One Song
Thats what I need
One Song
To tell the truth of our love
That rings true, like a blazing inferno
An eternal flame
One Song
To tell your story.
But I can’t hold on anymore.
-Glory
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I bolted up the stairs, my heart pounding in my chest as a thousand different scenarios pervaded my mind. Out of the corner of my peripheral vision, I spotted the other people in our apartment complex. Everybody here always loves the drama, standing outside half-assed and dressed with gaping mouths as they follow me upstairs to the second floor. I know that sounded mean but I didn’t mean it like that. This was my crazy family and all, and I was just saying that we were a tight-knit community, everybody knew everything. And like I was saying we all had each other to take care of us, the system sure as hell ain’t. So if something came down, then we all knew about it, plain and simple. For instance, one Sunday this other person, Scoop, and I were playing b-ball out in the parking lot when old Mrs. Weathervane came outside and showed us this vintage clock. You could tell that the old coot was excited, so we gathered everyone up to gawk at this magnificent vintage clock. That is what I meant, we were a family, thick and thin, getting a bang out of every moment.
The minute I ended at the top of the stairs, I sure as hell regretted it as I felt my heart sink to the bottom of my shoes. On my splintered wooden door, a single piece of white paper was taped up, and a grease stain splattered across the lower bottom.
Something in me died as I walked up to my door, ripping off the paper with a crushing weight of despair.
Everyone was protesting, clamoring, and shoving, they knew of course already and they tried to get to my side to offer me support. It was pretty depressing. I’m not too crazy around people but being around them at this second, just made me sorry for even arriving in this crummy place we call home. And to make matters worse, tears gently trickled down my cheeks as I read the last little bit of the letter and the full weight of the world came crashing down.
Hesitantly, I reached out, grabbing the wrong doorknob before I jerked back as a hand gently touched my back. I didn’t like being touched, clenching my teeth as I resisted the urge to swing my fist.
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“Hey, maybe it’s not a good idea right now,” Kat voiced, letting go of my shoulder as she stepped back to give me my space. She was the mom of the entire complex despite being twenty this year. And out of everyone, I felt like she was the one who cared about us. Just like me, she had the virus, her body slowly turning against her due to the cycle of drug abuse she periodically went through.
I wouldn't say I liked the fact she cared so much. People like her kept caring and it pained me to know that I could never be what she wanted.
Something inside of me snapped. I hated my life, hated the person I had become as I marched towards Kat, anger bubbling underneath me. I spat, “It’s my right to know what our fucking landlord did!”
She didn’t deserve this side of me, none of them did but I couldn’t stop the venom that coursed through my veins.
“Hey, Rhy, why don’t we take a chill pill bae!” Scoops shouted, putting up her hand to separate us. She also had the virus and was closer to his age but she had gone through so much being a trans-black woman. Just the other month, underneath the layer of makeup she wore, a man had broken her jaw at a bar, leaving a faint bruise behind.
“Leave me the fuck alone Scoops!”
I turned away, flinging open my door before dropping to the floor in pure shock as the reality of it all dawned on me. All of my stuff was sold, and everything I owned was gone as I stared at the space that used to be my home for the last three years.
“I’ll go make muffins dearie,” Miss Weathervane called out, her footsteps reverberating across the now quiet space. I didn’t care, I was so mad that I was brawling like a child, clinging to my knees. Sometimes I wished life wasn’t this cruel, that it was all a sick punchline, and that one day I would just wake up. But as the wood sank its teeth until my knee became a crude shade of red I finally accepted the reality that everything I once knew was nothing but dust now.
“Hey man if it makes you feel better we were able to save one thing,” Double exclaimed with a wild smile, the familiar twang of his rubber band breaking the silence in the air. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Rebekah, his best friend, and Miss Weathervane’s wife, take his hand and keep him occupied.
As far as any of them knew, those two were inseparable and that was their story. Double was abandoned by everyone, and out of loneliness, created friends for himself until he had a psychotic break. Rebekah found him and nursed him back to life but the damage was done. Sometimes at night, when things got bad, he would scream for her, always doubting if he was the real one.
This was my family and I have done nothing but hurt them with my presence.
I turned around, hoping to feel something like comfort but the pain in my heart only drove itself deeper. All around me, people cared and I have done nothing but hurt them as I stood up to my feet, brushing off the dust and grime on my jeans.
All around me was my family, and yet why couldn’t I feel something besides heartache? It was just embarrassing, that they didn’t know how to approach me and I didn’t know how to formulate my thoughts in my words.
Rebekah stepped forward, handing me a cracked photo frame that had a picture of him on it and nothing I could have done could stop the flood of tears.
I could have said a thousand different things. But instead, I bolted past them, to no place in mind except being far away from here. And in the back of my mind, the crushing visage of them shouting as I ran into the night plagued me as tears ran down my flush red cheeks.
I’m a coward to tell you the truth, nothing more.