I don't know how much time I've spent up on a tree, far away from the village. I cursed those wings that hid my tears from the world now more than ever. I thought I heard the rumble of a thunderstorm in the distance a few times, but didn't care. Only when the first droplets whispered on the leaves, I lifted my head to look at the sky.

One of them landed on my cheek right next to the tear track and rolled down parallel to it. I wiped them both away and shakily stood up. I glanced to the east briefly, but then turned towards the west, deciding to go back to Light's mansion. Where else could I go...?

I tried to stay low and dash above the restlessly swaying trees as fast as I could, but despite all efforts, I was drenched to the skin after just half the distance that I needed to go. The calm flight here didn't put much strain on me before, but now I felt my strength leaving me at a terrifyingly fast pace. Lightning was sharpening shapes and summoning creepy shadows that were not what they looked like. The fact that the thunder made me think of a dragon's roar might have made it funnier in different circumstances...

Finally, to my relief, I spotted the outline of the residence in the distance. But it wasn't standing right in front of me, as I was expecting it to. I suddenly found myself on the far north end of the Apries Lake, with the mansion looming far to my left. The wind must have brought me off course quite a bit... I needed to remember that for next time. If there ever would be one... I went into a curve and dashed just above the water's surface. The darkness seemed to be thickening, the noise of waves and lament of trees around the shores only deepening my anxiety. It was then that I learned that problems had a strange custom - they seemed to like traveling in packs.

The rain suddenly changed into fine hail, starting to lash my wings and making me painfully aware of how much more sensitive than the rest of my body they were. I didn't quite manage to recover from the shock yet, when another happened. A close lightning strike brightened the area for a second and my eyes got drawn to a movement at the shore to my right...

There was a hooded figure walking between the lake and the line of trees... slowly, like someone who went for a stroll to think about their life rather than someone who got caught by the insane weather and should be running to any form of safety...

There were some more thoughts about it developing in my racing mind, but they all got cut off as my body did something unintentional while watching the silhouette. Something natural in a situation like this, only that it was the stupidest thing possible for someone flying hastily right above the surface of water - I turned slightly towards the thing I was looking at.

One of my wings dipped into the lake, literally cutting my glide short in the split of a second. My terrified scream got drowned out by thunder and I found myself in the water before I could even start to analyze what was happening.

The remnants of my strength left me as a deep darkness enveloped both my body and my mind, making them both refuse to obey me any further...

~

"Please tell me he'll be alright..."

That voice reached me as if through a thick curtain. I felt like I was returning from the depths of a seemingly endless, dark night... I opted to let the sound pass by, not caring much about its meaning. It was easier that way... But the voice was familiar, soothing, and sparked the feeling of safety for some reason...

"I think he will be, the encounter with the water was just a little too sudden for his lungs..."

That voice was different, more delicate, and the nervous but joking tone seemed to ease the tension, making the first voice sigh in relief. With that sigh, I felt my head getting lifted a little and then falling again, returning to the calm rhythm of inhale and exhale right next to my right cheek that I wasn't aware of until now. I also started to feel my own body again, and most of it hurt mercilessly.

Then the second voice spoke again: "That was a beautiful catch... I think my heart still stopped there for a second though..."

"I thought it would be harder too... but he's lighter than he looks."

That last voice finally hooked up to the name 'Siaril' somewhere in my mind. I also finally felt his arm circled around my shoulders and heard the murmur of rain surrounding us. I summoned some of my very slowly returning strength and opened my eyes. At the first attempt to move, a hand immediately pressed softly against my chest.

"Don't get up..." Yasenka commanded gently.

I blinked a few times to get rid of the fog before my eyes and finally saw her. She was kneeling on the muddy ground close to me, watching me with concern. I also noticed an azure fragment of Siaril's wing, stretched above all three of us, shielding us from the rain as best it could. We were still at the lake's shore...

After a few moments everything that happened started to return to me. Although, when my mind went all the way back to my visit in the village, I just closed my eyes and buried my face in Siaril's shirt. I would have rather remained unconscious...

"We should lay him down properly to check for fractures... can you help me?" I felt my arms being circled around two pairs of shoulders that lifted me carefully from both sides and we started heading towards the mansion.

When I later tried to remember what happened afterwards, there was hardly anything remaining in my mind...

