The monotonous sound of keyboard clicks echoed through the cramped room. The clock showed 2 am. On the computer screen, the manuscript of my novel remained shrouded in uncertainty. A 19-year-old young man rubbedmy weary face, that young man is me. Three novels. Three failures.

My first novel, ambitious and complex, drowned in unnecessary details. My main character, like a clown lost in a labyrinth, never found my way. My second novel, entangled in the shadow of unintentional plagiarism, forced me to stop my journey. And now, my third novel, which i'm thought was my best, was trapped in a horrifying incest genre because of the plot.

I'm sighed deeply, running my hand through my messy hair. Reader reviews, mostly positive, felt like an ironic slap. Fake praise from anonymous accounts only added to the emptiness in my chest.

I got up from my chair, my body stiff. I think i needed fresh air, so The minimart at the end of the street became my destination.

after that A few packs of instant noodles and cold drinks became my companions in the cold night.

On my way back, a strange feeling arose. Faint footsteps behind me. I'm quickened my pace, my heart pounding.

A thief? A stalker? Or… something more terrifying?

I ran, without looking back. When i got home, my breath was ragged.

"Just an illusion," i whispered.

But, deep down, there was a glimmer of hope. Hope for a little trouble, a little tension in my boring life.

Four months working at fat man's Shop. The first two months were spent in silence, trapped within myself. The last two months? I found my escape. My escape from my problem. Among the laughter and jokes of my friends, my fear slowly faded. I found freedom of expression, even deliberately making small mistakes to evoke laughter.

That's why sometimes I hope "something" happens in my boring life. but deep down inside my heart, I have also given up on this life and chose to flow like water that continues to flow without stopping and also thinking.

After that I locked myself in my room with the snacks I bought until without realizing it I fell asleep until morning. The next morning I went back to work as usual and had another boring day that I was used to every day.

I can't even differentiate between my school back then and my workplace right now. because both places don't have the slightest difference for me, it's like i never change my destination every day. but I also realized that what never changed was not the place where I left the house, but my heart which never changed because it was always left behind in my house.

Five in the afternoon marked the end of my shift. I went home to a silent house. My father was at work, my mother was asleep on the couch, and my little sister was locked in her room. A long-standing, silent routine.

I saw my mother wake up, a faint smile etched on her face. "It's almost dinner time," she said.

I hesitated for a moment. I wanted to run to my room, immerse myself in the virtual world. But my mother's gaze stopped me. The silence of the house…

I sighed, my fear returning, this time not because of the shadow that followed me that night, but because of the loneliness that gripped my family. I realized there was a bigger problem than my failed novel. No, i know that from beginning, but i pretend like i know nothing about it. The failure to build a warm relationship with my family. The worst part it's i always know it's be my problem forever if i running away forever like this, but i couldn't because im afraid.

I slammed my phone softly onto the bed. The still-lit screen displayed the bustling WhatsApp group messages. A thin smile formed on my lips, but my expression turned serious a moment later. I stared at the plain white ceiling of my room, my mind wandering about my dream in the future.

I spent hours playing games and surfing social media, an escape from a reality that felt heavy. However, the escape couldn't hold back the emptiness that slowly growned at my heart. The failure to write, the cold relationship with my family, and even the mystery of the person following me were no longer on my mind. i felt foolish for being afraid of something i had hoped for.

I thought about my tired mother, my little sister who was always locked in her room, and my father who was rarely home.

Did they also feel the same silence as me? Did they also feel trapped in a boring routine like me?

My thoughts swirled, finding no answers. Frustration began to take hold of me. The failure to write a novel felt like a curse, proof of my inability. i felt like a failure as a child, a son, a sibling, a writer and a human.

Suddenly, anger bubbled up inside me. i hit the pillow hard, venting the frustration i had been holding back. Writing, family, work at the shop—everything felt so heavy. i felt tired, very tired.

With ragged breaths, i got out of bed. i walked to the window, staring out at the darkness of the night. The bustling city seemed so far away, so different from the silence that enveloped my heart.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. Sleep, That was the only thing i could do right now. Tomorrow, i had to work. Tomorrow, i had to face it all again.

With weary steps, i returned to my bed. i turned off the light, letting the darkness envelop me. The hope for a better tomorrow felt faint, but i closed my eyes anyway, hoping to find some peace in my sleep. Hopefully tomorrow, i could find a little light amidst the darkness that enveloped my life.

The morning sun shone on my still-sleepy face. Today, it was my turn to be a cargo lifter at fat man's Shop. my task was simple: arrange the newly arrived items and move them to the store shelves. However, this physical task turned out to be quite tiring.

I was struggling with large boxes of soft drinks when i heard strange murmurs nearby. A high school girl with long, flowing hair and thick glasses was standing near the comic book shelf. She was muttering to herself, her voice barely audible, but i managed to catch a few words: "... bleak future... destiny... hidden power..."

I furrowed my brow. The girl seemed lost in her own fantasy world, unaware of the people around her. She muttered about destiny and hidden power, with a serious expression on her face. i smiled wryly.

Chuunibyou.

The girl was really showing her chuunibyou nature in public.

I also had experienced it. In my teenage years, i had also been obsessed with fictional things, with fantasies about superpowers and epic adventures. However, as time went on, i realized it was just an illusion. i had given up on those dreams, accepting a reality that always felt bitter.

I watched the girl for longer. She seemed so serious, so lost in her own world. i felt a little pity. i remembered how frustrated i used to be when i realized that the real world was not what i imagined. Maybe the girl was going through the same thing.

