Kaid had that same visitor last night. He was used to the nonsensical, repetitive woman to invade his dreams of the void. Except this time, there was sense in her words. When Kaid had brought Jessamine into that void, he didn’t know how many ghosts of the past would want to invade that privacy to commune with her. Not just commune, but hurt her.
Not everyone was friendly in this void. There was often a black shadow that lingered, one Kaid felt familiar with.
But it wouldn’t be like Payne to confront Kaid in the afterlife, because that devil would never admit to his failure resulting in his own death.
This woman, though, Kaid could not tell if she was friend or foe. She had originally always spoken as if Kaid was just an observer, a doctor overseeing his patient and witnessing the delusion. Last night was the first time she had acknowledged him.
I’m sorry about your hand. You would have needed it for what is to come.
When Kaid had asked for clarification she just remained silent, almost as if forbidden to tell him. He didn’t know why she spoke so much about the future. Both Farah and Alexandra had consoled him that they could only see the present in this void, not the future. This woman was just a foreboding he couldn’t push aside, ignore, or dismiss.
I would not worry about her, Kaid, his mother whispered in his mind, she’s clearly not right in the head.
Even madness, mother, always has a hint of truth to it, he replied.
He’s right, Alexandra invaded as well.
Somewhere along the way, somehow, Farah and Alexandra got to know each other in this afterlife after realizing their children were romantically attached. Kaid almost worried the two very different women would not get along. Their personalities and background seemed quite the opposite. Yet, surprisingly they complimented each other with their differences. They both were sound judgments in his head, guiding him along when he didn’t know how to piece this mystery together.
“What’s got your head in the clouds, my love?” Jessamine approached him, wearing her waterproof pants and button-up white shirt he loved so much when she was going sailing.
“Huh? Nothing,” Kaid smiled at her presence.
“You sure? You didn’t even see me approach,” she asked, her hand resting on his side momentarily.
“Yeah, I was just lingering in the void, that’s all,” he nodded, “how did training go?”
Jessamine sighed at that, beginning to walk by his side as they made their way to the harbor, “Mara had a great time. I’m sure you will hear all about it later. She’s already bragging about finding something I’m clearly not good at.”
“You don’t have to be perfect at everything,” Kaid shrugged.
“I know, but I think people expect me to be,” Jess hummed, “I found out I’m not the best at archery. But with practice I will get better.”
“That’s a good attitude to have. I mean, think about it, three years ago I was absolutely dreadful at swordplay,” Kaid smiled at the memory.
“You weren’t awful,” Jessamine rolled her eyes.
Kaid laughed at that, “I was. The amount of times I would trip over my own feet or lose balance…well, long gone are those days. Some days I still miss it.”
“Why do you say that?” she inquired.
“Because my biggest motivation was trying to impress you. I don’t think I’ve done much lately to be impressive,” Kaid answered, still smiling.
“Kaid, you impress me every day. You could accept a life of mediocrity and I would not care. Yet, I know you do not. You still yearn to learn something every living moment. And most of all, I am very proud about how you’ve handled everything with Alec,” she admitted, “In all honesty, if you had wished for me to want nothing to do with him, I would have granted that wish. Instead, you bestowed him grace.”
“It’s okay-”
“No, Kaid, it’s not,” Jessamine clarified for him, “What happened was not okay. Same with Caladin, it wasn’t okay. I never want you to feel conditioned with the idea that acceptance means dismissing the brutality conducted against you.”
Kaid knew she was right. Kaid felt he truly could not forgive Alec without shifting the blame, either adding guilt to himself or finding some other excuse. In order to come to terms with his disability, he couldn’t dismiss the crime against it. He truly couldn’t forgive or move on without acknowledging the truth.
How could he tell her that he still felt like maybe he deserved it? What if Caladin was a punishment for the crimes he would commit, not for something he had done as a child? It was foolish thinking, of course. He’d never once claim the misery Mattias had bestowed on Jessamine was a punishment. He’d never want her to take any ounce of blame for that moment.
