Ouch!
That was excruciating. What the heck did that bitch do to me? Oh, right. I had a body again. Good. That was definitely good news. I could feel it, my body. What do I look like? I couldn’t seem to… open my eyes.
Come on. You can do this. It feels like it’s been forever. Open your eyes, dude.
Yes. That’s it. Open.
Oh, fuck. That’s bright.
Close them. Close your eyes.
A horrible whining cry damn near burst my eardrums. I reached up to cover my ears and my hand smacked me in the face. It hurt… a lot actually. But at least it seemed to stop that terrible screaming. What the hell was that? It sounded like a baby.
I opened my eyes again and the harsh light burned. I couldn’t see much. I seemed to be lying on my back, looking up at some kind of mushy canopy above me. Yikes, that’s blurry. If this is a game, it has shit graphics.
I turned my head and it was a struggle. Leaves rustled underneath me. The dewy smell of grass and damp earth rushed up to greet me. That’s not the worst smell in the world, I guess. I had the weirdest sense that it reminded me of something, but… well… I didn’t remember what.
Moving was hard, but I wanted to see what was making that noise, so I turned my head the right side up. Yay, I know which way is up! I couldn’t see much of anything. I must have needed glasses. Was I practically blind before or was this a recent development. Maybe I hit my head and this was all a concussion dream? Although, AIAI was pretty intense. What kind of sadist would dream up an AI that treats them like shit?
Well, at least I could see the green grass and some blurry shapes. I guessed those were trees since they were tall and brown-looking. Obviously, it was day time because of the brightness.
Stat Increase: Perception +1.
You learned to open your eyes.
New Skill unlocked: Basic Vision (Passive).
The world leapt into focus. Wow, it’s beautiful. My sight wasn’t brilliant, but maybe I wouldn’t need glasses after all. Everything within—I dunno, I’m not good with distances— like, 10 meters was visible. Beyond that, things got blurry again. But I could still recognise the shapes and colours of hills, mountains, and the rows of trees… Typical RPG landscape. This was totally a game world.
How come I know what a game world looks like, but I don’t know who I am? It’s not like I’d forgotten everything, just myself. I’d guess I was a gamer, but… my identity was gone.
The awful screaming started again.
I looked around for its source, but all I could see near me were the scattered trees and grass. Wait, there was a road. Well, sort of. Maybe more of a muddy path. A woodland trail? Whatever was making that terrible noise must be coming from there.
I leaned forward to stand up and face-planted. Why is it so hard to move?
It took a while, but I managed to roll onto my back again. I looked down at my body and holy fuck!
I’m a baby.
Shit. This wasn’t good.
I was a baby. Like, literally an infant human. I was also male. At least we got that sorted. I could tell that because I was currently naked.
This is bad.
I needed to get to some form of shelter, but to do that I needed to move. I guessed I should roll onto my stomach and try to crawl. Walk before you can run kinda thing. Crawl before you die on your back, naked, defenceless, and alone in the woods. That’s it, stay positive.
The problem was my little baby limbs didn’t want to move the way I told them. It’s like they’re bugged.
I yawned.
The grass sure felt soft. I lowered my head down and inhaled the calm, dewy scent of wild grass in a calm woods. Maybe, I needed take a quick nap. No, I need to… get to… shelter… zzzzz…
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I woke up to the sound of that awful crying baby. It took me three whole seconds to realise I was the awful crying baby. Yeah, I guess I’m a little slow on the uptake.
I guessed I hadn’t slept for long since it was still light out. In fact, the sun was directly above me. Assuming this world had the same day/night cycle as Earth, I still had several hours before nightfall.
Stat Increase: Constitution +1.
You rested.
New Skill unlocked: Basic Fortitude (Passive).
New Temporary Buff unlocked: Basic Rested.
An orange bed symbol flashed in the center top of my vision, then shrunk away to the top right. That’s Basic Rested, huh? A solid green bar appeared in the bottom right of my vision. The bar was full. Stamina? Below the bar, I noticed a flashing red circle. This circle wasn’t solid, there was empty space inside.
I tried to remember seeing something like it in a game before, but without a point to anchor myself, my knowledge of games was scrambled. Hundreds of images of menus and HUDs flashed though my mind. This flashing circle was obviously related to the green Stamina bar in some way… that’s if my guess about the Stamina bar was correct.
My stomach growled.
Oh…
I felt a sudden stab of hunger and a red bar appeared next to the green bar. The red bar was full for a moment then it crept down to around 95%. I’m taking damage… from hunger? The flashing red circle must be my Hunger and I was starving because I was an unfed baby. I could barely move and I was starving.
I guess I could try eating grass?
That would just make me sick. If I got sick, it would only kill me faster. I needed to crawl as far as I could and find something to eat before I starved to death.
I tried pushing myself up onto my arms and legs, but I lacked the coordination. The best I managed was a kind of wiggle. I had to focus on a single arm or leg and wiggle it, and even then I had very little control over the squishy baby limb. I could move my head though, and my center.