I sighed. i decided not to bother her. Let the girl dream as much as she wanted. After all, myself felt more comfortable with reality, even though it sometimes felt heavy.

i preferred to focus on my work, arranging the boxes that felt heavier and heavier in my hands. Today, i had to finish all my work quickly so i could go home and rest. Maybe i could go back to writing my novel tonight. This time, i would try to write something more realistic, something closer to the reality i lived in.

I cycled slowly on the twilight streets. The streetlights illuminated my tired face. In a small park near my house, i saw a group of teenagers gathered. A young man, probably my age, was the center of attention. i was surrounded by a few girls, laughing and joking. A sight that reminded me of the harem anime i used to watch back then.

Usually, seeing such a sight would trigger envy in me. However, this time it was different. i didn't feel envious. Instead, i felt admiration. i admired the young man who managed to have such a warm and enjoyable social relationship. Different with me who have struggled to build close relationships with others.

I sped up my bicycle, pretending not to see them. i was just a stranger to them, and they were strangers to me. There was no point in watching them any longer. i better go home and rest.

At home, dinner was as usual. i ate quietly. After dinner, i went straight to my room, cleaned myself up, and went to sleep. Forget about my promise to do something new about my job as writer. But i'm so tired and can't thinking about that anymore.

The next day, i went back to work at fat man's Shop. i did my work as usual, lifting items, arranging shelves, and joking with my friends. In the afternoon, i cycled home again, passing the small park. And again, i saw the young man surrounded by his harem.

Again? No... I'm crazy, I must be wrong. Maybe it's just a coincidence.

I felt a little strange. Today felt exactly like yesterday. i did the same things, saw the same things. Boredom started to arise. i felt trapped in a boring routine, a routine that didn't bring any change to my life.

After dinner, i sat on my bed, pondering my monotonous days. i realized that i had been caught in a repeating cycle: work, go home, eat, sleep, and repeat it all again the next day. No progress, no change. Just a boring routine and a feeling of emptiness that continued to haunt me. Sleep became the only escape from a reality that felt so boring. i closed my eyes, hoping tomorrow would be different, even though i wasn't sure about it.

The sun rose again, illuminating a day that felt so familiar. i went to work, did my job at fat man's Shop, and went home by bicycle. In the small park, the young man with my harem was still there, laughing and joking like yesterday.

Didn't I get over my chuunibyou? I'm not crazy... Am I?...

This time, i stopped for a moment. i looked at them with a sharper gaze. Something felt very strange. Today was exactly the same as yesterday, even more so. The conversations they had, the jokes they made, everything was exactly the same.

This wasn't just a coincidence.

I felt my heart pounding fast. i felt a different fear, a deeper fear than the fear of thieves or stalkers. This was the fear of something inexplicable, something beyond my understanding. But the weird thing is, a smile appeared on my face.

I arrived at the front door of my house, my body trembling. i didn't go in right away. i stood there, staring at the house that looked so ordinary, yet felt so strange. Something was wrong, something very wrong. i felt an overwhelming discomfort, a bad feeling that couldn't be ignored.

What's going on?

My mind raced, trying to find a logical explanation.

Was i dreaming? Was i having a mental breakdown? Or… was something even weirder happening?

i didn't know. i really didn't know what was going on, but i was sure something was very wrong, something hidden behind my daily routine that felt so boring and repetitive. The inexplicable fear was closing in on me, making me feel trapped in a reality that felt so strange and terrifying.

I know nothing about it, but i know about something else. And it's i had to find out what was happening. i had to find the answer.

i took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. The familiarity of my home felt alien as always, as if i were on the cusp of an epiphany that could unravel everything i believed in. The monotonous rhythm of my life had morphed into a strange loop, and i couldn't ignore it anymore.

With a surprising surge of determination, i stepped inside, the creaking of the door echoing my uncertainty. Silence greeted me back, but it felt heavier, more suffocating than before. i glanced at my mother, still engrossed in the television program, and my little sister, still hiding behind her bedroom door. The routine remained the same, yet the weight of the moment pressed down on me like a physical force.

I had to break free from this cycle, confront whatever bizarre phenomenon was lurking beyond my grasp. The idea that i might be trapped in a time loop, reliving the same day, sparked both fear and excitement. If this was true, then maybe i could use this anomaly to my advantage. Perhaps i could change things, write a new story, even if it was just for myself.

I decided to act. Instead of retreating to my room, i grabbed a notebook and pen from my desk. i had to document everything—the strange encounters, the feelings of déjà vu, the girl at the store, and the boy in the park. Writing might not only help me understand my reality but also serve as a catalyst for change.

With each word, i felt a flicker of hope. Maybe this was my chance to break free from the narrative of my own failure and isolation. As i wrote, i began to see the connection between my life and the characters i created, realizing that every story needed conflict and resolution. my own life was no different.

The next day, i decided to approach the girl from the comic book aisle. i remembered her serious demeanor and her muttering about destiny. Perhaps she held the key to understanding the strange events happening around me. i was determined to find out.

With a pounding heart, i went to work at the "Fat Man" store as usual. i searched for the girl with glasses among the comic book shelves at the time i had previously encountered her in the loop before. i found her in the same spot, still muttering to herself. but this time, softer, i gathered my courage and approached her.

"Excuse me," i said, my voice slightly trembling. The girl jumped, her glasses slipping slightly from her nose. She looked startled, her face flushing.

"A-ano..." she stammered, her eyes avoiding my gaze.

"Sorry to interrupt you, but... yesterday I heard you muttering about a 'bleak future' and 'hidden power' also about 'destiny'," i said, trying to sound casual.

i hoped she wouldn't think i was weird.

