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We have provided translations for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy.

Interviewer: And we’re back! Today, we have the safety officer of the Thunderchild with us. How are you?

Kappa: I’m fine!

Interviewer: That’s good to hear. What is it like working on the Thunderchild?

Kappa: I wouldn’t really call it ‘work’. Hell, I’d do this for free. Just don’t tell ole shiny that.

Interviewer: {she chuckles} I would never dream of it. So, as the safety officer, what are some of your duties aboard the railjack?

Kappa: Welp, mostly it’s making sure the reactor doesn’t blow up, the guard rails are installed, that like things.

[Welp, mostly it’s making sure the reactor is working, the guard rails are installed, things like that.]

Interviewer: Guard rai–

Kappa: Oh and making sure the ship runs cost-effecient. Very important as the safety officer.

Interviewer: Right…I was under the impression that railjacks don’t have guard rails? Yours does?

Kappa: No, that’s the best part! Guard rails are expensive, like crash padding, helments all very expensive.

Interviewer: You…just said that part of your duties as a safety officer was to ensure guard rails were installed.

The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

Kappa: I was being metaphyscial.

[I was being metaphorical]

Interviewer: Right…so what are some things you’ve been able to change in the railjack to make it safer for your fellow crewmates and your tenno?

Kappa: Wait did you just…Did you just making something ‘safe’ for a tenno? I could kick him out the air lock and he’d be safe! He regularly fires himself at grineer ships out of the cannon on the ship! Him and his friends argue about who gets to get in the cannon! You know the funny part? They’re fine. So, you know what I do as a safety officer on a railjack? Not a damn thing.

[I don’t need to make anything safe for my tenno. It would only slow down their mission to ensure that myself and the crew and so many others have security. They’ve found new and ingenious ways to get into grineer ships far faster than I’ve seen.]

Interviewer: Oh, and wha–

Kappa: So, you know what I do? I tell everyone to hold on when the fiery one with the great ass is driving. I tell them, do not slap it. I know! I wanted to as well, don’t do it. I’m pretty sure your hand would melt off before they smacked you for it. Don’t do it.

[I tell everyone to steer clear of the fiery one. They’re very sweet and caring, but just being in their general vicinity can catch your eyebrows on fire.]

Interviewer: Oh, of course. That is certainly an important thing to ensure doesn’t happen. I do see here that you have some medical reports as well. Something about fourteen concussions in two months?

Kappa: What can I say? I like being near the action. Also, the fiery one drives the railjack like they stole it.

Interviewer: {She sighs and looks at the camera.}

The railjack banked hard to the side, right before most of the crew had clipped themselves into the freshly installed belts, three sets in a row. One lone member however, had not done so. He was staring at the fiery warframe, only to go flying and land head first on the wall of the ship.

He got his bearings, stood and then the ship did a dizzying barrel roll and he ended up bashing his head against the roof of the ship. He held a huge grin on his face the entire time and let out cries of joy. This continued for another six head smashes.

“Worth it!” was heard, muffled and slightly pained.

Interviewer: I see you had installed some seat belts, why didn’t you strap yourself in?

Kappa: I only bought two.

Interviewer: Surely a third wouldn’t have been that much more expensive?

Kappa: Darvo had a two for one deal. If I bought another one, I’d have had to pay full price. What self-respecting Corpus pays full price?

Interviewer: I suppose I can’t fault you there, surely your tenno allowed you to use their funds for it though?

Kappa: Well, yes, but it’s not like I’m going to spend their money on a bad deal either. Honestly, I thought you were Perrin Sequence. You should understand.

Interviewer: Oh, I do. Unfortunately, it appears that’s all the time we have for today. We will see all of you next time when we interview one of the crew from the Red Veil.

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