I hefted the pickaxe, my knuckles white with tension. The shadow loomed closer, a massive shape emerging from behind the glittering crystals. My heart hammered in my chest, every instinct screaming at me to run.

But before I could move, something burst from the crystalline forest. It wasn't the behemoth we'd feared, but an axolotl. A man-sized, pink axolotl wearing a sweater vest and a jaunty cap, to be specific.

My brain short-circuited. This couldn't be real. But in that moment of hesitation, the creature lunged at me, its friendly face contorted into a snarl. Pure reflex took over. I swung the pickaxe wildly, not even aiming. The broad side connected with a sickening 'thwack', catching the axolotl square in the head.

Its eyes crossed comically, and then it crumpled to the ground, out cold.

"Holy shit," I gasped, staring at the unconscious form. "Did I kill it?"

Effie zipped around the fallen creature. "No, just knocked out. Good reflexes, Stanley!"

"Good reflexes? I nearly had a heart attack!" I leaned on the pickaxe, trying to catch my breath. "What the hell is that thing anyway?"

"Plop think it cute," my slimy friend said, inching closer to inspect our would-be attacker.

I had to admit, now that the immediate danger had passed, the creature did look oddly endearing. Its pink skin seemed to glow faintly in the dim light of the cavern. The gills on either side of its head fluttered softly with each breath, reminding me of delicate flower petals.

And then there was the outfit. A yellow sweater vest that looked like it had been knitted by a loving grandmother, complete with colorful elbow patches. The flat cap perched askew on its head only added to the whimsical appearance.

"Effie," I said slowly, "are monster fights in Arcadia usually this bizarre?"

She shrugged. "Expect the unexpected, Stanley. That's rule number one in Arcadia."

"So, what do we do now? I mean, I know it attacked us, but I feel kind of bad. It looks so helpless."

Effie's expression hardened. "We finish it off, of course. It's a monster. That's what adventurers do."

I was taken aback by the coldness in her voice. "Finish it off? But it's unconscious. It's not a threat anymore."

"For now," Effie countered. "But what happens when it wakes up? What if it follows us or attacks other adventurers? What if we have to defeat it in order to get out of this cave?"

I looked down at the axolotl. Its chest rose and fell steadily, a small snore escaping its slightly open mouth. A trail of drool trickled down its chin, creating a small puddle on the cavern floor.

"I don't know. This doesn't feel right. Look at it. It's wearing a sweater vest, for fuck's sake. How dangerous can it really be?"

"Plop agree with Stanley. Axolotl friend look nice. Maybe just scared?"

Effie threw up her tiny hands in exasperation. "You two are impossible! This isn't a petting zoo. We're in a dungeon. Everything here is trying to kill us!"

"Everything, huh? Even the glowing mushrooms?"

She glared at me. "Don't get smart. You know what I mean."

"Look, I get it. This world is dangerous. But I'm not about to bash in the skull of an unconscious axolotl-man. It feels wrong."

"It's not wrong, it's survival," Effie said. "This is how the game works, Stanley. Monsters are obstacles to be overcome, nothing more."

Her words struck a chord. I remembered feeling similarly uneasy about the Fluffy Doom Bunnies we'd fought earlier. Was this really how things worked here? Kill or be killed, no exceptions?

"Maybe," I said slowly, "but I'm not convinced. What if there's more to this game than just mindless violence? What if some of these creatures are more than just obstacles?" Effie opened her mouth to argue, but I held up a hand. "Let's just wait a bit. See what happens when it wakes up. If it attacks again, fine, we'll deal with it. But I'm not comfortable killing something in cold blood."

She huffed, crossing her tiny arms. "Fine. But when it wakes up and tries to eat us, don't come crying to me."

I nodded, then turned to Plop. "Keep an eye on our guest, okay? Let us know if it starts to stir."

"Plop watch axolotl friend!" he said enthusiastically, stretching himself into a makeshift guard post near the unconscious creature.

With that settled, I turned my attention back to our original problem: crossing the cavern. The stone pillars leading to the underground stream still looked precarious, but at least we didn't have to worry about a giant monster breathing down our necks.

"Okay, Effie," I said, trying to sound more confident than I felt. "You said we need to figure out the right path. Any ideas on how to do that without, you know, plummeting to our doom?"