Shit happens, sometimes really horrible shit, and mostly to the people least deserving of it.
“I’m really proud of you,” Jessamine whispered, wishing nothing more than to take his hand and hold it but the lingering citizens would surely take note of it as they walked the city, “any person would be lucky to have you as a friend, as the championed companion that you are. I feel very lucky to get a side of you not everyone else gets to see. I am an Empress who owns, controls, presides over a thousand things and peoples. Yet the greatest thing I will ever possess is your heart.”
Kaid couldn’t help but smile at that, almost glancing down at his feet with a blush, “Who’s the romantic poet now?”
“Oh please, I only learned from the best,” she laughed, “and I was thinking, you know how sailing always gets me hungry: we should stop by that Uhkhtarian restaurant again for lunch.”
“Darling, you remembered what happened last time…”
“It went fine,” she chuffed slightly.
“Jess, the staff were completely bewildered and worried about everything being absolutely perfect. They were practically shitting their pants the moment you walked in,” Kaid laughed softly, “and then you embarrassed the waiter and the owner had to come out an apologize-”
“I didn’t need an apology. You ordered lamb and they gave you pork. I was merely getting you what you had asked for,” she shrugged, “I don’t see a big deal. I was polite about it and didn’t make a scene.”
“But it was coming from an Empress,” he clarified, “which means they probably thought it was a big deal. Of course you were nice about it. Clearly they just wanted to impress you…and I would have been fine with the pork.”
“You don’t eat pork,” she rolled her eyes, “Fine, fine, I guess we won’t eat there. I’m such an embarrassment right? All I want is to enjoy a normal lunch with my Guardian.”
“There’s no normal when attached to you, and that’s a compliment, Jess,” Kaid smirked, “Alright, how about when you go sailing with Alec, I will stop by the restaurant and mention we will be stopping by for lunch. That will prepare the staff and kitchen to not be so flustered by your beautiful presence.”
“I accept that compromise,” she returned the smile, “As long as you are not embarrassed to be by my side.”
“Never,” he retorted.
The aroma of black salt hit their senses upon their approach to the harbor, a smell neither of them would ever want to truly forget. Already most of the docks were empty as fishing boats or merchant ships had left earlier in the morning. When Jessamine approached the Royal Sailboat, Alec was already there waiting.
With his arms crossed of course, clearly begrudged by Kaid’s presence.
“I thought it was just between us,” Alec spoke as they approached, irritation in his voice.
“It is. Kaid only came to help us set off,” Jessamine clarified, “Good morning to you, too.”
Alec hummed at that, not bothering further as he began adjusting the sail lengths and tethers towards the bow as Kaid helped with the stern. It only took a few minutes to get everything in order, only the anchor needing to be pulled up and Kaid to remove the gangway.
“Thank you,” Jessamine smiled at him, “I will see you in a couple of hours.”
“Have fun. Stay safe, Empress,” Kaid returned the smile, his gaze lingering on her lips. Lately, he had been stopping time when in public to provide her with a kiss she’d only feel like a passing breeze. But Jessamine knew quite well when he’d stop time to show his hidden affection.
However, Kaid knew if he did that now, Alec would sense it. The last thing Kaid wanted to start off this sibling escapade with was having his scent linger. This wasn’t about him, this was about them. So instead he bowed his head slightly, sensing Jessamine’s minor disappointment. Yet, she seemed to understand why she didn’t feel the faint brushing of his beard against her skin.
Kaid pulled the gangway away, watching them slowly sail into the harbor. He waited until they were out of sight, slowly making his way back to the palace. Part of him was glad he wouldn’t be on that ship, knowing his presence always seemed a hindrance to their fragile relationship. The other part worried what conversation or action could occur if he wasn't there, though.
Jessamine would handle it, like she always did.
Alec barely spoke the first twenty minutes, letting Jessamine guide them out to open waters before letting the wind charge their course. When the wind seemed steady, Jessamine finally left the helm and walked over to him, hoping they could begin this conversation somehow.
