6/21
Washington D.C.
8:00 PM
The big Atmos beam attack was useful, sure. But beating pig men to death with ten storm fists felt good. I wonder about that. What is it about me that thinks that the most efficient way to kill isn't the most satisfying way? The most satisfying way involves repeated punches, cleaving swords, thrusting spears. Weapons and fists that suddenly fire off spells, rather than just me doing it. That way feels right. That way feels like who I really am. The flow of endless attacks. The combinations of strikes and spells. The synergy of weapons and magic.
The P'Orcs are dead. The room is a mess of hundreds of pig corpses. It smells like far too much bacon. We'd really cut loose on these guys. Madeline, Mercy and I struck the core of the group. Quins and Jose took out the right and left flanks. The others took out scores of the front of the horde as they tried in vain to get up the stairs. By the end the pigs were having to climb over their own dead only to get close enough for Henry's shotgun to blow their heads off.
Quins shows off his corpse removal technique by firing an arrow into the center of the room and the corpses, and all their blood and gore, fade away, only to be replaced with coins and items.
I'm breathing heavily. The feeling of unreality hits me again as the gore-splattered room turns into a treasure haul. I raise my hand and call across the now silent room. “I think I need an icebreaker!”
---
“What living person would you like to have dinner with?” Kailani asks the question to the group. “Who wants to go first?” A bunch of hands go up. “You can't pick an Obama.” All the hands go down.
Quins answers the question with a question. “Question, can we beat the shit out of the person? Because if yes, Elon Musk.”
Kailani shakes her head. “No, Mr. Sheffield, no assaulting your guest.”
“Drat.” Quins goes back to his bag of crisps.
“Can I get a translator?” asks Rutger.
Kailani shrugs. “Sure.”
“Then Hidetaka Miyazaki. The director of the Dark Souls games. I've got questions.” Rutger looks around at people mostly unfamiliar with the Souls games. “They have a lot of mysteries and obscure secrets in them.”
We're all just sitting down on the stone stairs with Kailani in front of us, so it feels like she's leading a class. “Talking to someone to get to the bottom of a mystery or two is very telling, Rutger.” I feel like she's going to say more, but she leaves it to each of us to decide what that means. With my 45 Wisdom I decide it means that Rutger doesn't care about famous or successful people, and may not care about those for themselves.
“My wife,” Jose offers. “We haven't had a night out without the kids in like a year.”
Kailani smiles at that. She knows all about having to put your kids first.
“Dude, you know I'd watch them for you,” I offer. Jose gives me a look like he doesn't think I'd make it through a night with his little monsters, I mean lovely children.
“Simone Biles,” is Cappy's answer. “I've actually met her a few times at competitions but I'd like to sit down with her and talk about pressure.” It's an interesting answer. Not just an idol, but someone who might give you good advice.
Parker suddenly offers, “Keanu Reeves. Because, I mean, dude, it's Keanu Reeves.”
Then Scarlett Fletcher comes in with, “Mariska Hargitay.” When I and a couple others don't get it, she says, “from Law And Order: SVU.”
“Good answer, dude,” replies Parker, and slaps Scarlett on the back.
I finally think of my answer and put forward, “Tina Fey.” I get nods all around. Tina Fey is pretty incredible. And incredibly attractive. Oh god don't tell Mercy I said that.
“Okay,” Quins starts, “but can I take the piss out of him the entire dinner? Because if yes, Elon Musk.”
Kailani just shakes her head. “I'm going to say Oprah.” It's a solid pick, and gives you a good chance to find a new car under your seat.
“I've never met my grandparents since they live in Pakistan. Can I just say all of them?” Mercy's request is heartfelt and nobody has a word to say against her idea.
I put my hand on her shoulder. I give her a “we should go” look and she gives me back a “we have important things to do” look. Being in a relationship with someone and knowing their looks is pretty damn great.
“In that vein,” says Henry, taking a deep breath, “my mother. She left when I was a baby and doesn't want anything to do with me.”
