Hi All,
Before I start wanted to say thank you for all of the great criticism and feedback provided (as well as the praise).
I have been compiling a list of changes/amends for this story and thought I would push the early 'wireframe' out to see what real reader's feel (and also sponge off any great ideas that pop up in the process Wink [https://www.royalroadcdn.com/public/smilies/wink.png])
The below is a collection of these 'overall' concepts and are not in their final form in any way.
As a side note, I plan to try and remove as much irrelevant 'tell/inner monologues' and replace it with shows (where relevant). I expect that the story will initially shrink in terms of word count, then grow as (hopefully natural) chapters/event are added to reveal the detail/context).
**Warning there will be spoilers for the rewrite (which I am to be my first e-book publish) so if you would prefer to find out when it's released, please skip this)
All/any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Backstory:
The backstory is going to be changed to 'fit' better with Nyx's personality/behaviours. I feel that the below achieves a lot of this, as well as justifying some of Nyx's root 'issues'.
Spoiler: Spoiler
Nyx's history will be changed from an assassin like entity to a 'Death Game Summon/Gladiator'.
The premise is like the Colosseum style gladiator fights (In terms of the limited arena) - More like the hunger games/saw though in terms of content., but by using summoned souls and placed in varying environments (buildings/swamps/floating platforms/maze etc) to kill each other. They are given time off for the more 'Votes' they get if they win a match (kill all competitors).
Nyx focuses on terror/fear tactics and brutal violence. (Psychological torture before quick, bloody death) The mask of Nyx is created so that his deaths/pain does not entertain others (giving them points and making it more likely to happen again) so they will kill him quickly and move onto 'better prey'.
Nyx is a 'champion' (who still falls/dies a lot) whose identity/mind hasn't broken after a long time. (Mean's he can be resummoned and injected into a body)
Nyx master joins a civil war (on a 'demon lord's' side), gaining the title Mad Summoner and uses Nyx as a weapon.
To achieve this, I plan to remove the current Abyss prologue (and leave it 'fuzzy') and replace with two new prologue chapters.
Status/Standing
Going to change Nyx's standing as a kingdom's princess. It's too confusing as she should gain this title from the elemental royalty.
Spoiler: Spoiler
Camilia will be a dukes daughter and not a princess, though related to the crown and having had past interactions with them.
Beast Form:
Changes to make it more relevant, in keeping with the story.
Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.
Spoiler: Spoiler
Camilia's bloodline contains that of a primordial beast, shadow panther. Its recessive and does not show. (Nyx's affinity helps reveal this + it is mutated by the pressure from her 'ancient' soul, unlocking other, smaller bloodlines that had been mixed.
This creates a new 'beast' which will be Nyx's form (and impact the sigil).
Panther's head, body and legs, snail's tail and venomous fangs and large, crow-like wings on its back.
World:
Replacing some terms and 'practices' of the world. Sects will become Clans and cultivation/meditation will become more westernised/simple. A bigger distinction between warriors, mages and cultivators (a subtype of mage that focuses on physical body reinforcement, artefacts and using energy for damage- kinda half mage, half warrior).
Cultivating one element isn't seen as 'Awful' anymore, more it is nearly impossible (unless gifted) due to its high requirements in the future/slow speed and limitations in flexibility.
* If anyone has a better name, (was thinking spell sword but its too specific) or cultivators, please let me know.
Structure changes
Prologue:
- Death Match (1 chapter)
- A slave's joy at their master's demise (1 chapter) **Note to self, One attacker has two missing fingers. /Reach master after going through Nyx.
Arcs
A1:~ Nyx's rebirth/the mansion and 'rescue'.
A2:~ Capital City and escape.
A3:~ XXX (Would reveal spoilers for the current Arc)
Breaking Changes
A1:
Spoiler: Spoiler
- The plan/reason on why they are 'breaking' Nyx will be defined and expanded at the start. Will link the summoning/torture the 'noble's are suffering. -Break their minds and weaken their souls to inject 'slave' souls inside and control them. Body is damaged in the process to give justification to the change in behaviour.
- The Fat man plays more of an active role/other 'captives' will be revealed. Isn't immediately scared off by Nyx.
- Nyx will open the other cell door's as she leaves.
- The reason nobles have been captured reaffirmed, as well as why Nyx was 'summoned' is explained in the paperwork but finds a mark of her master (seal) - No god plans revealed as of yet.
- Rue is shown to be crippled (cultivation + reason why he is here.) with his two missing fingers. Strange behaviours intact.
- use a 'beast core' on the rescue party (no damage), before they capture her/everyone else.
- They capture Nyx without knowing her true identity.
A2:
Spoiler: Spoiler
- Hospital chapters are completely removed, replaced with prison/torture to find out who/what she really is.
- Prince Harold was infatuated with Camilla and carries that onto Nyx. Taking advantage of the situation.
- Nyx is offered a deal by the king's advisor, freedom for testifying (falsely against the Republic).
- Granny is part of the guard selected, requested by the king but takes pity on Nyx. Knowing she will be killed after her use and sees lots of potential offers a sect place.
- The ambush is by the republic, to kill Nyx (heart still destroyed).
- Nyx's beast bloodline is stimulated by her near-death/tribulations + meeting with the 'Entities in the grey' where darkness 'adopts' her. Death and the Beast send a small amount of energy to her soul (to keep track of her but not sure how to show and not tell this bit).
- Seeing the power of Nyx, Granny's sect leader overrides her decision to try and 'compromise' with Nyx and orders her capture or death. The murder spree by Nyx causes Granny to hesitate/doubt and feel slight revulsion at Nyx and so, follows along.
A3:
Spoiler: Spoiler
- A light time skip (3 years) with a year passing between three chapters
-- Nyx trying to survive in the forest with no skills
-- Nyx enjoying/thriving a peaceful life, hunting hunters and claiming the armour/weapons that suit her. (Shows Aura/beast issues). Finds that unprocessed cores are useless for cultivation/meditation (absorbing energy) but can be swallowed for a small benefit
-- Nyx gathering/searching for info while causing her 'own' myth.