The girl was silent for a moment, still blushing. Then, she looked down, her voice a whisper almost inaudible. "Y-yesterday? W-what do you mean?... I-I... was just...," she said, her fingers fiddling with the hem of her shirt. "I like reading fantasy comics... S-sorry... If it bothered you..."

I tried to ask more, but the girl just shook her head, further hiding her face behind her long hair. She seemed so shy, even afraid. Clearly, she was just a regular chuunibyou, not the holder of the time loop mystery key. my hopes deflated.

I sighed. "Sorry," i said, feeling a little disappointed. "I thought..."

"I-I... I'm sorry," she stammered, her voice barely a whisper. She quickly turned and walked away, leaving me alone among the comic book shelves.

I watched her retreating back. i realized that she couldn't help me. She was just a shy girl lost in a fantasy world. i had to find another way to break out of this loop. i had to find a way to solve the mystery that ensnared me.

I went back to work, my mind racing. i needed to be more systematic. Maybe i could start recording every detail that happened in each loop, looking for patterns or anomalies. Maybe there was something i was missing. Maybe there were clues hidden in the mundane routines of my daily life.

That night, i sat at my desk, a notebook and pen in hand. i started my record-keeping, detailing every event, every conversation, every detail, no matter how small. i had to find a way out of this loop, no matter how difficult it was. i had to solve this mystery, for myself, for my family, for my future. i had to find the light in the darkness that had trapped me. my struggle had just begun.

That night, after writing in my notebook at my desk, i closed the notebook with an unbearable feeling of frustration. Though i had recorded various details, everything still felt hazy and unconnected. i searched for a way to solve the mystery that ensnared my life, but it seemed as if every attempt brought more confusion.

The next day, as i went to work at the Fat Man's store, i felt something different. The sky outside seemed brighter, and though my routine remained the same, there was a new spirit within me. i was determined not to be just an observer in my life, but a changer.

At the store, i was more focused than usual. i paid attention to every interaction, every small detail. But even though i looked for signs of anomalies, everything seemed to be going as usual. Until i saw her—the girl with glasses reappeared in the comic book aisle, this time with more confidence.

I felt an urge to approach her again, and this time, i didn't want to miss the opportunity. With a pounding heart, i walked over to her.

"Hey," i said, trying to sound more relaxed than before. "I see you here again. Do you come to this store often?"

The girl turned, a little startled, but this time she didn't seem instantly afraid. "Y-yeah, I like reading comics," she replied, her voice clearer and steadier.

"What kind of comics do you like?" i tried to open up the conversation further, feeling a push to delve deeper.

"Anything fantasy-related," she answered, her eyes sparkling. "But I also like stories full of mystery."

"Me too," i said, trying to find common ground. "I'm looking for inspiration to write my own story."

The girl raised an eyebrow, seeming interested. "Writing? That's cool! What's your story about?"

I felt an opportunity to share without shame. "Actually, my main Character feel like his life is stuck in a boring routine. And now, there's something weird happening—I- i mean, he feel like he is stuck in a time loop, repeating the same day."

The girl was silent for a moment, then looked at me seriously. "Hmmm, he is not alone. Many people feel like their lives are stagnant, stuck in routines. But sometimes, we need to do something different to break that cycle. Maybe he just overthinking about that? Am i right?"

The girl's words sparked a thought in my mind. Maybe she was right. Maybe i needed to do something radical, not just record and reflect. i needed to act.

"What if we collaborate?" i suggested, hopeful and nervous. "We could write a story together. Maybe that way, we can find answers to what's happening."

The girl looked surprised, but there was a glimmer of enthusiasm in her eyes. "That's an interesting idea! I love imagining and creating stories. Maybe we can create a new world that we can explore. But... I can feel something's wrong here, but what is that?"

"M-maybe you are just overthinking?"

"Huuuhh... You right!"

Me and that girl both started discussing, and ideas flowed freely. Every sentence we spoke ignited a new spirit within me. i felt as if we were building something bigger than just a story—we were creating hope.

After a few hours, we decided to meet again the next day. A new spirit flowed within me as i went home. Maybe, just maybe, this was the first step to breaking free from the time loop that had trapped me.

That night, before going to bed, i wrote down all the ideas we had discussed. i felt more focused and energized than ever before. With renewed determination, i closed my eyes, hoping that tomorrow would be a different day.

Of course, everything would be different because this time, i chose a different path. i quit my job suddenly, leaving everyone wondering if i had found a new job.

But i explained that there was no new job. i just wanted something new in my life. Making all my coworkers look at me with strange looks and thinking i was crazy.

That day, i chose to have fun alone. Using the salary i had saved up to have fun going wherever i wanted. Eat whatever i wanted. And do whatever i had always dreamed of. Basically, i made myself happy that day.

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Until night came and i returned to a very quiet house. Making me forget all the fun i had had all day. And i returned to my senses.

Would this work?

I went to sleep, hoping i would manage to break free from the loop. And the next morning, i woke up as usual, rushing to grab my phone that was charging to check the calendar.

But i could only be surprised to see the date that day. Monday, March 24, 2025. The same date as yesterday. Making me realize that i had failed again for the umpteenth time. Making me only able to stare at the door in a daze. While laughing, laughing at my bad luck which i thought was funny. Not because it was funny, but because i just wanted to consider it funny. Because i didn't want to be depressed, making me have to deceive myself and be stupid and crazy for a while. Until finally, i was satisfied and returned to my senses and suddenly muttered:

"I'm done... I'm never wrong about this shit... I'm stuck. not in repetitive routines, but in time... damn it!"