“I can’t even remember the last time we went sailing together,” Jessamine sighed.
“I mean, we sailed a few weeks ago to that whale graveyard,” Alec shrugged.
“You know what I meant. I meant us sailing together, just the two of us,” she rolled her eyes, always hating his pragmatism.
“I don’t think we’ve ever sailed alone, just the two of us…” he realized, “I suppose we didn’t hang around a lot together, did we?”
“Not really,” Jessamine replied with a hint of sadness.
She remembered trying when she was younger, always wanting to go out on adventures with him, train with him or Kiev. Alec always remarked it was dangerous, and clearly no place for a lady such as herself. Jessamine understood Alec had his own friends and well, she didn’t really have any growing up. There were not a lot of young women her age around Vitross, and very few were seen as a positive influence for Jessamine.
“You know, you never had to view everything as a competition,” Alec pointed out, “all the things we did do together: race down the halls, swim furthest out from shore, even vie for our parent’s attention. You always made it some kind of game.”
Jessamine knew his perspective was quite different from her own. It would be like him to view that as useless, scoffing at his little sister always trying to make a game of things. Yet there was a reason behind it.
“Maybe I just wanted to win something, for once. I didn’t mean to make it feel that way. I know you had your responsibilities and rules, same as myself. But I couldn’t do the same things you could,” Jessamine leaned against the railing, looking at him, “And I know what you’re thinking. I could always ask for the prettiest dress or new piano or some fancy materialistic item and it would be granted to me without question or thought of the cost. I didn’t want those things, at least all the time. I just wanted a bit of adventure.”
“Adventure is dangerous. Of course father didn’t want you to put yourself in any form of danger,” Alec responded.
“Funny, so he lets his eldest child and heir put himself in plenty of danger.”
“Well danger builds character for a man and…” Alec trailed off, realizing his answers were just confirmations of what Jessamine had felt. The emotion on his face altered upon that realization, softening his features.
“I’m sure I was a bit of an annoying, spoiled brat,” Jessamine shrugged, “I wasn’t something an older brother probably wanted to hang around.”
“We were both brats in our own way,” Alec smiled softly, trying to cheer her up, “but even if it felt like that way all those years ago, I think it makes me grateful for this opportunity with you now.”
Jessamine smiled in response, seeing his own not falter upon his genuinity.
“So, what mischievous things did you get up to when you left Vitross?” Jessamine asked, a tease in her voice.
“Nothing fancy,” he shrugged nonchalantly, taking the moment to tighten some rigging..
“That’s it? You spent more than five years away and…nothing happened? I don’t need details, Alec, but surely you wandered strange lands and met even stranger people,” Jessamine crossed her arms, “I want to know what you were up to.”
He sighed slightly, but knew being vulnerable was the only way to stop her slight pestering, “I wandered a bit. I tried to linger around Vitross villages near the border to Skale, but sometimes I got paranoid that someone would recognize me. So I went deeper into Skale, knowing my funds were limited and I needed to find steady work. I found this small gale, surrounded by citrus farms, it was called Aspen, ironically enough.”
“Aspen,” Jessamine hummed, “Not familiar with it. But it sounds like a quiet, quaint place you settled down a bit.”
“Yeah, the thing about small places like that, they aren’t open to strangers,” Alec laughed genuinely at that, “Especially strangers that don’t know a single thing about farming. They had me doing a lot of grunt work, back breaking chores that hardened my soft hands.”
“It sounds like you stayed out of trouble…for once,” Jessamine laughed, listening intently.
“For once,” he nodded, “I knew it wouldn’t last long though. I wasn’t meant to be a farm hand and I knew I would either have to move on or find something else. Luckily, someone in the wheat industry thought about opening up a bar.”
“Who better to know about ales and fine wines than you?” Jessamine smiled.
“Precisely. I had him get together with the other farmers with leftover citrus, creating a more acidic flavor to the mead. The idea worked. After all, what man after a long day in the sun wouldn’t want to go to a small place and enjoy a cold pint of alcohol? The guy needed a bartender, so that’s what I did. Less backbreaking than picking fruit off the floor all day.”
