“Fiona and the dragon, sitting in the tree–”

“Finish that singing, you smoky hot she-devil, and I’ll take your horns for a prize on my mantle.” Fiona didn’t even bother glaring at Darla, who was humming while they walked to the shop early in the morning. Greg and Bonnie were bundled up and walking together just a stride or two behind them, giggling.

She pushed her wavy hair back out of her face, but the wind had been picking up, across the lake. Snow squalls were on the northern end, and drifting southward toward the city limits.

She loved the snow. She hated the dragon. He had this air of superiority around him, even when he was down on his luck–and a touch of arrogance, too.

She couldn’t fault his decidedly excellent historical skills though, after he demonstrated his knowledge of a few more items in the shop–and he picked out two other items, not of high worth, but items she would have to work hard to make the money back on. She had been concerned he wouldn’t agree to this deal, given she understood his viewpoint and perception he got a raw deal…

But he did. And maybe, she did it because she realized she needed to make that right--somehow.

Darla leaned in, talking in a sultry voice while keeping pace. “I hear that dragons–and kobolds–are great in the–”

She put a finger to Darla’s lips to shush her. Fiona’s cheeks were reddened, and not from the cold, either. “Oh, you love stirring the pot.”

“Yes I do,” she stated with a grin, her golden eyes lighting up in delight. “I mean, you know us. You know you’ve got a rather interesting alignment of characters in your shop. Gotta keep it exciting, dramatic, flashy…”

“Okay, we're still working on just going back to neutral, Darla. He tried to set me on fire! Well, only once. And he did a bad job at it. Seriously, how does a dragon fail to set things on fire?!” she fumed aloud, hands in the air for emphasis. “This is purely transactional! He helps me find proof to knock Barry down a peg, we get enough proof to throw Glados down a well. Or, in the lake maybe. Why does that lake get smelly?”

“Dunno. Fiefdala does have water cleansing runes for…you know, keeping the environment not polluted,” Darla shrugged and adjusted her tie. The shop was in sight down the row, and other shops were starting to open up, though no one was spending time outside due to the brisk wind. Not even the wolvens and the kitsunes, given their fur coats. Fiona reached for the keys in her pocket.

Everyone had a copy of it, though Bonnie had suggested a wardstone access–regular keys could be faked more easily, and even Kali had been onboard with the idea. Because each ward had a unique identifier, it would be very easy to prove if anyone had misused them. Darla continued, after adjusting her tie. “What’s your in, anyway? We’re still biding our time.”

“We’re not. We’re forcing Barry to make a move,” she stated with a smile. “If Barry thinks he has no leverage on me, he’s going to panic. Without me, he believes these negotiations are going to fall flat. So, he absolutely will do something ham headed, or his nefarious advisor will whisper something to him with her viper tongue.”

“So…how are we doing that?”

“Putting ourselves in striking distance of paying the whole shebang off. I may not be able to avoid paying Barry a copper personally, but it was a noble effort. Greg, how long before we drop this dragon dung bomb on him?” she called back behind her.

“About two weeks, if my math is right. Right in time for Wintramas. It’s…well, a few dedicated holidays where the kingdom settles down for feasting and celebration.” Greg had been whispering something to Bonnie, who cackled madly, her witchy hat staying on her ears despite the wind.

“Gifts! Friends! And snacks!” Fiona declared with a fist pump into the air.

There was a flap of wings, and Fiona glanced up–a bundled-up kobold with stubby wings landed, coming in from the opposite direction, chattering his teeth audibly. Kali also came in just ahead of him, looking proud. “Hey, there guys! Looky who I found on my way in!” he announced as he slicked back his feather crest, and gestured to Douglas, looking more formal in a vest and a bowtie. She snerked at this. Doug’s appearance screamed sophisticated, even for a kobold.

“It’s a shop, not a black tie event!” she teased, and he gave her a face full of doom while chattering.

“I hate the cold. Soooo much.” He held his wings against his body like a cloak, while Kali seemed to be faring far better. “I didn’t mind it much when I was a dragon. This form is inferior.”

“What, the cold didn’t bother you when you were a dragon?” Fiona teased. He gave her a one-claw salute while he shuffled to the door that she laughed at. “Wait, answer something for me. You’re warm-blooded, right?”

“Yes! Kobolds and dragons are not lizards! Everyone gets it wrong!” he declared with a huff. Indeed, she could make out some feathers–very small ones, on his wings. She got to the lock and tried to insert the key to the finely lacquered double doors. “Kali and I are closer in origin than elves and humans!”

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“I find that a stretch,” she muttered. “Don’t try to bite my bird. He bites back.”

“Bah, I’m not afraid of this guy. I’ve dealt with shady fellas when I uh…found things that had fallen off the back of the steam automaton,” Kali added awkwardly. Fiona couldn’t seem to get the key in the lock, and she frowned. Kali leaned in, beak practically pressed against the door. “Hey, hold up a second, Fiona.”

“Why?” He pointed at the why, and she let out a small sound of surprise. “Oh, this will not stand,” she hissed.

Someone had put gum or some foam in the locks. Bonnie also leaned in, her wand in hand. “Bonnie, who does this? The last time I saw someone do something this childish, was in a movie! I swear, if I ever find a summoner who can slingshot me back to Earth, I’m bringing back my DVD collection. And I’m killing that mutated dragon that did me in once already, to avenge my world.” Doug gulped at this mention. “Not you. You’re utterly adorkable, right as you are.”

“What’s a devidi?” Greg asked, puzzled.

