Alec clasped the cap on his canteen tightly, wanting to ensure all the water he just collected wouldn’t seep out in their journey. What was supposed to be this emergency journey for two, was now for four. He had to conserve as much water as he could, despite this heat. He hated this fucking heat. He hated the sand constantly in his boots or in his mouth, tasting like gritty nothing.

What he hated most, though, was Kaid Al-Yami.

He should have killed him. In fact, he would have if his sister hadn’t intervened. Even if it went against his mission, the man deserved to die. Hundreds of men with lesser crimes were beheaded or hung, yet this man walked free. There was still minor satisfaction when Alec was able to see the blood seep from his amputated hand. He only wished it had been his right wrist, his dominant hand that he had cut off.

Alec was a tracker, although his prey was now more human than animalistic. To him, they were one in the same. Trackers used to assist hunters in a good hunt, now, he had become the hunter himself. Alec didn’t need to follow a trail of blood, a pile of bodies, or even minor footsteps in the sands to track this man. His scent was strong, diabolical…like sewage laying out in the hot sun.

When the Time Paradox happened, his stench was everywhere. Although, Alec was unable to pinpoint its origin at the time. His reversal of time touched every corner of the Continent, meaning the smell of his usage of Oblivion to track was expansive. The stench was so overwhelming, Alec believed it had been months until he could finally breathe fresh air. Some days, he almost thought Kaid was tracking him when he could smell the malodour in the wind.

It was most likely just in his head, though.

When he was scouting last night, he didn’t imagine it. It was so close. Whatever he had used his Oblivion for, to sneak into the cave or possibly hurt his sister…there was no denying he was there. Rage had overtaken him. He didn’t even care if his fiery accomplice set him afire. He would have let the fire burn his flesh if it meant making a scratch on Kaid Al-Yami.

What he had not expected was Jessamine’s irrational behavior. He watched as she panicked over him. She laid in the pool of blood with him, as if it were an afternoon dip in the beach that Alec remembered they used to do as kids. While Alec had relished in Kaid’s screams of pain, as the raven-haired woman cauterized his wound with fire…he saw guilt and fear in his sister’s eyes. He saw pain.

If he were to hurt Kaid Al-Yami, somehow, it meant hurting his sister.

How it got to be this way, how the two strangers had intertwined like two trees with connected roots…he wasn’t sure. Vrah did not give him many specifics, but had mentioned they must have hated each other. They had betrayed one another, and Alec knew of Kaid’s betrayal in ruining the alliance with Lungor. Caladin had ruined that. Jessamine even confirmed that on the train that she hated him.

So why did she act like that last night? Act like this?

Jessamine sat under a shaded palm away from the sun, her body angled towards the small camping tent where Kaid rested in case she saw movement. She cradled her own knees, her feet firmly planted in the sand, and her head buried in a state of pity. Alec almost thought she had fallen asleep in that position but he noticed she rocked herself, as if trying to soothe whatever emotion overcame her.

“Here, drink,” Alec spoke softly to her as he walked over, “you should stay hydrated.”

“I’m fine,” she refuted, but did glance up at him. Her eyes looked red, not as if she had cried, but as if she exerted so much more energy to prevent herself from crying.

“Jessamine, I…” he paused. He wouldn’t apologize. No, they couldn’t force one out of him, “I thought he was there to hurt you.”

“I told you to stop. He stopped fighting you, you know that right? He wouldn’t have hurt you,” Jessamine shook her head, not believing that.

“Tell that to my black eye,” Alec grunted, his left eye still half lidded from when Kaid had slammed his knuckle into it.

“You should rest,” Jessamine demanded. Despite Alec having not had a wink of sleep in the past twenty-four hours, he didn’t feel exhausted. He knew that was his sister’s way of telling him to fuck off, though.

The tent opened slightly and Jessamine looked up with hopeful eyes, but only saw Mara. The desert sun was still hot, high in the late afternoon and the wink of a few hours of sleep didn’t do any justice. As much as Mara liked Uhkhtar, Kanaf especially, she hated this heat. Coming from a colder region, sometimes this region felt like hell.

If hell was a fiery pit like everyone thought. Kaid had mentioned something about hell being a black, shadowy void. She didn’t know if she believed that either.