Effie, still clearly miffed about the axolotl situation, buzzed around the nearest pillar. "Well, some of these look more stable than others. See how this one has a wider base? It's probably safer."

I squinted at the pillars, trying to spot the differences she was pointing out. "I guess? But what about that gap there? It looks too wide to jump."

"That's where strategy comes in," she said, her earlier irritation giving way to a more familiar, instructional tone. "You might need to use some of your skills to make it across."

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.

I raised an eyebrow. "Skills? Like what? I don't exactly have 'pillar jumping' in my repertoire."

"Think creatively. What skills do you have that might help in this situation?"

I pulled up my skill menu, scanning the list. Most of them seemed combat-oriented, not particularly useful for a precarious balancing act. But then one caught my eye.

"Wait a second," I said. "What about [Acrobatics]? I unlocked that earlier, right?"

"Now you're thinking like an adventurer! Yes, [Acrobatics] could definitely help here. It'll improve your balance and agility."

I nodded, feeling a surge of confidence. "Okay, so I use [Acrobatics] to cross the pillars. But what about Plop?"

We both turned to look at our gelatinous friend, who was still diligently watching over the unconscious axolotl.

"Plop? How do you feel about a little pillar hopping?"

"Plop love jumping! Plop bouncy!"

"Well, that solves that problem."

I took a deep breath, eyeing the first pillar. It wasn't too far, maybe a couple of feet. I could do this. I had to do this.

"Here goes nothing," I said, activating [Acrobatics].

A strange sensation washed over me, like my body was suddenly lighter, more responsive. I took a running start and leaped.

For a heart-stopping moment, I was airborne, the cavern floor yawning beneath me. Then my feet hit solid stone, and I wobbled, arms windmilling wildly.

But I didn't fall. The [Acrobatics] skill kicked in, helping me find my balance.

"I did it!" I shouted, a rush of exhilaration flooding through me.

"Excellent work! Now for the next one!" Effie said.

I turned to face the next pillar, my confidence growing. Maybe I could do this adventuring thing after all.

But before I could make the next jump, a groggy voice behind us made me freeze.

"Ow, me head... What in the blazes happened?"

I turned slowly. The axolotl was awake, rubbing its head with a webbed hand and looking thoroughly confused. He was axolotl was sitting up, his webbed hand gingerly touching the lump on his head. His eyes, comically large and slightly unfocused, blinked rapidly.

"Blimey, that's going to leave a mark," he said, his accent distinctly British. "I say, would any of you fine folks happen to have a spot of tea? Feeling a bit wobbly, if I'm honest."

I turned to Effie, who looked equally stunned. Even Plop seemed taken aback, his gelatinous form quivering with surprise.

"You can talk?" I managed to stammer out.

The axolotl's face broke into a wide, slightly goofy grin. "Well, of course I can talk, mate! Name's Gilly. Gilly Axelrod, at your service." He attempted to stand, wobbled precariously, and plopped back down. "Though at the moment, I'm afraid I'm not much use to anyone. Blasted headache."

"Yeah, sorry about that. You kind of startled us and I, uh, reacted."

Gilly waved a webbed hand dismissively. "No harm done, old chap. Well, some harm, obviously," he chuckled, pointing to his head. "But I daresay I deserved it. Rushing at strangers like some sort of loon. Not exactly proper behavior, is it?"

"Why did you attack us?" Effie asked, her tiny form still tense and ready for action.

"Attack? Oh dear, is that how it looked? I was just so excited to see someone, anyone really. It's been awfully lonely down here, you see."

"Lonely? How long have you been down here?"

"Oh, a fair bit," Gilly said. "Ever since... well, ever since Margaret asked for a divorce."

The cave fell silent. Even the distant sound of rushing water seemed to quiet in response to Gilly's words.

"Your wife left you?" I asked softly.

Gilly nodded, his gills drooping sadly. "Said she couldn't bear another minute. Can you believe it? So, I came down here to do some soul-searching. Thought I'd find some peace and quiet, maybe figure out where I went wrong."

I exchanged a look with Effie. Her earlier hostility had melted away, replaced by a look of sympathy.