I laughed, laughing at the situation that should have made me ponder. Honestly, I felt like I was deceiving myself by doing that. But deep down in my deepest heart, I realized that it wasn't a fake laugh.

My life, which had been so smooth and without obstacles, made my life feel bland. The bitterness of reality made me depressed all the time because I thought about emptiness. Happy memories that could no longer be obtained in the future made my feelings mixed. But that's why I'm laughing now. I'm happy because finally there's something that can make my boredom disappear.

But soon I returned to my senses. I found my father standing in front of me, staring at me with a cold stare and saying:

"What are you doing?"

I didn't understand why he asked something he already knew. even an elementary school child could realize that. But I knew he was just angry, he rejected logic and was just angry because he was annoyed by my strange behavior. I was also aware of myself about it.

"Eh... I just had a beautiful dream..."

He just stood there listening to my answer. There was no response whatsoever on his face. He just turned around and walked out of the room and saying:

"It's breakfast time, you're not off today, are you?"

"Y-yes..."

After that he went away, to the downstairs where my little sister and my mother must have been waiting at the dining table.

Meanwhile I smiled, feeling happy because of something else at that time. Thinking that my father actually knew my day off. I assumed so quickly and responded with a stupid smile. Although not long after I realized that my father never mentioned what day I was off at all.

He just asked "you're not off today, are you?" Not saying, "this isn't Tuesday, you're not off today."

Making me ponder for a moment before I slapped myself after that.

Soon after I joined them for breakfast. Without any conversation, just eating together, and only my mother looked around because she was uncomfortable with the current situation.

So was I, but I pretended not to care because I didn't know how to handle our family problems.

There was no hostility, no one hated each other, but somehow this family situation became like this.

After that silent breakfast, my mother went to the kitchen with her bitter smile to wash the dishes. My father went straight to work after saying goodbye in a low voice. My mother, who answered my father at that time, immediately ran back after putting down the dirty dishes she hadn't washed. But unfortunately my father disappeared too quickly, leaving my mother looking disappointed that she didn't have time to answer, "I'm going to work now," from my father.

I'm sure she wanted to say, "goodbye and be careful," I know she would say that because my little sister and I are used to hearing those words every time we leave home.

My mother also realized that I felt sorry for her. But she pretended not to notice. Forcing herself to fake smile in front of me at all times. While I could only stay silent and not do anything about it.

After that my little sister left for school, she's still in junior high school grade 2 now, but she seems very popular at her school. I can understand that, because blonde hair is very rare in our country. While black hair like mine is very common in this country.

Honestly, she's beautiful, but I can't feel proud of her because of that. Because I feel alien to her. Even the last time I and she chatted was a few years ago, precisely on Christmas night when our family still didn't feel alien to each other. At that time, it was a time when i think she saw me as a great brother who deserved to be respected. But now I feel that I don't deserve to be respected at all. It doesn't mean I hate myself, it's just that I'm aware of myself.

I'm smart but weak, I want a lot of things but I'm lazy, but all that changed when I graduated from school. Reality slapped me hard, forcing me to be strong, wasting my intelligence because I worked with my muscles, laziness which used to be comfortable became an obstacle to my goals, and even I gave up on everything I couldn't get even though I had dreamed of it for a long time.

That's me, me who is currently walking in the flower garden near my house to clear my mind. Looking at the calendar on my cellphone several times so I don't lose my way in my contemplation. In the end, I didn't find the answer to this situation.

I'm too lazy to find out more. Hoping for someone else to solve this problem. But also realizing that myself is most likely alone in this situation.

To make sure of it, I also asked some random people with the same question:

"Are you also stuck in a time loop?"

But some of them got angry, and some of them felt uncomfortable, and some of them answered while laughing thinking I was joking.

Making me realize that I'm alone. But I also realize that I have the advantage that I can ask for help from others if I want to.

But who is someone who can help me? A very smart scientist? A genius who can solve any problem? Or time travel whose existence is not even proven?

I don't have any connections that can help me. Around me there are only ordinary people, in an ordinary environment, who have ordinary lives. It's impossible for ordinary people to solve this problem. Then where can I find unusual people who can save me?

My thoughts were mixed at that time. Making me realize that I had passed the hour when I should have been working. But I didn't care anymore. What's the point of working if I can't get a future by working myself.

I want tomorrow, I don't want to keep thinking about today.

That day was wasted with me just pondering all day. Until I went home and found the lights still off. Passing the dark living room, I found my mother sleeping on the couch with some snacks on the table.

Making my mind wander again. I decided to go straight to the upstairs room without waking my mother. But the sound of my footsteps on the stairs was heard, making my mother wake up and look at me while smiling and saying:

"Welcome home."

I just replied, "yes," and walked quickly upstairs. Entering my room and locking the door. Leaning against the door, listening to footsteps approaching my bedroom door which turned out to be my mother.

"How was your day?"

"Nothing special."

"Really? If you have any problems, you can tell your mother, you know?"

"Why?"

"Why are you asking? Of course because we're family."

"No, that's not what i want to ask... Why does mom keep talking to me?"

"..."

"Mom? Why are you just silent?"

"Nothing, it's just... Can I ask back?"

"What?"

"Why do you still call me mom?"

"W-what do you mean mom? Mom is my mom! Of course I call you mom. We're family."

"That's also mom's answer to your question. Isn't that clear from the beginning? We're family, that's enough reason."

"..."

"Hey..."

"..."

"Are you still angry?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Sorry for bothering you then."

"..."

