“So, as I said before, I think we should buy that little commercial space on Emerald Lane!” A black feathered avian declared to her badger business partner. He let out a deflated sigh, like he had the first couple of times she'd proposed this.
“Oh, bother. I told you, that shop isn’t worth the investment. Do you know what it’ll take to get a license to open a restaurant? It’ll cost a fortune! I mean, do you think we can make headway with a classy noodle shop?” he protested as he clinked his claws together. The female raven lady smoothed her feathers and let out a caw of excitement.
“Nope! It’s already zoned commercial and already has all the setup we could need! All I need for you is to talk to your guy, the repair shop guy, and add a few small fixes, and a few tweaks of wiring, and then we’ll be all set! We could be running the hottest noodle shop in a month!” she proposed with a confident smile and bright blue eyes. “C’mon, the lease is dirt cheap!”
“Well, I suppose I can talk to my handyman. He is licensed for such repairs,” the badger replied, who was now entertaining this idea with keen interest. Neither of them was paying particular attention to the commotion coming up the street, and she heard what sounded like a high-pitched shrill. Almost like someone was being pursued by a massive, murderous predator. He turned to the sound as it grew louder, and more urgent.
It didn’t really register until a bright, red-scaled kobold with short, stubby wings bounded over their meal, miraculously leaving the food untouched. He let a shrill scream of panic out. "Someone call the watch, there's a madwoman with a hammer!"
“Uh…what was that?” the badger asked, staring at his untouched soup bowl. His female friend shrugged.
“Something utterly demonic, what was–”
“Come back here Doug, and take the beating you deserve!”
They were even more amazed to see a green-eyed, candy corn-haired elven shopkeeper bounding over tables, carrying a massive, golden hammer in her hands. She was moving at a breakneck pace past the rows of diners on the street side eateries, and disrupting everyone. She even took a glance at the noodle bowl in front of the badger, while leaping in mid-air, and smiling while mid-flight
“Smells delicious, Osabas?”
“Yep–”
But she was already gone, and pursuing after the bright red kobold, airing apparent grievances about taxes, theft, and winter fashions. The badger stared at his companion.
“Only in Fiefdala. You know what, let's go for it! Let’s open our classy noodle shop right away!” he declared triumphantly, and the raven lady smiled.
"Just be on the lookout for shady guys in dark robes, muttering about cultivating some big magical food energy."
----------------------------------------
“C’mere you scaly plushie, I need a pair of boots for the winter line-up, and my pockets are empty!” Fiona screamed out. She was relentless as she pursued her adversary through the bustling commercial sector of Fiefdala. Doug was dodging through markets and bustling people of all varieties. She didn’t know how he had become so adorkably small, but she knew one thing:
He was the cause of all her current problems, and she was planning on venting her anger on him. Distantly, she could hear Bonnie screaming that she was making herself out to be an utter madwoman and that she needed to cut out this nonsense.
She absolutely would, once she was done turning this rude dragon into a plushie doll on her shelf. He slid through the scaffolding of a building currently under construction, with a skeleton of wood and steel beams holding it up. She leaped upwards and onto the platform in a dash of elven dexterity, temporarily holstering her weapon so she could climb in record time, past surprised workers in construction vests and hard hats.
Safety first was ingrained in Cepalune, one thing she could stand by. Up ahead, Douglas, the not-so-dragonish was still screeching, wailing, and crying.
“You owe me for ruining my life, you crazy elf chick! You stole my stuff, and beat me to paste in my own house for someone else's actions!”
“I owe money for this stuff yours, you stupid dragon!” she growled as she spun through a web of construction scaffolding. She never lost sight of the kobold trying to use his stubby wings to fly, and failing miserably. He leaped from the scaffold, all the way to the still-in-progress rooftop, where his clawed feet disrupted and sent loose tiles skidding down the slope. The workers yelled and called him out–as well as her, with a few catcalls.
“Hey, that’s the hero of Fiefdala!” one called out.
“How do you know it’s her?” another one shouted out; all of it was audible to her sensitive ears.
