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Outlaw Country
Chapter 18 - Gunboat Diplomacy

Chapter 18 - Gunboat Diplomacy

Amelie marched me to to the throne room, alongside Yu and Luo Liang. I was cleaner than I had literally ever been, and felt deeply uncomfortable, skin itching from the deep cleanse. I wasn't too enthused about strolling my way into a mess of politics, but it was better than being naked, trapped in a room with a man who probably swung the other way.

I never asked who he was, and I hoped to never find out.

"...Remember, Mr. Jones, take five steps forward and bow," nagged Amelie, attempting to drill me on decorum I had no intentions of respecting. "Left arm to the waist, palm facing you, right arm extended above and to your right." She gave a quick demonstration and then scowled as I just kept walking.

I sighed. I've been doing that a lot during the past few days. "Don't bother with the rehearsals, I ain't playing along. We don't have royalty where I come from, and if we did, I'd sooner piss on the throne anyway.

"Mr. Jones, please!" she begged. Her hand subconsciously inched towards her sword. She looked like she wanted to discipline me for breaking protocol, and barely remembered that she couldn't.

Yu Liang laughed behind her fingers, as if the sight of a smile was unbefitting of someone of her stature. "Understand, Buck Jones, that ceremony is everything for these people," she explained, voice calm as ever. "It is a tool to grasp a fleeting illusion of power, one made of words and rules instead of strength. Without such tools, the foundations of their society may very well crumble"

I could read Amelies' face all too easy, despite her age. She was trying to figure out if that was a threat. She wasn't that stupid, so I figure it won't take her too long to come to the correct conclusion.

Yu Liang continued. "Miss Amelie, and by extension, Miss Drache are responsible for your actions while you are their guest. Their positions are unstable, and they need as much illusionary power as they can. Is your pride worth causing a rift in the court?"

I was silent for a moment. I hadn't thought so much of it. "What if I said it was?"

She smiled wider. "Then I would think you befitting of your newfound power."

The group stopped as we reached the end of the long hall. Massive and engraved hardwood doors loomed over me. It depicted dragons in fierce battle, men with swords, and various variations of those two things.

How tasteless. It looked like a cheap engraving by an alleyway gunsmith for a wannabe gunslinger. Or maybe I was just feeling spiteful.

"We have reached the throne room," said Amelie, stating the obvious.

She stopped before the massive door. "Please, Mr. Jones. I won't hold you to the proper ceremony, but I ask you to show some respect at the very least," she said, bracing herself against the wooden doors with both hands. "Whatever your culture considers as such."

I didn't have time to consider an answer, as she had thrown the doors open, the heavy wood swinging open with as much aplomb as wood could muster.

I will not hesitate to admit that the sight wowed me. The hall was massive, maybe a hundred feet wide and hundreds long. Massive pillars held up the roof, and from each strung a banner, various crests and symbols decorating them all. The carpet was lined with red and gold and beelined towards the elevated throne. On it sat Ivonne, trying her best to look like she belonged.

The throne seemed far too big for her.

Along the hall were around 10 people, all of them trying their best to look important, wearing robes and capes that probably cost more than a house, largely following the ever-so-consistent color scheme. Their gazes were divided, some curious, some hopeful, some disdainful.

By each pillar was a man in shining armor, holding various weapons in ceremonial poses, still as statues. I almost mistook them for empty suits of armor, but the occasional sway or twitch gave them away.

We walked forward, stopping a few paces from the throne. Amelie silently bowed, while the Liang's clasped their fists together, bowing their heads ever so slightly. "We greet Her Illustrious Royal Highness," they all said, in perfect unison.

I guess that left me. I didn't really think about it, and I already forgot how to bow, so I decided to show respect the only way I know how.

I tipped my hat. "Howdy."

Ivonne nodded, and most of the crowd didn't react with anything other than mild curiosity. I suppose they expected a man from another world to have different ceremonies. Save for one.

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A tall, blonde man scanned us, his eyes seeking weakness. He thought to had found it in me. He stepped forward, voice challenging. "Is that how you show respect in your kingdom?"

You wanna play fool politics? Fine. "It's the highest honor I can give. Are you implying that my people are lesser for it?"

He grimaced but didn't back down. "Of course not, but while in our kingdom-"

I interrupted him, raised my voice, and began to spew bullshit. "Where I'm from, an insult to my honor can only be solved with a duel. Is that what you want?"

He blanched, and the princess finally stepped in. "Enough! Lord Huffman, do not antagonize my guests! We have far more important business to discuss, we cannot waste time posturing."

Lord Huffman huffed then fell silent. I wondered about the politics at play, but not enough to really care. I'd ask jeff about it later, and he would probably have some eerily accurate insight into the situation.

Ivonne gathered herself for a moment and began to speak.