The sound of my mother's footsteps could be heard moving away. Making me feel relieved for a while. But suddenly my chest felt tight. I couldn't breathe properly. Without realizing it, I was also crying. I cried not because my chest was tight, but because of the pain in my heart. I also realized that the reason my chest was tight was because I was crying and couldn't keep my breath normal.

I hugged myself. Holding my head and pulling my hair. Covering my face with both hands trying to cover my whole body because of shame.

I don't want to be seen by anyone at this time. Although there's no one looking at it, I still feel ashamed. I'm not ashamed because I'm crying, but because of the memories of the past that I can't forget. In the end, I realized that what I wanted to cover wasn't my body, but the memories I wanted to forget forever. Memories of where it all began, memories of where the beginning of my family's destruction occurred, and the cause of that destruction was myself.

Guilt has enveloped my heart all this time. Making my mouth and eyes unable to make direct contact with my family properly. My eyes that always averted their gaze, my mouth that always hesitated to utter sentences, slowly distanced me from them, from those who should have been the closest people I had.

Without realizing it, we became strangers. While the strangers became close to me. Unable to see their smiles, I also ran away from reality by making other people smile. In the end, that's all I could do to feel better. As time went on, I couldn't understand anymore what was called, "family."

I know what I have to do from the beginning if I want to fix everything. But I'm too afraid of the unknown consequences that might make the situation worse. That's why after crying for more than an hour in silence, I felt relieved and immediately smiled.

Remembering the problem I'm facing. In fact, I smiled because of it. From the beginning I wanted all this to end, but now the situation has changed. I don't have to be afraid of the consequences that will happen, because I know I will continue to be on the same day.

From there, my desire to fix my family situation arose. Taking advantage of a situation that should have been a problem to become a solution.

I can think of ways to handle this problem after my wish is fulfilled!

My spirit returned and quickly wiped away the tears on my cheeks.

Tomorrow will repeat, for now I have to practice talking to them! I have to be able to talk to them! This is the first step that I must be able to do!

That's right, humans won't be able to understand each other without communication. That's why I walk towards the door of my little sister's room.

But I stopped when I was about to open the door. Imagining the worst expression that my little sister could put on after seeing her brother who had never chatted with her for more than a year suddenly became strange.

But I took courage while closing my eyes. It's strange that I'm still afraid even though I know all this can be repeat. It's just that I understand why I'm afraid. Because I'm in the present, not in the future. The feeling I have now is what I feel now, not the feeling in the future that I don't even know what will happen.

Slowly I opened my eyes, but strangely my little sister's room was too dark, making me confused because the lights were off.

"Hello? Maria? Are you in there?"

Slowly I entered, towards the light switch in the room. While looking around even though I couldn't see anything but darkness. As I walked, I suddenly bumped into a chair that made me even more confused about the situation in the room. Feeling something strange, I ran quickly to the switch and quickly turned on the room lights.

After that I could only stand there, I didn't do anything, because I couldn't do anything. Because what I saw when the lights came on was my little sister hanging with a rope around her neck.

My eyes widened at that time, not wanting to believe what was happening, I looked around. I found the chair I bumped into earlier which should have been my little sister's study chair. But the function of the chair at this time was not for studying. I know what's going on, it's just that I don't know how I should respond at that time, making me just stand there staring intently at my little sister's face which looked lifeless with open eyes.

There was no blood, no dangerous objects, just a girl who died because she was tied to a rope around her neck and hung in the middle of the room.

I went downstairs down the stairs while thinking about the reason why my little sister did that. But I couldn't find the answer. Because I realize I'm not close enough to her.

Should I be sad? But she's my family? What should I do? I don't know...

What I know now is that I want tomorrow to come soon.

I walked down the stairs from the 2nd floor of my house, leaving the bedroom where my little sister was there. I walked away with mixed feelings, I could only walk away and head to the living room with my legs. After that I just sat on the couch, lost in thought, waiting for something I was sure would happen.

I was waiting for tomorrow. But there were still 3 hours before 12 midnight. Making me doubt when the day would repeat again or not. Because all this time I fell asleep and when I woke up I had already repeated the time just like that.

Because of that uncertainty, it made me curious, and also the problem with my little sister, made me ponder and even unconsciously ignored my parents who called me several times to wake me up from my contemplation.

My mother looked worried, while my father just looked at me and realized something was strange. I thought he had realized the strangeness. And true as I suspected, my father walked up the stairs, checking what was happening on the 2nd floor.

While my mother tried to calm me down continuously, hugging me with her warm embrace, not knowing that something had happened to her beloved daughter.

After my father came down, I thought he would immediately slap me and insult me continuously. But he didn't, he just looked at me with his sad expression and immediately called someone. I'm sure it was the police.

Because of that made me confused.

Why didn't he slap me?

He should have thought that I was the one who killed Maria and made it look like a suicide.

Did he think I didn't know about Maria's condition right now?

Did he think I was innocent?

Why?

Didn't he think I hated them all?

He...They hate me right?

So... Why?

After all, I was the reason this family was destroyed.

Wasn't I someone who was so worthless?

Of course that's true. No one would grieve after I was gone. Besides, they hated me too.

My mother might be an exception. But that doesn't mean she loves me. I'm sure she also holds a grudge against me. But she forgot that grudge, she buried that feeling of hatred because I was the only one she could use to get rid of her loneliness. That's right, she used me to replace Maria's position in her heart. That's why she pretended to love me.

After that i Pretending to go to the bathroom to relieve my stomach ache, making my mother believe and letting me go away from her embrace. Slowly but surely I looked for a sharp object and found a blood-stained knife.