“Alexander Kruzika, magnificent bar-keep. I’m shocked. It’s not exactly what I expected, but I think it was good for you,” she admitted.
“What did you think I’d become?”
She hummed softly, knowing at the time he left, that thought wasn’t on her mind, “Honestly, you loved fighting so much you’d probably join a mercenary crew. Or a merry band of bandits, causing chaos around the Continent. Instead, you grew a good head on your shoulders. You made a name for yourself.”
“Yeah…yeah I suppose I chose well. There were plenty of happy memories in Aspen,” Alec agreed.
“And you don’t wish to go back?” Jessamine asked, “Maybe even just for a visit?”
“No. No, Aspen isn’t what it used to be,” he swallowed hard, Jessamine seeing a bit of pain in his eyes. There were also plenty of bad memories there as well.
Jessamine wished nothing more than to enter his mind, just for a glimpse of that pain to comfort him. But she wouldn’t dare. She’d have to find a way to comfort like any normal human would. She’d have to gain his sympathy against his unknown torture. Her intuition, though, seemed to be directing her to the most magnificent yet painful emotion that could make him look like that.
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Love.
“What was her name?” Jessamine asked gently, “I know a look of dreadful love when I see it.”
He sighed, knowing his sister probably didn’t have to invade his mind to see the truth, “Zarya.”
“What a beautiful name.”
“She was a beautiful woman. In all honesty, she deserved so much better than what Aspen could provide to her,” Alec looked away towards the sea with sorrow. She deserved so much more than the fate provided to her, what he could provide her. “If you were to ever see her, you would have thought she wasn’t my type. She was burly, biceps bigger than my own from all the farm-work…strong in so many ways.”
“Definitely does not sound your type at all,” Jess laughed softly, “Let me guess, you two didn’t get along at first. She probably thought you to be some spoiled brat.”
“You guessed correctly,” Alec blushed slightly, “she didn’t like me one bit.”
“What changed her mind?”
“Her kids really liked me. Remember the Fables of Fate stories we were read to when we were young? I used to retell all those stories to them to pass the time, make a dramatic show of it,” Alec explained.
Kids? Alec never once even seemed open to the idea of children. In fact, Jessamine remembered growing up he almost hated the idea of being a father. Sometimes, people believed they’d never make a decent father, or they didn’t want that responsibility. Surely, Alexander must have loved this woman if two children could worm their way into his heart.
“Yeah, my favorite story was of Dion, the bard who could stop violence with his singing,” Jessamine nodded, vaguely remembering the tale.
“Yeah, Lydia really liked that one,” Alec nodded, realizing just how happy that memory made him, “eventually, Zarya approached me to try and get me to stop talking about all these adventures in her head. I think she was worried I was giving them a false sense of reality, and maybe I was. When she told Lydia and Lucas to leave me alone, they were so upset. They…well, their father wasn’t around.”
“Oh, she was married or…?”
How could Alec tell her? Yes. Zarya was married, married to a convict. A man who had killed two men in Aspen in a horrible jealous rage. The man was a maniac, one who didn’t care for people’s feelings. He’d destroy any and all happiness Aspen had, which was very little.
That man should have never been let out of prison. Never. In fact, he wasn’t let out, he was fucking liberated. How could he tell Jessamine that the Guardian that stood at her side, let a dangerous man like him return back to Aspen and ruin Alec’s life? Remove the only good thing about it?
“Yeah…” Alec answered, wanting nothing more than to tell her in a furious spat. But he couldn’t. She wouldn’t understand. She defended that man more than she defended her own honor, her own virtue and reputation. He could not tell her. He could only show her.
“Well, marriage is just an institution,” Jessamine could see his turmoil, wondering why he’d be so bothered by something like her being married. Of course, her own opinions of marriage had changed greatly. She thought it was just a sham ceremony followed by a signature on a piece of paper. But when that idea was attached with an actual love…creating a union out of the invisible tether between hearts seemed like such a beautiful idea.