That’s right, I can roll!
The Hunger circle flashed and I felt a stab of pain. My health dropped to 90%.
I glared at the flashing Hunger circle. It looked kind of like a Steak-and-Ale pie. My mouth started to salivate. I wish.
That gave me an idea… I had no idea what the rules of this game world were. Clearly, it had some Survival and RPG elements, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t have other mechanics. Maybe there’s a command phrase? Wishful thinking but… worth a shot?
“I wish for a Steak-and-Ale pie!” Is what I tried to say. What I actually said was, “Ah woo gah eeeh.”
Baby talk. Right… I needed to keep talking so I might level up my speech skills. What was it AIAI said? ‘The Common language, in both spoken and written forms, will be translated into English once you unlock the Passive Speech Skill.’
“Zta boo gre eeh gah goo,” I said.
The grass sloped ever-so-slightly downhill towards the woodland trail. If I could roll down there, someone might notice me and take mercy on this poor baby. I turned my head to the side, shifted my butt, and wiggled my arm to get myself going. It took a few attempts, but then it worked. I was rolling down hill.
“Oooooh shaaa,” I said, realising I didn’t have the power to stop rolling.
There was a thicket of weeds by the trail and I came to a stop against the tangled leaves. A stab of Hunger brought my health down to 85%.
The Rested buff blinked and disappeared.
“Gooboo,” I said and the screaming returned. I guess I didn’t have control over my crying yet. I felt the urge to take another nap come over me, but the crying and the starvation wouldn’t let me. That was probably a good thing, but maybe it would be easier to just nod off and never wake up again. Maybe I deserved this. Since I don’t know who I am, I could be anyone. I could be some evil asshole finally getting what’s been coming to him. Maybe I was a rich piece of shit who never had to struggle for anything and this was my karmic reward.
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Another stab of Hunger. Health: 80%.
I stopped screaming.
“Weh, goo baa dee.” Well, guess I’ll just die.
I closed my eyes.
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I woke up to another stab of Hunger. Health: 25%.
How long was I out?
The Rested symbol flashed large, then shrunk back into its usual position. I still had no idea what that buff did.
On second thought, who cared? I give up. Fuck this place. Fuck being stuck in some kind of game world as a stupid, useless baby. There was just no way I could survive this, I couldn’t do anything.
The only thing a baby can do to survive is scream and hope someone comes along and protects them. That’s life. We all begin as pointless lumps of dumb potential with no skills, no power, and no influence. I get it. It was a pretty cool idea for a game, but it doesn’t work if there’s no one around to protect and feed me. No one was coming. I was alone. It was better to die now than live to freeze to death at night. I didn't know who I was, but I knew I hated the cold. I could feel it already, the coldness. The chill pressure on my chest.
Wait, what is that actually?
I raised my head enough to see my chubby pink baby body and sure enough just above my right ribcage, around about where my heart must be, there was a small black wallet.
It was made out of some kind of scaled leather, but it shone like metal. Heck, it glowed.
How did I not see that before?
Stat Increase: Perception +1.
You noticed something hidden in plain sight.
Woah, my vision expanded and contracted at the same time. It took a moment to realise what had happened. The distance I could see in high definition had extended. Actually, it almost doubled. I’m guessing if it was 10 meters before, now it was 20 meters. So either it doubled each level or increased by a whole 10 meters each level. Either way that was useful.
Not that it helps my current situation.
Hunger stab. Health: 20%
If I was going to die, at least I wanted to see what that thing on my chest was first. I couldn’t do much more than wiggle my arm, but if I kept wiggling it long enough it had to go in the right direction eventually.
Come on you useless baby arm, reach!
The Rested buff blinked and disappeared again. Well, that didn’t last long.
Ugh, why was I even trying? It was pointless. What was I going to do? I had a terrible baby constitution. If I ate that leather thing, I would only die faster… probably by choking to death. I should just give up. Huh, guess I’m a real defeatist? Weird, I found that kind of whiny personality annoying. Was I like this before? I sure hoped not. But I guessed I was stuck like it now… Unless, it’s just because I was a baby? I guess that makes sense.
Hunger stab. Health: 15%.
I kept swinging my stupid baby arm, but it wasn’t getting close. Come on, think!
Nah, maybe I should just give up. Maybe I should just roll over and take another nap?
Actually, that gave me an idea. If I rolled onto my side, it would press my arm up against my body, then it wouldn’t be able to wiggle in many directions except towards the wallet thing… whatever it was.
I rolled onto my side and wiggled my arm. It was tiring. Maybe, I should nap and get that Rested buff back.
I’ll nap when I’m dead. Reach, damn you!
My squishy baby arm slapped down on the wallet and a soft whistle-like beep echoed in my ear. In the center of my vision, a leather-bound pocket book appeared. Oh, hell fucking yes!
User: NULL Race: Human LVL: 0
XP: 30 Stats:
Perception: 2.
This is the score for your Senses, such as Sight, Smell, & Hearing. It is the primary stat for the core skill branches: Identify, Detect, & Target.
