The fire cracked into the dry wood loudly, trying to fill the void of silence between the two siblings. It was a small flame, just bright enough where she could see her brother’s shadowed eyes. The fire still provided that aroma of smoke, similar to a campfire which sent Jessamine’s thoughts briefly to escaping Caladin and enjoying a fireside chat with Kaid. Then, she was sitting side by side with him.
With her brother, a man she grew up with, she kept her distance.
Most people used Uhkhtar as a means to escape the Continent’s rulers, find refuge, or hide from their consequences. Not Alec. No. His skin still looked too fair for the Uhkhtar sun to sting. The tribal garb shrouding himself was worn incorrectly. And, if Alec was anything like their father (his mentor)...then he too would have a distaste for Uhkhtarians or any foreigners of darker complexion.
Unfortunately, there was no use in wondering. Jessamine would never know unless she asked. She just didn’t know how much he’d be willing to answer.
“Did you think I was dead?” Alec asked, the first to break the silence.
“There was a brief period I did, between moments of belief you were alive. When I slowly lost trust in Payne, the man who tried to convince everyone you were dead, I began to doubt it,” she answered softly, “besides, you’re a Kruzika. We’re pretty decent at surviving…”
Alec seemed to stiffen slightly at the mention of Payne. From what Jessamine could recall, they weren’t really close. Alec seemed more intimidated by him than their father, and rightfully so. Payne always held a cautious, observing eye over Alec, as if he judged his every move.
“Glad that fucker is dead. He was always up to no good,” Alec sighed. His words stung probably more than intended.
Jessamine scoffed, “Yet you left me with him, left me to fend for myself.”
“And look how you’ve handled it, quite spectacularly,” Alec complimented, a backhanded one at that.
“Why did you leave?”
“You know the answer to that, I left a note.”
“And I didn’t believe it for a second. You are many things Alec. You were many things, to me. A coward…you weren’t one,” Jessamine glared at him.
Alec knew that she’d be bitter about the past. He didn’t realize she’d be this bitter about it.
“If surviving is cowardly, then you and I are the same, aren’t we?” he questioned gently.
“Surviving? Who or what did you believe was so dangerous as to leave everything and everyone you knew?” Jessamine asked, although the answer appeared in her mind the second after asking.
You.
Alec didn’t say anything for a moment, taking a deep breath, “I lapsed in judgment. With our father dead, it immediately made me heir to the throne. I became vulnerable and Payne took that vulnerability to the extreme. He convinced me I was next on your list, that if I wanted to sleep peacefully at night without fear-”
“Alec, I never would have hurt you,” Jessamine shook her head.
“You murdered our father, in his sleep-”
“And he murdered our mother!”
“That was the biggest flaw I saw in you…how much you relied on her. Ironic now, how much you look like her too. You even darkened your hair,” he shook his head, “you’re blinded by your love for her. You couldn’t see what I saw, what father saw. Did you know she was a spy?”
“A coward and a liar…you really have changed,” Jessamine clenched her jaw.
“The Monnier’s were losing money. Nobody was interested in their bullshit antiquities or historical artifacts anymore. The Monnier family was nothing but pirates, soon realizing their ocean domain shriveled up dry. How do you think Lungor always seemed one step ahead of father? How could they predict his movement even in the shadows? They paid the Monnier’s a wealthy amount to send their most beautiful maiden to seduce a young Emperor…what better person than a woman who can control emotions through song.”
“You’re lying,” she shook her head. It made sense. There was a miniscule amount of belief in his sentences. There was always speculation Alexandria, their mother, could manipulate through song. Jessamine knew it to be true. All the nights the storms would scare her, or a vicious nightmare would overtake her as a child. And all it would take, was a soft song from her mother to lure her into a peaceful and calm sleep.
The Monnier family wasn’t innocent. She knew that. Nobody could live in this Continent and be pure.
“Father found out when he assigned Payne to monitor her communications with family. He was losing trust in her and Payne found all the evidence he needed.”
“He bashed her head into that fucking piano. I saw it with my own eyes, I saw it in his memories-”
“Yet you didn’t see the bigger picture. She was providing Lungor information. That alone is treason. She was going to take you and flee to the Southern Isles where they’d protect her. He was angry, rightfully so. That white hot anger you felt when you took the air from his lungs, it’s the very same he must’ve felt,” Alec explained, remaining remarkably calm.