Yet, when she looked deeper she could tell he wasn’t telling the full story. And that was to spare himself pain. She had already pried enough, and knew that pushing any further would only make him shut down.
“We must not let the love we all hold for each other go to waste,” Jessamine approached him, “I will not pry further, but do not let the pain overtake the joy that you felt with her. She would be proud of the man you’ve become.”
No. No she wouldn’t, he thought.
-
Cadize sat across Kaid, both of them letting the glow of the library fireplace keep them warm as they glanced over the various documents.
“So, this Lord Bryon is now Prime Patent in Arilla?” Kaid asked, scratching his light beard. He was wondering how Jessamine was doing, but he knew he couldn’t let his worry for her overcome getting some work done.
“Yes, for the past five years he has overseen all the new patents of technology and engineering feats funded by the Arillian Bank. Which is exactly why Jessamine thinks he is a prime target to begin sabotage with. If anyone could find a flaw in Lungorian products or equipment, it would be him,” Cadize nodded.
When Kaid looked his friend in the eyes, he could see great hesitation.
“Cadize, you can always tell her no,” Kaid insisted.
Cadize chuckled softly at that, “Maybe these days I can. A few years ago, telling that woman no was a death sentence. That was before meeting you, though. No. I can’t tell her no. She’s not only doing this for what’s best for Vitross, but maybe she knows I need to do it too. I will admit I’ve been distracted lately, seeing everyone so in love and planning for weddings and the like.”
“It won’t be easy seeing him again,” Kaid nodded, knowing how that felt, “You will worry that everything has changed, or even worse, nothing has changed. What is your biggest fear in seeing him again?”
He sighed, removing his glasses to clean them although that was only a distraction, “I suppose it’s that he’s found someone else that made him happy. While it would be what he deserves…it would also remind me of what I let slip through my fingers.”
“Yeah…I know the feeling,” Kaid agreed with that fear, “But, time is a funny thing. It can erode great cliff sides, whittle down rock into sand, but sometimes there are things that can outstand those gusts of fury. Perhaps you two have always been right for each other, but the timing just never aligned. Maybe this time, it will slot right into place.”
“I am getting older, Kaid. Not many age with grace and handsome looks such as yourself,” Cadize laughed, “So much has changed.”
“Yes, change is inevitable. But if the things he once loved you for haven’t, then there is still a chance. Is there not?”
“And what if the things he hated me for remain?”
“Do they?” Kaid questioned.
Obsessed with his work, with helping others and putting his name in the scientific spotlight. He had achieved those things, yet it had never felt enough. Back then, he worked for an Emperor who never wanted any servants or assistants to take days off. Work was all that mattered. Now, he was under an Empress who would more than understand the need for breaks.
But if war was to come, Cadize knew he’d have to be ready to be called to arms. Not the physical kind, of course, but of the strategic, mental kind.
“Okay, say we can get him on our side. Where do we hurt them most?” Cadize ignored Kaid’s question, only because he had answered it internally.
“We should avoid their firearms if possible, save as a last resort. If we target those, surely it will be just as obvious as their whale mishap,” Kaid supported his thinking mind with his hands as a platform below his chin, “Lungor’s economy is based on that of others. They use our turbines to assist in irrigation. Skale for produce. Uhkhtar for graphite mines. They’re a more mercantile kingdom. It would be hard to hurt that economy without making those people starve.”
“Kaid, you must know any kind of sabotage might get people hurt,” Cadize reminded him.
“Yeah, I learned that from Caladin,” Kaid sighed, “I did all of that and for what? Caladin still exists, Oblivion is still despised in plenty of regions…plenty of people died. I can’t let something similar like that happen again. We must minimize any risk for unnecessary calamities or casualties. Otherwise, we are no better than Payne.”
“Jessamine knows that too, which is another reason why I think she thought of Bryon. He might know of deals, patents, and contracts Lungor works with. Same as our contracts with Arilla regarding the turbines. While Arillian contracts are usually set in stone with minimal loopholes, it wouldn’t surprise me if Lungor has found one and exploited it.”