Kaid. Throughout her sleep she had heard his painful whimpers or mumbles in his own rest. Guilt hit her with each one. She should have killed that man, engulfed him in flames. Now, he stood practically untouched in front of Jessamine. How the hell she didn’t kill him either, Mara didn’t know.

She remembered his painful screams. What she remembered most, which made all of this worse, was the smell of his burnt flesh from having to stop the bleeding. It didn’t stop his screams in the slightest.

“If we leave as the sun begins to lower, we should arrive in Chebi within a few hours,” Mara pointed out, her hand resting firmly on the handle of her blade as she approached them.

“We should be making our way back to Kanaf,” Alec insisted, “Instead, you drag us through the desert away from there.”

“Like I said before, we are getting to Kanaf, just another way around through the caravan routes. We will blend in much easier there. And we couldn’t stay in that cave last night, we were being followed. We probably still are.”

Mara and Jessamine had to practically drag Kaid through the sand. He was still somewhat conscious as he stumbled in his own steps, but he hadn’t said a word. The tiredness and blood loss had drained him completely, and dragging a well built, grown man through sand was a dreadful experience. But, Kaid was her friend. Her best friend. And she’d do anything for him, like he was her own brother from her own tribe.

“She’s right. It’s the best idea. If Shailud is following our tracks, that means we will make it back to Kanaf before him,” Jessamine agreed with Mara. What they’d all do when they got there, she wasn’t sure. She didn’t know what she’d do when she saw Shailud, one of the men responsible for this chaos. All to act like a hero. Anyone who acted like a hero wasn’t deserving of the title. Only the men and women who plunged themselves into danger, into the unthinkable without second thought…those were heroes.

“We don’t have any money,” Alec grunted, trying to find any excuse to go against this plan.

Mara grabbed the coin purse from her belt, tossing it into the sand near Jessamine’s feet, “This should be enough for beds, new clothes, and transportation. While it is gold, and everyone here uses paper currency, it should still work. Those raiders last night took it from your treasury, figured we would put it to better use than them.”

“Thank you, Mara,” Jessamine spoke sincerely, her voice cracked and dry.

“You know, we wouldn’t be in this mess if you hadn’t attacked the train,” Alec crossed his arms.

“Excuse me!?” Mara scowled.

“Alec. Don’t. They were there when the entire city wall blew up. They witnessed an attack on their friends. Kaid and Mara were just trying to protect me,” Jessamine warned him.

“Yeah, and you cut his fucking hand off,” Mara added, tempted to unsheath her dagger slightly.

“I thought he was trying to hurt my sister! You can’t fault me for that!” Alec shouted, raising his voice.

“Oh, so now you want to be my brother!? Your plan failed, accept that. You thought you could just sit there and play in the shadows, allow me to get hurt and only rescue me when it benefitted you. That’s all I’ve been to you, not some sister, just a fucking person to talk to when you got too lonely enough!” Jessamine rose to her feet, face to face with her brother, “And now, you come back and think I’ll just welcome you back with open arms!?”

“And all you had to do was tell Pestilence where the fuck your Lord Protector was!” Alec seethed, “It’s your fault we’re in this mess.”

Jessamine felt her breath surge with fury, about to say something she’d regret just as Alec had, but a voice was loud enough to interrupt their frustrated shouts.

“Enough!” Kaid exclaimed, his voice causing all three heads to turn towards him. He looked like a mess. His hair was disheveled, dark circles around his eyes, blood stained everywhere across his clothes and his skin. His arm was wrapped securely against his shoulder, secured by his own kaftan cloth to stop any excess bleeding or further use of his arm. He looked desecrated, fucked up by the unforeseen hells that this life liked to penetrate humanity with.

Kaid thought when he awoke, he’d feel this…loss. After all, he lost something important to him, an extension of himself he took for granted. A hand was an overlooked tool used in everyday life, and he just lost one. His mother didn’t speak to him in the Void while he slept. Nobody did. He thought someone would be there to throw it all in his face. No. He didn’t need someone to tell him that.

Kaid lost his hand as a punishment, and he was beginning to feel he deserved it for all his unintended consequences. The only thing that bothered him the most, was that he didn’t know where his watch was.

