Life outside of the confines of the castle was its own kind of chaos. The streets were a little bit cleaner since the last time I stepped foot outside, but the rubble from the buildings was still overwhelming the landscape. In fact, there was so much unusable wreckage that people were burning what was left of their old homes just to stay warm. Seeing such misery didn’t do anything good for my mood.
The coalition had set up camp outside the walls, and it had grown as all the spare tents were currently being used by the population of Fulvrist who were without a home. I could tell that tensions were high as the two sides of the war were forced to live near one another. It was impossible to miss the obvious looks of disdain being shared between them.
James would probably have something to say about that or be trying to fix everything himself. Thinking about him only opened fresh wounds, though, and I tried, and failed, to redirect my thoughts away from him. It only got worse as mom took me back to my tent... our tent.
The familiar sight of our cots and personal items greeted me, making me feel like it was far too empty despite how confined the space was. Mom had me sit on my cot as she fussed over me for a few minutes. Her touch was gentle and did make me feel a little better, but that deep pit inside my chest just wouldn’t be filled with her affection alone. She told me to rest for a while, and that she would be back to check on me after I got some decent sleep. With one last nuzzle, she slowly left.
I sat alone in the muted light of the tent. My gaze fell on James’ cot. Before I even knew it, I had stood and laid down on his, hoping beyond hope that I could feel just a little bit of his warmth. It was cold, further driving home the reality that he was not here. However, it did still smell like him, and I buried my face in that scent, wishing that it would never leave. It was shocking just how much this little bit of him could still affect me, because I felt the exhaustion seeping into my bones as his smell relaxed me.
It was the easiest rest that I had gotten in the last few days. The outside world meant nothing to me as I dreamed of happy memories that I shared with James. These bittersweet moments were made all the more poignant when I next awoke and found that my face had been stained with tears in my sleep.
The pain of reliving those memories was only highlighted by the fact that I never wanted to let them go. Even being cut off from them by waking up was like being torn apart. Getting out of bed was a difficult prospect as James' scent was the only physical tie I had left to him. Even so, lying in bed all day wasn’t healthy, and mom and the rest of my friends were out there working. While I felt horrible right now, knowing that I was just laying back and taking it easy while everyone else was out there would only make me feel worse.
Separating myself from the minor comfort of James’ cot, I donned my cloak and stepped outside. The sun had changed position quite a bit, leading me to guess that I had fallen asleep for a few hours at least. I decided to head toward the city to find something or someone who could provide me with a task.
Along the way I heard a commotion that sounded like a lot of people were yelling. Worried, I moved closer to see if I could find out what was happening. It didn’t take long for me to come across a large circle of bodies, shouting and jeering at whatever was going on in the center. I worked my way through the crowd, sometimes having to push past a few people just to get a look.
Naturally, it was nothing good, as I saw the circle was in fact divided into Thrainians on one side and coalition troops on the other. In the center stood half a dozen Thrainians, dressed better than average, facing off with an Ulgor, a Trelnval, and a Valus. They were locked in a heated argument which seemed to be the cause of this whole situation. I could barely make out what they were saying over the taunting roars of the crowd around me.
“You savage beasts are the cause of all of this!” The Thrainian spoke good Ulgrish, surprisingly. “I lost my business and my house when you destroyed our city! How are we expected to live off this rubble?”
“We didn’t do shit!” the Ulgor shot back. “It was your own damn king that decided to go insane and bury the city trying to kill us. Maybe you should save you indignation for the one who is responsible!”
“Oh yes, because we should believe you. My house was on fire before it collapsed in those tremors. You damned animals can’t resist destroying everything you lay eyes on.”
“It’s called war, and you lost, so get over yourself.” The Ulgor soldier threw his arms out and gestured to the coalition side of the crowd. “We’ve all lost far more than any of you have over the years, and now that you have to experience even a middling amount of the same loss, you’re going to cry about it like the spoiled children you all are. I don’t know why we’re even helping you bastards to begin with.”
The Thrainian man sneered. “If you think we’re just going to roll over for you then you really are as stupid as rocks.”
That insult spurred the soldier to take a step forward menacingly. However, the Thrainian seemed to be prepared for that, because with a wave of his hand spikes of ice emerged from the snow, forming a wall in front of him. There was a standoff that I was almost certain would become violent, and I found myself tensing, trying to think of something that could resolve this situation without people potentially getting killed. Thankfully I didn’t need to act because the crowd on our side was pushed aside to allow Durdan to stride into the circle, followed by his personal guard who stood between the two sides.
