Kermit got to work, expertly measuring the flour out and placing it into the bowl. He then grabbed the molasses and unscrewed the jar's lid, tilting it to pour it onto the flour.

"Wait!" Arlene said.

The molasses spilled over, dripping toward the flour, before Andy dove and caught it in his hands.

Kermit quickly pulled the molasses jar away, dropping it onto the table as he stumbled backward, almost aghast.

"Did I… did I do something wrong?" he asked.

Over the past few days, Andy had watched Kermit become so excited about perfecting his cooking talent, working toward a dream, even if it was a relatively new one.

And Andy would be lying if he said that Kermit's optimism and enthusiasm, and bravery too, didn’t inspire him.

But he had also seen Kermit become increasingly tense. The encounter with Gar, the initiation, the possibility of death in the arena, no matter how small… perhaps Kermit had been putting on a brave face, one that was coming off now.

"No, buddy! It's ok!" Andy said, rushing over to him and kneeling down. He started to give him a hug but realized his hands were covered in molasses, so he awkwardly bumped Kermit's shoulder with his elbow.

"Hey, it's not a big deal!" Arlene said. "You're just not supposed to mix wet and dry ingredients yet.

Ah, that explains it.

"Oh, I thought that flour was dry," Kermit said.

"It is," I said.

"Molasses is dry too," Kermit said.

"No," Arlene said. "It's wet."

"But it doesn't splash," said Kermit.

Arlene couldn't help but burst out laughing.

Kermit started to smile.

"What!" he said, starting to laugh a little.

"Have you baked cookies before?" Arlene asked.

"No, but I have the recipe," Kermit said.

"That's awesome, so you'll be the baker and I'll be your assistant, how's that?" Arlene said.

"That sounds good!" Kermit said.

"Awesome, and Andy can be our gopher," she said, looking toward Andy and winking.

Andy gave a thumbs up.

"What does a gopher do?" Kermit asked.

"The gopher goes-fer stuff, " she said with a reassuring smile. "Whenever we need something, Andy will get it."

Kermit giggled.

"Ok, first instructions please," Arlene said, bowing exaggeratedly.

"OK!" Kermit shouted enthusiastically. "Let's start with flour, one and a half cups, followed by salt and baking half teaspoon each, and a teaspoon of cornstarch. I think those are the dry ones, so mix 'em up in a bowl!"

"Gopher," said Arlene.

Andy nodded and measured out the ingredients, passing them over to Arlene, who mixed them in a bowl.

"Butter and sugar, a half cup each!" he said, delighting in his new authority.

"Yes, sir!" Arlene said.

Andy measured them out into a bowl and passed it to Arlene.

"And a quarter cup of regular sugar in there too!" Kermit added.

The group followed his instructions, for the s'mores cookies, date cookies, and, yes, the bird shit cookies too.

"IT LOOKS LIKE THE GROUP HAS FOUND THEIR RHYTHM," the announcer called.

Kermit handed each tray to Arlene and Andy, who put them in the oven.

Melinda descended on her broom to check in on the team, dismounting gracefully.

"I trust you have found your workstations satisfactory?" she asked.

"Oh yes, ma'am," Kermit said.

"Just have to wait for them to bake now," Andy said, smiling toward the lady.

He was still suspicious. There was so much about this place that seemed unspoken, so many secrets and so much political subterfuge. Andy wouldn't be comfortable until they were on their way out of the arena, victory in hand.

If he had to do some ass-kissing to avoid battle, then so be it, no matter what Bertha thought.

"I… really like your dress," Andy said.

He winced the moment the words came out of his mouth. It was such a trite thing to say. And worst of all, he didn't really like her dress all that much. It was, like, fine.

"Oh thank you, dearie, very kind of you to say," said the cookie witch. "It was my mother's. God rest her soul," she said.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Andy said automatically, feeling more awkward by the second.

Even Arlene winced.

"Not to worry, dearie," said the witch, unbothered. "She passed away centuries ago."

Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

"IT LOOKS LIKE THE NEW ARRIVALS ARE MAKING SMALL TALK WITH THE CHALLENGER," the announcer said.

"Yes, well, very good!" Melinda said. "I am going to entertain the crowd a bit while the cookies bake. Then we'll all get to have a taste! Oh, I'm so excited. I love cookies!"

She jumped on her broom and took to the air again, waving to the onlookers as she circled the arena.

***

The cookies finally came from the oven. They looked absolutely perfect; not too thin, not too thick.

The aroma was heavenly.

Melinda descended once again as Kermit placed the cookies carefully on a wire cooking rack and presented them to the witch.

"THE COOKIES HAVE BEEN MADE!" the announcer said, hovering in close. "AND NOW MELINDA IS SAMPLING THE FIRST ONE."

The witch picked up a cookie and placed it on a napkin, holding it up at eye level and rotating it.

"It's a s'mores cookie with a lovely shape!" she said.

There was a modest applause from the crowd.

She continued to examine it and gave it a sniff.

"Ah yes, the chocolate is so aromatic without smelling too sharply bitter. Excellent balance on the nose."

Another modest applause.

She bit into the cookie, breaking it off into mouth with intention.

She masticated for a few moments, pushing air in and out of her nose to enhance her sense of taste and smell.

"I don't know what to tell you," she said, finally.

Andy's heart sank.

"It's absolutely perfect!"

Uproarious applause erupted from the arena seats.

