I awoke with a splitting headache and a foul, but familiar, taste in my mouth. ‘This again, great. At least the ground is soft. Wait, why is the ground soft?’ Opening my eyes, I discovered that my head was in the lap of a very concerned elf.

“My Lord, you're awake.” Lydia pulled me in for a hug. “I was so worried about you,” she said, sniffling. Her eyes were red and moist.

‘Why is she this upset?’ Too groggy to say anything, I brushed a tear from her eye. ‘I guess it's nice that someone cares.’

“Sorry about that. I’m fine now.”

My clothes were wet. Looking down, I realized that they were drenched in blood. I gazed at Lydia and weakly asked, “is this all mine?”

“Yes, my lord. In the middle of the night you began screaming and spouting blood from… well… everywhere.”

I dragged myself to my feet. “I see why you were so concerned.”

“What happened?”

Debating how much truth to tell, I said, “I did something stupid that I won’t do again, so you don’t have to worry about it.” I glanced back at my clothes. “Not sure what I’m going to do with these.”

“I can help.” Regaining her composure, Lydia appeared happy to move past the situation. She waved her hand and muttered a few words. Suddenly, all the accumulated blood and grime was lifted off me, condensed into a ball and disappeared.

I was stunned. It was magic. I knew magic existed here, but knowing something and seeing something are entirely different. Doing my best to keep it together, I said, “Well, that’s a convenient spell.”

She smiled. “Thank you, My Lord.”

“Are you a mage?”

“No, but I was trained in holy spells.”

“Any attack magic?”

“No. The teaching materials for those spells are… were too expensive for the convent.” As though a switch had been flipped, her face twisted. “Maybe if we had them, it would have been different.”

A minor crash sounded from the woods. Lydia dove behind me, clutching my shirt. Out of the woods walked a rather large woodchuck. Lydia, visibly embarrassed, straightened herself.

“Still thinking about the monastery?”

She nodded.

‘I can’t imagine going through that. Lydia watched all her friends die, unable to do anything. She must feel so powerless. I wonder… if I can ease that a bit.”

“Lydia, I need your help.”

She looked at me and nodded eagerly. I willed one of the Abyssal soldiers' spears into my hand and held it out to Lydia. “Take this.”

“My Lord, I don’t know how to use this. Nor am I particularly suited for weapons.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I’ve tried to learn them in the past, but I’m terrible at it. I end up fumbling and dropping them.”

“That’s actually perfect for what I’m trying to test. Show me how you’d use the spear.”

She took the weapon and attempted to set herself. Her grip was entirely wrong: hands far too close together. She awkwardly thrust the spear with her arms, generating no force.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

‘This may be harder than I thought.’ I corrected Lydia’s grip and began to instruct her on the basics of spear use. It was strange, being an expert at something that I hadn't known the day before.

First, I demonstrated the proper position for holding the spear: forward and angled slightly, which protects the chest and face. Then, I showed Lydia how to use her whole body to create the thrust.

Lydia mimicked my motions. She quickly learned how to use her torso, hips and legs to generate force. Her technique was improving, but the angles were off. Realizing that watching me wasn't going to cut it, I moved behind her and placed my hands over hers.

“It’s like this,” I said gently, while guiding her body through the proper motion. Her face tightened, and she opened her mouth to say something, but then her eyes shot open wide. “What?! How?!”

“Oh shit, I’m sorry, I wasn't thinking. I was only trying to fix your form,” I sputtered while jumping back.

She gazed at me in awe. “No, not that. I acquired the basic skill for spearmanship. That’s supposed to take weeks, not a half hour. How did I do that?”

I grinned broadly, “I guess I’m just a very good teacher.”

She smiled back. “Let’s keep going.”

“We don’t have any food, water or shelter. We should probably handle... wait.”

She raised a single eyebrow as a question.

‘That's adorable. No, not the time.’

I had completely forgotten that there was an item named “Starter Kit” in my inventory. I accessed it and was pleased to find out that it contained exactly what I thought it did: packaged foods, water, tents, a few weapons, and some gold, among other things.

‘Small miracle. That god actually did something helpful.’

Too hungry to care that this would require an explanation, I materialized the food into my hand. “Let’s eat.”

********************

God sat nervously across a table from his boss. The office and the table had been specially conjured for the occasion. This was bad; this was very, very bad. The being in front of him looked murderous as he began to speak.”

“I need to be very clear on this. You do not get to explain. You are going to answer my questions with a yes sir or no sir. If you try to say anything else, I’m going to deconstruct you at a molecular level and scatter what remains across the cosmos. Do you understand?”

God swallowed nervously before saying, “Yes sir.”

“Your job has three requirements, correct?”

“Yes sir.”

“And one of them is to transmigrate one worthy soul a day?”

“Yes sir.”

“And in order to do this job, we vest you with vast celestial power?”

“Yes sir.” God’s fear was palpable.

“Now, is this a hard job, given the power we gave you?”

“No sir”

“Last week, did you make the curious decision to, rather than guiding the soul to its new life, hurl it through multiple dimensions?”

Trembling, God answered, “Yes, sir.”

“And the soul never arrived at the intended planet?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And now, it cannot be located at all?

God paused, too afraid to speak. The being grabbed a potted plant from the table and hurled it at the wall, shattering the pot.

“I SAID, DID YOU MANAGE TO FUCKING LOSE A SOUL?”

God cowered, “Yes sir.”

The being composed itself. “Do you have any idea how incompetent this makes me look? That one of my subordinates managed to lose a soul? Do you know the last time this happened?”

“No sir.”

“NEITHER DO I BECAUSE IT SHOULDN’T BE POSSIBLE!”

“Sir, I can find h--”

“SHUT UP. WHAT DID I TELL YOU!” The being slammed the table.

He sighed. “You’ve already done enough. I will fix this mistake. However, you will not be around to see it.”

“Sir!” A look of abject terror crossed the god’s face.

“On behalf of the celestial chorus, I hereby revoke your godhood. You will live out a human lifespan among those you used to watch over until the end of your natural life, at which time you will enter the cycle of reincarnation.”

God opened his mouth to protest, but the being stuck out his hand. From the now open mouth, a white energy drained from God’s body.

Seconds later, the being spoke, “It’s done. You should be familiar with the next part.” He snapped his fingers and the office setting disappeared. They were now surrounded by the void. “Enjoy the trip.” And before the former god could react, he was grabbed by the shoulders and flung through the dimensional membrane.

A small cherub appeared. The being looked toward it and said, “Thank you for informing me of this situation. You may take over his post on earth. Meanwhile, I'll attempt to solve the impossible.”