"We welcome Sect Master Lu Liang, Daoist Luo Liang, and Mr. Jones. The Sect Master has agreed to an indefinite alliance with our kingdom, and will be assisting us in combatting the corruption," she stated, voice carrying throughout the hall in a way that defied logic.

Some of the surrounding people looked surprised, others didn't bat an eye. It didn't take a genius to notice that the people on opposite ends of the hall had opposite reactions. Huffman was on the 'surprised' side, though he was leaning more towards anger. It seemed they had literally separated themselves, drawing a clear line between the two political parties.

"Mr. Jones is a 'Silver Core'," she said, as if the term was new to her. "Capable of far more offensive power than even our strongest mages. He has agreed to lend his power to us, so we may take back our land. They are all our honored guests, and friends to our kingdom."

Now it was everybody's turn to look surprised, many of them looking me over as if they just noticed I was there. I never actually said I would help, as I only implied it. I intend to, though.

Huffman cleared his throat and stepped forward once more. "Your Highness, we all have only the deepest respect for your...enthusasim towards forging alliances, but how could we work hand in hand with people that do not know the light of Adelmar? We have adhered to his royal decree for thousands of years, why forego it now?"

His voice was faux persuasive and filled with false concern. Ivonne bit her lips. An obvious display of emotion, and a bad habit for a politician.

He continued his rant. "Their blood is tainted, and we cannot join hands with them lest the blight defile us all."

I glanced towards Amelie, gaze searching. She met it and shook her head slightly. Huffman's view was extreme, then, and not shared by everybody.

Ivonne closed her eyes and held a hand to her forehead. "Lord Huffman, we are in a different world. The light of Adelmar does not shine upon us anymore, you know this. The shield is gone, and we have a much more direct and dangerous 'taint' to deal with. You know this too, so why speak of it now?"

"That very taint is my concern," Huffman said. He turned towards me, smiling as if he outplayed me in a game only he was playing. "This stranger came from the east, correct? Through the Corrupted lands? How do we know he is not a carrier of the sickness? How could we trust the words of a vagabond? I implore you, Your Highness, let us exercise caution, and 'question' him."

I could practically hear the air-quotes around 'question', and the implication was clear. He was trying to make me a scapegoat by turning her 'honored guest' into an enemy. Ivonne looked like she had swallowed a roach, and everybody began to yell at once.

The side opposite of Huffman, the 'pro-princess' party as I have dubbed it, argued against it, siting reasons like immorality, lack of justification, and general feelings of 'let's not antagonize the man who can vaporize us.'

Huffman's side, hereby dubbed the 'suicidal fools', spoke of much the same things Huffman did, siting Adelmar, various words for sickness, and tradition. The voices grew louder as the argument grew heated, and Ivonne was stuck in the middle, looking like a child sitting at the dinner table, caught between a failing marriage.

Yu and Luo were both just silently standing there, hands in sleeves, slightly bemused expressions on both faces. Yu Liang shot me a raised eyebrow. Amelie was still bowed, but her shoulders were shaking in rage, and I could see her lips quiver from here. Her rage probably wasn't so much about me as it was about Huffman's opposition.

Right then. This kind of bullshit politicking is too much for me to wrangle, so I'll handle this the same way I handle everything.

I cleared my throat, then roared, voice like gravel anyway. "I warned you about the goddamn disrespect, didn't I?"

Everybody fell silent at once, and Huffman turned to me, expression smug. I suppose he was goading me into a reaction, hoping to justify his bullshit.

"Mr. Jones!" he began. "This is exactly what I was afraid of, are you threatening a member of the royal court?!"

This was going to be fun. "Threatening? We're past that now, its time to put your money where your mouth is. Come here and face me, or I'll just start without you!"

The shiny guards began to grasp their weapons, as the arguments began anew, even louder. The throne-room sounded like a goddamn busy tavern now, with shouts and accusations flying every which way.

Huffman continued his goading. "Duels can only take place between noblemen, and you, sir, are no such thing."

"Five!" I yelled.

Ivonne spoke up. "Everybody! Please! This is unnecessary!" she yelled, to no effect. The momentum was going, and I was reminded of the moments before a tavern brawl.

"Four! I think it's very necessary!"

Amelie was on her feet, gripping her sheathed sword. She bit her lip much like her ruler does, and looked like she didn't know who to stab.

"Three!"

Mr. Huffman was starting to notice I wasn't bluffing and began to realize the shit he was in. I'm not sure what made him think I wouldn't kill him, but he thought wrong."Guards! Detain this man!" he screamed, shrilly. Some of them began to dash towards me, but most hesitated, and only a few stood stock-still, Amelie amongst them.

"Two!"

"You don't have the authority!" Ivonne screamed, and some of the guards stopped as if suddenly remembering that same fact.

"One!"

The guards weren't going to make it. Huffman lost his cool and splayed his arms out. "Your authority is false! I AM THE AUTHORI-"

He never got to finish his sentence, due to a lack of head.

He wasn't using it anyway.