Suddenly, bright lights flashed across my vision. Straining above the crowd as the applause died down, I watched a wave of uneasiness shift through the crowd before flashlight beams cut through the motley-colored window. Somewhere on the backstage, somebody cut the music and without a moment’s hesitation, a wave of murmur rose above the crowd.

“Cops!”

I looked over at Bernardo, watching his stalwart expression change before his eyes. He was a living storm, alive in the same manner as lighting.

But he wasn’t angered or afraid, just annoyed at the transgression.

All around them, voices crackled over loudspeakers, yelling, “THIS IS THE POLICE. WE ARE CONDUCTING A SEARCH!” They sounded angry, a force to be reckoned with like a rising wave in the distance. This was most likely one of many gay bars they have raided, another day’s work of harassment.

Despite this, there were some in the crowds who looked just like Bernado. It was not enough for them to stand by the sideline, to remain silent against the force of oppression that beat down on them. But they had to forgo their identity, give up what meant the most to them, and hand it over for the sake of a perfect world.

Today they had enough.

After all, a perfect world was a perfect prison.

Some people scattered, fleeing into the back room so that they could avoid the wrath of the descending storm. If I was there by myself I would have fled with them, referring to staying in the shadows where it was safe.

I stepped off the stage, gripping a stray beer bottle, smashing it on a table with a loud bang, shards of glass exploding the world like a flower blossoming in the spring. Today was different, I felt alive for the first time in forever and I was willing to stand for the time was right to start believing in myself.

Except Bernado grabbed my hand with one word printed on his stern face. I understood what he meant, fear bubbling up inside of me as I followed his lead, stumbling over broken chairs and bottles.

COME ON

By the time they reached the alleyway, a loud commotion inside the bar singled to them that the battle was underway, they both hunched over, gasping and wheezing so hard that their cheeks hurt.

“Bernado why did we leave,” I asked, gently touching his shoulder as I stared into the infinite expanse of his eyes. I was mad per se but it was unlike Bernado to turn away from a fight, especially one that hit so close to home.

In the distance, the church bell began to toll, ringing in midnight-clad darkness and welcoming the new day.

Bernado tried to say something but as the last chime rang, his voice died in his throat and his eyes rolled back in his head.

“BERNARDO!” I screamed, rushing to his side as I pushed away the trash lottery around his body. I didn’t know what to do, or what was happening. Frantically, I pushed back the tears streaming down my face, pressing my palms to Bernado chest to check for a pulse but my hands sank right through him as if he wasn’t there.

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He was flat on his back, Bernado’s entire body convulsing. He flickered in and out of existence like one of those shitty youtube ghost videos, his finger scrabbling against the concrete floor. Terrible groans escaped from his throat as life struggled to keep him alive.

Nobody was around us, my voice stuck in my throat as I watched him go limp, life fleeing from his broken form.

And just before I feared the worst, he exhaled a wet, rattling breath, life pulsing through him once more as he struggled to get up. Tentatively, I reached over, helping him slide his back against the wall for support.

“It’s okay Rhy,” he gasped in between labored breaths, clutching his side as he mustered up a grimace. Despite everything, he always had a smile across his face that seemed to lighten up every conversation.

For a second I was momentarily confused. Somehow, despite almost dying, he regained enough strength to talk. And for a moment it looked like my hand passed through him, but that was impossible.

I stammered, gripping his hand to make sure he didn’t leave me again, “I thought you almost died.”

Bernado laughed, his amusement echoing across the tiny alleyway, “Death is a normal process isn’t it Rhy?” He winced, clutching at his side as he opened a beer, gulping it down with one single motion.

“I think we need to get you to a hospital,” I exclaimed, the possibility of another incident or lifetime disability sending bouts of fear throughout me. This time they could catch it before it got worse, I had a chance of redemption, a longer life with Bernado.

Bernado shook his head, laughing as he got up to his feet. I followed him, mentally and physically preparing myself to catch him if he fell, “Before I go I need you to listen to me Rhy about everything.”

Dazed, I stepped back, my train of thought broken at once when he exclaimed he was leaving, “ What do you mean you’re going? I thought we finally got together!”

Bernado merely shook his head, his face wincing with every word I pronounced. It didn’t matter that he was leaving but it seemed as if someone was making him leave against his will.

“I don’t care. I’m going with you!”

“You can’t come with me Ryan,” Bernado grabbed both of my hands, staring intensely into my eyes, “Where I’m going isn’t ready for you, I’m sorry.”

Tears streamed down my face, carving gorges into my cheeks, “ What do you mean it’s not ready? What are you not telling me?” The putrid stench of garbage and the acidic scent of sewage stung my eyes and assaulted my noise but it was nothing compared to the amount of pain in my voice.

Bernado winced, gripping his side as he limped over to me, “ Listen to me okay? I will never abandon you at all. I heard every one of your prayers.” Tears flushed down his face, between the both of us, a steady steam coursed through the alleyway, “You are not a coward at all. Everything I showed you proved that. The man I fell in love with was one of courage, you were brave when you were a kid, brave when you were fifteen and living homeless and you were brave enough to stand up for yourself just a minute ago. I’ll always watch you, okay?”

“Wait what,” I cried, watching him give me one final hug before stepping back, his silhouette disappearing into a fine, spring mist. A tiny moonbow formed, his fallen ashes scattering lights as a final parting gift for me.

A part of me died as I watched the mist be swept up by the wind, tears streaming down my face. I couldn’t stop the torrent and I don’t care anymore; I’ve cried enough tears to scour this earth clean. But I was alone in the dark, my lantern swallowed by the sea.

"RYAN!"

At first, I thought I was just hearing things, a person’s voice crying out my name, but I turned nonetheless, no longer caring anymore. A faint light shone at the end of the alleyway, a pale lantern amongst a sea of shadow. Another gust of wind blew down the alleyway and I tightened my jacket, watching Bernado mist float gracefully to the light.

"RYAN WE ARE HERE!"

Sometimes one had to take a blind leap of faith.

And Bernado had never steered me wrong before.

So, I decided to follow the light, hoping for an end to this misery while wishing for a closure I never got.