“Remind me, Fi. You spent how much on this, while facing a tax burden?” Bonnie shook her head at the burlap and cardboard-wrapped device now sitting in on the patio commons area of her apartment, under the strangely still-warm autumn sun. Numerous leaves were still present, but, she knew that wouldn’t last forever.
“Bonnie? When a girl has an urge to splurge, we initiate the financial purge! I used my savings on this, I did the math, and I got this thing for a steal!” she declared proudly. "Maaaaybe it had something to do with the former hero status."
“Your hero status is noted." She couldn't help but chuckle a second later. "Okay, how much did you talk the guy down?"
"Hells, I had to talk him up. He was going to give it away for nothing, and I couldn't do that. Forty percent off." Bonnie whistled contentedly while Fiona licked her lips and got all the major components spread out. "I don’t want people to give me stuff just because I saved a kingdom once. Besides, to fund this, I’m eating meals at home now, and not spending them on shoes.”
"Excuse me? Where did you stash the real Fiona?" Bonnie laughed.
"You're looking at her! I'm just...you know, finding my center, in a way. Maybe if I hadn't been spending money as fast as I earned it, I could have given a giant 'screw you' to Barry from the beginning," Fiona said with a dazzle in her eyes, and clapped her hands together. “This is the bell of the ball, top of the line! It’s powered by elemental fire, the perfect temperature set by little cute icy elementals. Best of all, it has a few telekinetic runes powering the sump for that gentle, therapeutic jacuzzi time! It’s been proven that a hot soak and a gentle massage helps with skin health, reducing stress, muscle therapy! And…I can enjoy a snack and a glass of wine, while I’m at it.”
“Goodness, girl, when you splurge, you go big,” Bonnie replied with a contented sigh. “Why do you need my help?”
“Just to make sure I don’t install something backward and isekai myself back to the reality I came from. I’m pretty sure that trip won’t be so pleasant in reverse,” she added with a grin and started unboxing the bulky components. “The guy who was supposed to set it up never showed! I was so mad at that place, like, c’mon! I paid good money for this, at least set it up properly! But they also gave me a credit back and an apology, so, I guess it’s a win of sorts.”
“And did this crazy contraption come with an instruction manual?” Bonne asked while scratching an ear, and setting her cute hat aside. Fiona tapped the small arcanist data pad in her hand and showed the well-traced and written instructions.
“Yep, super easy! Better than those kits for a bargain bin dresser I had back on earth! They had so many pieces, and the material would crack if you breathed on it wrong! And they never gave you enough bolts to put the thing together. Some manufacturers were so cheap. Here in Cepalune, the quality is top-notch!” she beamed, and projected the instructions into the air with a flick of her wrist. “Okay, this doodad goes to this thingy, here…”
And so it continued while the two of them set up the wondrous device, and ensured that every piece was accounted for and carefully installed. Even with it being relatively cool, Fiona was breaking out into a sweat. “So what’s the deal Bonnie, do you just not like getting wet?”
“No, I like swimming, but if I commit to it, I have to dry my fur. Otherwise, I get…a little funky,” she admitted with a sheepish expression on her face. “Fiona, be glad you don’t have fur. You get it wet when you don't want it to, it ruins your day. Though, maybe I make it out to be more dire than it is. Our underlayer fur is little more water resistant.”
“And soft,” Fiona added slyly. Bonnie cackled at this assertion.
“Is there anyone you won’t be cute and flirty with?”
“Eh, I have my limits, dear. For instance, you, Darla, and Greg. And Kali, but for different reasons. He's jailbird status,” she added with a shrug. Bonnie raised an ear in skepticism. “Bonnie, I love you guys to pieces. But we run a business together. I wouldn't put that at risk unless any of us really, really was going to commit to a long term stable relationship.”
“Are you saying I couldn't commit?” she asked unexpectedly, pouting a bit.
“Bonnie, you're my first friend in this world, besides Jake and Greg. Though, I have seen how Greg acts around you. He drops his professionalism just a little bit when you're around.”
“Wait. He does?” Bonnie’s eyes shone at that suggestion, and she put a claw to her muzzle for a second. “Is it possible I just never noticed? I don’t mind getting chummy with him, and…” she trailed off, as if thinking about it.
“He’s real subtle about it. It’s the way he talks around you. With me, he’s all business, all the time, with the occasional dry humor. With you, he lets his guard down, just a little bit. When he calls you Bon-Bon, you know? And, I think he secretly likes a little mischief in his life. He grew up with the oh-so-serious magical criminal family. That’s gotta be rough. Wrench, please?” Fiona asked, and Bonnie handed her one with a quick use of telekinesis.