“Mhm, that’s something Lungor is good at,” Kaid nodded, agreeing very well with that statement.
There was a short pause as both men seemed to agree they couldn’t do much more planning without meeting Bryon. And of course, that was if the meeting went according to plan. There was no telling exactly how Bryon would react, or how they could even begin to broach the subject without it being seen as a break in a very fragile alliance.
“Can I ask you something, Kaid?” Cadize asked, leaning back to relax in his chair.
“Of course, my friend,” Kaid nodded.
“Back in Uhkhtar, you had people bowing at your feet. You could have used that to your advantage. Both Jessamine and myself believe you would be a kind, benevolent ruler. You could have led Uhkhtar to greatness, yet you chose differently,” Cadize explained, before asking, “Why?”
Kaid took a moment to think about it, to truly think about it. He knew why he chose what he did, why he resisted such great temptation.
“I will lose control if I gain power,” Kaid admitted, “that is my flaw, my greatest weakness. It has nothing to do with a love for power. It has to do with my blindness for humanity, for my belief that even with power, I can steer people in the right direction. That is what Payne used against, what he wanted me for. When Jessamine was no longer becoming the monster he groomed her to be, he went for me instead.”
“But you are self-aware of it, Kaid. You do not ignore it like most rulers do. That makes you even more deserving of it,” Cadize observed.
“I liked what I did in Caladin, Cadize. No. I loved it. I don’t regret a single spillage of blood caused by my blade that day. Yet, that spillage of blood inspired others to go for innocents. Violence is a disease, one that had lingered too much in Caladin and couldn’t be cured. When Jessamine rescued me from Caladin, I took a piece of that disease with me. I know what power I already possess. I know what I can do with it. I can erase moments of time and replace it with my own creation.”
“Yes, you can, but at great cost to yourself,” he reminded the Guardian.
“When we are given power so suddenly, cost is never taken into any consideration. When a man wanders the desert with no water for days, and stumbles across a canteen of water, do you think he will be wise enough to take a few sips?” Kaid articulated.
“No,” Cadize answered, “He would most likely devour every drop to quench his thirst.”
“Power is not the water, or the canteen. Power is what places that canteen of water there. It creates opportunity for gluttony. I cannot fault the water for tasting so delicious and satisfying me, it is not the water’s fault.”
“So, if the idea of ruling on a throne is your opportunity of a canteen of water existing, what is your canteen?”
“Jessamine. Without second thought to the cost, no, that’s a lie. I knew the cost of bringing her back and I did it without hesitation. You must understand Cadize, I cannot be a parched man again. I cannot be without her, I cannot see her hurt. If more power is given to me, I will not think of the cost it takes to keep her safe. If I took that opportunity in Uhkhtar, I would have lost control. Here, as her Guardian, I still have enough to keep her safe,” Kaid leaned back into his chair uncomfortably, taking a sip of his iced coffee, “It sounds ridiculous, I know.”
“No. It is very admirable of you, Kaid. You see the potential of power but do not want it. My only concern is…” Cadize leaned forward slightly, “Won’t you get exhausted of protecting her? Your defense can only hold for so long. If you don’t strike back, you will break.”
“That’s what this sabotage is, Cadize, me striking back,” Kaid refuted slightly.
“But will it be enough?”
A long pause settled between the two friends, knowing morals were questioned. Cadize did not once question Kaid’s moral ambiguity. He was a man who championed for light and justice, but of course there was darkness to him. There was that in everyone. Cadize’s only greatest worry was if that darkness of him was provoked, would he regret not taking that power when he had the chance?
“We can only find out…” Kaid whispered, nodding with his friend.
-
Jessamine and Alec laughed as the last gust of wind hurled them back towards the harbor. The black ocean water sprayed in every direction, soaking them both. But nothing felt more joyous than the adrenaline of a speedy watercraft that they could control.