Constitution: 1.
This is a measure of your Max Health & Physicality. It is the primary Stat of the core Skill branches: Fortitude, Restoration, & Defense.
Further Stats revealed upon level up.
I turned the page —with my eyes— and let out a squeal of delight.
Skills:
Passive Skills:
Basic Vision (Passive).
Automatically provides Clarity Vision up to Basic Distance x Perception.
Current distance: 20 Meters.
Basic Fortitude (Passive).
Automatically provides resistance to Basic Temperatures, Poisons, Venoms, Toxins, Curses, & Hexes up to %Constitution.
Current resistance: 1%.
I felt another Hunger stab and noticed my Health drop to 10%. I turned the page.
Active Effects:
Permanent:
None.
Temporary:
Melancholia Venom.
Efficiency: 99% Duration: 4 minutes 12 seconds remaining.
You’ve been bitten by a Melancholia Spider. The venom creates a sense of hopelessness and futility. Although the duration only lasts for 5 minutes, the Melancholia Spider is an incredibly successful hunter. Once it has chosen a target it will remain hidden while it repeatedly administers the energy sapping venom. Non-addictive. Non-transferable. Non-lethal.
Son of a bitch!
Some piece of shit spider was trying to kill me and I had no idea. That’s what you get for having a low Perception, I guess. The description for the venom said it was non-lethal, but that wouldn’t make a lick of difference if I died of starvation.
Hunger stab. Health: 5%.
Right on cue… Damn, I’m in serious trouble. How did I not realise this sooner? I may not know who I am, but I know I’m not the kind of person to just give up… I could tell by how pissed off I was. That piece of shit spider was trying to give me depression!
I closed the Pocket Book and searched around for the spider. It had to be around here somewhere.
“Waa goo baa huueeh scaa?” I asked. Where are you hiding, you eight-legged scumbag?
It probably clambered onto me when I was rolling, or maybe it was hiding in the weeds. I had Basic Vision, so I should be able to see it. It must be hiding beneath me.
I rolled over as fast as I could, which wasn’t very fast at all.
I’ll be honest, when I read ‘Melancholia Spider’, I pictured a little itsy-bitsy bug. This monster was big. As big as a hand—and not a little baby hand either—it was as big as an adult hand. Oh, man… it’s gross.
I’m not scared of spiders, in general. Like, I don’t have arachnophobia or whatever name the Ancient Greeks came up with for ‘Oh fuck, get this eight-legged creep off of me!’
This spider was blacky-brown with small green spots on its eight hairy legs. It had a trillion eyes—sure, that’s an exaggeration, but seriously way too many—and it had fangs. I don’t think admitting that it terrified me makes me a baby.
“Fee faa foo fu fu fuck,” I said.
Stat Increase: Charisma +1.
Aww, baby’s first word.
New Skill unlocked: Basic Speech (Passive).
I flailed my baby arm at it with surprising accuracy actually, but I still missed because this creepy crawly was fast, it zipped forward and plunged its fangs into my neck, then darted back. It was no longer bothering to hide when it bit me, so this time I felt it.
Yeah, it hurt. Everything hurt. Send me to eternal slumber.
My health ticked down to 1%. Next time I took damage, this pitiful existence would be over. Which really pisses me off actually.
This thing was definitely going to kill me. I wish I hadn’t looked for it. I could have just died in peace. I never really got a chance at surviving in this world. This god damn monster happened upon me and I guess it just couldn’t give up the opportunity to kill a defenceless infant.
"Jerk!"
I probably would have liked this world, if I had gotten past the useless baby experience. I barely even learned to speak before this bastard ruined my life and killed me!
“You suck!” I said. “Why don’t you pick on someone your own size? Huh? Look at me, I’m a baby. Don’t you get that? I mean sure I’m bigger than you, but you’re huge for a spider. And disgusting. Did anyone ever tell you how disgusting you are! You fucking shitstain!”
Yeah I swore a lot, but could you blame me considering the position I was in? Try being a naked, starving, helpless baby in the woods getting murdered by an arachnid-monstrosity! Don’t judge me. Bitch.
The spider twitched and scampered forward for another bite, but it feinted and dodged as I swiped my shit arms at it. Damn, this thing wasn’t underestimating me… even at the end. I never landed a hit… and it was hardly a small target, I mean… look at the size of it! Heck, it was almost as big as my head.
Actually… that gives me an idea.
I dropped my arms and stuck out my tongue as though I had finally died, which admittedly… I think I had.
As the spider relaxed and twitched forward, I dropped my heavy baby head down with all the force I had left… which was zero, but gravity helped. Thanks Newton.
There was a squelchy pop and spider gunk sprayed all over my face and into my mouth. It tasted like cold, lumpy tea that a thousand animals had died in. But I was hungry, so I swallowed it.
At the exact same moment that my head hit the spider, a bunch of alarms and beeps went off inside my mind. My vision went black, white, red, and some other shades that I don’t even consider colours. The long and short of it is, I was dead.
Like, dead-dead.
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