It’s finally time lads and lassies. We’re finally here! Man, it’s nice to see this big ol’ chrome dome again. Papaw and I used to take the choo choo express up to cheese county galore. I miss cheese. All the cheese is rotten now, blegh.
But that’s not why we’re here, pardner. We’re here to meet some gosh darn flesh and blood humans! It’s been so long. Or so short. I hope they aren’t too mean, cause the last human I saw tried to do the mambo number five on my noggin with a right big hatchet. Not very neighbor like, I must say.
Uh, what did the TV say to look for again? I forgot. Help me out here Rocinante~
Woof (◐ω◑ )
Oh, that’s right! The white thingamabobs. Let’s get to crackin’ then.
Hmmmmm….
HmmMmmMM…
HMMMMMmmmm…
Welp, I got nothing. No white anywhere here, friendo. Just a whole lotta rust and brown and gunk. When was the last time they cleaned this stinky place? The state of the job market these days… nobody wants to work anymore.
Well, not like I’ve ever worked before being a little lady, but I’m sure I’d do a right proper job of it if it were up to me! Yes sir, no lazybones at all in this body of red.
Maybe there’s some white where the trains are supposed to be? Hehe, yeah. I’m so smart. Big brain all day.
With a step and whirl and a mighty twirl, I come face to face with a horde of swirls.
And by swirls I mean red people. A lot of red people. Like, hundreds of red people. No, thousands.
Well well well… y’know what, I don’t think I have enough pixie dust for this hoedown showdown. Maybe they’ll listen to reason.
Excuse me Mr. red man. Have you seen any white markings around here?
C̸̛͈̘̓̎͛͊͌̆̐͊̕o̷̝̺̠͕̰̠̩͑̒̐̄͘͜n̸̛̫̜̳̫͖͕͇̻̅̀͋s̷̢̢̻̜̝̠̤̮͐̓̒͂̑͝t̷̨̡̛̛͇̤̖̯͙̰̞͑͆̂a̴̮͒͂͝n̵̗͔̦̦͇͉͆̀̑̓̀͌̒́̈́͘͜ţ̵͍́̈́̽́̀a̸͓̽̎̓̅͐͋̑͂̎͌̏͝g̶̢̥͙͍̤͉͙̟̩̩͚̉͋̆͒̚o̸̖̘̞̕n̶̙͇̼̮̲̞͇̓́y̴̞̼̪͕̟̺̍̓́̇̾̚c̸̦̹͂̇͌͠͝ǫ̷̉̊̂̈́̓̃̋̀͑̄͠͝ň̶̨͔̝̼̫̎̇͛͝ş̶̛̪̠̝̺͎͙̹̥̯̻̦͛̋͊̇͗̾͝t̶̜̜̬̪̞̜͙́̄͊͊̈́̎̓̀ͅͅă̶̦̘̤̩̤̒̈n̷̎͘͜ť̴̡̞̗̰̮͈̝͓̩̰̘̓͒̔̇͌ṃ̴͙̖͎̙͚̤̙͌̈́͗̔͆̌̆̚ͅỉ̷̢̮̬̿s̵̡̺̞̯̪͇̭̘͖̉̈́̔̽̑͊̓͝͝e̶̛̙̔͗r̵̬̾͋͆̀͌͑̿̂̑̌̕͝y̵͔͉̼͖͉̤͆c̸̞͎̭̠͆̐̂̈̈́̈́̔͂̐̎o̶̧͕̜̯̣̔͜͜ͅn̷̡̞͈̳͇̬̰̏́͝ͅs̸͓͖͉̻̪͙̙̰̻̔̾̒̈́͗́͑͜͝t̴̨͚̯͙̼͉̼̾̈́̎̔̓̍́̄̐̃̈̕ȁ̶̤͓͔̖͉̖͖̤͔͊̌̆̾̂ͅͅñ̷̛̮͈̉͆́̓̂̽̕̕͠ț̴̢̙̻͐̈̍̈́̌̾̇́̊̕͝s̷̱̎ū̶̗̪̰̻̬̫͉̯́̔̅͐͌͊̅͘f̶̛̯̱̎̃̇̍͊̎̄̽̊̐̓f̴̬̅̑̂͊͒͌̈́̿̂̉e̷̝̪͐̀̔̊̅̐r̴̮͉͒̅͌̎i̴̖̥̹̣͖͍̾̍͆̓̈̈́̍̔̒̚ṇ̴͂̐̄͂͐̊͝g̵͇̼̳̻͈̒͆͂̉̂́͘͝͠c̶̺̖͑͒͝o̸̢̫̣̤̣̓̄̏͐́͋͛̽͗͝n̸̡̝̲̥͇̋̔̏̏͝s̷͈͉͎̤̔̌͛̔̀̅̃͐̕ẗ̶͇͖̩̩́̑̒̈̑ä̴̻͉̦͉́̄͋̈́̐̊̑̑̍n̴̜̕t̴̢̢͎͇̠̺͇̳͖̉͐̆͆̋̈̏̔͋̋͜͠ͅa̴͕̳̺̗̭̮͈̿͛ń̵̳̞̣̠͚̗̙̑̍̍͐͋̾̿̓͜g̶̡͈̞̪̰̰̭̹̈͛̓͊͛̕̚͝ư̷̢̪̱̱̗̩͔͙͇͔̽̔̈́̾͒̚į̴̩̲͌͋̇̐͛̽̓̈̐́͑͜s̴̨̖͔̠̫̀́̇̄̐́̚͜͜͝h̷̨̛̙̠̺̻̿̄͌̅c̶̦̱̣͔͎̯̙͔͙̘̼͌õ̸̢̧̲̪̘͊n̵̡͈̻̼͈̬̭̫̞̈̏͗̓̓͗̿̑̓̃̕ș̵̨͕̳̟̹̘͍͍̎͑̔̇͝ţ̸̛̟̟̜̜͖͂͑̓a̵̙͎͉̱͖͎̰̗͍͙͊͜n̶̨̢̛͙͉͈̖͙͔̜̯͎̒̿͠t̸̝̐p̶̧͔̳̱̗͇̋̾̈́̔́̇̆̆̇̈́̐͠ä̴̧̞̥͙̰́͑̒̈̆̋̉͜͝͝į̴̯͚̥̈́̆̄̉̈́͋̏͂̇̌̈̈́ǹ̶̡̦̳̔́͌́̔̉̍̈̉͠
If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
Yeah yeah yeah, I get it. Boohoo. Anyway, just answer the darn question.