Alec was never very emotional. He was very up front and brutally honest, blunt…what some people might call an asshole. However as an Emperor, those were traits that were well liked because it instilled confidence and showed ‘commendable’ leadership. He had the gall to say what needed to be said and most of the time didn’t care the tone in which he used.
“It was an accident…okay? I wished him dead, but I didn’t mean to kill him. We all know he was different when he killed mother. He hardly spoke to any of us, he was a shell of what he used to be,” Jessamine whispered, averting her eyes towards the fire, “a lot of people regret their first kill. A lot of people find that first kill to change their very nature. Few can say the first person they’ve ever killed was their own father.”
“Do you regret it?” Alec asked.
“No,” Jessamine answered sincerely, “No. I do not. I’ve killed far more powerful men than my father, the same man that convinced you to leave. Do you regret leaving?”
He hesitated, “No.”
“So why now? Why reveal yourself to me now and why are you even here? If all you’re going to do is shove my mistakes in my face-”
“That’s not my intention, Jess,” Alec shook his head, “what happened tonight was a mistake. Shailud wasn’t supposed to attack the convoy. I was acting undercover. Shailud and Pestilence were working together. Pestilence would gain information about your Guardian, in exchange, Shailud ‘attacks’ the convoy to rescue you. In rescuing you, he appears a hero and strengthens his notoriety on the Continent.”
“I see,” Jessamine hummed, figuring this was all pre-planned from the beginning. She felt so fucking foolish, thinking she could come here and help. They didn’t want her help, not the kind she was offering. They were using her as leverage for their own political gain. “You must be working for Lungor, then.”
“Yes. After the Time Paradox…they found me. Their plan was to use me as ransom, in case you got out of control. If you started going against them, they would have used me as leverage. I convinced them I was useful, so they sent me to infiltrate Pestilence’s group and earn his trust. From there, I could monitor his movement and who he was targeting. When I found out his plan with Shailud, Vrah wanted me there to keep you safe.”
“Oh, I feel so safe with my fucked up ankle, torn dress, and stolen Oblivion,” she rolled her eyes, her voice laced with heavy sarcasm.
“If I had acted any sooner, my cover would be blown. Vrah needed me to ensure this happened. Once he got evidence of their treachery to steal his fiance…he’d have real reason to get rid of Shailud. He wanted Shailud to get caught, to dethrone him. Isn’t that what you wanted, someone else to lead these desperate, poor people into a better future?”
So, that’s why he proposed, or at least a small reason. Why didn’t Vrah just tell her? Why didn’t he trust her? It was the same reason she couldn’t trust him. Jessamine didn’t tell him everything, and for good reason. Their relationship was doomed from the start. A relationship had no room for deceit, for dishonesty or betrayal. That’s probably why Jessamine was so bad at them.
Jessamine remained silent, thinking about her Oblivion for the moment. If it was truly gone, she’d have to cope somehow. She couldn’t let anyone else know it had been taken. If her enemies knew, if her associates knew…they’d take full advantage. Lying was something she was once good at. She just might have to master it once more.
“If Pestilence is killed, your Oblivion will be returned to you,” Alec assured her, noticing she wasn’t saying anything.
“Why would Shailud kill him?” she asked, “If they had a deal, why would he attack the train with full force? I heard the screams, I saw blood. That wasn’t pretend.”
“I don’t know. Shailud doesn’t like being told what to do. Maybe he’s harboring that criminal too…this Kaid Al-Yami,” Alec muttered, perplexed by it as well. Everything about Kaid was frustratingly perplexing. Nobody knew this man’s name three years ago. He was a nobody. And now, everyone knew what he had done, who he was…how much hurt he caused. Jessamine had let this man sit by her side, let him infiltrate and cause irreparable damage, nearly ruining her own reputation.
Why? What did she see in him? Or was he just another one of Payne’s schemes, only this one turned out wrong.
Jessamine felt a tug in her heartstrings upon hearing his name once more, followed by a slight bitterness at the title criminal attached to it.
“He’s not a criminal…” she retorted, gently.
“His failed liberation at Caladin proves otherwise.”