“Why don’t you take the helm, take us back to the harbor?” Jessamine ran her fingers through her wet hair, moving to tie it up and out of the way.
“This has been pretty fun,” Alec agreed, moving up the helm, “Can we do this again, sometime?”
“Of course,” Jessamine was delighted. It was nice to bond with her brother again. Even if they hadn’t talked much more about his past in Aspen or even Jessamine’s dealings, it was nice to begin anew. They had worked together to get back to the same point they had started from, and without much of a struggle.
As they slowly pulled into the beginnings of the harbor at a very slow speed, a clear figure stood at the docks: Kaid.
At that, Alec’s entire mood shifted.
“Are you that oblivious to him, Jess?” Alec asked, removing Jessamine from her thoughts.
“To whom?”
“Kaid,” Alec grunted, “Surely you must know, he is in love with you.”
Jessamine straightened up slightly, sensing the frustration in his tone. How ironic of him to mention obliviousness, when it was Alec who was most oblivious at all. Did he not see how much she loved her Guardian? Of course her own emotions were much less decipherable than Kaid’s, since he always had a warm smile on his face.
“I thought we agreed to not even speak of him while we went sailing?” she questioned, knowing that was a boundary Alec himself had established.
Alec rolled his eyes at that, “Well, it’s almost over.”
Jessamine crossed her arms, although lingered near the rigging in case anything needed to be adjusted, “Plenty of men, young and old, have been infatuated with me. I’m not sure why it surprises you now. It is not my fault I inherited our parent’s good features.”
“Yes, yes, I know. You’re an attractive woman who was taught to use that to her advantage, I do not fault you for that. I know that is what Payne had used you for to lure him out of Caladin, and it worked well. But do you think perhaps it worked too well?” Alec questioned, “I mean, don’t you get tired of it?”
“Tired of what?”
“Giving men like him a sense of hope? Playing into the fantasies in their heads?” Alec explained, “Vrah is another thing entirely. He is not good for you, I see that now. You could do better, Jessamine. I mean, what about Kiev?”
Jessamine knew where this was going, and she didn’t know how to protect her affection for Kaid without giving away her own feelings for him. She had a feeling if she ended this trip admitting she loved Kaid more than anything, they’d never go sailing again.
“I believe Kiev has another woman on his mind…” Jessamine hummed, not sure how he’d feel about knowing that woman was Mara of all people. Kiev never admitted it, but he liked the dangers that woman of fire could do to his powers of ice. Ever since their little duel in that Ukhtarian camp, he never got her out of his mind. And the revelation she had a son, Payne’s son at that…never changed his mind.
“I just want you to be happy, you know? I know you always wanted a prince, or a husband that had handsome blonde hair and money and…someone who treated you with respect and manners,” Alec sighed, trying to explain himself, “I want you to fulfill your own fantasy too. I know it is hard as an Empress.”
She already had her fantasy, and his name was Kaid Al-Yami.
“I can’t love both my people and a man at my side, such is the price for ruling,” Jessamine lied, although there was a bit of honesty in those words, “Regardless of the right man, eventually a choice would have to be made. A side would have to be chosen, and that choice hurts both parties. I wouldn’t want a man I care about to get hurt like that, so why invite one in the first place?”
“So why haven’t you controlled Kaid’s feelings for you?” Alec demanded.
“I thought you would have learned that from Persephone: that is one thing I can’t control,” Jessamine clenched her jaw, “I can refute my own feelings for Kaid, and I have. He is a friend, a loyal companion and nothing more. He knows that, and if he chooses to love me I cannot stop him. But he remains respectful of my decision, unlike most men I’ve refuted.”
“Eventually, Jessamine, it will come down to a choice,” Alec approached, reaching the anchor.
“A choice of what?”
“Me, or him. You know we do not like each other. Eventually, that will implode and I don’t want you getting hurt because of it. He will make you choose,” Alec pardoned, his voice growing soft, “I don’t want to lose you, Jess. You’re my family now.”
