Lydia staggered from her room, hair matted and reeking of alcohol and regret.

“Good morning, Drunky Brewster!”

She rubbed her head. “Not. So. Loud.”

“Psh, at least you're still capable of getting drunk.”

“A fact that I will lord over you once the room stops spinning…” She sniffed the air. “What is that smell?”

I pointed to the table. “Waffles. Used to be my breakfast every morning before I came here.”

“Goddess, that smells good.” Lydia raised an eyebrow at me. “Where did you get the ingredients?”

“Room service. They may not have known what a waffle is, but the front desk said they could have any ingredients I needed delivered to the room for no extra charge. By the way,” I said, pointing to a box on the wall. “Is that an intercom for the front desk or a phone?”

“Phone?”

“Guess not. Phones are devices that allow you to talk to anyone else with a phone located anywhere. Everyone in my world had one… has one…? Has one. ”

“That would be convenient. Best we have are communications stones whose range spans the planet, but they only work in pairs and are artifacts left over from the primordial civilization. Kingdoms use them for military and diplomatic communication. You can’t even find one on sale, let alone hope to afford it. The rest of us just get by on immovable short range enchantments.

“Interesting... Anyway, not the point. When I started making the waffles, I gained the cooking skill, and rules avoidance ensued.”

“So, you’ve just served me-”

“The best waffles you will ever taste.”

Lydia took another bite and smiled. “I’ll take it. So, is chef a possible vocation?”

“Definitely not. The process of cooking is so tedious. I just really wanted waffles. A little normalcy against insanity. Also, cooking has been done to death.”

“... … … Another refere-”

“From. My. Cold. Dead. Hands.”

Lydia rolled her eyes. “At least you’ve checked something off the list.”

*********************

Today’s lesson was money. Fortunately, the world used a base tens system that converted denominations the same as the metric system with the lowest denominations being MilliGSUs and the highest being KiloGSUs.

‘Thank God fairytale creatures have ten fingers and ten toes. Adjusting to a base 8 system may have been harder than adjusting to magic and monsters.’

Most mundane transactions (food, clothes, supplies) were measured in MilliGSUs. Large purchases and upscale living were measured in regular GSUs. Finally, things such as desirable real estate, magic items, and high grade cores were measurable in KiloGSUs. She skipped teaching me the prices of anything in particular because “If we let you try to bargain with the retail clerks like an idiot, you’ll pick up the Trading skill sooner or later, so why bother.” My interest was piqued.

When we were done, Lydia made a spirited argument to start with a morning training session. However, I pointed out that our clothes were so ragged that she was running the risk of a wardrobe malfunction, so we should start the day with some shopping. The gym wasn’t closing, but the stores would. Blushing slightly, she acquiesced.

As we began going from store to store, Lydia was proven correct. Trading was unlocked at just the right moment for me to understand how preposterous the deal I wanted was and why the store owner had begun to shout. I stopped talking and left the shop in embarrassment, Lydia’s laugh following me the whole way out.

After retreating to a street market, I maxed the skill. A world of data flooded my mind. I knew the actual value of any good I saw, more so than some of the people selling them. Wandering the area, I saw several items with large gaps between their selling price and their value, and it wasn’t simply the shopkeepers trying to rip people off. Items in some stalls were undervalued rather than overvalued.

What's more, I knew what those items cost in other places: The Magarium, Fargess, Bixtar, etc. If I could think of a location, I knew the prices there. Even better, if I focused on the name of a specific city rather than a nation, I could get even more refined data. Unfortunately, It didn’t further allow for information at the street or shop level, but I suppose everything had to have its limits.

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Looking deeper, I noticed that the price differences between the various countries were small, allowing very little chance for arbitrage. I suspected this was due to many cities and nations being connected through teleportation gates. If there was quick and easy transportation of goods, it would smooth the price differences as goods flowed from areas of low to high demand. I asked Lydia for the names of some cities without teleportation circles and watched the prices spike dramatically.

‘Okay, so long as I’m not a complete derplord, money should never be a problem… and merchant is definitely on the list of things to try out.’ I briefly imagined building my commercial empire and cornering the market in… something. The fantasy wasn’t fully fleshed out. However, markets WOULD be cornered.