“Name one other candy-corn-colored elf chick with a giant hammer, running through town, chasing a miniaturized dragon!” the man declared proudly. “Go get him, Fi!”
“Why does everyone hate me?!” Douglas wailed in front of her, between gasping breaths. “I’m the victim here, and you’re crazy!”
“I’m not crazy! I have issues! Issues that stem from thieving dragons!” she snarled. She still wasn't close enough to use her grappling hook, and hoisted herself up and over a pile of mechanical equipment set up on one roof, and keeping up with the tiny dragon. “Stand still and get the walloping you deserve!”
“The King stole my land! My brother screwed me! And they sent you!” he screamed, stumbling over some exposed piping that hissed with energy as she bolted by. She glanced over her shoulder to see Bonnie bounding up, keeping pace with her.
“Fi, let this guy go! He’s not our dragon!”
“Yes, he is! I can smell the swamp on every scale on his body, it’s him!” she heaved out, even as she vaulted over another piping cluster. Ahead of her, a chimney set blocked most of the roof. “I’m gonna make you into boots, you overgrown plushie!”
“What did I do to deserve this?!” he skidded down a portion of roofing to a connecting roof, scrabbling claws knocking loose more roof slates, and slowing down. So was she, but she had one advantage that he didn’t.
He was finally in range of her grappling hook. He bounded up on the trusswork of a building under renovation, and she whipped up the device, aimed carefully, and fired. The grappling claw wrapped around his leg, and he screamed, scraping and clawing to try to get to safety.
“You’re insane, you candy-colored elf!”
“I have a name, Doug! It’s Fiona Maridia Swiftheart, use it!” she screamed as she heaved with all her might, trying to get the Kobold to come loose, but he was clinging onto a pipe for dear life, eyes frantically focused on her.
“I don’t wanna become boots! I want my stuff, and my land, and to clear my name!”
“Clear your what?!”
Fiona had been straining with all her might to get this kobold dislodged, so she missed the creaking motion on the platform below her. Bonnie caught up with her, screaming out a warning. “Fi, the scaffolding!”
The scaffolding and the piping that Doug had been holding onto for dear life pried loose of the brickwork, shattering the mortar, the piping bending from the force and dislodging Doug. The now free-falling lizard fell into her, and she felt a whoomph as the impact winded her. The extra weight broke the scaffolding framework, and Fiona felt herself plunging to the ground, smashing through a collapsing domino of platforms that rained down onto the cobblestone below.
This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
“Stay close!” Bonnie screamed out, somehow managed to get her hat off and activate it with a dazzling display of yellow light. The hat expanded to a monumental size, and Fiona cradled the uncooperative kobold against her, while Bonnie brought the hat down over their bodies–
The world went black, and it felt like she landed in a cushiony pillow, while screeching metal trusswork and wooden boards collapsed. Distantly, she heard shouts of surprise from passersby; her unexpected body cushion went very still, peering around them in the dim light.
“Uh…did we die?” he asked nervously.
“I died once. Pretty sure that wasn’t dying,” Fiona stated anxiously and noted Bonnie with a bead of sweat dripping off her fur, concentrating on her stance with golden light dancing from her hands, to the roughly conical shape surrounding them. “Are we in your hat, Bonnie?”
“Hat tricks! Told ya!” she managed to eke out with a gritty smile. “Anyone hurt?”
“No.” Douglas peered up from where Fiona had been pressing him up against her body–in a very awkward location, and he smiled as he looked up from the forbidden valley. “Oh, if I was going to die today, it would be–”
*crack*
The first thing she did was knee the miniature dragon in an unsportsmanlike manner, then toss him off of her. She rose, leering at him and growling. “Perv,” she shouted out accusingly.
“To be fair Fi, you were holding him like a body pillow.” Fiona glared at her foxy friend.
“To ensure he didn’t run away!”
“Why…must you deprive…all of my jewels,” Doug wheezed, doubling over in pain and lying prone on his side, unable to stand, and making small dragon crying noises. Fiona helped Bonnie up, and noted the ruined scaffolding; miraculously, nothing else was damaged.