~

The next evening was free from rain, but the sky remained covered by gray clouds. After spending the whole day in bed, I managed to go over to the window and observe it for a bit. The unfortunate landing in the lake left most of my body aching, but Yasenka's careful inspection revealed no major injuries. It didn't stop her from calling me around five different types of idiot in the process though.

All's well that ends well, but one thing didn't leave me much peace.

"Yeah, there are a few protective spells around, old and new... why?" Light put two mugs of tea on the windowsill. The scent of herbs mixed with the relaxing smell of moistened, young greenery, pushing unpleasant thoughts away for just a second.

"Did you notice anyone sneaking around the mansion during the storm?" I picked one mug up. "Maybe the spells warned you about something?"

The young mage frowned. "No and no. What are you getting at?"

"I saw someone walking around the lake towards the mansion yesterday. Rather tall, hooded."

"Maybe it was just some traveler from Saille. It's not very usual for anyone to take this route, but it happens."

"If it was just an innocent traveler, don't you think they would've asked for shelter in this weather?"

"You've got a point I guess... But then again, you didn't seek shelter either, instead deciding to return in the craziest of circumstances after you just learned to fly."

I winced, looking away.

"What's done is done," Light dropped it quickly. "Look, it's easy to see a ghost when you're scared in the first place. Why is one wanderer worrying you so much?"

"Because I've met two hooded people in too short of a timespan who didn't leave the best impression on me."

"Tell me more..."

I shared the events from the night when me and Kristya sneaked into the castle and the evening at the tavern in Leeshan with him. When I finished, he just stared at me for a while, lost in thought, before absently taking a sip of his tea and whimpering when he realized it's still too hot.

"A mage that can take away the powers of others and a bard that spreads unpleasant rumors..." he mumbled, covering his scalded lips. I held back an amused smile for the sake of the situation's seriousness. "If they are both kind of hostile towards mages, maybe it was the same person?"

"Maybe..." I had to admit, I didn't think about that before.

"Still, even if it was one of them, I don't think they have any business with us. Nothing really happened that night."

"Would you have known if anyone entered the mansion?"

"I don't think so. There seem to be spells that detect the presence of intruders, left by the previous owner, but since I'm not the one who cast them, they don't really respond to me. I guess I could work on converting them somehow, or analyze them and make copies of my own, just in case..."

"I see... no, actually, I don't get it at all, but never mind," I paused upon hearing a faint rustle by the shore below. I spotted Siaril, standing on the grassy surface between the east side of the main mansion and the forest. He had his wings out and was holding his beautiful sword that seemed to melt with the colors of the low black pines growing behind his back.

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"Oh, he's practicing again," Light smiled after following my gaze.

We watched Siaril gracefully going into a stance, then lifting the sword to just a little below shoulder level. First, he thrust forward. Then he twisted his wrist slightly, raised the blade a tiny bit on a slant and went over to a downward slash from the upper right. I frowned. His movements were perfectly balanced and showed years of practice with the sword. But for some reason he was performing them painfully slowly, which seemed totally unnecessary with this level of skill.

It became clear to me what he was doing after another few careful but precise moves. He was testing how much of a hindrance his wings would be in battle. It was logical that he didn't want to cut one of them off during probably one of the first training sessions...

Despite all this calmness in his movement though, I noticed something fierce in his stare that contradicted it. Something that made those green eyes freeze to two cold and hard jewels. I knew who he must have been imagining in front of him while he swung his sword. I started wondering though, if he was actually capable of doing what he seemed to be training for. And even if his gentle soul was able to carry out such a macabre deed, would it handle the sin and the bitterness afterwards...?

"Want to join him?" Light asked out of the blue.

"Eh?"

"I promised you some tips, didn't I? No time like the present."

I hesitated, looking between the mage and the silhouette down below. It would be a good opportunity to bond some more... "I guess... Plus, I still need to thank him for saving me."

"Well, you go ahead then while I grab some equipment. I'll see you down there," Light smiled and slipped away, leaving the evil tea on my windowsill.

I switched it to my nightstand together with my mug and climbed out the window. Siaril noticed me just as I spread my wings, but the hesitant 'You shouldn't...' came too late. I jumped and landed next to him with a few beats.

He sighed quietly, either with relief or exasperation. Or maybe both. "You really should be more careful..."