“A magical disc that records our greatest theatrical displays!” She would go into greater detail about Greek weddings, but Bonnie was examining the now gummed-up lock, poking it with a claw. “So, Bon-Bon, what’re we dealing with?”

“A bunch of savages in this kingdom. Like that was going to deter me?” she added with a snarl, and narrowed her blue eyes on tracing out a small rune hovering in the air and glowing light red. “I can get this out, it’ll incinerate without damaging the lock, looks like children’s candy–”

“STOP!” Doug put a hand out to disrupt the rune, which went up in a small puff of incendiary particles. He shook his hand but wasn’t bothered by the intense burst of heat that Fiona swore singed a few hairs.

“Doug, what the hell? It’s freezing out here!” she called out, annoyed.

“Take a sniff.”

“What?! Okay, you know what, sure. I’ll bite.” She took a sniff–and recoiled backward, gagging. “Ah, that’s gross! It smells like diesel!”

Bonnie cautiously inspected the lock, as if she didn’t already observe Fiona make a terrible move, and sniffed lightly. She reeled backward, teeth gritted in fury. “Oh, those rotten kids packed the lock with alchemist gel and covered the scent with gum. Clever play.”

Everyone slowly stepped back, and Douglas peered in, scraping the lock, and frowning, while everyone insisted he step back. “I’m a cinder dragon, thank you. Someone setting up an incendiary fire show couldn’t kill me with this amount,” he grumbled, before stepping back. “Now, dare I ask why you all get this level of drama daily?”

“I would ask, would it kill me to have one normal day with this shop? And the answer is yes, it might.” Fiona’s ears were going numb from the cold. “I’m gonna have to get Pierre on speed dial on my relay. Peek inside the window, did anyone put anything on the other side?”

It was sort of funny to watch Doug hop and use his wings to hover for a second–he didn’t seem to have quite as much fear, and he smoothed his vest afterward. “No, I didn’t see anything. I think this is just a rather nasty child’s prank. You should check the other locks.”

Fiona vowed to use this rotten hellspawn of a kid as bait if she ever went fishing in the lake. She stomped over to the back entry, where she found the same hindrance. Everyone was shivering from the wind blowing stiffly from the lake, a squall line sending drifting snow along the water at a distance, but rapidly closing. “Ya know, this would be the kind of stupid thing Barry would do, except this is exceptionally stupid. Can’t we scrape it out of the lock?”

“We could just blast it with water,” Darla proposed. “Bonnie, got any spells for that?”

“Yeah, but, it might make a mess,” she pushed back, looking anxious. “I don’t like getting my fur wet when I don’t want to. The thing is with this gel, there’s nothing solid to grab it with telekinesis. Or, we cut the lock. Not great options.”

A minute later, Bonnie prepared a rune to blast water at the lock, thanks to her book of cantrips and simple spells. Fiona hadn’t gotten the knack for them except the telekinesis and the occasional spark of fire, but almost anyone could use them–even though they weren’t tied to a specific mark–

She groaned audibly. “Guys, I’m an idiot. One second.”

Poof.

She didn’t actually make a poof sound, but in her head, it should be the sound someone makes when they teleport from one place to another. She heard the distant gasp of Doug, asking if the elf had disintegrated herself. She crept up on the window and eyed the lock–easily unlatched from this side. She just hoped the gum didn’t have some kind of trigger, but she didn’t see anything that was disturbed, inside the store.

Bonnie, however, was wearing a sly smile when she spotted her by the door. Meanwhile, the kobold was flapping about and freaking out, while no one else was even showing the slightest signs of worry. There were accusations of trickery, that he was being hazed, and that he was getting crapped on for being the patsy of the losing side. She waited with folded arms for the right level of panic from Doug.

She might as well have some fun with this–and try to douse Darla’s suggestions she would ever so much as date Doug, let alone invite him to her apartment, cook a meal together, or cozy up on the couch–

What am I doing? Stop thinking about it! She audibly let out a groan and gripped her ears, feeling a flush on her cheeks. Damn it you she-devil, you gave me infectious thoughts!

Darla looked on with satisfaction, one hand on her hip, and blew a soft air kiss her way. Fiona furrowed her brow. Oh, you know what you did.

She unlocked the door slowly and it opened without resistance, while Doug was pointing at Kali, who was trying not to give it away. “Oh, are you guys having a laugh? Does the elf teleport, now? What kind of merchant has that power?!”

She tipped close to Doug and whispered by his ear crest. “The kind that needs to steal snacks, and beat up dragons.”

Hearing a kobold scream in fright, and seeing him jump skyward in a flutter of wings and feathers, were easily the top ten most fun things she’d done in her life. “You harlot!” he accused, pointing a claw at her. “How did you–what is–”

“Trade secret, Doug,” she grinned. “We’ll still have to clean out the locks. Are you ready for the day? You’re molting feathers right now.”

“I’m not molting!” he huffed. An errant red feather floated by his snout. “That one I preened,” he added hastily.

“Sounded like you were a little concerned,” she added with a smirk.

“For you? I’d have more concern for my thieving brother,” he replied with a snarl. The snout boop was the icing on the cake for her. “I hope you’re not having a laugh at my expense, Miss Swiftheart.”

“Me? Nah. We have an agreement. I honor my commitments!” she beamed. “Now, you have an orientation day, and we have to get out of this cold! Shall we?”

“Oh, it’s going to go both ways, Miss Swiftheart. I hope you brought a pen and paper. Time to learn some history.” He wore a determined grin as he cracked the joints of his claws. “Because I can tell you, Barry, or whoever appraised you, royally ripped you off. Better yet, I can prove it.”