They both dusted each other off and then glanced at their escapee. “This is Douglas the Red?” Bonnie asked, looking skeptical.
Fiona nodded and pointed to him. “Yep. He tried to steal my stuff. No one shoplifts on me!”
“Too in pain to rebuke, thief,” Douglas groaned, clutching where Fiona had kneed him and tried to prop himself up with one claw–and one wing.
Bonnie gave her massive hat a shake with her paw, and the debris instantly clattered to the ground, while the hat shrunk like a giant fabric accordion. She gave the hat a quick dusting, before placing it back on her head. Once free of distractions, she let out a menacing growl at Doug.
“So, you’re the scaly jackass who gave Greybeard so much trouble? I’d thought you’d be taller, and less bite-sized,” she added with a quick chomp of her teeth for intimidation. “Fi, you’re telling me this was the guy you fought? You’re Douglas the Red?”
“Douglas Ferdinand Fierkraag, thank you.” He winced as he slowly rose, but Fiona put her boot on his back to keep him from getting up. “Oh, what is your major malfunction, woman? You already beat me up and stole my stuff, what more do you want?”
“You shoplifted,” she hissed. “Which means, I get to have my way with you, with my hammer. Also, I’m down a reward, and incurred an insurmountable debt because of your treasure hoard. That means double hammers.”
“Gods, you’re inhuman, and I was reclaiming my property.”
“No, it’s mine, you agreed!” She countered and looked at a rip on her shirt. She was not happy about that one. “I’ve got half a mind to turn you into the town guard–”
“All hostilities have ceased, Fiona. He’s got nothing left, and his kobolds aren’t here. He’s on his own.” Strangely, Bonnie had softened her stance and knelt. “What happened to you, exactly?”
“Oh, now you want to know?” he snarled. “My twin brother screwed me! He’s the one that caused that whole kerfuffle over the past six months! I had to take the fall for his ambition when he started his scheme of stealing land! Then I got stuck holding the bag!”
“A twin brother? Come on, Doug, we weren’t born yesterday!” Fiona snorted.
“Um…actually…” Fiona glared at Bonnie, who was holding out one clawed finger. “He does have a twin.”
“Bonnie, tell me you’re not buying this crap. Doug will do anything to avoid responsibility for his actions!” He let out a strangled groan in response. “A lot of people got hurt, Doug, because of you! Also, why are you so small now?”
“Yeah, it wasn’t bad enough that you wrecked my house, and me! Then the witch working with my brother cursed me!” he shrilled, and gestured toward himself. Indeed, he did look miserable–his clothing was stained, he had bruises on his scales that had likely been there before they’d had three stories of scaffolding come down on them, and he looked run down. “I have never felt smaller or more alone in my life! all my scaled kin ditched me because I wasn’t the biggest and strongest! I guess being the smartest doesn’t count for much. I make a terrible kobold!” he wailed.
“So, what about that dragon scepter? Is that how you got big and scary before?” Fiona demanded.
“No, I was a dragon, thank you very much,” he huffed, looking sullen. “And now I’m not! My life is ruined, because of you, you crazy elf chick!”
“The feeling is mutual,” Fiona stated with a deadly edge to her tone. “Now hold still, I think I can use you as an oversized golf ball. I might have enough of a swing to land you in the lake, because you know, shoplifting.”
Hearing this, Doug broke down into tears and wailed. “I just wanted to get the cavern my mom set aside from me before she passed! I’ll never get it baaaack!” he cried, little steamy tears welling from his eyes.
If there was anything that could get Fiona out of her vengeful mood, it was this. Even her utter disgust at this creature melted away.
She groaned loudly and ran her fingers through her hair. “Fates, why are you so pathetic?! I cannot have any fun with this, with you crying so hard!”
“Fi, real talk? He might have had a claim to some of those items. I don’t think we should have stripped him of everything,” Bonnie suggested and pulled her away from the crying kobold for a minute. “I mean, look at this guy! You’re telling me that this guy was the one who was forcing people out of their homes?”