"I feel fine by now, don't worry," I smiled reassuringly. "Say... how long have you been practicing swordplay? I thought I was good after my two years at the castle, but you're at a completely different level."

"Well... I think I was around seven when I started..."

I raised my eyebrows. "Are you from some knight lineage?"

"Not really..." he cast his eyes down, which was enough of a sign for me to stop pressing and change the topic.

"I wanted to thank you... You saved my life."

"It's not me you should be thanking. It was Yasenka who started to worry about you because of the weather, and if she didn't come to tell me that you flew to your village, I would have been sleeping soundly at the time."

"But..."

"Besides, there is no need to thank me for something so obvious. We should take care of each other, if even one of us dies or gets seriously injured, we might stand no chance against Sharish. It was my duty."

Whatever hope that steadily built up over the past days shattered in the split of a second, like a dropped crystal goblet. "So that's what we are to you..." I whispered with a bitter smile. "Just people who can be useful in the battle with Sharish... and what else, tools to use on your way there, so you can find the murderer of Sitriel through Sharish...?"

He looked me in the eyes shortly and sighed. "It's not like that... please understand... I told you, we can't be friends..."

I couldn't hold back my heartache and my rage anymore. "But we already are friends you dolt!"

I immediately covered my mouth with a hand upon seeing his expression. Siaril paled and stared at me in what might have been terror, but he looked more like he had just been slapped in the face. The atmosphere suddenly became as fragile as glass.

"You think so...?" his whisper broke the silence after a few moments. There was something in it that gave me hope again, made me think that I somehow got through to him thanks to the shock. But then it vanished like smoke of a burning out campfire in the morning breeze. "I don't..."

It was like an icicle stabbed right into my already bleeding heart. A scream would have been better than the calm tone in which he gave me those words. It was the second time in two days that someone I considered a friend simply shoved me away... I wasn't sure if I was more furious or more desperate at that moment...

"Right..." I said quietly, hanging my head and trying to keep my voice from breaking. "Sorry to have bothered you then..." I turned away without waiting for an answer and headed back to the mansion.

I bumped into Light by the entrance. He was holding two simple practice swords. "I'm here, I'm here. Sorry, it took a while to find them... um... Sig?"

"I'm not in the mood anymore, sorry..." I muttered, keeping my head down.

"Hey... what happened?"

"Siaril doesn't want us there. Neither for the training, nor in general..."

Light kept quiet for a moment, as if reading the contents of my conversation with Siaril from the language of my body only. "You know... there might be a difference between things he says and the things he wants."

"You think...?"

"I do. I'm not his closest buddy or anything, but I've been around him for a while... He doesn't want to open up because he's scared he will get hurt again, not because he hates us or anything. But... I'm afraid that if one closes his heart off for too long, he eventually begins to feel a pain unlike any nightmare. He wants to open it again, but can't. It must be maddening, causing him to act irrationally..."

"But we can't force him..."

"No... but if he already entrusted his pain to you, then it means he already wants to reach out to someone. He's just afraid..."

"So what should we do...?"

"I'll try talking to him... and you don't give up, alright? Even if he's like this, make sure you're there for him. So when the day comes that he actually wants to reach back, there will be a hand waiting to take his."

I looked away a little, hesitant. "Fine..." I sighed eventually. "But not today..."

Light gently patted my shoulder. "Rest a bit more."

"I will..."

Once in my room, I flopped onto the bed. Suddenly, its softness didn't feel as comforting anymore... In fact, it felt less and less so the more I allowed my thoughts to wander. The green pillow soaked up one of my tears, but the other passed over the base of my nose, leaving a chilly track.

Was there even a reason to still stay here...? The people I was going to fight for in this crazy new reality were turning their backs on me one after the other. At this rate there soon wouldn't even be a source for the fire within my soul. There was still Yasenka and Light... I didn't believe they could distance themselves from me as well, but would I be able to keep going if no one but them wanted me to...?

A delicate knock on the door disrupted the silence. I looked at it and remained silent for a moment, but then wiped the tears away and spoke a word of admittance.

Siaril entered the room soundlessly, like he usually did. There was nothing about him that gave away any annoyance, sadness or any form of concern. I sat up, trying my best to not give him any accusing looks. I was willing to give him a chance, even though it was hard when those eyes stared at me like surfaces of emerald water that reflected everything around it, but remained unmoving itself.

