. “Crap,” I say, “on a cracker, indeed.”
The map is a twisted ant hill of distorted store departments stacked into a tower. We are on the 5th floor of a building that used to be a single story.
“That's not a big box store any more,” Jose says calmly.
Outside the break room is a hallway that leads to either the boss room (which looks like it used to be the manager's office) and oh, just the entire rest of a 5 floor dungeon. Filled with monsters. And probably traps.
“We're so dead,” Nat mumbles.