“You weren’t there. You don’t know what it was like,” she whispered, before realizing that could be taken as she was there to help with said liberation (which she was), “I was there for a few weeks with him, stuck in that prison. Everything you know about humanity, about survival, about…the nature of our reality, it gets proven wrong in a hell like that. It makes you change, for either better or for the worst.”
“Is that why you’ve changed?” Alec asked. He had read the newspapers. While it had been mostly Lungor propaganda, he had heard all the deadly whispers about her. Any delegate found to be spying on her was killed. She tortured her own citizens.
Alec already knew what she was capable of. First, Persephone, which turned into a righteous fuck-up. And then, she killed their father. He remembered the days she was so desperate to enter minds, to be one step ahead of everyone. She’d know what he wanted to have for dinner before he could even tell a servant.
Now? She fell into this trap, and he could see she felt ashamed, unprepared, and most of all, regretful. He felt bad for her. There was a part of her that he could see with his own eyes she was trying to do better. It reminded him of his mistake with Mattias. Alec knew he shouldn’t have left him alone with her. Instead, he wanted to party, enjoy his evening with his friends.
Such small fragments in time…if just one thing had changed, maybe none of this would have happened.
“So, what now?” Jessamine asked, ignoring his earlier question.
“I suppose we will make our way back to Kanaf, even better if we let Shailud find us. We should still try and stick to the original plan if possible,” Alec hummed.
The plan I had no say in, Jessamine sighed at her own thoughts.
She was tired. However, a part of her didn’t want to sleep. She still had so many questions, but she was sick of his answers. None of this was exactly his fault. If Lungor had found him, then surely they blackmailed him. He was here, which meant deep down, despite everything, he still cared.
And so did she. She always had. She cared for her family, even though she was one of the reasons why it was destroyed. But maybe, just maybe, there was a chance to at least make peace with her brother.
“Get some rest. I’ll keep watch,” he whispered, seeing the exhaustion in her eyes.
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She didn’t say anything in fear in her tiredness and bitterness she’d say something she would regret. So, she leaned against the cave wall at a smooth enough portion to brace her back against. Despite being an Empress, she didn’t mind moments like these where there was lack of comfort. Such moments made her feel human, made her feel just as normal as any of her subjects. Besides, she was so exhausted she was sure it didn’t matter what she slept on at this point.
The last thoughts on her mind before drifting away was about her mother. Maybe what Alec said was true. Either way, would that diminish the love Jessamine had shared with her? Would it change the height of the pedestal Jessamine put her mother on?
No. She had to believe the answer was no.
—----------------------------------------------------------
Kaid took the moment to catch his breath, climbing up the steep side of the cliffside. The view was probably stunning during a sunset from here. However the only orange glow that resided right now was from the distant fire from the continuing burn from that train. It wasn’t until he noticed more faint orange glows moving, that clearly someone was out looking for them.
“We’re being followed,” Mara pointed out, seeing him nod, “which means we should keep moving once we find the Empress.”
“Agreed. She’s most likely exhausted but it will be better to move at night rather than under this scorching sun. The wind is still strong. If we move quick enough, it might cover our tracks in certain areas,” Kaid concurred.
“And what then?”
“You know me, I don’t really plan for these things,” Kaid sighed, knowing that was one of his faults. Same as he had with Caladin, he had an objective in mind. How he got there, there was no question what he’d do to succeed. One thing he always failed to plan for was what he’d do after he succeeded. For a man who could see blinks of time before anyone else, foresight wasn’t exactly a long strong suit. He could only see what was in the moment.
“I suppose we have to sneak her back into Kanaf. Sabine could help, depending on who’s side she’s on,” Mara suggested, “Jessamine should get portaled back as soon as possible to Vitross, for safety's sake. If our cover isn’t blown-”
“It’s blown. Sabine knows.”
“How…?” Mara asked, wondering how that was even possible.
“I-I messed up. Shailud must’ve told her more specifics about who they were looking for and I got caught up staring at Jessamine at the party. She accused me of knowing her and I just…she said my name, not Musa, and I replied. I didn’t even realize until it was too late.”
“Fucking hell, Kaid. Really?” Mara clenched her jaw, “I spent a good year and a half hiding us here, building a solid reputation and it gets soiled by you eye-fucking Jessamine.”