N̴̦̅͊̊̕͠ǫ̶͈̥̮͕̺̻͇͚̻̩̓͑͛.̷͇̰͈̔͛́̓̂̑̈́̎͝͝ ̴̧̲̭̹͓̭̪̂̅͆͜͠͝ͅÁ̸͇͙̼̲̅̀̓͛̂̒͘l̸̳̒̀̐̉͊̓̋̏́̽̚͘l̷̹̘̞͓͇̲̹͖̪̭̀͋̊́̎̇̔͗͆̔̽ ̵̡͇̰̝̥͖̗̺̍̍͛̓̓̎͝ͅĪ̶̊̊̑͆̈́̓̀̍͝ͅ ̷̗̭͂̑̎͌̃̈́̀͘͘͠s̷̢̢̝̻͉̺̹͂̉̑̂͋͒͛͒̽̌̾̓ͅe̵̱̝̜͕̪̰͍̿̂̈́̆e̸̟͙̭͊̽̓̈́͆̐̕̚ ̷̢̧͕̫̭͈̝̀̄̅ị̴̡͖̹̪̀́̅s̸̨̹̀̆̍́ ̶̤͌͑r̸̡͕̱͇͚̭͖͗̐̆̑́́̂͑͌̿e̶̼̹̯̞̘̮͉͐̈́͆̈́͐͝͠d̷̨̨͉̭̪̼͋̅̈́̂͝ͅ ̵̾̿̃̆ͅā̴͈̥̜͉̈̌͋̿͋̀͌̓̅̈́͘n̵̮͓̼͇̤̙̘̆̐̈́͛̾̅̕͝ḓ̴̣͇̻̹͚͋͑̊́̀͠ ̶̭̞̯̥̾̒r̴̥̰̜͂̾̉́̀̈́͝e̶̢̖͓̯̗̳̋͑̓͗̓͘͜d̵͓̞̉́̍̌̽̋̀̕͠͠͝ ̶̨̗̯̤͚̝̗̳͎̍̍͜ą̸̮͎̖͈͙̞͕͍͚̥͛͒̔͗̃̏ň̵̺̪̞̆d̶̢̡̢̼̺̟̞̳̖̈́͆̔̋̾ ̸̼̤̘͍̘̺̒͜͜r̴̨̼̪͕̝̮̮̖̺͍̟̗̾̋͛͒̄̀͒e̴̛͎͐ḍ̶̨̺̺͔̯̉͆͛̑͊̆̕͝ ̴̧̢̡̹͕̤̟̩̥͍̩̎̄͊̈̊͑́͋̏͒̾͋ȧ̵̻̱̣̮͎̣̣͝n̷̡̧̛͙͍̣̰̥͋͜ͅd̶̋̒̂̂́̏̏͒͛͜͝͝ ̶̛̜̺̬̠̯̼̠̫͌̍̾͗̂̉̊̀̈̕͝r̸̛̛̮̼̪̟̻̿̀̆́̎̒̀̚͝ͅę̸̲̙̺͇̱̐̾͜ḏ̸͓̮́͝ ̸̢̧̱̯̺͙̦̥̖͚͛̇̈́̃̅̀̂̀̅̚ͅͅą̶͙͔̦̉̾n̶̉͗̂̌̚͜d̵̼̹̟̞̩̣̤̰͑̎̂̃̂̇́́̚ ̵̦̝̩̘͐ṛ̴͆̅͗̂̊͐̚ͅȩ̸̡͎͚̭̳͚̩̪̘̗̟̄̓͗̒̊̂͐̂̈́͑̚͝d̵̼̞̳̊̊̽̓ͅ ̷̧̗͈̟̤̰̮̩̈̾̒͛͌̉̂͛̔͜a̷̢̱̻̳͖͚̗͚̜͖͙̅̎̀͗̂̈́̓͝n̵̲͉͚̉̀̒͋̈͘͝ḑ̸̮̦͚̟̜̬̼̘̮̜̿͑ͅ ̶̧̞́̀̎̐̿͌̾̉͐̕r̶̨̡̛̛̟͉̬͗̒͆̾͛̒͒̆͗͊e̷̖͚̣͕͂́̑̇̿̚d̵̡̛̛̙͕̩̀͊̓̀͘ ̴͇͍̺̟̟̘̈́̋͛̐́̋̎̀̆̕͘͝ä̸̹̞̭̙̬̻̙̙̙̤́͑͆̾̚̚͜ͅñ̵̗͕̥̾̈́̓͝ḑ̷̛̺̖̯̼̼̱̫̭̋̽̿̆͌̎́́͘̚͘ͅ ̷͉̻̥̙͕̗̩̝͊͝r̵̬̗̩̥̿̾̎̏̿̓͗̈̈́̚͝ͅẹ̵̡̰̞̒̒͊̓̈́̀͋͝d̴̨̢̰̪̟͔̙̹͛ ̸̥̹̟̠̀̊͆̍̕à̴̢͍̜͈̝͉̼̞͇̝ņ̷̛͔̬̖̟̻̲̠͝d̶̢̪̖͆̎̑ ̷͕̯͈̈͆̈́̀̿̾̽̏͊̚͘̕r̵̢̠̦̳̠̖̫̤̞̳̜̓̓͂͗͊͒̅̄̕͘ĕ̸͇͇͖̫̗͉̜̠͂̍͒̈̇̌͝d̴͈͚̩͈̟͗̎̔̐̚
Ok, there. You’re not special. I also see red too. Too much damn red. You’re just a drop in the red ocean, buckaroo. Don’t get ahead of yourself.
Ś̸̤̪͍̱͍̳͇̮͉̪̲̺̃̈́̊̎̇͊͠ó̵̪͖r̶̢̨͓̲̣̓̄̀̒͂̑́̅̀̕͠ͅṟ̸͙́͒͛̀̀̏̒͆̑̔͌y̴̰̣̣͒̅̇̔̉̀̌̐̐͜
Well, as long as you understand.
But maaaaan, I should’ve known asking these knuckleheads would be useless. Their brains are all a messy, red mush. Mine is still ok though, because my brain is smart. The red can’t take you if you’re smart. Guess the rest of humanity was just too darn dumbo.
Hoh? Wait a minute… doth mine eye spy a particular vestige of the most pale ivory? Hohoho, ‘tis true indeed, it appears. Yes, that’s the white I’m looking for! It’s all plastered over a manhole cover.
Oh. “Underground”. Huh, I should’ve clued in on that earlier. Guess my brain really is smooth after all.
Oh well. I found it. Doesn’t matter now. Let none bear witness to my tomfoolery and live to tell the tale.
