"Yeah Lorenzo, I'll tell Ms. Johnson that maybe she should go see another therapist. She won't, but I can always hope, right?" I said before exiting the common area we shared.

I don't know if he had heard me because the next thing I knew, I'd stepped into what I thought was the hallway before everything turned into a verdant green.

The heavens clashed above, a clap of thunder parting the skies as the circle surrounding me disappeared. Around me, the countryside was lush green with rich vibrant colored flowers.

I knelt trying to make sense of my situation. I vaguely remembered being something before. This was not the office I’d been trying to enter. This wasn't even a building.

"What the fuck..."

I muttered every expletive I had ever heard in my life.

I shivered in the cool breeze. The land felt full and thick. This wasn't the desert, dry and desolate-it felt alive. Humid, but I wasn't sweating, yet. I always sweat buckets in high humidity.

I desperately looked around for the door that I had just walked through and came up empty.

A pungent smell overwhelmed me as I freaked out. This had to be some terrible stunt. I couldn’t find a way back.

I tried to calm myself the way I had gone over so many times with my clients.

I might be a bit late for my nine o'clock appointment tomorrow. Heck, I might have just had an out of body experience.

"Okay name, let's name five things...we can... where the fuck am I? Let’s not, okay?"

I felt all of the resiliency training I had ever gone to disappear in an instant. I held my head and screamed. Above me, a swirling dragon looked like it was taking its time moving across the horizon. It wasn’t looking at me, and for a second I blinked, grateful for that tender mercy. Also, it wasn’t the kind of dragon you see in those tabletop role-playing games. This one didn't have wings, just a long smooth body that defied physics.

This was among the first clues I had that something had gone terribly wrong. Yeah, I wasn't going to make that appointment. Ms. Johnson would have to find a new therapist. And yes I had seen a dragon, making me think that I was definitely not on Earth. And my mental state? Fragile. I would have to address this later.

A flock of large birds, in answer to my scream, flew out of a nearby bush. It startled me.

"Lorenzo? Where the heck am I? Lorenzo oOoOO!"

I looked about, trying to get my bearings. Had I died? Was this some prank far beyond the capabilities of anyone I knew? I did a double take, looking down at myself. Nothing seemed that different.

I honestly didn't know. One minute I was talking to Herman Lorenzo, one of the other therapists at my practice, the next I was here. I had intended to pick up my next patient and walk her to my room, but now she’d be waiting in vain.

Poor Ms.Johnson.

No, not poor Ms. Johnson, poor me!

"This has to be some sort of prank, right?"

As if in answer, a bird cawed.

I could be dead and reincarnated, like all of those portal fantasies I had been reading. Equally likely, I also could be having a psychotic break. Either way, I felt naked.

My twig and berries felt just out and about in the air. I would need to do something about that. Nothing really presented itself as an option for me. My hands darted to preserve what little dignity I had. My clothing had shredded as I watched the dragon and I had barely noticed, that was about the extent of how in touch I was with myself. Normally, being nude would have elicited some sort of sarcastic joke. Today, I just needed to accept it.

I looked around for signs of a village. I would accept a road or even a puff of smoke. Ahead, a series of mountains rose up. I saw things that had to have been man-made. Or made, at the very least. There was no telling if dragons had made whatever it was out there or not.

Or given the dragon that I doubted was real, they could have been made with magic. Large slabs of stone had to have been shaped stone or painted. The fact that it was partway up a steep mountain didn’t deter the foot traffic.

I needed pants and more importantly, I needed food. I pointed myself in the direction of the mountain and looked for the fastest way.

Behind me, a dust cloud settled. I made my way toward the promising-looking valley.

***

It took me the better part of two hours to walk to the village. It was a large enough walk to give me pause. Now I'm not prone to staring, but the pastoral scene of greens and browns touched some base instinct inside of me.

That plus the feeling that I was exposed gave me a nice back-and-forth between zen and anxiety. It was a swirling mix that had no place where I was. It was nearly the opposite feeling of the chafing that was now getting to be problematic on both of my thighs. Look, I worked out, but it was for the most part weight training. I just wasn’t used to long hikes.