Kaid remained silent, knowing it was his fault. He hadn’t seen her in two years. It didn’t matter what she was wearing, where they were at, he would have looked at her like that regardless. And it wasn’t eye-fucking, whatever that meant. He just missed the sight of her. She was the morning sun. She was the promise of another day. Some days it would be covered by clouds, shrouded in darkness, but she still held her radiance.
“I’m sorry,” Mara apologized, “That was harsh.”
“No, you were right. My decisions don’t just affect me. They affect you and Kai. I should have been more careful,” he disagreed. He had a lot to think about. What would happen after they found Jessamine? Surely they’d have to go separate ways. All of them. Kaid could no longer keep putting Mara in danger. His very existence put the woman he loved in danger.
Things would have been so different if he just died.
Things would have been so much better if he had, for everyone.
They remained silent after their final climb, following the footprints in the sand before it became solid rock. Luckily, a very faint glow of a fire in a cave was just the sign they needed. Kaid was about to step with more fervor, before being pulled away and hiding behind a rock.
The other man accompanied by Jessamine had left the cave, glancing up at the night sky for a moment before at the peak of the mountain. He studied the rocks, trying to find the best way to the top. For what? Recon? Signal to the others his position? He started his climb up, leaving Jessamine alone. This was their best shot.
“I can move there using time, he won’t hear or see me. You stay here and keep an eye on him,” Kaid whispered, looking at Mara.
“I don’t like this plan. What happens if he starts making his way down?” Mara questioned.
“No time to think. Just do,” Kaid smiled softly, knowing that was kind of his motto. Of course it was different for him. He had all the time in the world to slow and bend to think, to plan carefully in moments of urgent danger. If something happened, he’d defend himself.
But if Jessamine seemed to have a slither of trust, following this man into the desert, then Kaid should trust that as well. Mara said nothing further, which Kaid took as his cue to continue with the plan. It was a mere blink and he was already in the cave. Long gone were the days where blinking so quickly like that in time would give him a headache. He did it so often that it was mere muscle memory, like it even stimulated his brain.
Kaid quietly tiptoed in the cave, seeing Jessamine curled up in the corner asleep. He didn’t want to startle her, in case any noise would echo loud enough for the stranger to hear. That elegant dress she wore was torn, one large hole at her hip, the other’s all over the place in small cuts. Her hair was disheveled. Her wrists were still bound by those cuffs, which Kaid figured he could offer as a peace exchange with the key.
What if she was mad? What if she really did hate him? Mara told him that wasn’t the case, but what if this was another trick? She could betray him again. She had nothing to lose now. Nothing. She could hurt him, just as badly as she had before. His heart still felt muted throbs from the pain she had caused him, nearly tearing it in two.
What if she still loved him?
Kaid bent down slowly, inches away from her to observe her gently. Her heart rate was slow and steady, although it wouldn’t be for long.
Jessamine awoke harshly to a hand clasped against her lips, wanting to mute any sound. One hand gripped that wrist, the other reaching around the floor around her to find a loose rock to utilize as a weapon, if necessary. But before she could bash the rock curled into her palm into the side of her head, she felt it.
It: it being the feeling of a watch on his wrist. She felt it beneath his attire, right at the cuff.
Anyone could have a watch these days, anyone rich enough to afford them. Yet, it was too great a coincidence. His body covered the dim fire, only making him a black shadow to blend in with his surroundings. Yet, she could not see any reflection of a blade in his hands.
Jessamine calmed her racing heart, although it wanted to accelerate even faster with adrenaline for a different reason. She dropped the rock in her hand, relaxing her muscles. It was him. It had to be him. All signs pointed to him. When Kaid felt her relax, seeing a glimmer of hope in her eyes, he figured it was best to answer her.
“Are you alright, my Empress?” he asked quietly, dropping his hand from her lips cautiously, “Are you hurt?”
It was him. That voice. That same soft, compassionate voice that held a deepness to its complexity. She didn’t even know how to respond. What could she say to make up for all these two years? She hadn’t even had the chance to make a formal apology to him, to try and make up for everything she fucked up on. Jessamine didn’t want to ruin a moment like this with such pity.