“What in the damned pits is going on here!?” Durdan projected his voice with every ounce of authority he could, but I could hear beneath his roar there was a tinge of weariness.
Just as the soldier who was in the argument opened his mouth to answer, Durdan cut him off. “That was a rhetorical question. I know exactly what is happening here and my patience has run its course. Let it be known that if anyone is involved in another brawl, I will have you lashed in front of the camp. I won’t even bother asking who started it or who is at fault. Both sides will receive the same punishment regardless. Am I clear!”
He received very emphatic responses from the soldiers in his army, but only grumbling acceptance from the civilians. The two sides slowly shuffled away, neither of them willing to risk that kind of punishment. After the crowd had dispersed and only the odd straggler was left in the area, I saw Durdan’s posture practically fold as he rubbed his eyes.
I let him have a second to breathe before I approached him. “It seems you’ve been busy.”
Durdan removed his hand from his face and looked in my direction. His face changed to surprise once he realized it was me. “Oh, Kala, I didn’t expect to see you here. You weren’t caught up in that nonsense, were you?”
“No, I just heard what was going on and went to see. I was afraid that they were about to fight, so thank you for stepping in and stopping them.”
Durdan let out a weary sigh and rubbed his eyes again. “Thank you for the kind words, but it feels like every other hour I’m forced to intervene in an argument and break up at least two fights every day. This situation has advanced beyond a simple mess. I always knew there would be problems when it came to occupying Fulvrist, but all those problems have seemed to multiply in the wake of this destruction. People have lost their families, their homes, their livelihoods. They’re hungry, cold, and hatred from decades of fighting doesn't disappear in a single day. There have already been several instances of freed slaves from the city attacking their former masters, and it’s always a bad look when I have to discipline the former slave.”
That certainly sounded like a lot of work, and I did not envy Durdan for having to deal with it. “Is there nothing that can be done to ease these concerns?”
“We’re already distributing much of the food we took from Yol’vastume, but I have to feed both my army and the whole city. I’ve already sent word back to Sor’Balvas about our victory and petitioned them for further relief supplies, but that will take weeks for them to mobilize. That’s not even considering the possibility that they might waste days bickering about the logistics and their own misgivings about aiding the enemy. I’m at my wits end.”
He really did look like he wasn’t getting enough sleep. “I see. Well, is there anything I can do to help?”
Durdan looked surprised, but then somewhat sad. “Kala, you are under no obligation to help with any of this. Despite how often you have volunteered for missions, you aren’t even a proper soldier in the army. Considering the... recent situation in the castle, you should take time to-”
“Durdan...” I interrupted him, not wanting to hear the end of that sentence. “If I sit around and do nothing for any longer, I may just go crazy. Give me something to do.”
I don’t know what he saw on my face, but it was enough to convince him to accept my request. He nodded in a resigned manner. “Okay. If you want to help, no one will turn down an extra set of hands when it comes to clearing the streets. That is the priority right now, so if you find an officer in charge of organizing the dumps, they’ll point you in the right direction.”
I dipped my head in appreciation. “Thank you, Durdan. I hope that the camp will calm down in a few days. Also, please make sure that you are getting enough rest. You have to maintain yourself before you collapse and leave everyone without a clear sense of leadership.”
He chuckled a bit. “Now you sound an awful lot like my mother. Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to find adequate rest.”
After receiving a few more directions on where to go, Durdan returned to work, leaving me on my own. I think it was these moments that hit the hardest. I was so used to always being by his side that being alone just felt wrong. It was almost panic inducing, and my heart was beating faster the longer I remained. Moving was the only solution, so I quickly made my way toward the city gates to find one of the coordinators.
Thankfully, the location Durdan sent me to wasn’t that far away. I was able to quickly find a coordinator after wading through the mess that covered the parts of the streets that hadn’t been cleaned fully. From there, it was a simple process of picking up debris and tossing it into one of three piles. Garbage, reusable, and burnable.
It was simple and repetitive work, but it helped to keep my mind occupied. I ran into Hargon and Ulthises while working. They had an expected reaction to seeing me, that being primarily concern. Both said many similar things to Durdan, wanting me to rest, take some time to process, not work myself into exhaustion. While I understood that all these suggestions came from a place of caring, it was still frustrating to have to deal with it when all I needed right now was a distraction.
