Kelsam

Kelsam was already in bed by the time Esar and Naomi returned. His sister had insisted that he rest, but he couldn't sleep with so much on his mind.

"You don't have to be quiet," he said, as Esar closed the door carefully. "I'm awake."

"How are you feeling?"

"Better," Kelsam said. Only that wasn't entirely true. "Physically, anyway."

"What happened to you?" Esar asked.

"My mother."

"Well, did she convince you to leave me this time?"

Kelsam extended an arm as Esar slid into bed beside him. "Come here and find out," he said, pulling Esar close.

Esar returned the embrace awkwardly, with the sort of stiffness that told Kelsam he had a lot weighing on his mind. Kelsam would have preferred a different sort, but he had wanted to talk to Esar about what Jason had told him.

"What happened to you?" Kelsam asked.

Esar's sigh was heavy with exasperation and resignation. "That girl had a vision of the destruction of the old capital—couldn't explain how she did it, just one moment she was standing there, then she goes into a trance and scares the lights out of me." He went on to tell Kelsam what she'd seen, the ancient Rispara who walked on the air and destroyed a construct by sacrificing himself. He went on about what Naomi had told him about her dreams, talking to the Prince Ethereal in Thaliron.

"I'm not so arrogant as to think I figured out everything about the Rispara but I thought I understood a few things. But I had no idea she was going to be—like this!" He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.

"What did you expect her to be like?"

Esar's breath caught, and he took a moment before answering. "I didn't know what she was going to be like. I just didn't expect her to be so . . . so . . ."

"Unpredictable?" Kelsam offered.

Esar let out a laugh. "That's an understatement."

"My mother thinks she's got it all figured out. She says we're living in the end times, that the event was just the beginning." Kelsam tried to turn it into a joke, to brush all the frustration and hurt aside. Esar saw right through it, of course. His face made that clear right away.

"I think she may be through with me for good, this time," Kelsam said. "But . . . do you remember anything about the preacher who convinced her that Rith was coming back? I know he was coming round to Norana before—"

"I don't remember anything from that time very well," Esar said icily.

"Of course, sorry. I don't remember either. It couldn't have been Kaethar himself, though, could it?"

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"What do you mean?" Esar asked. Kelsam explained what Jason had told him, after Kelsam's mother had tried to convert him to her cause.

"I knew it! I knew that Jason was holding something back, I just didn't know what it was. That explains—but why didn't he tell us that back in Norana?"

"Um, because he's a scared kid who just wanted to go home? They're both so young, Esar."

"They're not that young."

"You only say that because you were never young yourself. I remember, you had these the first time I met you," Kelsam said, brushing his fingers across the patch of gray just above Esar's left ear.

Esar didn't even crack a smile at Kelsam's teasing. "They may not be of age, but that doesn't mean they're not old enough to know better. Naomi runs around like she's the hero of a storybook and everything's going to turn out all right just because. She doesn't understand . . ." He sighed. "But how could she understand? You're right, Kelsam. I was never young."

"I didn't mean—"

"I mean, I always knew what I was. What it meant to be a Tresuan, what I had to do. Naomi didn't have that weight on her . . . and I'm glad she didn't." He said the last part with such force that it startled Kelsam. "But that means the only person who can teach Naomi what it means to be a Rispara is me. And I'm doing a lousy job of it."

Kelsam reached for something reassuring to say. "It's not easy, I'm sure."

Esar let out a laugh. "So you agree that I'm doing a terrible job."

"Not . . . terrible." Kelsam took his hand and squeezed it. "Sure, things are a little rough right now, but you'll get the hang of—"

Esar squeezed Kelsam's hand back so hard that it hurt. "I don't have room to make mistakes. If I fail—"

Esar leaned in so close that their foreheads nearly touched. What he said next, he whispered, and as close as they were, Kelsam still had to strain to hear every word.

"I do . . . remember one dream that I had about her, Kelsam. A long time ago. I didn't want to tell you, because it was a dream of a lost future, something that will never happen. It can't happen. That path is . . ."

Esar's expression was so pained that Kelsam winced in sympathy. He rested a hand on his husband's cheek and waited for him to gather his thoughts and continue.

"It's burned into me. I've lost so many memories but I can still see her. Only . . . it was a different version of her. Not Naomi, the girl who came to us a few days ago. Another girl with a different name, but the same face. She rose out of the Ocean north of Thaliron with three whirlwind constructs behind her and laid waste to the city."

Kelsam felt the blood drain from his face. He knew that Esar's dreams weren't infallible—the future events he saw could be averted—but what did it mean that in the vision he'd had of Naomi, she'd been an agent of such destruction?

"It won't happen," Kelsam said firmly. "She's not a monster. She won't become a monster. Didn't you tell me that? She's going to fight the monsters, not lead them."

“I’m sorry, Kelsam. I didn’t want to frighten . . .” Esar sighed. “I have no excuse. I’m sorry. And I’m not ready to tell anyone else just yet.”

“But if Naomi—”

“I know, but not yet,” Esar said. “There’s so much she needs to understand first.”

Kelsam closed his eyes. “So that’s why you knew you had to take her to Thaliron.”

“And why I know I have to teach her,” Esar said. “The dream wasn’t clear. I don’t know how much time we have.”

Kelsam was torn between sympathy for Esar and disappointment that Esar had been keeping such important information from him. “Well, I’m glad you told me now,” he said.

“I’m sorry,” Esar said again. “I’m scared. I . . .”

“It’ll be all right,” Kelsam said. He kissed Esar’s forehead, and then Esar seized him and kissed him on the lips.

The door swung open, and Naomi burst into the room. Kelsam froze.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean—" She backed away, reaching for the door. "I'll just come back—"

"Stop right there," Esar said. He was already sitting up, staring at Naomi. "What did you dream to bring you running in here?"