We let out a collective sigh. Damn, dude. Mama Kailani goes over and gives him a hug. Henry may have auras but Kailani has vibes.
Madeline rolls her head back. “Well, shit, I was going to say Chris Hemsworth because he's hot, but now I feel like an ass.”
Henry looks her dead in the eyes and with all seriousness, says, “it's okay to go for your man candy, Madeline.” The rest of us lose our shit and laugh at that one.
After the laughter subsides, Quins says, “okay, last ask. Elon Musk, but I make him eat like a poor person. Ramen noodles and that's it. And then I make him do the dishes or something.”
---
Inside each of the six side rooms is a large lever. Once all the levers are pulled several of the pyramid stones slide away leading to a ramp down to the next floor. We're reloaded, recharged and refreshed. Madeline and Henry take up the vanguard this time, and we switch to ninja mode until we know what we're dealing with on the next floor.
The 12th floor is a slaughterhouse, where pig men are cutting up pigs. It's totally disgusting. We shoot, chop, laser and blast our way through.
The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.
The 13th floor is a wide open farm where the P'Orcs are free-range (I guess?) so our long range team gets to mow down everything without much trouble.
The 14th floor seems to be an inauguration ball, and all the pig people are dressed in fine clothes. Seriously, you do NOT want to see a P'Orc wearing a cocktail dress. By now we've got our crowd control routine down so the thousand or so P'Orcs here don't cause too much trouble. Mercy, Madeline and Henry get pretty beat up in the process but Kailani's healing is rapid and on point.
We get to the 15th floor door. It looks more like a wooden gate from a log palisade than a dungeon door.
I suggest we all check our levels and classes before we go in there.
Most people have to hit level 10 in one class before they can choose another, and have to hit level 10 in that second class before they can choose a third, and so on. In addition, if you want a third or fourth step class, you have to take the preceding class first.
Example:
Fighter is a 1st step class. All it requires is 10 Strength.
Knight is a 2nd step class. It requires 15 Toughness and 15 Constitution.
Cavalier is a 3rd step class. It requires 30 Toughness, 30 Constitution and level 10 in Knight.
Lancer is a 4th step class. It requires 45 Toughness, 45 Constitution and level 10 in Cavalier.
5th step classes require 100 in the listed stats, plus level 10 in two different 4th Step classes.
Because I’m a cheating Synergist, I get to ignore level requirements for everything below 5th step classes. I also don’t have to wait until I hit level 10 in a class to unlock a new one. I can do it whenever I want to.
Jose Amarillo hit level 10 in Seer, unlocking the Prophet class. It's supposed to sometimes grant random bonuses to your attacks and defenses, but Jose's Luck stat is so damn high that the effects are basically in effect all the time. He’s 14 levels away from a 5th step class.
Mercy Mahar has hit level 10 in Hexer, which unlocks the 4th step class, Necromancer. However she thinks that's gross, so she's taken the Imbuer class instead. Imbuer and its evolved classes, Runist and Enchanter, let you apply magic effects to items. Items like costumes. So she's been able to place Toughness effects on her White Hat Warlock costume, boosted the Dexterity of the mecha armor, and further increased the Strength of the Oni Princess Kaguya set.
Quinton “Quins” Sheffield was a Bomb Maker, but now he's an Inventor too, which just further increases his trick arrow array. He's about 25 levels away from a 5th step class.
Capricorn “Cappy” Williams hit level 15 in Aerialist, granting her the ability to walk on walls and ceilings. She's friggin Spider-Man with an SMG!
Madeline Diaz has conquered Cavalier, taken a bit of Lancer and has moved into being Barbarian. I think it's partly to pay homage to Franco, our lost Barbarian, but also because it suits her. Plus if she finishes that set of classes and Lancer, she'll be eligible for a 5th step class, the Highlander.
Henry Gallup's Representative class has served him well, but to up his offense, he's taking the Gunner class.
Kailani Haku is keeping the Cleric class for now. She's hit level 30 in it, which gave her a huge bump in healing speed and power. To my knowledge nobody has hit 50 in Cleric yet, so she’ll be the first to see what ability that gets her.