Just like Durdan, I rebuked their sympathies as politely as I could while still showing a slight edge in my voice that made it clear that this was non-negotiable. They were forced to concede to me and carried on with their work. I didn’t understand how they could think that being alone with my thoughts would ever be a good thing right now.
I worked for about another hour before being distracted once more. Mom had apparently been looking for me, and since I wasn’t in the tent where she last left me, she was concerned. It was only after running into Hargon while frantically asking about my whereabouts that she calmed herself. That did make me feel a little bad. I wasn’t trying to make her worry; I just couldn’t stay still any longer.
She pulled me aside so we could have a private conversation, and she started by grabbing my shoulders in a firm but caring grip. “Kala, I know that you are trying to keep your mind off what happened, and I can’t say that it’s not a somewhat healthy way to handle things for the immediate future, but I can tell that you’re just trying to bury your feelings under work. That won’t last, and in the end, you’ll end up tearing yourself apart.”
You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.
I was silent for a long time, not knowing what to think. On the one hand, she had a point and knew exactly what I was doing. On the other, I was frustrated, angry even that she would tell me to stop and not provide an alternative. Part of me wanted to yell, the other wanted to cry, but what came out was something a little more venomous.
“How did you do it?” She seemed confused by the question, so I continued. “How did you get over losing dad?” The tone in my voice was not that of an innocent or even desperate question, but more of an accusation.
I didn’t stop there. “How do you get over losing someone you love? Do you just forget? Ignore the pain? Did you even love him!?”
“KALA!” Her voice and the sudden glare she gave me made it clear that I had overstepped. I realized it too. In fact, the moment the words left my mouth I regretted them. Mom looked pissed that I would even suggest such a thing and I lowered my head, shrinking in on myself while teetering on the verge of tears.
Mom stepped closer to me, and I braced myself for some kind of retribution for my actions. Instead of being yelled at, or even slapped, I instead felt her hands gently placed upon my shoulders. Surprised, I looked up at her to see that she was now staring at me with empathy and sadness in her eyes.
“My little river glider, I know it hurts, truly I do. Your father was a strong man who defended us even when he knew it would kill him, and I will never stop loving him even though he’s gone. No, the pain does not go away, you just learn how to bear it better with time. When we first lost him, and were separated, I was so dangerously close to losing all hope and succumbing to despair. However, I kept going because I knew that you were still out there. You were my reason to continue, my drive to keep going, and I couldn’t give up when I hadn’t found you yet. That’s what you need right now, a reason to keep going that gives you a purpose that will help you shoulder your loss.”
It seemed like a logical solution, but I had a problem with it. “I don’t know if I have something like that. You had me, a child of your own, but it feels like I have nothing left of him.”
“You don’t have to choose something that’s physical. Perhaps you can hold fast to his ideals, and make sure that all his efforts and sacrifices did not go to waste.”
Could I even do that? It felt like such a monumental task to try and pick up where he left off. James’ knowledge that he brought from his world was beyond anything that we know here. That alone is enough of a loss, but he was chosen by the goddess, and I was... well, just me. Would anyone listen? Would anyone even care?
I think mom could see my indecision and gave me a pat on the shoulder to break me out of my spiraling thoughts. “It was just an idea, something to consider.”
“Yeah, but what could I even do? I’m not... special.”
“Kala, you don’t have to be chosen by the gods or have knowledge beyond this world to do great things. People have done so for generations before us. Besides, it is well known that you and James were close. Even if he is not around, your words will still carry some of that weight as the one he chose to bond with.”
I wondered just how much that was true. Mom didn’t pressure me, though, and dropped her hold on my shoulders after giving me a short nuzzle. “Just give it some thought. If you’re still having trouble, we can think of something else. For now, let’s get back to work. There’s still a lot to be done around here.”
That was certainly true, and I nodded in agreement as we got back to work. For the rest of the day, I considered my stance on mom’s suggestion. Did I really have what it takes to step up and create James’ ideal world of peace? The very idea of a peaceful world seemed like a naive hope all things considered. However, maybe it was that hope that allowed us to make a world that we desire to live in. It made more sense if ideals weren’t something that you achieve, but something that can guide you in the right direction.
