It took an hour to find a savepoint, an ancient windmill that had certainly seen better centuries, infested with pigeons who had formed their own sophisticated society in the rafters. Every now and then it made concerning grinding noises, as if it contemplated retirement. There was an NPC, a grumpy level 2 miller with the name of Gus, who insisted the windmill was "full of character" - which Mindt thought was code for "completely broken."

A dozen or so zombies loitered around the windmill like confused spectators at a sports game. Some stared up at the spinning sails with blank fascination, occasionally tilting their heads when the sails moved. Others made wild hand gestures, as if trying to copy its movements. One particularly dazed zombie kept trying to start a conversation with Gus with a series of unintelligible grunts and moans.

"They don't seem to be harming no one," Gus had told them. "But gods, are they annoying. Just standing about and getting in the way of things. I've a mind to get rid of them."

Mindt wanted to ask him more, but both her and Retro had the Fatigued debuff and the questions would have to rest until after they got a nap in. The savepoint had just under 4 hours left on the time. It wasn't much sleep, but it was something.

You are exiting Nouscraft.

Back at the airport in London, a drone had dropped off some food and a bottle of water, which they gobbled down without even speaking to each other. She could see other drones dropping off similar items to other people emerging from VR, including Abigail and the young man she was with. It was good to know that the drones would keep them all alive. At least for now. Standing and surveying the scene, Mindt suggested they find a safer place to sleep, but her partner was already snoring loudly, head in his arms on the coffee shop table she had met him in just hours before. It was 1 AM in London, even later in Bulgaria from where they flew in from, so Mindt followed suit, and was fast asleep.

When she awoke, it wasn't in the airport, they were already back in Nouscraft, 28 seconds ticking down silently on their invulnerability spell. She instantly knew something was wrong.

The white dots on her minimap were fewer than before, in their places little X's showed, and there were 3 red dots just outside the windmill. She dismissed her Frostlight spell and checked the integrity of her Ice Shield, still at 100%.

She pulled out a small knife, if that's what she could call it. It was the butter knife she got from the squirrel monsters, dulled on its edged with little ridges designed to carve through the softest of butter, but it would have to do.

"Weapons ready," she whispered as she creaked open the door a few centimeters to get a look.

"What do you see?"

"Something called a Nose Goblin. I can only see two of them, both level 4. The third one is too close to the wall for me to examine it."

"If they're all level 4 and we're both level 3, do you think we could take them?"

"I'm not sure if we have a choice. We could hope they just go away while wait it out here in the windmill, I guess, but we wouldn't be progressing and we're under a deadline."

She knew all about deadlines. The difference between success and failure often lied in understanding that deadlines matter. If she was to attain the Policy Change Request Form, she knew they had to push through.

Wiki: Nose Goblin Level 4

Tiny green menaces with an exceedingly large nasal cavity. These booger-bandits are known for their surprise sneeze attacks during important conversations and when meeting a potential mate on a first date. Employing guerrilla warfare tactics with unsavory bodily fluids, and quite possibly a pick-axe, the Nose Goblin always comes in three's. Their populations multiply drastically during allergy season.

"They'll probably come into the windmill at some point," she said.

"What about the dynamite we got from the tortoises?"

"I've never handled explosives before." She hesitated. "We'll probably just blow ourselves up."

He grunted. "Let's just do this, then. We have a few seconds of invulnerability left. We can surprise them."

She swung open the door, and found herself face to face with a Champion Nose Goblin Level 6. The goblin had a ribbon in its hair and it wore a corset that was ready to burst at the seams. In one hand, it wielded an unfriendly looking pick-axe. It's huge nostrils flared, sending her hair waving back, and it immediately cleaved the pick-axe into her head. Golden light beamed in her vision as her Wellness app chimed in.

Wellness: Damage negated due to invulnerability. You'll probably die in the next attack though. C'est la vie.

The invulnerability ticked away to zero.

BWAAAAAAAAAAAM! Heavy metal battle music hit like a thunderclap, rattling her teeth with a note that hung in the air like an explosion frozen in time, before cascading into machine-gun riffs and pummeling drums.

"Oh shit," she said, and blasted it point blank with a Torpedo spell. The level 6 goblin pinwheeled through the air, landing a few meters away behind the other two, its health dropping down to 60%. The pick-axe landed unceremoniously on the ground next to one of the zombie corpses.

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The other goblins charged forward and Retro leapt ahead with his fencing sword. She saw him jab furiously at one of them from her peripheral, but her attention was stolen by the one charging directly at her, snarling and roaring.

A yellowish-green wad of snot shot from the creature's nose, and it splattered in sticky mess next to her against the windmill. She had no time to think. The goblin raised its pointy axe and drove it down with a crack into her shoulder. The blow felt like being hit with a truck as shards of ice scattered everywhere. Against the wall, she felt panicked. The axe rose in the air again and she was sure that her Ice Shield wouldn't last another hit. She raised her tortoise shell and deflected the swing. In a blink, she saw her opening. A chance. Should she blast it or save her mana for the level 6?

She crashed into the goblin with her tortoise shell, sending them both sprawling to the ground, limbs and weapons wildly flailing about.

"Urg", the goblin said as her weight fell upon him. She had the weight advantage on it by a few kilograms at least, as it barely stood as tall as her chest, unlike the level 6 that was considerably larger.