I hope this hurts! I hope this hurts! I hope this hurts! I hope this hurts! I hope this hurts! I hope this hurts! I hope this hurts! I hope this hurts! I hope this hurts!...

I decided to pierce my heart. My heart was pierced and torn by force. Making me vomit blood from my mouth and fall to the floor helplessly.

But I couldn't hold back the scream of pain from my mouth. Making my parents realize something strange and forcibly break down the bathroom door which I had actually locked tightly.

Their facial expressions at that time made me smile. Not because I was happy, but because I was confused. I found it funny that they panicked for a moment when they saw my condition at this time. But after that they suddenly shed tears and approached me without hesitation and tried to do something to my wound.

I didn't quite understand what they were doing. They looked like they were shouting at each other. But I couldn't hear what they were shouting. My ears were no longer working, my eyes were slowly becoming blurry, even the bleeding continued.

In the end I died, it should have been like that. But suddenly I found myself waking up from my bed. Making me realize that I was repeating time again.

A feeling of relief washed over my heart. But I also cried. Hugging myself, covering my shameless and stupid self while muttering:

"What did I do? So stupid!"

After that I remembered the moment of my death. Making my breath heavy because of the trauma I experienced because of it. The pain still lingered even though I knew I wasn't feeling pain. But I still felt that pain at this time.

"It really hurts!"

But this is what i want...

Suddenly my little sister, Maria, burst into the room and immediately asked:

"What hurts? Did you just break up?"

"E-eh?" I couldn't respond properly. The strange change made me confused about what to do.

"Ha? Are you deaf or what?"

"O-oh, I'm sorry, what's up?"

"Huft... I asked what hurts?"

"Ti-there's nothing, ahaha-ha. I was just muttering to myself."

She just fell silent after that. Looking at me for a few seconds just like my father did before. Making me wonder if she was worried or wanted something else to talk about. But all she did was leave without saying anything. Just like my father did, they really didn't want to interact with me for more than one minute.

But sometimes I think about why they sometimes try to chat with me a few times.

Is it because of guilt? But why should they feel guilty towards someone they hate?

Shortly after that, before I could clear my mind completely, my father shouted loudly calling me downstairs for breakfast together. I answered him as usual without a high tone and tried to make it sound like I wasn't yelling because I was annoyed. Because I never felt bothered by it. After all, he just wanted me to eat together.

After that I went to work. But unlike usual, I kept thinking about things other than work.

Now I know that I won't be able to die, because it's pointless. My death didn't end this loop.

I started to wonder if my little sister's suicide was the trigger for this loop. I thought that saving her might get me out of this loop.

That's why this time I worked faster so I could get home sooner.

When I got home, I remembered the knife in the bathroom that I found.

Why is there a knife in the bathroom?

That question made me go to the bathroom. After all, it was very suspicious, because I found the knife when there was already blood smeared on the knife.

But at that time I was looking for it randomly and made me forget where the knife was. That's why I looked for it everywhere exactly like I did when I lost my sanity in the previous loop. Until finally I found it in the bathup slip that looked deliberately hidden.

Did Maria use this? But for what?

I kept looking at the blood-stained knife. Trying to project what Maria would do if she was the owner of the knife. I also tried it on my father and mother. But the person who fit the most was Maria, because she committed suicide with a rope in the previous loop.

My guess is Maria tried to commit suicide with a knife but missed because she was still hesitant and afraid of her actions.

Even though it's still a guess, it still made me feel a little envious. Because my little sister wasn't as stupid as I was, who didn't even hesitate to do it in the first attempt.

But I quickly moved on from that because I knew that what I had to do now was save Maria.

I don't know why and what her reason was for doing that. But I think this could solve my problem.

But I'm not that stupid not to think that Maria didn't prepare her suicide attempt like a fool. That's why I looked again, something that could help someone commit suicide without caring about the pain. I looked for drugs or narcotics or other things like that.

But I couldn't find it anywhere in the room. That's when I thought that maybe it was hidden in another room, and it certainly wasn't in her own room. Maria is a smart person, I can even say with great certainty that everyone in this house except me is a smart person.

My little sister has always been consistent with her grades. My mother is a doctor. While my father is a university teacher. It's impossible for them to be dumber than me. After all, they are a family. Maybe it's in their DNA to be smart.

That's why I tried to think and finally the right place was only 1 place. That is a safe place and also impossible to find, a place where small objects can be hidden without being forgotten, that place should be a unique place. That's why I opened the floor drain and found a small transparent place containing pills that I didn't know the exact function of. But that was enough to make me relieved, because I managed to find it. But I put it back, because I realized there was a possibility that Maria would panic because she realized someone knew what she wanted to do and became anxious and hasty because of it.

But in a flash I realized I was overthinking.

"All I have to do is watch her and stop her. Isn't that easy enough?" I muttered with a smile in my face.

then i threw away the knife and destroyed the drugs without anyone noticing. After that, as planned, I tried not to let go of my vision to Maria after dinner.

But my efforts failed, Maria drank poison which she seemed to have kept in her own room. It was my fault for not anticipating that she had more than one way to commit suicide.

After that I kept trying, time kept repeating on the same day, trapping me and my little sister in the same condition but with different situations every time I tried. He die and i just can look at her dead body.

Even after 48 times I tried, after all the possibilities that could have happened before I prevented, she bit her tongue and died in the bathroom with the reason that she wanted to take a bath.

The more I tried to save her, the more she tried to die in various ways. She realized in every loop that someone was trying to save her, but she didn't appreciate the efforts of that person who wanted to help her by continuously hurting herself.