With that in mind, perhaps it wasn’t so foolish to follow the path James wished to take. Besides, I was always telling him to not be so negative and take a chance to connect with others. It would be a bit hypocritical of me if I chose to shut myself away and not do the same. The pain didn’t go away, but I at least felt a little more confident about the future now that I had a clear direction. I went to sleep that night on James’ cot, planning for tomorrow.
The next morning, I awoke from my dreams, though they seemed to be more like memories that were just vague enough for me to not have a clear idea what they were about. Even so, James was involved, and having to awaken from that small connection I still had to him was painful. I lay in the bed for a while longer, trying to will myself to move against the wishes of my laden heart. It took reminding myself of my new goal, but I did manage to rise and face this new day.
After a brief morning routine and meal, I got to work. Today I wasn’t planning on picking things up, but instead volunteering to be a part of the group that was responsible for distributing supplies to the Thrainian side of the camp. There was a distinct lack of coalition soldiers who wanted to do that job, and many of them who were doing it were ordered to. Perhaps having at least one person trying to change their perspective would make all the difference?
Right, what was I expecting? It turned out it wouldn’t be that easy, not that I really thought it would be. The quartermaster was happy that I had volunteered, but the Thrainians were not.
I tried to hand out the supplies while attempting to make conversation and generally be pleasant. The reactions I got were more or less expected as they either ignored me, tried to demean me, or strangest of all, acted a bit scared of me. It was quite a blow to my morale to not have even a single positive reaction from any of them, and I almost gave up after that before mentally slapping myself.
Come on, James went through worse than this, you’ve seen as much. If he can make friends with people who beat and stoned him, you can do so as well. I would not give up so easily. I owed James that much.
And so, I began the process of banging my head against a wall, hoping to dislodge even a single brick. I had encountered that Thrianian who caused a scene at the camp the other day, and he was a very unpleasant individual. From what I could tell, he was most likely a former merchant in the city, which probably meant that he had owned a fair number of slaves before our takeover. The condescending and deliberately hurtful way he spoke to me made it clear that he was not one to change his ways without serious pressure to do so.
Being nice wasn’t working with him, and I think he took it more as an act of submission than being kind. That was problematic, so the approach I’ve been taking with him recently is one of firm but polite rebuttal. My favorite opportunity to do just that is when he questions my intelligence and I’m able to use the things that James taught me to silence him without even raising my voice. Seeing him turn all different kinds of red in the face is extremely satisfying.
During my third day of working with distribution, I had a breakthrough. I encountered a mother who was caring for two children. They probably were hungry considering that Durdan had implemented a policy of rationing every few days to make sure that our stocks could last. I gave a part of my rations to the children, much to the surprise of the mother who asked me why.
“I know what it’s like to be hungry. It’s a horrible feeling, and I don’t think it’s right for kids to be forced to experience it.”
The kids were happy to have something to fill their bellies, and the mother seemed to be at a loss for words for a moment. “I... I don’t know what to say,” she said, meekly.
“A simple thank you would be more than enough. We aren’t your enemies anymore. We all need to learn how to talk and interact with one another again.”
That gave her something to think about, and something for me to focus on. A lot of the people in the camp had families, and if I started helping those families, then that would influence their perception in a positive manner. I felt my spirits rise now that I had a solid plan, and I set about doing just that.
Many of the supplies were handed out in bread lines, very impersonal and disconnected. I sought out individual families and asked them what they needed. Some of them were a little uneasy about speaking to me, but more often than not, I could get the children interested, if not in the promise of extra treats to eat, then in me personally. Having spent their lives in the city, many of them haven’t seen a Trelnval outside of quick glances at slaves working in the back of stores. I answered the kid's burning questions, and even managed to find a toy or two in the rubble of the city that I could give back.
Over the next few days, my progress had gotten to the point where I was recognized and greeted by a handful of the Thrainian camp inhabitants. Even the coalition soldiers recognized what I was doing, and it seemed I had inadvertently acquired a new title as many referred to my efforts as being saintly, acting as the goddess might. I found the title to be somewhat awkward considering that anyone could have done what I had been doing, but the relationship I had with James was the final nail in that coffin. It was quite frightening how quickly things like that spread and even changed to add fanciful speculation. People even started to believe that the goddess had begun to favor me because of the time I spent with James.
