I was maneuvering through the air when I felt it. It was time. Min could feel it as well, by the tugging on my sleeve, a gentle pull designed to make me move in a direction of her choosing. I didn't have to think twice.

"Congratulations you are more than ready to advance," Min said, as I dodged a javelin, "now why aren't you doing it?"

She was only speaking to me. Another tug and a javelin passed right by my ankles. I had been on the cusp for a week, during which I had trained in earnest. She had been relatively quiet around the Moon clan trainers who all showed her a quiet reverence. She spoke up more when we were alone or outside of the compound. I tended to think of it as a 'never meet your heroes moment' but she had kept herself tight lipped the entire time about it.

"If you would," I said.

I held up a hand for the trainer. I was asking him to stop but I wasn't being a bitch about it. One way or the other, it was time. I was ready to advance. Physically at least.

I had mastered the Qi cloaking technique, and the only thing in the way of my advancement now was time and energy spent getting to the next level.

I needed to plan for so many contingencies. There was the Taoist theater troupe and their interests and though they hadn't asked for anything new, I was slightly uncomfortable with their help. I wanted to dwell on that eventually and really look at their motivations, but I had a pretty tight schedule of training and navel gazing. It was a big unknown in my calculations and I knew that it had the potential to sting me if I didn't treat it with the right amount of respect.

The moon clans position illuminated my way. They were helping me hurt their rivals, and I was helping a few of them with therapy. The money that giving a few young masters therapy in between running and fighting was more than enough to pay my bills.

"I don't know why Min," I said, avoiding the last javelin that the moon trainer emptied the stand to throw. There has been about thirty when we started. He had thrown the last one as if he were unsatisfied that we were ending things so quickly.

"You know why. You just don't want to.... I know about the appointment."

I froze. She knew everything about my past and just hadn't decided to dig into that part. I wasn't ready to face it. For as much as I wanted to be free, the reason I broke up with Lauren was... Let's just say it's complicated. As much as I wanted freedom...

Now? Removed from the situation? It felt juvenile. I didn't have the threat of-no I was safe here. Despite the Red Fang doing their best to pressure the Moon clan and others to cough me up, there had been little movement on that front. The fact that Min was taking this opportunity to delve into something that I didn't really want to get into, well it more than irked me.

"You're asking yourself if you're still sick. Your body knows what's going on. Have you had a seizure since you got here? How often have you had double vision?"

"I haven't had a seizure in-well since I got here- and double vision, rarely."

"Going to the third realm will fix that. Any chance of it coming back, there won't be anything left to grow."

I paused to consider her words. I didn't want to mention the c word. I would need to ask Bluey a few more questions but if they would let me cultivate in what they called 'closed door cultivation' I would make it.

"Where is Bluey?" I asked me Moon spirit as I toweled off the sweat from the mornings training. If there was one thing that the Moon clan did well, it was textiles.

"She gave up watching a while ago. I can go and get her?"

I nodded. We walked to the stone corner that I had used frequently to meditate or watch between rounds. The place now looked like if not home, someplace very familiar and the amount of white marble didn't hurt the impression. Also there was a near constant sweat stain in the form of a person sitting.

I wasn't pained by her not watching, this was what I had expected her to do. It did kinda sting though. If you have ever searched for validation from a motherly figure or an auntie, you probably have a good idea of how I felt about her. If you've never looked to a woman like that with a warm feeling in your heart then perhaps you need a hug. One of those ones that linger long on you.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

Min was growing stronger as I grew as well. Soon she would be able to disappear inside of me, becoming wholely incorporeal. Right now she was a small knot of mist attached at my hip, so the feeling of muted wetness, the one where you're picking up something like a wet daughter with a towel was there. These things were pleasant for a time, but I let her float freely away to get that little bit of discomfort off of me. I hadn't had to towel off one of my daughters in ages, to be honest.

I could feel her though, in the back of my mind I felt her curiosity about Bluey in particular. The woman made Min a bit jealous and anxious, mostly due to her power. As I advanced, Min would follow, growing on her own. Bluey had told me that moon spirits were slippery, which is why I had to stay a realm ahead of her.

Her imperious gaze found me as she entered the courtyard. Where the blue sash cut into her white robes, the faint glimmer shone.