She immediately moved her wrists together to wrap her arms over his head, embracing him tightly. It was all she felt she could do, was to hold him and never let go. Kaid stiffened slightly, not exactly expecting that reaction, but he immediately melted into it just as quickly as she had. His hand rested firmly on her back, feeling the ridges of her spine even through her dress.
He wanted nothing more than to hold her, and keep holding her. But there wasn’t much time.
“That was you. That was you on the train,” Jessamine whispered, finally realizing that. It hadn’t been Shailud, which contradicted the logic in their plan. This… this was much more logical. A man doing whatever it took to rescue his Empress, dislodging a train from its tracks and setting the entire thing ablaze. That was Kaid’s style. He’d destroy the whole world for her.
He already had.
“Jess, are you alright?” he asked again, pulling back slightly to look at her further. It was hard with the fire, so close to burning out to really see if she was okay. He needed more than just assurance from her lips to know for sure.
“Yes, yes,” she repeated with a nod, moving her hands from behind him to let one cup his cheek. Mara was right when she said he had shaved. She felt nothing but a smooth jaw, an odd sensation to compare to him. It was so different compared to his rugged beard, but different wasn’t always a bad thing. Her fingers drifted up into his hair, curls cut much shorter, yet felt thicker, healthier, and more prevalent. She didn’t need to see all of him to know he was hardy, blooming…healthy, compared to the last time she saw him.
Many things had changed. Appearances. Locations. Their stature in the Continent, reputations still wavering with every decision.
One thing hadn’t changed.
Jessamine pressed her forehead to his momentarily, as if wanting their souls to connect and respond to one another. Yet she pulled back slightly soon after, not knowing if his feelings had changed. Just because she felt as strongly as before, if not stronger, didn’t mean she could assume he felt the same. Yet, Kaid leaned back forward, feeling the tip of his broad nose brush hers. All felt right. Life these past two years felt so disjointed, so chaotic, plunged into darkness. Nothing felt more right than being in each other’s arms once more.
It was then, escaping her grogginess and overall joy Kaid was here, that she remembered the most devastating truth, “Kaid, he took my Oblivion.”
She couldn’t hide that truth from him. It was something she wouldn’t want anyone else knowing. Despite not seeing him for two years, she trusted him with that information. She had to trust him. He was the only one not able to be affected by her Oblivion anyways. If anyone could assure her life would go on, it would be him.
The way she said that, Kaid felt his heart stop. She believed it. She spoke a truth she didn’t want to admit. Her voice held a fearful tremble in it, despite the firm hand still cupping his cheek. She had accepted it, but Kaid had not.
“No. We don’t know for sure,” he shook his head, moving his hand away from her to find the key in his pockets, “Here, move closer to the fire. I have the key.”
This key would determine if she was still a mind witch or not. It would not determine anything else: her worth, her beauty, her darkness, or her power. Kaid could not let that be so.
Kaid inserted the key into her left wrist lock, feeling it jam. The sound of a roaring flame was heard, sending light into the tunnel behind him. Mara. Before Kaid could even glance up to the entrance, he felt a force slam into his side directly into the cave ground.
Fists hit for his head missed, Kaid able to slow enough time to block the blows or feel sharp passing wind at each missed strike. The man had him pinned, caught him by surprise. There was fury behind each one, an unbridled rage carried by the weight of adrenaline and fear. If this man missed and hit the rocky ground beneath Kaid, he doubted he’d even feel it. The man was a wild animal in human form, feeling a fervent need to prove himself in this world of survival.
“Stop! Don’t hurt him!” Jessamine shouted, getting the first cuff unlocked. It was difficult to unlock the second. With how dim the cave was, she couldn’t exactly tell who was who on that cave floor. All she could hear was the sound of flesh pounding flesh, groans from either physical exertion or a blow being exchanged back. Kaid was fighting back, rightfully so, hearing her own brother release shocked sounds at being hit back.
Kaid felt the hairs on his arms raise, his adrenaline spiking when he heard a blade unsheath. He felt the weight from his usurper emerald blade disappear from his hip, knowing his assailant now had it in his position. From there, time froze.
Jessamine was still struggling with her cuffs. There wasn’t much she could do without them off. She was far away from doing any real damage and with minimal lighting, she was hesitant to strike fearing she’d hurt the wrong person. Mara was running in from the entrance, still too far away. And she wouldn’t dare throw a flame not knowing who would be on the receiving end.