It doesn't mean I want her to respect my decision. She doesn't even know that I'm the one who keeps getting in her way. It's just...

why does she hate herself so much that she has to do this?

That was the question I kept asking myself every time I failed to save her.

Next time it will be possible!

Without realizing it, 79 loops have occurred since the first time I saw Maria die. And this time it's the same, she's destined to die.

Maybe I should do it faster this time!

I didn't give up just like that, because I felt I could do it. I felt I could save her. But until 93 loops passed and I still failed.

Until finally in the 99th loop I failed. In the 100th loop I felt that this was my last chance before giving up. But when I failed again, I denied that promise and didn't give up on Maria.

The same one day, but it felt like I had been through half a year until now. I have gone through failure after failure, until finally I asked myself:

"What am I fighting for? Who am I not giving up on? Why do I keep moving forward?"

But time has answered it, after thinking about it carefully from loop to loop I realized that I don't want to lose Maria.

My stupid act when I committed suicide at that time was also based on this reason.

I just didn't want to admit it at that time, that's why I was confused about what I felt at that time. That actually what I felt when I saw Maria die was a feeling of emptiness. Because deep down in my heart, I longed for the days when I could see her sincere smile that made my heart feel comfortable when I saw it back then.

I don't care if she is not forgive me even after i save her. I just hope she's not gonna be hated me anymore if i save her.

Is this a selfish wish?

I know I'm very selfish. but it can't be helped, i'm just human after all.

Four years ago, before the loop happened. A day before my family shattered.

I was playing my favorite game with Maria. Even though it was my favorite game, she seemed to enjoy it too. I thought she was slowly starting to like it, but I was wrong. She never liked the game.

No matter what game we played, she always seemed to enjoy it. At first, I thought she just liked playing any game. Sadly, I knew it was wrong.

She never seemed to play games alone. On the contrary, when she was with me, she was always the first to ask me to play games. She introduced me to console games and played with me.

"Then why does she play games if she doesn't like them?" This question came to my mind and made me think.

"Is it because of me?" This answer came from my self-confidence, feeling accepted into this family.

But fantasy things are always more beautiful than the real truth. Just like my foolish thought that I was think it's right. Because the truth Always make me disappointed.

"Maria, play with him. Don't let him be lonely, he's your new family," my mother said to Maria, they don't even know i'm listening.

"Why do I have to keep him company all the time? Why not you?" Maria replied.

"You're the most likely to win his heart. To him, maybe Raymond and I are just adults who picked him up, not his parents."

"Of course, you can't be his parents anyway."

"Why are you talking like that, Maria? One day, we will be a happy family! I'm sure that day will come."

"How can you be so sure, Mom? You can't even see the future, what makes you so sure about that?"

"Hope."

"Ha? Don't think me will believe in miracles."

"Ugh, never mind! Take him to play! That kid is like a haunted house that no one wants to enter. You have to decorate that house beautifully."

"That means you're just a strange person who wants to live in a haunted house."

"I don't want to live there, I just want to change it."

"Crazy woman. Because of you, Dad has to bear the heavier burden, you know!?" Maria looked at her mother angrily.

While her mother just remained silent and looked down. Slowly, she said in a very soft tone:

"Play with him, please..."

After that, Maria walked away, leaving her mother who could only stand there silently, pondering.

Meanwhile, I, who was also watching and listening to them, could only hide. I ran as fast as I could so that Maria wouldn't suspect anything strange about me. I had to force a fake smile all day. While at night before bed, I asked myself:

"What was I born for?"

It doesn't need an explanation why their conversation seemed to be about me, who they considered a stranger. Because they were right, I was just an adopted child who was picked up from an orphanage whose name I didn't even know.

I, who now realize my position in this house. But I pretended not to know, hoping that one day I would be fully accepted by them. While holding back the guilt because I also realized I was hurting them without realizing it.

I was tired of all this, Maria who always pretended, my mother who always tried her best to make me accepted by the family, and also my father who always seemed not to care about anything, but I knew he carried a heavier burden than before I came to this house.

Every time we ate together, I always tried to take a very small portion. Feeling afraid of my father's gaze that always looked at me sharply when I lifted my spoon to my mouth. I couldn't understand what he was thinking. I didn't want to understand. Because I was afraid of the truth. But I also because I didn't know. That's why I just kept quiet, deceiving myself to get used to that situation until now.

But every human being has patience. Just like me. I vented my discomfort one day during dinner together. That day, I revealed the truth of what I knew and was also angry about it. I vented my emotions and memories in that house with a long string of words. While they just listened to me talk as I pleased, I kept holding back my guilt all the time. Until finally I ran to my bedroom, feeling scared, Forget my real reason Why that day i do that.

"Do I still have hope to be accepted again?"

I just wanted to be accepted, I didn't really want to vent my anger at them. They didn't do anything wrong, they were actually the victims, they didn't do anything bad, they just did what they should have done. It was actually me who was the only one wrong in this.

I should be grateful to have a place to go home to.

"But it doesn't matter, starting tomorrow I'll be kicked out. Ahahaha, maybe soon... An hour... A minute... A few seconds later... Ahahaha, after that... I'll die on the streets. Without a family... Just myself... And die..."

But I was wrong, the next day I was still at home. Only, the three of them became strange. Maria became quiet and shut herself in. Dad often tried to talk to me, even though it always seemed like he gave up every time he did. While my mother became less talkative with me.

Every time my father tried to talk to me. I was always ready to be kicked out of the house. But he always ran away, I thought that maybe it was because he also felt guilty. That's why I realized again that I was actually making things worse because of my stupid actions that I couldn't control. I hurt them again and even worse than before.

