An elderly man walked into the room, shuffling his feet behind a cane. “You here for my granddaughter?” He asked the young man on the couch.

"Yes sir.”

“Back when I was your age, things sure were different. Instead of gun fights we got into sword fights on a regular basis.”

“What?” the boy asked.

“Sword fights, you know the sort?” The old man raised his cane into the air and jabbed it.

“Yes I know what a sword fight is, seen ‘em in movies”.

“This ain’t no movie, this was real life, the stuff movies are based on.

When I was a teenager I met a man looking for a man with six fingers on one hand. I was wearing mittens because it was cold and didn’t want to show him my hands.

He said if I didn’t show him my hands he would assume I was his father’s killer and he’d kill me and then look at my hands. I had no choice then but to fight him.

We danced around each other taking turns advancing and lunging.

We had a very pleasant conversation and as inconceivable as it was he told me about a treasure map he found. Since I was winning the fight, he agreed to give me the map in exchange for his life.

The map turned out to be buried treasure off the Isle of Naboombu in West Virginia. I decided to follow the map and find the treasure for myself. I snuck on board a ship that was docked off of Plainfield, Iowa.”

“Wait, there’s no ocean in Iowa” the boy said.

“Things were different back then.” The old man said. “There was water everywhere back then.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

Now back to what I was saying. I snuck on board a ship. I wasn’t a very good sneak and was found out pretty quickly. Captain Silver said I could either go swim with the sharks or I could be a member of his crew. Seeing as Captain Silver only had one good hand, the other was a hook, and two peg legs, I knew I needed to stay. This was only something I could do.

Turns out Captain Silver was heading to Naboombu himself but he wasn’t sure how to get there. We sailed til we came to a port city in Mexico called El Paso.”

“Isn’t that in Texas?” The boy asked.

“There’s one in Mexico too, son.”

The young man nodded and glanced up at the empty staircase.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be done before she is.

Now in El Paso, Mexico, what a distressing time that was.

I don’t speak Spanish, I had to find a way to ask them how to get to Naboombu. So I had this bright idea that maybe if I drew a big N with my sword on something, they’d figure out what I was wanting.

Do you know how hard it is to write a capital N with a sword? I tried several times, on anything and everything, it always went sideways and turned into a big Z.

I was sitting in a little cafe just this side of the border watching the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on was waiting tables. Before I could ask her name a man came in and saw me watching her. He said ‘Zorro is looking for you and he’s mad. Everyone thinks he’s the one who sliced up everything with the letter Z, you better run.’

I ran out the backdoor but not before the Zorro saw me. He chased after me, waving the sword at

me the entire time.

I made it back to the ship just before he reached me. Climbing on board, Captain Silver said, 'Adventure awaits, my gallant man’ just as we set off for Naboombu.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the beautiful waitress and jumped off the ship in Arizona and swam back to the café.

I got there just as the beautiful waitress was leaving, I called after her, ‘You are the treasure I seek’.

Turned out she spoke English and understood me so she turned around and smiled at me.

Just then Zorro came up behind me and put a big Z on my back. I was bleeding and dying when my love came and kissed me.”

“Wait, you died?”

“Lots of times, but I always get better.”

Both men turned their heads towards the staircase just as a young lady in a satin gown came into view.

The young man got off the couch and met her at the bottom of the stairs.

“I’m sorry I’m late, was my grandfather telling you his western fairytales?”

“Something like that.” He replied.

“Nonsense, I was telling him about the day I met your grandmother.”