I often heard the statement that a therapist couldn't take a client further than they had gone. This didn't ring true with me, because I had counseled many people who had been far more successful. This mix of zen and anxiety felt like a first step on what could be a long and arduous journey.

Stone and wooden buildings dotted the area, and gray red, and green flags and tapestries adorned everything. Or at least everything high up. Looking around, I found an unattended laundry line with what looked like martial arts robes. I was still a ways away from the large road that appeared to be the main thoroughfare into and out of the town which kept growing in size as I walked. I resolved to try to blend in. Chances were that I didn't speak the language and I needed to at least look normal.

In the stories I read, the main character always had some ability to speak the native language.

I mused about if I should be learning a language here. Perhaps I already knew it? That would be a question for later. This would merit some looking into.

I did not want to come into conflict with anyone, especially afraid as I was, and I'll admit, I could've stood to lose a few pounds. That might have held me back.

The robes were loose around my chest causing me to cinch it together with a white belt.

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

Best that I not draw attention, right? I looked around again. No one appeared to be watching as I snuck out of the area and back onto the path. I was so thankful, as I made a mental note to return to this spot when I was able to return what I was borrowing.

I waited a good five minutes down the way, crouching under a Juniper tree, before I kept moving. No one noticed as far as I could tell. I didn't want to get caught with anyone's pants down, much less mine.

Villagers started streaming back and forth as I got closer to the mega city ahead. Despite the few buildings on the outskirts looking empty, the city was lively. Just breathing in made me feel strong. That was something I would have to look into whenever I popped out of survival mode. The itch to find a safe space had never been more worthy of a scratch.

And today, I am a nail.

***

I took a second to examine that feeling, realizing that my body wanted me to do something I wasn't certain but with the clues I'd gotten so far this might be some sort of eastern Asian country. It might just as well be Xianxia land. I sighed. Did I want to dare to fight against some young master's honor? Defy the heavens? That sounded a bit anxiety-producing.

To be completely honest, all I really wanted was to nap. So I found a good spot in a park overlooking the mountains, checked around, and nervously did just that. If I ever got money I would come back with the robes and compensate the poor family that I had stolen from.

My nap wasn't long for me as I expected that being in an unfamiliar place would not let me turn off a lot of the little subroutines that I normally do. I was antsy and I wanted my own bed, damnit.

I stopped on the road as people started appearing. It looked to be about midday with bison, horses, and oxen dragging wagons to and from the town. The first man that saw me returned my look odd but I paid it no mind as they passed. It wasn’t until the third man nearly broke his leg getting out of his way that I started to take notice.

"Don't mind me," I said, "just an ordinary everyday nobody..."

"This one humbly greets the cultivator. Please let this one stay out of your way. If there is anything you need please let this one know."

The man bowed so low that his head scraped the dirt. His words were in a language that I somehow understood.

I blanched. It was one of those kinds of places, then was it? I was going to have to mind my words.

Thankfully I fully understood the man, something I'd always seen as a glaringly obvious flaw in most portal fiction. Just because someone is smart doesn’t mean that they can speak any language.

"The... uh what?" I stammered, trying to feign indifference. He was far away by the time I realized I was talking to myself.

It would be best, to not draw attention, but if so my robes looked like they were working overtime. I hadn’t noticed the faint glimmer that had sprouted around it. True, I was trying to keep a low profile, but I was suddenly glittering. I was a damn vampire, just like my teenage girls had teased me that one time.

I felt that shot for a second.

In response I began to lightly hit my arms. This made me breathe faster, leading to a feedback loop of me hitting my arm, catching my breath and then repeating.

Some of the villagers took note and started watching, exactly the opposite of what I wanted. I was at it for a couple minutes before I realized that the glow wasn't hurting.

I sat down in a lotus pose and closed my eyes.

If this was some sort of game, I wondered what the end goal was. Mess with Joe?

I much preferred board games for the whole social component, and I was proud to be the only storyteller of the game "Blood on the Clocktower" in my gaming group. Of course that was because everyone else always got the rules wrong and I had to fix things, and I really liked the role.

It had nothing to do with me wanting to have control, no not at all.