“Alec was just trying to protect you, Jessamine. We cannot fault him for that. We’ve all done worse for the people we care about,” Kaid lowered his tone, walking over. Jessamine’s worried eyes tracked his every movement. Despite his rugged and ravaged appearance, he walked with his head high and with confidence. Somehow, this didn’t seem to phase him.

That was what she missed most about him, what she felt like she had been missing. She knew there was always something about him, something she couldn’t quite put into words, but it was just how at ease she could feel upon his presence. All anxious worries, insecurities, fear for the future that beheld her…that all faded when they could stand, breathing side by side, as if they needed each other’s oxygen to really live.

Alec said nothing, looking a bit surprised Kaid didn’t seem upset at all about the hand. Alec was expecting some sort of vengeance, anger at such a dishonorable fight. He lost his hand with his own blade, a peculiar blade at that. Regardless, Alec would not apologize. He was right. He was only trying to protect his sister. Instead, he walked to his pack and pulled out a small bundle of cloth, tossing it towards them. Mara caught it, glaring at him. Mara didn’t like the way Alec looked at her friend.

He looked at Kaid as if he knew him, as if they passed the hallways in Caladin together and somehow Kaid had wronged him. She didn’t like that look at all.

Alec retreated into the tent, knowing there was nothing he could do but sleep. He had to wait. He couldn’t make the same mistake as before and strike so quickly, not anymore with his sister’s watchful eyes. He’d have to plan, he’d have to blend in like the spy he became to be. An opportunity would come to him, it may not be soon, but he’d find an opening to take what he wanted.

“How are you feeling?” Jessamine asked, her voice soft as her eyes looked at him.

“I’m okay,” he nodded. Mara felt like that was a lie. He was in pain, but like always…Kaid wasn’t one to really show it. Caladin had taught him to hide his pain, and even in front of Jessamine he’d continue to do so.

“Jessamine, why don’t you redress his wounds? I get a bit…nauseous at these kinds of things,” Mara lied, handing her the bandages. She wanted to give the two of them time alone, and this might be the best excuse at doing so. Jessamine appreciated the notion.

She left them in slight silence, wandering off towards the small river to clean her own dirt or dried blood, leaving the two to gaze at each other.

“I…” Jessamine paused, not really knowing what to say, “she did mention you cut your hair. And shaved. You look almost ten years younger.”

Kaid softly chuckled at that, not expecting it, “It is different, I know. You don’t like it, do you?”

“No!” Jessamine shook her head, “You look fine. More than fine. The beard covers up that strong jaw of yours. I’m just…not used to it, that’s all.”

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

As long as he didn’t shave or trim what was beneath his clothes, then she’d be fine. A faint blush rushed to her cheeks, but Kaid couldn’t tell if the sun had just kissed her cheeks with a soft burn or if she had caused it herself.

“It grows back fairly quickly, I have to shave it practically every day,” Kaid didn’t believe her. Yet, she still looked at him with those soft, blue, almost doe-like eyes, as if her pupils still dilated at the sight of him.

They sat in the shade, Jessamine helping remove the makeshift sling before unwrapping the bloodied cloth. Kaid winced maybe once or twice, but she could tell from the way he grit his teeth or the tightness in his neck, that he was truly in pain. He didn’t have to be brave around her. There was nothing cowardly about showing pain, but she felt maybe he didn’t trust her fully to be vulnerable again.

When she took the wrappings off, she accidentally let out a small noise at the sight. It looked awful. The burns, while necessary, perhaps made the cut worse than it actually was. Bone was still slightly visible amidst the flesh. She couldn’t believe this happened. She shouldn’t have let this happen.

“Jessamine, I’m sorry for-” Kaid spoke but was immediately interrupted.

“You don’t need to apologize for anything,” she assured him, but noticed a determined look in his eyes.

“Can you let me finish?” he asked very gently. He wasn’t frustrated at her interruption in the slightest, figuring she’d say something along those lines. She was always one to excuse his actions, only because she understood where he was coming from. This, though, there were no proper excuses for what he had done. Jessamine silently nodded, beginning to wrap his wrist and forearm with the clean cloth. She figured the talking would distract him from the tight wrappings.