Down down down we go! Clunk goes the ladder. Swoosh goes the sound of flowing sewage beneath me. Bark goes Rocinante as he squirms around in my arms like a bad little doggy.
Whine ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽
We’re almost there you impatient pupper. Just hold on for a little bit, sheesh.
With my two right feet planted on the yucky floor of the sewer, I look around and spy with my little eye… nothing.
There’s no humans here! What the heck? There’s just a big metal door. Why I outta have Rocinante blast that no-good little—
No, no. You are a civilized little lady, me. Can’t be trashing down people’s homes when I’m a guest now, can I? Let’s knock politely like my papaw would always say.
Knock knock.
Silence.
Knock knock.
Silence.
Ok I’m really going to blast down this door now—
“Huh? Is… is there someone actually there?” A voice slowly peaks out. “Holy crap there’s actually another living person? Ehrm, say something a human would say whoever’s out there!”
Hi.
“Oh, hi! You’re a person!”
Yeppers.
“Are you… like them?”
Like the red people? Nuh-uh. I’m much more sophisticated than those stinky losers.
“Red people? Is that what you call them? Huh. Anyway, you’ve got quite the mouth on you. Didn’t your parents tell you to be polite? Where are your parents anyway?”
Papaw’s dead. Mom turned into black sludge.
“Oh. I’m… sorry for bringing that up. It’s a tough world nowadays.”
It’s fine. I have Rocinante to keep me company.
“Rocinante?”
Yep. He’s my pupper. Want to pet him? Well, you’d have to open the door first.
“Ack! So sorry about that. I should’ve opened it sooner.”
With a biiiig creak, the metal door slides out and an actual, real human woman steps out covered in some kinda funky cloth/armor thingy. Is that a gun? I think it’s a gun. Cool.
“Oh, darling. You’re just a little girl…” she mumbles while giving me a big hug. It feels really nice. I can’t even feel the red anymore.
It’s warm.
“Now, where’s this pupper of yours—”
She takes a glance at Rocinante, and then lets out a bloodcurdling scream.