I didn't break my lotus pose, just continuing to cycle moon qi in and out. She walked close enough to me that I had to crane my neck up to see her then made the follow motion as she kept moving past. Min followed at a safe distance, her eyes misty with merriment.

"I can feel it. Even your moon spirit says it as well. You are ready to advance," she said without preamble, "Your path is your own, but...?"

The unspoken question stuck in the air as we arrived on a walkway looking over the moon compound. Beyond I could see the western expanse reaching far off into the distance, the verdant hills of the Moon Clan grounds butting against the grey of the place outside of our reach. The place outside, where spirit beasts roaming unimpeded.

"I am," I said, trying to slowly taking in the aura around me.

"You'll be ready today. You'll be ready tomorrow. You'll be ready next week. What you do next matters."

"And if I fail?"

The elder Kang had broken her cultivation on her path to the fourth realm. Now she needed help, needing a home health aide or a retirement home for cultivators. I didn't want that for myself. Sure I might be taken care of here but this was a far cry from attending to the needs of my daughters and girlfriend.

"Win, lose, one must advance. The path before you against the Red Fang is blocked without your advancement."

I looked back to Min. Moon Lee stood there waiting for a response.

"May I use the meditation room?"

"Pidge, you do not need to ask me for that. Advance and join me. I'll have snacks prepared for you, when you do finish. You'll be hungry."

"I'm going to hold you to that."

She smiled the little smile that I had never seen her give to anyone else.

---

"It's been several months since I went no contact with my mother and..."

"You feel better?" I ventured to Mrs. Johnson.

The constant snipping from her mother had ceased and she was flowering. I was happy for her. Still, there was a dark cloud over her. What she wanted from her mother and what her mother was and would be were two very different things.

"But you feel bad. You feel bad about letting her down."

"Other people don't understand, Joe. They're like why don't you involve your mother more in your life, but their parents are angels. It's kind of grating."

"She's... you need to have your peace first."

"That's right. I... I feel bad about feeling good though. It shouldn't be this way, right? It should be easier. I shouldn't need to ... go to these lengths. But then I see how my kids are and I don't want them to ever feel like this and..."

I held out the box of tissues. The familiar gesture immediately got her attention.

"I just want her to be the mom I needed. It's not fair that others get the moms that they need and...I got her."

She took several tissues and sniffed.

"You're not the fixer. And that's okay."

"I'm not the fixer and I will be okay."

We sat in silence for a bit. The air from my office was set to a comfortable sixty five degrees, like any office in Southern California.

"She told me that she is getting tested for cancer," she said without prompting.

I leaned in.

"Do you think she's telling you a lie?"

"I...my husband feels like she's trying to get her hooks back in."

I gave her the dad look.

"I have my doubts. She can't...she wouldn't..."

"You have to think about how you would do things, how she would do things and how the idea image you have built up of the mom you deserve becomes reality. This isn't the mom from the movies or books that s going to come save yo or even acknowledge your feelings. This is the woman who lives and dies by sapping your attention and putting you down."

She took the box of tissues and held it. I didn't hold out any hope of anything more than low contact or structured contact with her mother. No contact would be great. She kept pulling Mrs. Johnson's strings and we were trying to fix inter generational violence here.

"What would you feel if she died?"

Another bout of tears came forth.

"If you're feeling was that you would feel relieved, then that is the human reaction. It is normal, and healthy to feel that. You can't let her drag you down. If she has done half of what you have told me then she really has done this to herself-the low contact not the cancer."

I always balked when people were so cavalier about telling cancer patients 'Everything happens for a reason.' It's just another punch in the gut. People don't get cancer because they are assholes. They're assholes who just happen to get cancer. I also always could never find the right thing to say to someone deep in grief, but that was often secondary to my presence. When someone comes with a deep emotional wound it feels cheap to try and fix it, to tape over the missing parts. It's a broken egg shell. It won't get put back the same way.""

"Thanks Joe," she said finally putting the box down, "I feel a bit better. So we think it's not cancer, just attention seeking behavior?"

I nodded.

"Then I don't have to call any funeral homes to price out cremations. God, that's a relief."

"She asked you to do that?" I leaned in.

"I was going to schedule her for Thursday, but they said she has to be deceased first."

"Honestly? In this economy, they should have taken the appointment."