"PER THEIR CHALLENGER, THE NEW ARRIVALS HAVE JUST NAILED THE S'MORES COOKIE!" the announcer called. "THAT'S THE FIRST OF THREE COOKIES FOR THIS BAKING CHALLENGE!"

As the applause finally began to die down, Melinda continued in her naturally well-projected voice.

"The textures are perfect, you've got the gooey marshmallows, the crunch of the graham crackers… I mean it really is all there, and the flavors are so distinct. I couldn't have baked it better myself."

Someone in the crowd gave an isolated "woo!"

Melinda tipped her hat to the group as she picked up another one.

"THE CHALLENGER IS MOVING TO THE SECOND COOKIE NOW," the announcer called.

The witch picked up the date cookie.

"Now," she said, "the real secret to a date cookie is the cinnamon, cloves, and pecans. The dates add sweetness, but the real flavor is in the other ingredients. Let's see how you did."

She brought the cookie to her mouth and took a bite, chewing carefully.

"My god, it's wonderful!"

Huge applause broke out.

"THAT'S TWO FOR THREE!"

"It's everything you want in a date cookie," the witch said. "Spicy, hearty, sweet… Ah, so many fond memories associated with this flavor."

Melinda moved to the third cookie.

"Now this was a bit of a curve ball," Melinda said. "The bird shit cookie, a traditional sweet from the region. Despite its unappetizing name, it is actually quite delicious, and has a high nutritional content as well."

She brought it to her mouth, bit, chewed, and exhaled.

"Well… I believe they've done it," she said.

"THAT'S THREE FOR THREE!"

The crowd lost its collective mind.

The deafening applause continued as Kermit jumped up and down with joy. Melinda shook Arlene's hand, she skipped Andy's molasses-covered hands but gave him a respectful nod, and kneeled down to Kermit.

"I saw you running the kitchen," she said, practically shouting in his ear over the noise. "Do you enjoy being in the kitchen?"

"Yes!" Kermit shouted. "Yes I love it!"

"Well, you've got what it takes, lad, to be a baker or chef or whatever it is your heart so desires," she said. "I can't wait to see what you go on to do."

Kermit was beaming, probably the happiest Andy had seen him.

The applause died down as one of the steel grates opened.

A man in full-plated black armor, tall and wide, strode to the cooking area, standing before all three contestants and the witch.

"UH OH, LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A SURPRISE."

"They could not have passed," the man said through his armored helmet. His voice was low, gravelly, almost monstrous.

Wait, what could that mean?

"Oh fuck off," Arlene said, clearly frustrated.

The man drew his weapon, a battle ax, and extended the blade toward Arlene.

"You will show appropriate respect to the Noble Court," he growled.

Arlene took a step back.

"What she means," Andy said, "is that we competed fairly and our challenger has judged our cookies satisfactory."

The man moved his sharp ax blade to Andy's throat.

Andy felt the blade wavering. He could feel how fine the point was.

This thing could cut through my neck like butter, he thought.

He remained frozen.

"Who was responsible for the recipe?"

Everyone remained still. Kermit looked at the ground.

"I won't ask again," said the man, bringing his ax back to him, holding it with both hands.

"We all di–" Arlene began.

"I did," said Kermit, raising his hand. "I did the recipes."

"And he did them very well," the cookie witch said.

"Shut up!" the armored man spat. He walked quickly up to the witch, pushing his face into hers. "Do not take sides against the Noble Court!"

Melinda stumbled backward, her eyes wide with fright and offense.

"IT LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A LITTLE… DISPUTE ABOUT THE LEGALITY OF THOSE COOKIES."

Gasps filled the crowd.

"The only way you could have replicated the cookies," the man said, "is if you took a crafting feat. But only two percent of new arrivals have ever taken a crafting feat, and not a single new arrival has ever taken the Discern Recipe feat. So I have to believe one of two things: either you don't have the Discern Recipe feat and you got the recipes ahead of time, or you took the Discern Recipe feat because you somehow knew exactly how you would be tested today. Nobody chooses that feat willingly."

There was a long pause.

"Explain yourself!" the man said, shouting at Kermit.

Kermit winced and began to tear up.

"Don't speak like that," Andy said, almost automatically.

The man brandished his ax.

"I ought to execute you where you stand," he said.

"I took the feat because I want to be a chef," Kermit said meekly.

"I cannot accept that explanation," the man said.

"WOW, IT LOOKS LIKE THIS DISPUTE IS GETTING HEATED."

"But… it's true," Kermit said, shrugging.

"So what you're saying is we were supposed to fail no matter what, and now that we've succeeded, someone is mad about that?" Arlene said.

The man placed his ax on his back again. He seemed suddenly calmer.

"Very well," he said. "If you will not admit to cheating, then you will face our next challenger. You will regret moving to the next round."

The man stomped back out of the arena.

"OK, IT SEEMS THAT THE DISPUTE HAS BEEN RESOLVED… BUT WE NEED TO WAIT FOR THE OFFICIAL WORD FROM MELINDA BEFORE WE CAN CELEBRATE TOO MUCH…"

"You ok, bud?" Andy asked Kermit.

Kermit nodded.

"I don't know what that was all about," the witch said so that only the group could hear her. "I'm sorry to you dear Kermit. And to you too Andy and Arlene. I thought you did a fantastic job. Don't let the rude man bother you too much."

She then projected her voice.

"The new arrivals have successfully proved their baking prowess, and now, I voluntarily and respectfully withdraw!"