But if this was what I had to live with, I could get used to it. If I could just stop glittering for one minute that is.

I moved to the side of the road and sat back down. I would like to get a handle on it.

The aura around felt strong. I fell into meditation. As I closed my eyes, the air around me felt like a part of my respiratory system. As I breathed in, I in turn breathed out.... something.

As I breathed in... it felt like the aura of the world.

That couldn't be right. Was this one of those types of places? I didn't know yet but as I meditated I felt more and more grounded.

I recalled many times being told growing up to just meditate on something, and always finding it to be unhelpful. It wasn’t until I had seen one of my patients use it successfully that I'd tried it again. True, it was one of those things, those new age quasi- does this even work type things that I chalked up mostly to the placebo effect. Today? It went from being no better than placebo to something that actually could work.

That rush came now, like the calm at the end of a sweaty yoga class where you were all loose and grateful.

I chuckled, thinking about feeling loose and grateful at the current moment. Inner laughing along, I embraced meditation with a renewed vigor. It felt like home.

Instead of trying to push down my feelings, I instead regarded them casually.

I remembered my girls and Lauren and it still hurt, but it was a far off pain.

Fear of the unknown was ever present. I remembered the three "Fs", fight, flight and fucking. I wasn't feeling like I could flee and the third option was completely off the table. Could I fight my way out of this situation?

I cracked open an eye.

Would I even need to? I didn't know. Just breathing in and out, I felt empowered. I stood up and stretched.

Time to figure out what the hell was going on was my first problem. I needed to eat. There wasn't anything I could do about basic biological necessity. Survival was also my first problem and a big part of that. So more of an added benefit. Survival started with the basics. I needed money. Or charity. One of those would be easier to get. For as much as I hoped that this world was a post capitalist place, I expected that there would be a heavy hand of the market.

"Er pardon me," I said to one of the merchants as they passed by,"but is there somewhere a guy like me could get a job? I'm finding myself a bit low on cash and I'm new to the area."

The gawking merchant snapped his chin up.

"The... sir... perhaps the Green Velvet Sect needs someone to perform some sort of duty? But the White Fang tavern in the center of town will feed you without question. "

"The White Fang?"

"Cultivators gather there."

I nodded to the man. It was all a part of building rapport.

"Thanks. I'm Pidge by the way."

I plodded over and put out a hand to shake, not thinking that this was any more or less than his normal interactions.

"Li Tang, and if this one could be so bold, has a textiles shop that could serve your needs, young master. Just look for the Li Discount Store and we'll give you the friends and family discount. "

I considered the offbeat offer for a long second. The friends and family discount at a discount store? That sounded like they were trying to fleece me. But I wanted them to be on my side. I would play the game a bit.

"I do need new clothes. Mister Li, perhaps we could work out a deal where I get store credit?"

"That would be my pleasure young master. Right this way. It's a pleasure to serve one such as yourself. The store is around this corner ahead," he said gesturing to the front.

A short ten minutes later, I was one hundred Li in debt to Li Tang's Discount store, with a line of credit. They measured me and assured me that I would have a custom set of two robes the next day.

I also acquired a set of directions to the White Fang Inn, which of course I didn't need. The aura in the air felt heavier here. It was like moving closer to a storm, except the wind wasn't as subtle.

The last thing I needed was someone to storm out and yell something stupid.

----------------------------------------

"You dare!" A man's voice echoed through the hall as I walked into the antechamber.

Though the voice wasn't directed at me, I paused. My thoughts before arriving felt prophetic, but I still wanted to get a lay of the land.

To not arrive in some situation, I crept to the open door to the tavern's large reception area.

Two young looking men were squaring off in the middle of the area. One wore a white robe with a green trim, the other wore a blue robe with a white trim. Both were in a fighting stance, doing their best Goku power up.

The aura around the two was electric. My eyebrows pulsed as they stood on edge. I didn’t even know how much power had to be coursing through the air for my eyebrows to stand up.

Of course, I then bravely turned tail and noped my ass out of the tavern.

"Fuck this shit," I said.

I walked across the street. Finding an unoccupied plot of wall, I saw my ass down.