“I didn’t start that! The witch was the one who was doing that, I was just running logistics and getting the kobolds trained and pointed in the right direction. I thought we were gonna just earn enough money to buy the land outright, then the gold went missing! After that, I had to try to fix things, and then Karlin–my brother–and the witch messed things up! So when things didn’t go her way, she got off, no strings attached, and she cursed me on her way back to whatever murky lair she has in the swamps!” he said, still sniffling and sobbing quietly. “And my brother is busy scheming somewhere else!”
“Doug, no idiot would ever buy ‘my evil twin did it’!” Fiona pointed out. “Why are you even trying? People lost their lives because of this conflict. You aren’t getting any sympathy from me." She wanted to lay into him more, but there was a perplexing question, and she frowned. “Also, why have I heard nothing about a witch? Not a single one of the captured soldiers even mentioned a witch!”
“She was very shrewd! Always working through agents, I met her maybe twice! She smelled like perfume and flora, unlike the swamp she claimed to be from! Strangely, I didn’t know witches came in blonde flavors,” he added with a hiccup in a sob.
“So, let me get this straight. You had a land deal in the works, the money went missing, the courts held it up in legal limbo, and then your brother came along to add kindling to the fire?” Fiona asked, eyes narrowed. “I don’t believe a word you say!”
“I have proof! But no one even wanted to believe it! I have papers that say the land was my mother's, and upon her passing, it was supposed to go to me. The witch said she could make the paperwork go faster so…I listened to her! But, I was tricked! She was never going to honor her deal, I think she took all the gold and ran after she stirred up the pot! I think she worked with my brother to make me a patsy.”
“And we’re supposed to believe you?” Fiona asked, arms crossed and fingers tapping on her forearm impatiently. “I wasn’t reborn yesterday, thank you very much. Did this witch even have a name?”
“Her name was Dolsag. Dolsag of the fens. I know she had expensive perfume, like something from town. Something you could only get if you were rich, which I found odd. I also know she was blonde, and a voice like–”
“--Like poisoned honey?” Bonnie asked suddenly, ears alert. Douglas peered up and nodded softly. “What else can you tell me about this witch?”
“Creamy white skin, unblemished. Either she took good care of herself in the fens. Or, she had access to city stuff. And her language skills were…almost infectious. She spoke to you, and you wanted to listen.” Bonnie narrowed her eyes, and put a hand to her muzzle, mouthing something silently.
“Fiona, we should take him with us.”
“I’m sorry, we’re bringing the demented mini dragon with us, why?” Fiona demanded as she leered at him. “He doesn’t deserve our sympathy! He made his bad choices, he should get to live with them!”
“Fiona? Have you ever considered certain events might be related?” Bonnie asked quietly.
It took more than biting her lip to force herself to answer. “Yeah. I have. More than once. But this Douglas is pathetic! Everyone in this city is gonna hate him! I hate him!” she added angrily. “Barry taxed me for your stupid hoard, which I’m still liquidating–”
The crying started again, and Fiona felt an ear twitch. “Alright, knock it off, I’ve had my fill of watching dragons crying for this lifetime now, I’m over it. I’m not taking him to the shop. Ah hell, we still need to finish the day,” she added with a growl.
“Fine. He can hang out for a bit, and we’ll talk to him in the shop. Where I will be keenly keeping all my magical binding runes out as a reminder that he isn’t a dragon, and doesn’t have magical resistance for days anymore,” she added with curling of her lip.
“And if that doesn’t work, my hammer will. Guaranteed to work twice,” Fiona grinned, and snapped the weapon into view, briefly.
Douglas gulped. “Not much of a choice, is there? I’m just another kobold, no one knows who I am anymore. And, maybe it should stay that way.”
“Wow. I guess you can teach a dragon humility,” Fiona breathed, and gave a slow clap, before Bonnie elbowed her. “What, I’m not allowed to throw some shade?”
“Within reason. I’m curious about this witch no one is talking about, and why Douglas the tiny got the short end of every stick. It’s not like you can’t humiliate him again,” Bonnie suggested with a wink.
“Stop trying to appeal to my destructive nature. You’re too good at it.”