She wasted no time and slammed her knife into the goblin's face over and over, its health bar dropping at a rapid pace. It screamed something in pain, and she realized she was screaming something to. What. She could not say, but screaming something nonetheless. Its green health bar turned to red when suddenly an object pummeled into her side, knocking her off the goblin.

She lie on her back, the world reeling around her. A fist, she realized. The level 6 was back up and had punched the everliving shit out of her. She checked her Ice Shield. Gone. She checked her health. 20% remaining.

Mindt: Healing potion. Now!

Cache: A "please" would be most appreciated. ahem. Accessing inventory slot 7A... do be careful with the alphabetical order... healing potion has been applied. I've taken the liberty of logging this transaction in triplicate. Next time, put this in your hotbar so you don't need to startle me with rush jobs.

Her health shot back up. There was a cooldown for using healing potions and she would have to wait 15 seconds before she could use another one. She wasn't sure if she would survive another blow from the level 6, considering it took out 80% of her health and the remainder of her Ice Shield in one hit. She could recast the Ice Shield, but it took 5 seconds to cast, and she would have to stand still while she did it. So she decided that she would do what all people would do in that situation, run like hell.

The level 6 snatched the pick-axe from the level 4 who had "Bleeding" over its head as she scrambled to her feet and took off around the windmill. She couldn't simply run away and leave Retro to fight all three, but there was no fighting that level 6 in hand to hand combat. While she had its attention, she could draw it away and hopefully Retro would have better luck than her.

The hulking level 6 goblin thundered after her, its footsteps leaving slimy prints. "Come 'ere, ya fucking Noushead!" it bellowed in a deep female voice. She sprinted as hard as she could around the windmill's base, her stole fluttering. She tried to shoot a Torpedo at it, but it went wide, missing the mark disappearing in the air. Rounding the windmill, she saw Gus standing there. The miller was still alive.

"Stop shooting around my mill!" he yelled. "You're going to break it!"

The massive goblin, wheezing and dripping snot everywhere, slipped over its own mucus trail but kept charging. The windmill itself seemed to creak in protest as the bizarre chase continued. Around and around they went. She caught a glimpse of Retro slashing at his goblin, his fire damage sending tendrils of smoke coiling and twisting like a serpent.

On the fourth rotation around the windmill, she was caught by surprise as the level 6 goblin stood waiting for her. She slipped on the slimy ground and found herself on her ass, staring straight up at it.

"Now you're dead!" A nasty grin on its face and disgusting globules of snot expanding and contracting from his nose while he breathed. The gooey spheres stretched outward with each exhale, threatening to detach, before being violently sucked back in with a wet schlorp on the inhale.

In the background, Retro struck his level 4 goblin with a fatal blow, the familiar burst of colorful confetti dancing outward as the creature fell. At least that's one down, she thought.

The level 6 took a step forward and she fired another Torpedo at it, whizzing just left of it and smashing the windmill door to splinters. Pigeons scattered out from the rafters. Damn but her aim was shit.

It gave out a nasally chuckle. "You'll have to do better than that." Then it raised its axe and prepared to end her, once and for all.

"Oh shit," she said again, and fired her last Torpedo. It hit the goblin directly in the chest and flung it back through the air. It landed on its feet, health down to 20%, and it roared in frustration. But suddenly the roar was replaced with a gentle "huh." A piece of metal was sticking through its chest. A confused look screwed up its face as it looked down to examine the metal, right before exploding in confetti. As the colorful paper fell, she could see Retro holding a sword right where it had been.

He fell to one knee. The word "Diseased" appeared next to his username, and he lurched into a fit of coughs.

The gooey snot everywhere gave her a bit of trouble as she ran over, kneeling next to him. His health was at 30%, his face covered in snot, and on his arm was a alarming cut. She was glad to see he wasn't dead.

"Retro, you're diseased," she breathed.

"I'm okay," he managed to get out. "The wiki told me we just need to find an antidote potion or some spell to cure it."

"What does it do?"

"I can't regenerate health, and all my cooldowns are tripled." He hacked out another series of wet, disturbing coughs.

"I'll check the loot. Maybe there's a —"

"Drop your weapons!" a nasally voice cried. She spun to find the last level 4 Nose Goblin with its axe held close to Gus' throat. The goblin seemed like it was on the verge of death. It was missing an eye, blood and gore and snot all over its demolished face. A nasty gash split open one of its voluminous nostrils, and its health bar was at 5% and still falling. The Bleeding debuff still hovered next to its name.

She had done that, she realized. With a butter knife. It was strange to see how much damage a simple butter knife could do.

"Ack," Gus winced.

"Drop your weapons now, or the miller gets it!"

Mindt turned to Retro, who just shrugged.

"We don't care," she shouted back.

Gus straightened, appearing to take great offense by her comment.

"Why were you killing these zombies?" she asked.

The goblin spat out some blood. "Zombies? Why the fuck do ya care about them for? The zombies are just things to kill."

One of the remaining zombies straightened, appearing to take great offense by the goblin's comment.

"Besides," it continued. "My job's to kill you twat Nousheads. The more zombies I kill, the less chance you finish your big quest. That means more dead Nousheads."

Her eyes widened and her breath caught. And there it was, an opening. A chance to finally understand the connection between the zombies staying alive and the World Quest. She just had to be careful with her questions, and pry out the information from this mob with precision.

Just then, Gus stamped on the goblin's foot, and it fell over dead, confetti everywhere.

"Goddamn it!"