“I like Greg, but…in that way? Is it weird that I think of us as some weird fusion family?” Bonnie asked, a bright smile on her face, before Fiona got to work tightening bolts. She wondered if Bonnie was playing coy, for the first time in a while. Bonnie busily connected hoses, and poked at one of the little angry fire elementals inside the containment cell. “Also, did the package say ‘no elementals were harmed in the making of this hot tub’ out of curiosity?”
“They’re like slimes, Bonnie! They’re nearly indestructible! I also make sure to feed them with arcanist power, and special treats once a week! The guy said to give the fire elementals marshmallows. They love toasted marshmallows. Isn't that something? More surprising, we have marshmallows in Cepalune. Some other import probably stole that idea, too.”
“Hey, I love toasted marshmallows, too!” Bonnie proclaimed with a contented sigh. “But, they also stick to the inside of my muzzle, so it can be a bit of a pain.”
“The life of a kitsune. Who knew?” Fiona laughed, before tightening the regulator in place, and wiping off a bead of sweat. “What else do I not know about you?”
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“Only that most of us have one tail. But some of us grow more. Oh my goodness, I would not want that, think of all that extra weight hanging from your back!” she said, while looking anxious. “Looks cool, but, man, that’ll kill your spine. Some eccentric and weird dude who ruled in the neighboring forests was said to have taken Kitsune wives. The more tails, the better. They found him strangled to death–probably by too many tails.”
“Well that one made my list for ‘most ignoble way to die’ by a measure,” Fiona announced with a smile, and then focused on aligning a hose, and tightening a clamp down. “Seriously, you only have one?”
“Nah, Fi, I’ve been hiding the other eight from you, because I thought you’d get jealous,” she proposed with a sly grin. “It must be weird being tailless. It really helps with balance, you know?”
“Does it? I have no idea, I’ve never had one. I mean I have a tailbone, but that vestigial piece of junk exists to cause pain if you slip on winter ice,” Fiona grunted, and forced the clamp tighter, until it was snug against the hose. Hopefully, this thing wouldn’t leak, but it appeared to match the instructions. “What’s the thing about natural magic for a Kitsune? That you guys are natural charmers?”
“I guess I’m just that sexy,” Bonnie laughed as she finished putting together the rune plates, where the heat or cooling effect from the elementals would adjust the water temperature. A series of arcanist circuits connected to a central rune plate, and a few simple metal dials, controlled the whole thing. “Well, we can alter our appearance a little. And we’re naturally resistant against fire–ironic, I know, with fur and all? We also are highly resistant to any magic that affects the mind. You need to really push hard on a Kitsune to compel them to do stuff.”
“I thought that was your personality, Bon-Bon. Strong-willed,” Fiona retorted with a smirk.
"Mm-hmm. So, what about Lucy?"
"Um..."
Fiona froze for a split second too long, and Bonnie leaned in, a toothy smile emerging. "Oh, I think I hit home. You like her, like her."
"I don't know! I mean, we do get along quite well, she's fun, she's funny...her sticking it to her brother in a profound way makes her a keeper in my books." She wore her droll expression as that sly vixen kept grinning, leaning on the frame of the tub. "It's also complicated. Barry would utterly flip his shit if he knew we were dating."
"And then, he'd have a little 'accident' out a window," Bonnie suggested with a leering smile. Fiona raised an eyebrow.
"That's trading one problem for several. He's a jackass, not a threat to my existence. Proportionality, Bonnie." Bonnie still wouldn't stop with that smug look. "No, we are not making raspbarry jam anytime soon. Sheesh, it's a cold day in Underlune when I'm the one sticking with restraint."
"Love makes us do crazy things." Fiona chose to ignore the heckling laugh of her friend.
A little while later, Jake arrived and let out a low whistle. “Look at you guys. Where’s Greg and Darla?” he called out and was dressed in some warmer, long-sleeved clothes. His mane was slicked back–as opposed to the slightly wild look he wore at the guild hall.
“Greg’s out with Darla, they’re doing business stuff. She had this place she gets her tea from, and they were trying to get supplies for her shop in the emporium. So, Jake, do you like jacuzzies? Look at this baby, top of the line! And it even has a dryer setup for all the folks with fur, hair, or feathers!” she added proudly as she pressed a button marked ‘test’.