"That's rough, buddy," I said, cringing internally at my lame attempt at comfort.

"Plop sorry about Gilly's wife," he said, inching closer to pat Gilly's arm consolingly.

Gilly's eyes widened at Plop's touch. "Well, I'll be. A talking slime! This day just keeps getting more interesting, doesn't it?" He turned his attention back to me. "Now then, what brings you lot to my humble abode? Not exactly a popular tourist destination."

"We're looking for iron ore. We need it to craft some gear back in town, but before we could find enough we got trapped in here."

"Oh my word, I apologize about that. It's this blasted security system I've had installed. The chap who set it up said that it was a bit sensitive, and now I can see exactly what it is he was talking about."

Gilly reached into his pocket and found a small, black trinket. He pressed a button on it and the entrance which had previously closed itself off opened back up as if it were a garage door.

"Now, did you say you were after some iron ore?" Gilly's face lit up. "Well, you're in luck! This cave's full of the stuff. Been mining it myself, actually. Helps pass the time, you know."

He gestured toward a small corner in the otherwise mammoth cave. Sitting there was a neat little pile of iron ore. Already mined and ready.

"You have iron ore? Could you maybe give us some?" Effie asked.

"I could, yes. But... well, I hate to impose, but would you mind terribly if I asked for a small favor in return?"

"Of course. Nothing's ever easy here. What kind of favor?" I asked.

"Nothing too taxing, I assure you," Gilly said quickly. "It's just... well, as I mentioned, it's been dreadfully lonely down here. I don't suppose you'd be willing to spend a bit of time with me? Maybe share a pint, swap a few stories?"

I felt Effie tugging on my ear. "Stanley," she whispered, "we don't have time for this. We need that ore. Let's just take it and let's go."

"Come on, I nearly brained the guy. He seems nice enough. Why not indulge him? We'll head back to town, find a pub, have a drink, and then we'll be on our way. It's the least we can do."

"Fine. But if this turns into another side quest, I'm blaming you."

"Alright, we're in. And the first round's on me."

[New Side Quest Started: Gabbing with Gilly]

I could hear Effie grumble, but Gilly's face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. His gills wiggled with excitement, and he clapped his webbed hands together. "Oh, splendid! Simply splendid! I can't tell you how much this means to me. It's been ages since I've had a proper chinwag with anyone."

He scrambled to his feet, wobbling slightly before finding his balance. "Now then, before we head off, please help yourselves to all the ore you need. Consider it a gesture of goodwill between new friends."

I blinked in surprise. "Really? Just like that?"

"Of course! What good is it doing me down here, eh? Besides, I've more than I know what to do with. Go on, take your fill!"

Not needing to be told twice, I hurried over to the pile of ore. As I began loading it into my inventory, a notification popped up in my field of vision:

[Gilly Axelrod has joined your party!]

"Looks like we've got ourselves a new party member," Effie said, sounding less than enthusiastic.

"Thanks again for this, Gilly," I said, trying to stop Effie from talking.

"Think nothing of it, old chap," Gilly said, waving a dismissive hand. "Now, about that pint. I know a lovely little pub in Millhaven. The Tipsy Tadpole, it's called. Best ale this side of the Whispering Woods."

As we made our way out of the cave, Gilly chattering excitedly about the pub's famous fish and chips, I couldn't help but marvel at the strange turn of events. Here we were, heading back to town with a talking axolotl in a sweater vest, all because I couldn't bring myself to finish off an unconscious opponent.

"You just had to be the nice guy, didn't you?" Effie said, perching on my shoulder.

"Hey, it could be worse. At least he seems friendly."

"Friendly, sure. But useful? That remains to be seen."

As we emerged from the cave into the late afternoon sun, Gilly took a deep breath, his gills fluttering. "Ah, fresh air! You know, I think this little outing is just what I needed. A new lease on life, as it were."

I watched as he adjusted his cap, straightened his vest, and set off down the path with a spring in his step. Plop bounced along beside him, peppering him with questions about life as an axolotl.

"Well," I said to Effie, "looks like our little mining expedition just turned into a pub crawl with an aquatic soon-to-be divorcee."

Effie sighed. "Welcome to Arcadia, Stanley. Where the quests are made up, and the plans rarely matter."