“What I did…all of it, I apologize for. I never meant to hurt you. I broke my vow, as both your Guardian and….” he paused, unable to say the word lover, “I was afraid Mara was right. I always knew you were hiding something but I trusted you. It wasn’t until she told me of that doubt that I let it consume me. I let my hate for Caladin consume me. Had any man done what I did to you, he deserves nothing but a painful death. I should have confided in you. Now, I’ve destroyed everything we tried to build.”

“You did no such thing,” she whispered, shaking her head.

“Jess, I wrapped my hand around your throat. I watched the light of life leave your eyes. For that alone, there should be no forgiveness,” he disagreed.

Jessamine gently laid his injured hand on her bent knee, grabbing his right hand with both of her own. She let the hand wrap around her throat, her eyes glancing directly into his.

“Could you imagine doing it again?” she questioned, wanting to see the truth in her eyes. It was one thing to feel betrayed, to feel white hot anger. Kaid only did what he did to prove a point, not kill her. That she firmly believed in. He wanted her to use her Oblivion against him, to prove all those doubts in his head right. The horror in his eyes at ever thinking of doing such a thing to her again made him immediately shake his head. And that alone was all the answer she needed.

“Never,” he answered, seeing her nod and lower his hand. Despite the rough past day, her fingers still felt so soft brushing over his knuckles.

“That’s all I needed to hear, then,” Jessamine assured before taking a deep breath, “now, it’s my turn to apologize.”

“Jess-”

“Will you let me finish?” she asked this time, with a bit of that humorous sass she held. Kaid couldn’t help but smile, knowing he shouldn’t interrupt her either before nodding.

“What you did, in comparison to me, is nothing. You might disagree, as one action was more inherently violent than the other. But you’re wrong. I knew from the very beginning who you were. I knew you were Kaid Al-Yami, I knew you could control time before even using it to protect me. I went in to get you out of Caladin. I wanted something to put Emperor Bashir’s balls in a vice, make him act in a way he’d regret. I figured the son nobody knew about was a good start. Well, it was all Payne’s idea. I first thought the plan wasn’t going to work, as you read by that…letter. I wanted war knowing I’d win. Yet when I met you, war became an impossible idea

“The plan was for you to admire me, at best even fall in love with me. What the plan didn’t account for was me falling in love with you first. Before you even thought about kissing me that night of my birthday, I spent those two months alone wanting you. That said, I betrayed you. I was scared, scared that once you knew you’d become my enemy, that I’d break your heart and you’d break mine shortly thereafter. I was so selfish. And that made me feel like…I never really changed, that deep down I’d always be so fucking selfish. I felt the same woman I was before I met you. I finally had what I wanted and I didn’t want to let it slip through my fingers. But you did, you did slip through my fingers and because of my actions, you almost left this world too. I’m sorry Kaid. I would take it back, for anything, but I can’t. So if there is anything I can do to make up for it, please, tell me.”

He almost died because of her. That kind of weight on her shoulders at first might have hindered her, but she had to truly believe she could change. She had to change, all because of him, or rather the truth he revealed to her. It was the least she could do in his favor. It was all she could do to try to make things right. And that was not to make herself feel better. This apology was not for herself. He didn’t have to forgive her, he didn’t have to forgive anyone that wronged him.

Kaid took a deep breath, releasing a hum of content. When Jessamine looked into his eyes, the soft brown gleamed in the sunlight, issuing a golden honey glow of forgiveness and understanding. Those same eyes when she told him about her history, how she killed her father and how Alec left. Those same eyes when she eventually revealed his history and legacy. Those same eyes when she held him in her lap. Forgiveness. What is this kind of forgiveness if not unconditional love?

“I’ve missed you,” he finally replied. A soft, surprised laugh left her lips. That’s it? She was expecting anger, or even just questions upon questions about her betrayal. Of course the truth had revealed itself with Payne but…she thought he’d want to know more about her decisions, her awful decisions at that.

She remembered the moment she spent nearly two months apart, avoiding him in Vitross, afraid of her own love for him. And then they sat on that sea wall together and she had said the very same thing: she missed him, greatly. Two months had turned into two years, and it almost didn’t feel any different. There was still chaos of the unknown. There was still a sliver of doubt that maybe their feelings couldn’t return with such fervor. Their responsibilities in this life would always get in the way of what their hearts demanded.