Of course that thought had crossed her mind. What if Kaid eventually came to terms with his grief and established the boundary of dismissing Alec? Jessamine already knew what decision she’d make, how could she not? But if she continued on more outings like this with Alec, it would only make that decision harder. But, there was always a chance Kaid wouldn’t ask that of her.
Alec had not even been here long enough to even make such demands. Yet, if any of the two men would ask Jessamine to establish such a boundary, it would be the man in front of her currently, and not the man patiently waiting at the dockside.
“Alec, you won’t lose me,” Jessamine assured him, “It will not come to that, I promise you.”
Alec only sighed, knowing she was just being the stubborn Kruzika she was, “I just want you to be careful.”
“So does he,” Jessamine pointed out, dropping the anchor. Kaid was now practically in earshot, so she was praying her brother didn’t say something stupid. Jess tossed the tethering ropes over for Kaid, letting him secure the ship tightly against the docks before gathering the gangway.
She wished nothing more than when Kaid stood there waiting to grab him by the collar of his kaftan and kiss him, show her brother his own bias and ignorance blinded him. Yes, Kaid was not that fantasy she had pictured when she was a little girl dreaming of a fantastical romance. But the best love came from the unexpected. She thought he would have learned that from Zarya of all people.
Some people just didn’t learn from their past, and more often than not, criticized that of the future. A future made from their own choices and consequences.
“Here,” Kaid approached, having a bundle of cloth for her, “I brought some warm clothes for you, figuring you would come back drenched. That is always a good sign of some fun sailing.”
“It was fun,” Jessamine smiled, seeing Alec watch them from the side, “Thank you. I’ll go below deck now and change real quick.”
She did so, leaving the two men alone which she wondered now if that was a horrible idea to make. But at the sound of the cabin below deck closing, and locking, all she could hope for was that they controlled themselves.
“She doesn’t love you, I hope you know that,” Alec crossed his arms to appear more intimidating, his voice having a tone of protectiveness.
Kaid blinked, not sure if he should laugh. Surely, if he knew what kind of blessings Jessamine had given him last night: hickeys where no other person would see, her delectable moans, or the burning scratches on his backside from her sharp nails…that common wouldn’t have been made.
“I know,” Kaid lied, “that changes nothing of my loyalty or devoutness towards her.”
“Or, you're an older man who thought you could sway the mind of a young Empress,” Alec shrugged, “I know what abuse looks like, or attempted abuse at that.”
“Yes, I know. You were raised by such,” Kaid retorted.
Alec clearly grew provoked at that comment, but didn’t say anything upon hearing that door below open. Jessamine had changed rather quickly, as to not give the men any more chance to put their fists onto each other.
“Thank you for thinking ahead, Kaid,” Jessamine gleamed, glad they stood far apart from each other.
“Of course,” Kaid smiled, looking back at Alec, “Would you like to join us for lunch?”
Jessamine almost wanted to pinch him for that. Of course she knew Kaid was just trying to be nice, and she had enjoyed some time with her brother. Yet, all she wanted to do right now was eat and chat with Kaid on a corner of cushions, smoking a waterpipe or sipping tea.
She had the feeling given his posture and attitude, the answer was thankfully no.
“No, no thank you,” Alec clenched his jaw, forcing himself to relax as he looked at Jessamine, “I look forward to this again.”
“Of course, perhaps we can do our next one after the party in the Southern Isles,” Jessamine nodded eagerly. He nodded in return, leaving the two of them alone.
To Alec, Kaid was the man who liked a challenge. Payne must have challenged his ability to be her Guardian, and he accepted that, and won miraculously. Now, Jessamine claimed no love for him, so Kaid would challenge that as well. He’d wait for a perfect opportunity to eventually manipulate his sister emotionally. And if she wasn’t careful, she’d fall for it.
Just as Kaid would wait, so would Alec. But Alec wouldn’t just wait, he’d plan. And with a trip to the Southern Isles and a party all intertwined…his plan was coming into motion. All he would need was a moment alone with an incapacitated Guardian and Alec would finally get what he wanted.