Rutger Waltz hit level ten in Sorcerer and, after talking it through, has picked up the Tactician class. This lets them issue orders that enhance everyone who can hear them. Right now they have two orders, one adds fire damage to physical attacks, the other adds ice damage. Both are pretty rad.
Scarlett Fletcher has advanced her Caller class to Summoner. She got to pick either getting a new partner creature or upgrading Jeff, and she chose to get a second companion. This one is a bat with a scorpion tail that can shoot poison needles. It can also screech out dark elemental rings. His name is Beau.
Parker McCall got to level 15 in Swashbuckler before moving over to Scout, further improving her mobility. She's also picked up the System Scout subclass, so she can scan things like I can. Apparently her scan descriptions are even more flippant than mine are.
For my part I've hit level 10 in Magus, which unlocked the 5th step class Crimson Mage.
Crimson Mage
A master of multiple magics, and a prodigy in blending them together.
A fifth step class. Three subclasses. 5th step classes do not evolve.
Gain 5 Memory, 5 Intelligence, 5 Reflexes and 5 Arcana upon choosing this class. One Legendary spell will be granted to you upon choosing this class.
Uses Reflexes, Intelligence, Memory.
Upon level up a Legendary spell will be granted, until all Legendary spells are known. Each level you gain 5 Intelligence, 5 Arcana and 10 free points.
Subclasses
Plotter - You take your time to create new spells. You can combine existing spells into new spells which become permanent new spells, which can gain proficiency like normal. You may have as many combined spells as you have Crimson Mage levels.
Pantser - You can combine spells on the fly with no limits, though you don't get to keep these new spells and they cannot gain proficiency.
Starry Skies - Your Astral elements can be more freely used together, each sub-mind is now able to handle one element on its own.
I took five levels of this one, and the Starry Skies subclass seemed to auto-select for me. Not that I really think anyone else would even be offered the subclass.
I try it out. Atmos Mind! Lunar Mind! I feel swirling Atmos magic in my left sub-mind and cold, solid Lunar magic in my right sub-mind. A small storm churns around my left hand while a Lunar crystal bracer forms around my right arm. Before, when I'd tried this it had felt like trying to pat my head and rub my stomach at the same time. It was... Frustrating. But now it feels natural. It feels more like holding a game controller, with one hand handling some of the buttons and the other hand having the rest. Both hands working towards one purpose, one goal.
The “spells” I got turn out to be additions to my other spell features.
My Solar weapons spell now also makes knightly armor. My Storm Step flying spell gives me a cloak of storms. My Void blades give me “void garb” which is a purple and black jacket. I've detected the pattern. That means that when I activate both Atmos and Lunar Minds at the same time I get teal samurai armor and a hot pink cloak that flaps behind me, which looks fucking rad as hell.
My last two new effects are for Solar and Lunar magic. For Lunar I get the ability to make “trap grenades” which explode into caltrops or wires. Could be useful? For Solar I get the far more useful “Allies behind a Solar Barrier recover health equivalent to your Restoration Palm technique.” Which is extremely good. Healing my friends at range? And it doesn't say I can't stack the effect, right? So I can surround someone with four shields and give them 4x Restoration? Oh hell yeah, that's going to save a life, for sure.
Anyways, that all aside, I check my radar and it shows one very large enemy moving back and forth in the area ahead. It's vision cone is almost 360 degrees. So definitely not human, or even P'Orc, unless it's some really fucked up version. I bet it's some really fucked up version.
I push open the giant wooden door just enough to peek inside. Inside is a 30 foot tall, 60 foot long wild boar with stone armor plating, tusks that glow with inner lightning and when it steps it makes rings of fire like ripples in a pond. A pond of fire.
Erymanthian Boar. Tier 6. Hercules beat up one of these, but that dude had plot armor. You and your allies don't have plot armor. It controls earth, electricity and fire, in case you hadn't noticed. Oh, and it's too smart for the old “trick it into charging into a wall” routine.
Possible loot: Chains of Hercules, bacon.