“I’ve missed you too. It’s good to see you,” she agreed, still holding his hand in her lap, “I wish it had been under better circumstances.”

He had an amused look on his face, odd with all the circumstances and misery surrounding him before grabbing her hand to shake gently, “Hi. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Kaid Al-Yami.”

“What are you doing?” she laughed, feeling her heart lift in just the lightness he gave her.

“Starting over, isn’t that what people do? I say, we start over, make a new chapter, forget about the old one. Make a second draft…so to speak,” he explained.

“Alright. Kaid Al-Yami, that’s a strong name,” she amused him, squeezing his hand back, “I’m Jess. Jessamine Kruzika.”

“Empress Jessamine Alexis Kruzika,” he corrected her with a slow bow of his head, seeing her roll her eyes.

“Lord Protector Kaid Al-Yami,” she corrected him in return, seeing a bit of shock on his face.

“I…I thought after everything I did that…” he trailed off.

“Hm, there’s only three ways a Guardian is no longer a Guardian. One: he resigns and steps down himself. Two: he betrays his Empire and is tried with treason. Three: he is deceased. As far as I know, none of those three things have happened,” she clarified, moving back to finish wrapping his injured hand, “you should know that. I believe that was in that Guardian Rulebook you were so heavily obsessed with reading.”

Kaid watched as she wrapped his wound, feeling the blanket of comfort with each new layer of clean cloth. It was beyond painful, but slowing time in between allowed him to recover from each sting. It wasn’t just his arm that was beginning to heal, but his heart. He had lived in fear these past two years for so long, thinking she had hated him, that he ruined everything for her. Maybe that was still the case, that his actions heavily burdened her rule, heavier than the ceremonial crown she’d wear.

“Not the same book that prohibited relationships between a Guardian and his Ruler…it can’t be that same book,” he teased, humor in his eyes, a twinge of a smile on his lips.

“I don’t know of any other,” she bemused, her attention now solely focused on wrapping his arm. If she focused on anything else, like the amusement in his voice, that lightness in his eyes, or the rough look of his lips…she’d have to consume him. While they had agreed to start over, there was still a lingering doubt they could go back to the way things were. The truth was, perhaps they couldn’t.

She finished the tight wraps, seeing a few rapid blinks in his eye as she tucked the tail into the rest to secure it. He was in pain and he couldn’t hide it from her. Jessamine knew him hiding it had nothing to do with masculine bravado or this need to feel strong around her. There had been plenty of times he hadn’t been resilient like this, weeping in her arms…that was true strength. When she finally let go of his arm, he noticed on the inside of her wrist was a deep dark bruise, but not the ones from rope burn.

The fingers of his right hand glided across it, as if the rough padding of his thumb could soothe it.

“Pestilence was rather rough with his torture,” Jessamine noted, seeing the worry in his eyes. She was sore practically everywhere, especially on the cheekbone where she had been harshly slapped, and her ankle. Although that surprisingly felt a bit better today.

“No, this was Vrah,” Kaid saw right through her lie.

“You…you were there?” she asked, wondering if he had been there for the entire thing. Did he misinterpret everything? Or maybe just Mara told him what happened.

“Yes. What a rather shitty proposal,” he scoffed slightly. Jessamine found slight amusement in that comment.

“Well, I said no. And I will pay that consequence when I see him again,” she sighed, not wanting to think about that, “he didn’t like the fact I would sing. Nor that I would immediately propose the Oblivion Academy. He was fervently against both of those things.”

“I thought it was a wonderful idea. You have a beautiful singing voice, it is an instrument of its own grandeur. It was a good thing, singing last night. I think it eased the crowd, made them fall in love with you, kind of akin to your mother,” Kaid smiled softly, not realizing how that memory stirred doubt in Jessamine’s mind. Alec’s words still lingered in the back of her head, wondering if her mother truly had spied against Vitross. But, that was a worry for another time.

“If I wanted anyone in that crowd to hear it, it was Musa the Poet,” she mused, “you have no idea how much…joy just a simple poem would give me. A symbol you were alive, alive and well. I cared not for the content inside, you could have cursed at me and I would have been grateful just to receive a handwritten note from you.”