She regretted that, because the blast of hair sent her hair in wildly different directions, and she glared at the offending device. “Well, I think I can turn that down a bit,” she muttered, while Jake wore a toothy smirk.
“You just had to test it, didn’t you?”
“Hey, if I’m gonna sell magical items, some of which are dangerous, I better be darn sure to test stuff! But responsibly. Man, could you imagine the scandal if I sold a hexed item to someone? That would be such a nightmare involving lawyers. I hate lawyers. Our world went to crap because of them,” she growled.
Jake scratched at his nape, and frowned. “This world was quite different, wasn’t it?”
“Yep. What's weirder is I haven’t run into anyone else from Earth, but I know they’re there. Someone invented pizza before I got here. Pizza! It’s like my second favorite dish besides a lovely noodle bowl!” she added with a heartfelt sigh. “Man, whoever brought that import is likely sitting rich somewhere.”
“That one has been around for hundreds of years,” Jake pointed out. “Has it been around long in your world?”
“Uh…a while. I think. I think they had them for a few hundred years, but the modern incarnation is a bit different,” she added. Jake helped her slap together an exit port for the water jetting, and ran hoses to the rest behind the exposed frame. “There can’t be that many. And not every idea we’ve had is good. The weapon manufacturers can stay on earth, thanks. This world doesn’t need firearms, tanks, planes, or worse.”
“What’s a tank?” Jake asked.
“Big, armored, heavy, big old cannon on its nose. They wreck stuff,” she finished.
“Anything that sneezes out death, is something this world could live without,” Bonnie sighed. “Luckily we got you, Fi! Best import ever!”
“Except, we still don’t know who brought me here. Or why.” Jake raised a furry brow in response. “Real talk Jake, my summoning was unusual.”
“I had a feeling that might be the case, when I first ran into you, all out of sorts. You’re lucky you didn’t become monster food or accosted by less savory sorts. But Fiefdala is pretty steady and driven by laws, not banditry,” Jake added, and gazed off to the west, almost instinctively. “Bonnie, I presume you’ve been looking into it?”
“Yep. along with her class mark being really weird–and really cute looking–I think we got ourselves a mystery worth solving,” she added as she licked her lips, and threaded a bundle of wires through an opening in a panel. Once through, they lit up with soft yellow light. Bonnie smiled proudly at the success. “Yep, we’re in business. You guys are almost done?”
“Yeah, just need to make sure we don’t miss any seals. Man, that’s weird, how do you guys make stuff without petrol?” she asked casually. She was met with a blank gaze from Bonnie and Jake. “Dinosaur juice? Zombies rendered to their maximum potential?”
“We have coal,” Jake pointed out.
“Okay, it’s kinda like that, something died, and turned into something useful over millions of years!” Fiona explained. “This world is weird. You know what, scratch that, don’t look for oil, either. Our planet cooked on account of that.”
“I can’t imagine a world without magic. I would feel so…ordinary,” Bonnie said with a frown, threaded a few more circuits together, and sealed up the panel.
“Let’s put it like this, I would hope, if I’m the last emissary of Earth? The last chronicler of its history after what happened? Then I need to make sure Cepalune doesn't screw it up. You guys have such a beautiful world, and I would be so sad if it stopped being that way, you know?” Fiona suggested, as Jake and Bonnie nodded at that.
“Well dear, with you at the helm, I doubt that would be a problem. Don’t worry your pretty little ears,” she responded with a toothy grin, and helped her up once she finished the last panel and hose connection. “So we gotta fill this, and we need to use some treated water, so it doesn’t get all nasty. You’ll need to make sure it stays maintained.”
“Believe me, this one is gonna get a ton of use. We need to give it a proper blessing! We’ll do it next weekend, yeah?! We’ll get some food, and just hang out!” Fiona proposed, and Bonnie blushed at that idea.
“You do like it cozy with your friends, don’t you?
“Guilty as charged. What about you, Jake? Gonna bring your plus one I’ve been dying to meet?” Fiona asked with a leering smile.
The gentle wolven stroked his chin for a second, before nodding. “Alright, we’ll both come. Make it mid-afternoon, after I finish up my normal day at the guild?”
“You betcha!’ Fiona declared proudly. “Now, to be fair, I am gonna have to test this thing. Purely as a shakedown run. And not for my own selfish reasons.” Bonnie laughed at this, and clapped her shoulder gently.
“You do as many ‘test runs’ as you need Fiona. I think you’ve earned this one.”