While I may have been getting more attention, and thus more people considering doing the same, I felt like the title was undeserved. Even if I wasn’t trying to make a name for myself, if that was going to happen anyway, I might as well use it. Anything to make this transition from war to peace easier.
It was now ten days after the end of the battle. The streets of the city had been cleared and roughly repaired by the mages, so rebuilding could begin in earnest now that the roads were clean enough to move house rubble. This was also the time when Durdan began to negotiate the official terms of surrender with the surviving Thrainian officers. Many of them would be facing trials for the crimes they committed in blowing up their own towns and using slaves as shields among other things.
The world just kept moving, regardless of how anyone felt about it. I had spent many a sleepless night in my tent remembering how it felt to be held by James while I slept, warm and safe in his arms. I think I missed that closeness the most. It just wasn’t something that you could have with anyone else.
It was midday and I was sitting in the camp waiting for the next round of supply distribution. Soldiers were going about their business and completing daily maintenance tasks. Everything was quiet, or as quiet as it could be in a camp of tens of thousands of people. However, above the dull roar of activity, I began to hear something that sounded like someone was calling my name from a distance.
I looked around, trying to locate where it was coming from. As the seconds passed, I began to make out more of the voice, and found that I was familiar with it. It sounded like Ulthises, and he seemed desperate as he called out.
“Kala! Kala! Has anyone seen Kala? Kala!”
Concerned, I got up and moved toward the sound of his voice. A moment later, I caught sight of him about the same time as he did me. His eyes lit up, and he slithered quickly to my side, panting heavily as he seemed to have been moving fast for a while now.
“Kala! There you are. I came as fast as I could to find you.”
“For what? Is there something wrong?” I really hoped there weren’t any more problems to deal with.
“I’m not sure if it’s good or bad, but there’s something weird happening up in the castle right now. The guards and cleanup crew are in a bit of a panic, but word is that whatever is happening is happening in the throne room.”
My eyes widened, my heart skipped a beat, and the world around me was reduced to a crawl for a moment. I didn’t wait for any elaboration or additional bits of information, I just started running.
Tearing my way through the crowd, the wind howled in my ears as I raced toward the city gates. The cleanup efforts helped me travel efficiently up the slight slope of the city as I barreled my way past the crews cleaning, sometimes getting angry shouts from individuals that were almost completely drowned out by the sound of my own heart hammering in my ears. I didn’t stop or slow down for anything or anyone, and in record time, I found myself bursting through the doors of the castle and into its grand, if damaged, halls.
It didn’t take long for me to retrace my steps through the castle, even if a few of the guards who were defending against opportunistic looters tried to slow me down. I rounded a corner and saw that a crowd had gathered outside the throne room, staring inside as they murmured to themselves with clear anxiety. Shoving my way past, I pleaded with them to let me through as a few bodies shuffled out of the way for me.
Seeing what everyone was looking at was the only thing that gave me pause. At the very back of the room near the destroyed part of the crystal, there was a frankly sickening amalgam of flesh writhing on the floor. The blob of bloody meat and tendons pulsed and twitched as it grew, forming additional structures within itself. I saw the creation of organs forming rapidly as they began to pump and convulse. White bones could be seen poking out of the large mass only to be quickly swallowed up again by the meaty bits that clung to it.
It was visceral, disgusting, and filled me with hope for the first time in days. The process was relatively sluggish, if you could consider it that, as minutes passed by before clear limbs began to form. Two arms, two legs, all revealed in their anatomical glory for the world to see as blood vessels latched onto muscles in an intricate web of biology.
The last thing to appear was skin, growing like a thin blanket over the whole of this bizarre situation. I held my breath as it traced a path outwards from the chest, revealing familiar contours, imperfections, and blemishes. It traveled up the neck, and my heart raced as it got closer to revealing their identity. And then, I saw it, a long scar running up the side of the face as the skin completely covered the body and dark hair sprouted like grass from the scalp.
“James!” I sprinted forward, sliding to my knees before grabbing and cradling his upper body in my lap. He was completely naked, but I could touch him, feel his warmth on my scales, and when I put my head against his chest, hear the steady thump of his heart beating.
My eyes filled with tears, but these were happy ones as I gently rocked back and forth, holding his head to my chest. “S-someone, get me a blanket, and find Velshi! Tell her, tell everyone, James...” I stared down at his sleeping face, joy blossoming in my chest. “James is back.”