"I'm sorry..." he finally said. "The last thing I wanted was to get you too involved in my own pain... I'm really not suited to be a friend, you should look for someone else..."

"Look for someone else?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "You think this is like searching for a servant at a slave market? We all are friends here, Yasenka, Light, me... it's just you who doesn't understand that we want to help you, that we want you to be a part of it..."

Something was incredibly wrong in all of this. How could he be so kind in one moment and say such cruel words the next? One Siaril had to be false and I prayed that it was the one who repeatedly made me furious.

But Siaril seemed to be in a vexatious mood today. "But I can't... the ability to do that was taken away from me together with Sitriel..."

"Well then I guess his murderer already defeated you..." I muttered.

"Sorry?"

Something was starting to slowly boil in my chest. "Why did you even bother gathering us all in the first place if you don't give a damn about everything that is happening anyway?"

He looked away, as if he didn't even really know an answer himself and was only now starting to think of a reason. "Maybe... I was looking for an easy way to die..."

My jaw clenched as I took my sirath from underneath my shirt. "You're lying, and you're well aware of it."

His eyebrows wandered up slightly and so did mine at his expression. He... wasn't actually aware...? My heart picked up pace. Was this the opening I was looking for...?

"So you don't even know yourself...?" I continued carefully. "You don't know what you're fighting for? Because it's clearly not to find death... Are you trying to save Earlindon so you can suffer even longer? I don't think so... you're hurt, but not twisted... If you don't care about anything anymore, then wouldn't it be easier to just let Sharish burn everything to the ground and let us all be buried under the ruins?"

I could see him twitch. He was scared. But not of forming a bond with anyone again, like we thought... Just now, I made him realize that the bond was already there... and he was scared of losing it...

"Me, Yasenka and Light are only trying to help you, we would gladly give our lives to do so..." His hand formed a loose fist at my words. That really was it... "But apparently, you wouldn't care even if we actually did..."

"No, that's not..." he bit his lip, looking away. "Why...?" bitterness stained his voice. "Why do you care so much about me...?"

"Because it hurts us to see you like this you idiot! I know this is not the real you! You can lie to yourself all you want, but don't you dare set up a wall between us that's made of fabricated reasons you think will keep me away! You don't deserve to suffer like this, a heart so kind and understanding is like a jewel in this world...! It has the power to change people... it... it started to change me... and even now... even when you say things that hurt far worse than my wings did... I still think of you as a friend... and I know I still would even if you led us to death... Because it wouldn't be the real you that did it..."

My voice got caught in my throat and refused to go any further. He still couldn't look at me... I pulled one of my knees up to my chest and leaned my forehead against it, hiding my eyes underneath my messy bangs. A long silence spread in the room, and after a few moments I started to think that I went too far and Siaril left again, not wanting to continue this conversation. To my surprise though, I suddenly felt the mattress next to me sink a little, the rustle of fabric reaching my ears. I opened my eyes, lifting my head slightly.

Siaril wasn't sitting on the bed like I thought he would be at first. He sat on the floor next to it, his face buried in the forest-green sheets, his hands clenching the fabric. A chill ran down my spine. I immediately slid down to the floor as well, kneeling beside him. "Siaril...? You alright? What..."

One of his hands squeezed the fabric tighter and I heard something... I instinctively knew what it was, but didn't want to believe at first. But when his shoulders shook a bit, and another stifled, desperate sob broke the silence, it almost froze me in place.

What did I just do...? How did I manage to make someone as unshakeable as Siaril cry like this...? Was I too harsh...? Were the things I said wrong, making him so frustrated at being misunderstood that he didn't know what else to do anymore...? Or was it the opposite...?

The intensifying, heartbreaking whimpers eventually caused my own tears to return despite my tries to hold them back. I softly placed one hand on his back and leaned my forehead against his shoulder. "I'm sorry..." I whispered. "I'm sorry, Siaril... I'm so so sorry..."

I just kept repeating those words as he refused to answer, praying that I didn't cause some damage that was beyond repair.

But at the same time there was another voice whispering a shy prayer from the very bottom of my heart: Please... please let this be a sign that the ice has cracked at last...