She missed those little notes he used to hide, either throughout her office or in her bedroom. The worst was when after the Time Paradox she would continue to find a few lingering and hiding somewhere, a place she hadn’t bothered to search until after he had left. It was bittersweet at the time, but she kept them all as a reminder. Each one always held a compliment for her, words she’d never tell herself. But from him, they were much more splendorous.

“Do you love him?” Kaid asked the question immediately, throwing Jessamine off guard. Love who? Vrah?

Jessamine could tell by the look in his eyes, regardless if her answer was yes or no, he would not be angry. He wanted what was best for her, whatever she wanted for herself. Now, if she answered yes then it would certainly shatter his heart but he could not get angry at her. He had been gone for two years and had not shared his feelings for her, mostly because he didn’t know how he felt. Not until now.

“No. No, not at all. He’s a friend, but I’m not so sure if I can call him that anymore,” Jessamine answered, taking a deep breath, “Kaid, I just want you to know, I did things with him-”

“Did he force himself on you?” Kaid asked, his tone tense. He wanted to know that, for the moment he ever saw his half-brother again, he’d certainly not walk out of that room alive.

“No. Nothing as serious as that,” she answered truthfully, knowing she couldn’t let that happen again, “it was only once, by hand and nothing more. The rest were all unenthusiastic kisses and…I’m sorry. I am. I felt so much shame, like I was still betraying you.”

“You weren’t. You aren’t. I’m not upset about that,” he explained, seeing worry in her eyes, “what I’m upset about is you did all of that, and more, for me. You should never sell your body, your soul…anything of yours for me. Not just with him, but in protecting me you’ve cut off allies or other political advantages”

She knew what he meant, but she knew that was also very hypocritical of him.

“Yet, you let time ravage your body to bring me back. Are they not one in the same? Why can you do a deed like that for me and I can’t?” she inquired softly, squeezing his hand.

“That’s different, you’ve suffered so much already-”

“And you haven’t?” Jessamine questioned, “I had to sit there and watch as you were about to die in my arms and I knew there was nothing I could do to help. That was, and is, to this date the most painful thing I’ve experienced. More painful than dying by a dozen stabs, more than anything else in my past. Do not sit here and tell me what I can and cannot do because I love you, that my love must come with conditions or boundaries. With you there are none.”

Kaid felt a quick, hot tear escape one eye. He didn’t know if it had remained there throughout the painful cleaning of his wound, or if it happened to pool from that confession alone. But, he immediately winked it away, having to avert his eyes to her hands covering his own.

“Jessamine, if you must know…I was never angry at you. The reason I hid my awakening from that coma from you was that I thought I had died. I thought, I still think that your life, Mara’s life, the life of Vitross and this entire Continent would be better without me in it-”

He was interrupted by Jessamine’s soft lips, one hand leaving his to tangle in the lower curls of his hair by the neck. She kept him close, hoping her lips could speak things her words could not. He deserved to be loved. He deserved to be alive. And he could not think for a second that her life would be better without him at her side. She had no idea where they went from here. She didn’t think she could separate herself from him again, whether it be two days, two weeks, or two years. She could and would not accept a moment without him unless necessary.

Kaid kissed her back with the same gentleness, savoring a long, stimulating kiss. Her lips were gentle as ever, her touch as needy as he remembered, always craving to caress his hair, neck, or any other sensitive part of him.

“This world is infinitely better with you in it. If time is nothing more than miniscule fabrics woven together, connecting every soul with existence, you are the thread that holds the tapestry together. Without you it all falls apart. Without you, nobody can see the depth of humanity. You pulled me out of my depths, let me help you pull yourself out of yours,” she whispered, pressing her forehead to his, “will you let me?”

“Always,” he whispered breathlessly, following his words with another long kiss against her lips. He could feel her smile against them, sensing the dip of her dimples with his own movements.

She finally forced herself back, letting her hand glide down his smooth jaw before she teased, “Please grow back the beard.”

A hearty laugh escaped his lips, having a feeling she’d say something like that.

“Whatever my Empress wants, she gets,” he agreed, “but if, and only if, she gets some rest.”

“You have a deal, my Lord,” she agreed back, savoring one last glance at him before kissing his forehead as she rose from her seat. She even looked back at him one more time before entering the tent, wondering if the same infectious smile on her lips was on his.

It was clearly evident their love for one another was a contagion, one not even death could stop in its plague.