Kaid pulled himself forward in small increments through time, wanting a glimpse of his future. From there, only two choices remained, only two he could see. Kaid could immediately gain leverage, overpower the man and roll away from his strike with precision. His assailant would miss his angled strike meant to cut Kaid’s throat. Instead, he’d fall on the blade himself as his strike would have overreached without contact, killing him before ever grazing Kaid. That result seemed much more favorable.
“Alec, stop! Get off him! He’s a friend,” Jessamine begged as Kaid blinked back in time.
Alec. Alexander Kruzika.
The words alone made Kaid stop time once more, realizing the weight of his situation. His assailant was the brother of Jessamine, which began to explain why and how she seemed to trust him. Alec had saved her presumably after the wrecked train, and now, he was trying to fulfill a protective promise he had failed in the past. The same kind of failure Kaid had experienced with Mara, one he’d give anything to repay if given the chance.
Kaid couldn’t kill him. That wasn’t an option. He had killed so many mindlessly in the past to save Jessamine, that doing this wouldn’t save her. He knew how much Jessamine would care for her brother. Nothing could be more devastating than reuniting with him, only to be killed by falling on a blade to bleed out in this cave. Jessamine held enough torment in her life these past twelve hours, adding the last of her family to be slaughtered…Kaid couldn’t bear the weight of that responsibility.
That only left the second option.
Kaid felt a sense of dread, awaiting a punishment he wasn’t sure if he deserved. But it was one he had seen coming, in flashes or glimpses he didn’t understand then. He understood now. Blood had to be spilt. He saw no other option. It was this or murder, even though he could justify it being self defense.
All actions have consequences. It was the unintended ones that seemed to haunt the man that could control time. He believed this route to be the best course, the only way they could all see this through, the way to truly survive.
Silly of him to think they all deserved a happy ending.
Jessamine finally got that last cuff off, shaking it off her sore wrist. It was then that she felt it, she felt the panicked thoughts bouncing off the cavern walls in a nightmare. She could feel Mara’s adrenaline heighten, controlled by her fear that Kaid was hurt. She could even feel the slightest of fear from her brother, realizing the man beneath him was stronger than he first thought.
Her Oblivion. It wasn’t gone. Whether Kaid had killed Pestilence or he truly didn’t take hers, it didn’t matter.
Before she had enough energy to plunge into her brother’s mind to force him off, given she couldn’t even access Kaid, she heard the worst sound of her life: agony. Agony from the man she loved. Kaid let out a deep scream that bounced off the cavern walls, the vibrations strong enough to tear at Jessamine’s heart with fear. She had never heard him shout like that before, his scream followed by other smaller ones, sucking in his breath to try and remain quiet.
“GET OFF HIM!”
Alec immediately felt himself pull back against his will, dropping the blood drenched blade to the floor. The sweat from his adrenaline froze with fear, realizing just how easily his sister had controlled him, accessed his mind. The Jessamine he knew and remembered needed time to do something like that. This Jessamine…this Empress, powerful mind-witch…she could do it in mere seconds. The cuffs had hardly slowed her down.
Mara lit the cave with two flames, one meant to illuminate, the other aimed for Alec who instigated this entire fight. Her heart pounded in distress. Kaid had fought alongside her with Payne, and not once did he scream at all the strikes held against him. Pain for him always felt muted, something he had grown used to in Caladin. This…this was something he had accepted. This was something he couldn’t turn back from.
Jessamine stumbled her way towards Kaid, only to feel warm blood as she braced her hands on the floor beside him. Fire reflected off the crimson with a strange golden glow. It was a sight she never wanted to see, his own blood pooling beside him. Her hands trembled, wanting to find the source of his pain and relieve it in any way she could. She never wanted to hear him in pain, not like this. Anger surged in her heart, but it wasn’t as strong as her worry. Help him, and then let that anger explode. He was her only priority right now.
Whatever ailment came to him, surely they could fix this.
It wasn’t until her eyes adjusted to the light of the flames that she saw the source of his torment, the consequence of her brother’s action…the beginning of this new chapter in life:
That odd golden glow was Kaid’s watch, still firmly attached to his left hand which had been cut clean off just below the wrist.