Click Clack Click Clack

If you want to know what that noise is, just know that Evie and I are pacing the floors. I'm sure we'll walk right through them if this keeps up.

"Evie.... do you still have that pot you stole from that drug dealer we took down recently?"

I'm usually the type to drink, and fool around, not drugs. However, today is an exception, a BIG FUCKING exception. The Hades gang has been around almost as long as me. They're crazy! They go around kidnapping all walks of Earth and sacrifice them to gain powers from the underworld... 

Just crazy motherfuckers, that I don't want to deal with anymore. Maybe in the past, I would've set them all on fire, but now I'm just a normal civilian doing normal things...'Trying to be'.

Evie walked out of the back room with a box that said 'Unicorn Tears'. Though I'm concerned by the name, at the same time there's a lot of expectations too.I mean 'Unicorn Tears' should be magical enough to knock us on our asses for a bit, right?

Evie took out a bowl, and looked at me: "You ready?"

I just nod.

She lit it up and pretty soon smoke that tasted like sprinkles spread through the air. 

Pretty soon we were on our backs looking the ceiling. Evie swears she could see pop-tart cats flying in the clouds. All I see is the ceiling growing hands and groping me. It's at the point we realized that we were very high. And as we lay there, I think back to how I met Evie..

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

Fort Riley, Kansas, 1918

The spanish flu epidemic has already claimed approximately 2 million lives, it was spreading to fast. Many people would burn those infected to prevent spreading it further.

I was walking down the central route of town after hearing rumors of a witch. Apparently the witch is the cause of the outbreak of the influenza. Out of curiosity, I went to take a look. Surprised by how young she was, looking around 17, she was simply smiling while being pelted by rocks. It was obvious that she was witch, her aura had the devils breath mixed in. My first time to ever see a witch spread plague and disease. I looked at her and she looked at me. It was love at first sight...just kidding. She spit in my face giving me influenza. Veins popping out of my neck and forehead, I walk up, smile, light the hay beneath her. This b*tch tried to kill me, actually, wait... maybe she can kill me.

After that thought, I saved her. Though sometimes I regret it though, especially after I hear about all the different plagues she started. There was one time she almost started a zombie apocalypse in Haiti in the 1900's... She honestly scares me sometimes.

But yeah.... I saved her that day, after I thought she could find a way to kill me. We both retired and started different businesses to survive, now here we are...

I'm calm now. I look over at Evie and she looks at me...

"A bag of chips could save our lives if we went to space without a suit." She said seriously..

Just shoot me...

In a far away place:

Two men were kneeling in fear in front of a man wearing a purple and black suit. The man in question had purple hair and eyes, painted face, along with a very short stature,... Yes, he was a dwarf or in modern times known as midget. He was the boss of Hades Gang.

"So one of our dealers was caught and he blabbed about our new product? Why isn't he dead yet huh?? I'm sure you bastard can hear me since we're the same height now?!? Are you two tall and good to listen to me?!" The boss pulled out a revolver from god knows where and shot them.

*pop pop*

Two corpses fell.

"Boss Meime, calm down! We'll settle all witnesses!" His right hand, Botto, who had black horns..or hair with so much gel, he shaped him like horns.

Yes, these gangs of weirdos are coming for our favorite protagonists...