Finishing my experiment, Lydia and I continued clothes shopping. A store selling martial style attire caught Lydia’s eye, and she practically dragged me in. I purchased two distinct wardrobes. The first were clothes that suited my personal preferences. Form fitting outfits in dark tones and colors: black was heavily featured as were blues. I found them attractive while also allowing for a full range of movement. Those selections also emphasized my… newly minted body. What’s the point of getting ripped if you can’t flaunt it? It’s not like I could have pulled it off on Earth. The second set of clothes was for my yet to be used alter ego. His style was flamboyantly colored martial arts gis and gambesons. That persona was the one that would be used if I needed to do something that would attract attention, so hopefully the contrasting styles and color schemes would help obscure any connection between us.

With my wardrobe dilemma resolved, I went to see Lydia's choices. I was stunned. Up until now, she looked like a nun… well, a warrior nun, but still a nun. Now, not wearing clothes that covered her like a potato sack… the difference was rather dramatic. Catching myself gawking, I quickly looked away to regain my composure, hoping she didn’t notice.

“I’m not sure if that qualifies as combat attire.”

She scoffed. “Of course not, it's a flexible spider silk fabric designed to be worn under heavy armor. It allows for comfort and fluid motion.”

I sighed internally. “Sounds good.”

Completing our purchases, Lydia arranged for the clothes to be delivered to the hotel. By the time we returned, they would be washed, dried and put away in our drawers and closets. I did wear a tapered black shirt and pants with crimson accents out the door because I was sick of looking like a school teacher who got lost in the woods (which happened to be precisely what I was, but still).

We stepped outside, and I took a deep, satisfying breath.

“Okay, time for what I really want. Where can we get some spellbooks?”

Lydia coughed. “What?”

“Spellbooks. I want to learn magic.”

“Um… I’ve got some bad news about that…”

I soured. “What now?”

“People aren’t allowed to sell those to unauthorized purchasers. Magic done wrong is extraordinarily dangerous. A misunderstanding of the underlying principles of a spell can easily annihilate the caster, not to mention have completely unpredictable effects on the area around them.”

“...How unpredic-”

“Anything from creating a swarm of butterflies to healing people's injuries to infecting an entire city with a lust malady.”

“Does that mean what I-

“Yes, exactly what you think it means. It was an outlying city without strong magical protections, so it created many… highly embarrassing situations. Even more problematic, there was a gathering of the regional nobility and their advisors. Anyone without sufficient mind control resistance or items… Well, that particular situation is why selling scrolls and books to unauthorized individuals warrants a death sentence.”

“So, then, how does one become authorized?”

“In order to purchase spellbooks or scrolls, you need to pass a test administered by the Mages’ Guild and be sponsored by either a noble or a qualifying guild.”

My face dropped.

“Well, I suppose you also could be awarded a spell book in a dungeon, find a black market or... Ahem…” Lydia’s eyes moved back and forth as she leaned in conspiratorially, “otherwise liberate one.”

I stared incredulously. The question I had been holding in for months burst forth. “How the hell did you become a priestess?”

Lydia was taken aback for a second before her eyes grew cold, “Not everyone is blessed with options.”

I backed down. “I’m sorry. I just… I won’t pry.”

Her eyes eased, “Thank you.”

“But no, I did not come here to pursue a career of… liberating things.”

“Then it will be awhile before you can acquire magic.”

I shrugged, “So be it.”

“Let’s find a bookstore. There’s something I’m desperately curious to find, if it exists.”

I paused, waiting for a response. Ten deeply uncomfortable seconds passed.

“Oh, am I supposed to add to the drama of the moment?” She gasped dramatically, “what are you curious about?”

“Available skills. It's time I take the system out for a joyride.”

****************

Hajim reviewed the freshly delivered note.

The target has been located. No unusual behavior detected. However, all surveillance techniques have failed for indiscernible reasons. Likewise, his status cannot be read. On the other hand, I was able to read the elf with whom he is traveling. Lydia Lightgrass, a level 32 spear user without any abilities. Her threat level is negligible. Curiously, they are also being followed by another, substantially less skilled individual. I will maintain visual observation and report anything of concern.

‘Lydia Lightgrass… I wonder… Curiouser and curiouser,’ Hajim thought before disintegrating the note with a thought. He then turned his attention back to the blueprints on his desk. The sigils weren’t going to design themselves.