I took advantage of their kindness, trying to look like a victim, in the end I could only regret my actions and keep feeling hurt. But now I realize, I was the only one wrong.

Day after day I went through it, day after day I endured, day after day I tried to act to fix it, but day after day my heart was afraid of the uncertainty that might happen. Because that, day after day... I do nothing about it.

"Maybe I'll just make things worse. So it's better if I don't do anything."

That mindset was embedded in my brain without me realizing it. Making me close myself off even further so that no one knew my true desires.

But in the end, it was me who found my true self. I also realized that the only one who could handle myself was myself. I am free, I am not controlled by anyone, I am just myself.

As I began to break free from the shackles, I began to build up the courage to act. I started to figure out how to solve problems with other people. I started doing research on the issue.

All I wanted was one thing, to make my family understand each other and become a normal family. Right now, I also have a job, I'm grateful to them for that, that's why I have to repay their kindness. I have to fix what I've broken.

The results of my research for several months were not in vain. I found the answer to the question that had haunted me for so long.

"What should I do to apologize to others?"

Because I have to apologize to them for my stupidity.

And it turns out the answer is very simple.

"Communication."

That means I have to talk to them directly.

But strangely, I didn't feel relieved after getting the answer. Because I realized that I had known the answer from the beginning. It's just that I was too afraid to do it. In the end, I just ran away and tried to find new happiness until I unconsciously went around in the same place after forgetting the route that had always been the same. My goal never changed, namely fear of uncertainty, and regret for the past, also hatred for myself for being stuck in fear.

But this time is different, the loop forces my brain to adapt, until finally in this situation I have a mindset that is very different.

"Do whatever it takes as long as you can still do something."

After 168 loops, I finally got my courage. Sometimes I think that maybe this is a futile act to save her. Maybe I'll still be stuck after I succeed. That's why I don't care too much about this loop. Instead, I'm grateful, because I can have this very valuable opportunity.

Sadly, I have to see Maria die hundreds of times just to understand how precious life is. Someone's life shouldn't be played with like this. I don't know who's behind this. But I'm sure there's someone who deliberately created this situation.

Not wanting to hurt her any further. I knocked on her door on the morning of the 169th loop after I saw Maria hanging herself.

"Who is it?"

"It's me, your brother."

"..."

"I want to talk to you, Maria. Can you open this door for me?"

"What for?"

"I just want to talk to you."

"Why?"

"I just want to-"

"Why are you doing this now!?"

Her voice sounded very loud from behind the door. There was a sad tone that I could hear, her hoarse voice made me realize that. But there was also anger humming with that sadness.

"Um... Maria... I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize!"

"Ok-okay, I know I'm wrong. I've also stopped expecting your apology, sorry... I mean... Forget it. No, um... I mean..." I panicked, I couldn't say anything. While Maria just listened silently to me sounding panicked.

"Hihihihi... Ahahaha..., you never change. You're such a coward..."

"So-sorry, I haven't talked to anyone in a long time."

"Do you rarely interact with your friends in your workplace?"

"N-no... Not like that. Um... Actually!..."

"You're just awkward with me, I know. You don't need to explain it. Because I know."

Unlike what I expected, my failure to communicate opened the door to her room. Making me happy because of that. Without realizing it, I smiled.

Maria also smiled at that moment while saying:

"Come in."

There are no words I can express at that time. I was too happy because I felt there was hope. But strangely, I could only stand there silently while sitting on the edge of her bed while avoiding her gaze who was standing with her arms crossed and seemed to be waiting for something.

"Didn't you want to talk about something?"

"Uh-uh... Yes!"

"Then... What?"

"That..."

Not long after, Maria sighed and said, "You never change... Really. I really hate it when you're act like a loser, bro."

"So-sorry!"

"I told you I don't need that. I just want to know what you want to talk about."

I got more panicked, I couldn't look at her face because of fear. At that moment, Maria approached me with a feeling of annoyance and held both sides of my face, forcing my eyes to meet hers.

"Look into the eyes of the person who is talking to you."

"So-sorry...," I remembered the hidden knife. Quickly looking at Maria's wrist covered with her sweater, making me confused about it.

"Why are you wearing a sweater in the morning? Where's your pajamas?"

"Ah... That...," she hesitated about something.

"Let me see your wrist."

"Ehhh? Are you getting bold just for your lust? I know we're not siblings, but you're such a jerk!"

"Stop joking with me, Maria. Why are you trying to kill yourself?"

"H-haaah?"

She realize something , she ran after that, ran and kept running to the bathroom. Looking for something she was hiding, while I, who saw that, took out the knife I had been keeping and showed it to her while saying:

"Is this what you're looking for?"

She could only stand there silently after seeing the knife in my hand. Her face looked panicked, making me confused why she was acting like that. But she looked scared, she was afraid of something. Not of me, but of something else, or maybe... Someone she knew.

She didn't want the news that she tried to commit suicide to spread. But strangely, she must have known that she didn't need to think about it if she was dead. That made me very sure that Maria still had a desire to live but she had a problem that forced her to do that.

That's why I said to her:

"You don't have to worry, I know everything, and I won't let anyone know about it. But I want you to do something for me."

"W-what is it? I'll do anything, so don't tell anyone! Or my school life will be ruined!"

"School?" Those words made me understand the general problem that Maria had. And I was very sure I could find it at her school now.

"N-no, forget it! What should I do?"

I smiled, because my decision from the beginning was firm. Whatever and wherever Maria's situation was, I would definitely say the same thing, even if I had to repeat it millions of times.

"Let me help you, Maria."